Sometimes time&change is all we need

“ It does not matter how slow you go so long as you do not stop. — Wisdom of Confucius

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Getting what you always wanted

It’s interesting how we always want the next best thing. It seems we are rarely happy with what we already have. It’s as if we were scared of truly living with what we have because it might actually make us happy? Every few years I have made an effort to write out goals, convincing myself it’s what I want and need. I have been blessed thus far with everything coming true. But..... am I truly happy? I am getting there. I dance when no one is watching and if they are I dance/sing harder. I catch myself smiling about the little things. I make myself do things that embarrass me. I challenge myself with school and people constantly. I have finally accepted myself. Self acceptance is what has truly made me happy. I am lucky to walk, talk, see, learn, listen, love and experience all the wonders of life. I am happy with being blunt, a work out fanatic, a clumsy mess, smart idiot, caring, always improving myself and slightly lost. Being lost is part of life’s challenge. We are meant to grow and evolve to something greater than what could every imagine we could be. There’s a beautiful quote on a bracelet that I received in the time of my own suffrage “Aim for the moon, shoot for the stars. Even if you miss you are amongst the stars.” If you want something, strive for it! Do it not just for yourself but for a meaning in life or to impact someone else's. What’s stopping you? Money? Life situations? Guess what....... those things will always come up whether you care to admit it or not. Theses “situations” will continue to stop you from the true potentials of what life can offer. Live for being yourself. Smile to everyone that crosses your path. Do not give up even when it gets hard because you can do it! I believe in you as you should in yourself. There will be obstacles but believe me you will be so much more appreciative of what life has thrown at you once you persevere through it. Enjoy what you have, share, love, laugh whenever, smile to everyone! Make sure to take a deep breathe when you get frustrated about foolish things. Remember you are alive and well. That’s a gift within it self. Use it well =)  Make a difference. Experience/ enjoy life! Get away from the materialistic items in your life believe me it’s the people around you that are worth every second spending with. 

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 Envision your dream and work your butt off. Because if you want it hard enough, one day it will become a reality.

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I try to live by that everyday.

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extra in a movie

I am not completely convinced that I know what I did right but whatever I did landed me for an upcoming episode in "Chicago Fire." I have no idea what the show is really about besides the summary. I do not recognize any big names and well all I care is that I am glad to experience this! For once I decided to go on a rampage online for casting calls in my region and well wooola! I decided to email a company on a secure page to find out if they need extras and what do you know within the next morning. I got a cheery request for me to be in the series for the biggest episode. EEEEKKKK! Now before all that I sent them my work resume, modeling resume, head shot, and extra photo of full body. So far all I know is the estimation of how much I will be paid, what clothing to bring just in case (four outfits), documents of identification, book/snack (for down time) and where to call for the rest of the information. It is a pretty exciting opportunity.  I hope this will be my first and many more to come, even if its still small scene its the memory that counts. I will keep everyone post it on the do's and don'ts of this experience and how it does play out. 

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Hey there

Warning: Might be a crazy ride, you ready?! Haha

M is the name. As to why? Well I'll allow you to make those speculations......let me know what you come up with..... =)  In my opinion, a name is something that seems to be a defiance of one but not an identity. You make your identity by just doing the stuff you do everyday its whom you are. That's what matters the most. My life is complicated as much as the next persons. It's a love hate relationship but I try not to take my life for grant because it could be a million times worse.  I try not to expect much but its pretty difficult I am sure many people feel like that. My goal is to expect nothing of anyone but myself. Its a constant struggle because fighting with yourself is like fighting with a wall. Stiff, stubborn, and always there. Might as well make the best of what you have and are. Ahhh enough of this depressing stuff. Ohhhh......of course before a forget a little about me..... I began blogging in 2010,  ended up with a few posts for a bit and then just stopped blogging. Why did I start blogging in the first place?  Well I think my post from 2010 does justice: "I decided to start up a blog mainly, because i have a lot to say and i would like to sharing my crazy ideas/stories with others with hope of maybe even inspire a few people. It's kind of thing for me and no one else." Haha It's amazing looking back and seeing how much has changed. Also as to what I said then. I hope I can find that girl again that said why she started this and the dreamer she was. That is why I am starting to blog again in hope of finding something. Maybe you can accompany me on this journey? Also I am trying to revert away from rampaging because you will learn enough about me over time. Trust me upon that...... I'll be your entertainer with hope of telling you the most outrageous/funny stories and possibly make your day. You will be my critic.

Hopefully I will be back soon to launch this blog off the ground and into the universe and beyond =)In the mean time I hope whom ever stops by does enjoy some of the older posts and do not lose faith ill be back =)

-M

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Past....Now

I use to think i was invincible and nothing can hurt me nor leave me. I was wrong........anything and everything can leave a scar one way or another. Even, when we least expect it.  Sometimes, it can be way too late for that first aid kit to help. At times all you need to do is focus on whats happening now and not before. I am sick of it all. I am tried of crushing on guys that see me as awesome for a bit and then ..........they find out my past and decide it will always define me. Who the hell are you to tell me whom i am? i sure hell do not say who you are! i might hear things but that does not mean i will perceive you the way others have told me to. I am a leader and a writer of my life. I push myself to my limitations because in time i hope i will be standing where i always dreamt of with a smile on my face. My mother says i am marriage material which irritates the hell out of me. I want to be now material and none of that bs. I do want a boyfriend, spoil him, learn things with him that i could not with others, but from what i can see. That will be no where near that factor. It sucks! but is life gonna stop just because every guy i meet treats me like a queen and then once those few dates are over with one thing that every man wants.......SEX. NOPE, not getting it from me. I have decided to committee to school work once it starts, along with work and no man will stay in my way nor cross and keep hurting me. I am sick of untrustworthy  and miscommunication bastards. But the best revenge is to kill people with kindness. That is my goal.

