[theconcealedweapon]

[maarvarq]

Always bear in mind that there is absolutely no legitimate evidence that Luigi was actually the one who killed the insurance company guy.

[theconcealedweapon]

Of course he wasn't. He was at a party with me that day.

[tiny-space-whale]

No but like literally, actually. All bits aside.

He didn't do it.

The cops very clearly planted evidence on him because they had to make an arrest because all eyes were on them and whoever actually did the deed was making them look stupid.

Why would the real killer hero have kept the weapon on his person and traveled two states over while carrying it and a manifesto in his bag, conveniently turning the crime into a federal matter? The same guy whose bag they found in a park, filled with monopoly money? Why did the police turn off their bodycams, take Luigi's stuff, drive a block away, turn their bodycams back on, go back into the restaurant, and then arrest him?

From the moment of his arrest, even left-of-center media has been presuming his guilt without examining anything (e.g. calling him "the killer" instead of "alleged" or "accused") and then when I say he didn't do it, the nearest person chimes in with some quip that tells me they think he did do it but should go free anyway. Don't get me wrong, I would have the same attitude if he had done it. But he didn't. It makes me feel like the only sane person in the world, even among my staunchly leftist friends.

[ceruleanheaven]

[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over

[gatesofminrathous]

there will never be anything as funny as the mutual disbelief between long form and short form fic writers about each other's style.

short form writers look at people writing 100k+ fics as though this is some sort of talent given as part of a fae bargain, that the commitment required shows some sort of ungodly mental fortitude.

meanwhile long form writers look at people writing 1000 word one shots like god I would cut off my left nipple to be able to say anything concisely. i would love to play with multiple ideas. free me from the shackles of this child I have birthed. i love them but I now must take them to t-ball and doctor's appointments and they're going to destroy everything I own.

[arteims]

Things Confirmed By Jonathan Stroud When I Met Him At A Signing

• He had an alternate ending where Nathaniel lived but it didn’t feel fitting to the story (as much as it hurts I do agree) • Bartimaeus does assume Nathaniel’s form in the future sometimes • He did write bits of what happened to Kitty afterwards but not enough to publish a whole book • Bartimaeus’ favorite form is Ptolemy • In the end, Nathaniel is elevated from an anti-hero to a hero • *this one bROke me* what Bart wanted to say in the very end is that he’s grown to love Nathaniel • Stroud literally said that they loved each other • don’t look at me

[mouse-the-human]

*sobbing in a corner*

[necer0s]

Everyone should read the Bartimaeus books, if only as an example of how to write asshole characters without completely sacrificing likability, complexity, and good motivations.

(Seriously every single character is some variety of awful at least once, yet they all remain super relatable.)

(Ptolemy is the only exception. Ptolemy was literally too good&pure for that world.)

[melancholiaapologist]

Some people? Become part of the british government at age 14?? To cope???

[peachdoxie]

Do you ever think about the fact that the only reason Bartimaeus survived is because at the end he thought about his brush with death with Ptolemy but didn’t think the same thing would happen because he and Nathanial decided to go out together in order to let Kitty get away safely but because he thought of Ptolemy, Nathanial realized that he could at least save Bartimaeus with his final action and it surprised Bartimaeus so much because he didn’t expect Nathanial to be so selfless but Nathanial was anyway and that the very last thing Bartinaeus said to Nathanial was the boy’s name, the very thing that had bound them together across all three books, because I do a lot and now I’m crying again.

[carnivalimpmon]

Rereading Bartimaeus, and every chapter that’s from his perspective feels like it should start with the “*freeze frame* you’re probably wondering how I got in this situation” bit

[quietlygrousing]

The scene where Bartimaeus is in the corner watching the imp cut the table in half when Mrs Underwood walks in and places tea on the table, fusses for a second, leaves, and then the action resumes, would make such a gorgeous, cheesy movie scene. I can picture it perfectly.

