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[clevercrumbish]

Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and

[anditcametopost]

I got 1 task done today. I emptied the big trash can in my bedroom. That's one less fork to deal with.

I have severe executive dysfunction. I've been dealing with it by having myself do one small task a day. So far it's helped a lot. By doing it this way my brain doesn't freak out trying to tackle everything at once.

I got my inspiration for it from this Donald Duck comic:

[shitposting-hobbits-to-gallifrey]

Oh my God this is so fucking wholesome

[chongoblog]

“I saw the sunrise for the first time in years” moves me way more than it has any right to

[maanraat]

I just Had to do it

[darkeagleruins]

technique looks perfect

[jetblackwingz-deactivated202412]

which superpower do u want

fly but only for 10 minute intervals

shapeshift but only into a bug

superspeed but only on the 30th of the month

laser eyes but only at night

mind-reading but only thoughts about you

x-ray vision but only when you're at sea

you always see the lyrics of whatever song someone is listening to above them

time travel but only once

teleport but you lose something you had with you every time

telekinesis but only to the weight you can lift normally

talk to animals but they all hate you

live forever but live forever

Voting ended onJul 27, 2024

[baronfulmen]

"Why are you filling your pockets with... are those little origami stars?"

"Yeah, I'm going to teleport to Europe for a bit, but I'm cursed to lose something that I had with me in transit every time. So I always carry like two hundred little paper stars with me."

"And that works?"

"Usually. I have an extra pairs of glasses too, and a burner phone. I thought about carrying a shirt and like... leggings or something I could roll up real small, but so far it's never taken my clothes and anyway I could always teleport right back to my room to grab more if I need to."

"Still, it means you can't carry anything expensive with you."

"What? No. Expensive is fine. I just avoid carrying sentimental stuff. Why would I care if it's expensive?"

"Because you don't want to lose expensive stuff?"

"Oh! Oh, no. No dude. Dude. I rob banks like... all the time. Also rich people."

"Wait. The thing with Elon Musk... did you... kill him?"

"Maybe? It's unclear. I teleported to him while naked and picked him up, then teleported again. I don't know where my shit goes when it disappears but uh... he's there, I guess."

[birdandmoon]

A snake story, based on an experience I had while I was in Florida.

[mando-lore]

[tokyozilla]

More train than dragon but I fold, metro train from the DC area cause public transit is cool

[il3x]

this comment deserves to see the light

[ampervadasz]

[batsandboba]

every once in a while i learn some wild new piece of information that explains years of behavior and reminds me that i will never truly understand everything about my ridiculous adhd brain

[paradise-sys]

ok what the fuck who was gonna tell me this isnt normal

[resetium]

what the fuck you mean to tell me that the way that i comically slide around things wasn't just me naturally shitposting

[paradise-sys]

maybe the neurotypicals are just trolling us

[positively--speculative]

THAT'S WHY I DO THAT?!?!?

[damazcuz]

Certain words can change your brain forever and ever so you do have to be very careful about it.

[puipui-official]

"Un-uhlaive? UN-UHLAIVE? Ma'am, that man has been killed. He has been MUHDUHED. To DEATH."

[froginapicklejar]

[memewhore]

[ttrpgsmoved-deactivated20240903]

no way in hell

[ttrpgsmoved-deactivated20240903]

hey stop being funnier than me on my own post

[whitepeopletwitter]

[memewhore]

[thebaconsandwichofregret]

I'm obsessed by the fact that the basket placement heavily implies that this has happened before.

[ato-the-bean]

[hughmunculus]

"I'm going to play Dark Urge, I'm going to play a Drow, I'm going to play a Half Elf Cleric of Selune-" No. I grow tired of filling Faerun with hotties and encouraging my party's fatherless behavior.

To remedy this I have made Your Dad, the ultimate 1:1 replica of the average New Jersey father to save the realm and put a stop to my party's sad, horny business.

And before you can even ask "oh what is the Guardian Your Mom or something" of fucking course she is you fool

[weaver-z]

I think the only person I've met in real life with 100% career satisfaction was this gal I knew who was a presenter at a children's science museum and delivered every line like she was running a WWE match. Every time you passed the room where she was giving a presentation, you'd hear something like "WHO'S READY FOR CEPHALOPODS?!?" and the kids would go absolutely nuts cheering.