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"The only way out of the pain is to get thru the pain. Feel the feelings so you can let them go." Step one: get busy...... Step two: get solo........ Step three: get friendly...... " BEST REVENGE is DOING WELL."

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Interesting ending and start to a New Year

It's been over 2 months since i have typed up remotely a quote nor an event that occurred in my life or done other wise. 2010 was an odd year least to say. Seeing my ex, suddenly over and over all was not fun at all and then ooo on nye also......did i mention i displayed complete idiotic behavior due to a high consumption level of alcohol? Yes, it was highly eventful and very thrilling for myself to leave my body for a decent ten minutes and see the actions that were taking place towards my ex at that time. Man, i felt bad for the poor bastard  to have his ex girlfriend go into crazy/uncontrollable mode for no really good reason. Well yes there are but those emotions where the type you should never share with any other person or that person for the matter. I mean its been two years since we spoken to each other, and bammm............i got from wishing him the best to whoooooo! hold on....brace yourself for a crazy ending to a nye party........I went from.........crying to yelling to hitting to hugging, and well i am going to save myself the embarrassment *(you can only imagine, after i realized what i did i just laughed at myself and cried at the same time** wow talk about making an ass out of yourself). Take it from me, when you see your ex tell your friends to keep you at least ten ft away from each other, and if there is any sign of diagreeing just tell them to tie you up literally. In those ten minutes, I wished someone put a bag over me and ran with me. haha But, it was what it was and it happened.  At the end i learned what i have known all this time and kept denying to myself. Compassion is what i missed and not him.That is one of the many things that we misjudge. Like people will say i am "in love in her" or i am in "love with her" difference? First one is lust and second one is love. One word can mean many meanings to an extensive amount of usages of terminology.  But love is way off my agenda for now. Currently, I am focusing more on whom am i. How am i going to mold myself into whom i want to become in the next 5 years to be?  Asking theses questions made me realized, i have changed but that's only because i am growing up. Change is bigger than maturing. Change is doing things that you were forced to do as a kid and now you decide to committee to it yourself or just simply stepping out of that big bubble oyu have been reinforcing yourself to. Since, January 2,2011 i have been stuck at home with the flu and its been seven days already since i have been sick. That did not stop me from starting my small baby steps of a new me. I started off with a little drastic actions....... as some said. I finally deactivating my facebook, it only made me procrastinate more than usually and i do not care whom is dating who or drama. I left high school over a year  and a half ago.  I plan on keeping it that way. Two was to set realistic goals. I mean anyone can say i want to lose 20lbs but if you look at that number its pretty overwhelming. I prefer saying" Every week i will lose 2lbs" and just in a few months before summer your goal will be complete.  Yes, that is one of my goals to lose weight, but the scale does not matter to me because i choose to tone and have a nice sculpting body then just thin. Also, i have decided to take more chances, learning experience wise. I have began with reading a variation of books. From how sex was discovered ? to why we need sleep? to why our body does what it does after we die? Its quiet interesting. There is a new habit i have come to put into my life......making lists. I never knew making lists could be so relaxing and fun. I have decided this year is all about me! Yes, it does sound selfish but that does not mean i won't help others it just means i am going to start loving me for whom i am and embracing it and not alluding  it. =) Let this year be a good year with tons of positive reniforcements and focus on you because at the end it always comes down to YOU.

--m

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HOPE is a word that plays the biggest part in my life. Without hope there would be nothing. and INSPIRATION is what gets us to that HOPE and INTEGRITY to achieve the great of both worlds.

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words of wisdom: You get screwed over for the wrong people then your left alone , your stupid for putting yourself in that situation. you complain about everything, but who's listening, you screwed over the people who ever cared. either way, your still sitting by yourself. - stay with the people who matter - because it's not worth losing someone that you always care(d) for; to lose completely. *****soak up the regrets, learn from them and keep living with self respect and never apologize for the mistakes that have been done because it won't rewind or undo anything just show the improvement the next time and you have learned from it. Everyone can do the talk but when it comes to walking no one can really do it. Its life, its how it real goes. fuck u and u and u 2. when things don't go our ways we tend to flip out but thats how it is. all we have to do is let it out, analyze, plan, and keep going. cause life doesnt stop going just because we gave up. who the hell truly knows who they r, the only way to truly kn who u are is when u have lived thru it all and i sure kn i haven't, but i kn enough to see where it can go wrong and will improve. don't be so quick to judge with paths n worlds changing.

words of wisdom from me =)

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step by step we get where we wanna be, but with several attempts that results in failures, we erase to show that we can overcome anything. Once we got the music going, there's no stopping nor turning back because there is only tomorrow and no yesterday.

Motivational Quote =)

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i do not believe in such a thing age matters. It matters on your knowledge, how you interact with people, level of honesty, how you behave with situations, and what you stand for. That's what really matters and determines the real age you truly should be. =]

Quote of the day for tomorrow

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imascatmanbebopbop:

Wow this was a great great story, i feel as if every morning i need to check this blog out to see if there is something new posted. This is some powerful and inspirational stuff, besides the Speed or not to speed, in that story dont know if you were talking about taking the drug itself and describing your trip or what the hell was going on in that story lol

and which entry threw you off? haha i tend to write in confusing ways or trail off at times