[winter-wise]

Nathaniel aged 12:

[alphacrone]

i think one of my favorite things about jonathan stroud’s books is that so many of his female characters are unapologetically aggressive and angry. it isn’t just that they’re tough ladies who fight bad guys, but they lose their tempers and push for things they want and make messy mistakes because of pride or stubbornness. like, this meant so much to me growing up because as shy as I was, I’ve always been hot-tempered and messy and these are things girls – especially in kid lit – typically aren’t allowed to be.

[necer0s]

Sometimes I am just struck by how incredibly old Bartimaeus is.  In RoS, Solomon says that two thousand years makes him a particularly ancient spirit.  Imagine how much more that must be true at five thousand years?  After all, he considered Queezle at 1500 years to be fresh and youthful.

With the death of Faquarl, it’s not even impossible to imagine that Bartimaeus might be the single most experienced spirit still in existence.  After all, unlike higher spirits (who might have survived longer) Bartimaeus gets summoned fairly often, and unlike lower spirits (who would be summoned more easily) he has a tendency to survive most difficulties.  

It must be weird for Bartimaeus, in particular, to see the other spirits grow younger and younger through the centuries, as the old ones die and new ones are summoned.  To go from being a new spirit in times when civilization was young, to being one of the truly ancient spirits.  

[thatgirlonstage]

Reading Challenge 1/8/18

Book: The Ring of Solomon: A Bartimaeus Novel by Jonathan Stroud

Read: Loc941-2850, 191% of goal

Favorite Passage:

“In fact there were entire civilizations that had hauled themselves from the mud, mastered the arts of writing and astronomy, and decayed slowly into decadence in the intervals between us having a civil conversation.”

Ongoing reading projects:

Bolded means I read the most recent update today! Strikethrough means I’m caught up and waiting for an update. Plain text means I’ve fallen behind, or that I’m in the process of reading through it.

Original Webcomics:

Aerial Magic | Ava’s Demon | Awaken | Balderdash! | Beyond the Canopy | The Boy Who Fell | Cucumber Quest | Damn it all to Hell | Hearstopper | Monsterkind | Namesake | Paranatural | Wilde Life

Fan comics:

Bark and Bite | Blue Paladin’s Journey | SVTFOE Ship War AU | The Tale of Tashi and Nima | Wavelength AU

Manga/Print Comics:

Boku no Hero Academia | Boku no Hero Academia: Illegals | Providence | Sandman

[shadowy-dumbo-octopus]

Every single Bartimaeus trilogy character is goth: Evidence

Okay I have wifi now so listen up

Nathaniel: His entire look in Golem’s Eye.

Kitty: ok she’s more punk than goth but she does wear black and she and her buds robbed a tomb so.

Bartimaeus: He’s a “demon” and demons are goth culture. Also that black pillar of smoke look? Goth. That gargoyle look? Goth.

Faquarl: Lovecraftian chef aesthetic and Lovecraft shit is goth as fuck. He also was a raven in AoS, and ravens are goth culture.

Jabor: Black jackal/dog-headed warrior? Goth.

Ptolemy: well he’s half Egyptian so I’m pretty sure that makes him goth by default. Also that scene where he verbally murdered his cousin in PG? Bart lit says that the courtyard got darker as he was talking so like the kid’s goth aura legit affects the weather.

Solomon: pretty sure that he got the Ring in a tomb, so he used to do some grave robbing archaeology which makes him kinda goth.

Khaba: I’ve read the book like 10 times and I still can’t find a single thing about this man that isn’t goth. What a goddamn icon.

Ammet: see above.

Asmira: assassins are goth culture.

Uraziel: fancy vantablack “demonic” entity.

[shadowy-dumbo-octopus]

Ok but the Addams Family AU is literally my only Bartimaeus AU without Bartimaeus himself in there, mostly bc the entire house looks like his personal hell for multiple reasons. Mostly the family members.

Ok m'dudes you’re gonna hear me blabbing about it now bc I can’t contain myself.

So Nat gets taken in as an apprentice after AoS, with Kitty following behind one year later after the Resistance’s failure. (Pre-GE tho.) They end up growing up as siblings who sometimes bicker and try to take each other out.

Faquarl is the family chef. Don’t ask what’s in today’s stew or why Julius Tallow didn’t come into work today. These things are almost certainly not related. He’s besties with Kitty and is still in denial about how much he likes her. He does hate Nat tho bc he’s a smarmy little shit and a bit too much like the human one of his masters.

Jabor is the family dog/werewolf and the main reason why the mailmen/messenger imps avoid their house like the goddamn plague. Really likes Kitty and allows her to give him ear scritches. Helps her get rid of the bodies of the politicians she took down. Huge fondness for squeaky toys and still-living prey.

Honorius is the skeletal butler/cleaner/jack of all trades. More than a little unhinged but alright unless you mention golems. That kiiinda sets him off on a rampage.

And y'all know me too well to ask who’s the Morticia and Gomez figures I mean come on.

Real talk tho: the idea of Khaba tutoring Nathaniel and affecting his growth/personality is SO appealing to me bc John Mandrake would end up a fucking delight of a monster. Also the universe would probably implode from their combined disaster goth twunk energy but tbhhhh it’d be worth it.

Kitty isn’t too big on this whole torture thing, preferring to keep things quick and quiet, so she mostly hangs out either with Ammet when he’s not busy skulking around the house like the gay cryptid he is and creeping the fuck out of people, or chilling in the basement/workshop and casually munching on a still beating human heart; or, most often, she prefers the company of Jabor and Faquarl (knivesssss and also overthrowing the government. Also also cookies.)

I’ve been toying with putting Balkis as a such and such removed aunt with a small harem of hot assassin gals who take out ppl for her and bring their looted treasure as gifts. Asmira might be there too, not really happy about it. It goes without saying that she’d get on with Kitty and Faquarl because knives and overthrowing ppl hell yeah. She hates the rest of the family tho but like can you blame her?

Solomon probably isn’t gonna be there, though he’s gonna be mentioned as the reason why Shadowfucker and Balkis are on less than friendly terms nowadays: they both wanted to take down the same dude at the same time. Mlm/wlw rivalry.

Ptol might not be there either bc he’s too pure for this fuckup of an au.

Again, Bart wouldn’t last longer than a snowflake in a volcano.

So yeah. The working title is “don’t torture yourself, that’s my job” because of course it is even though Ammet would probably be killed upon impact by the sheer power of that statement if Khaba ever uttered it in his presence. GOD I miss writing these two. Once I’m done with this Venom oneshot and my Bart fic exchange assignment, it’s over for you hoes.

[the-scrying-glasstm]

Ok, so I feel like we don’t talk about this enough and I mean like. can we just. Nat made this scrying glass when he was like, 11. And it was the shittiest scrying glass in existence pretty much. But he made it. This thing was his 11 year old pride and joy. And then these commoners just come and steal it from him. Bart literally says it was like Nat took this as a personal offense. This bronze scrying glass with an annoyingly stubborn imp. Then fast-forward 2/3 years. Nat is extremely successful and is quickly climbing the ranks of the government. He has finally captured the last remaining member of the resistance. He is about to take her into government custody and end this once and for all. And then… she says she has a gift for him. From her jacket she extracts a shiny bronze disc. Nat is literally so excited that he’s finally found his scrying glass, a glorified piece of sheet metal he made when he was eleven, he doesn’t think, even for a second, that hey maybe this is a trick to get me distracted so kitty and her friend can escape. He is literally so focused on trying to catch this scrying glass that he doesn’t realize kitty and jakob escaping. All of this over a scrying glass. A freaking scrying glass. Wth Nat. Siriusly though, you guys have no idea how amusing I find this😂

[clonerightsagenda]

Iirc Ptolmey’s setup with his spirits let them pop in and out of the Other Place whenever they wanted, but since they were still under his summons, no one else could summon them and make them do stuff. I know Kitty says she’s done with summoning after Ptolmey’s Gate, but she should’ve drawn one last circle, been like “Go nuts”, and unleashed Bartimaeus to become the crumbling empire’s latest cryptid