I'm off my bipolar, anxiety, and PCOS medication because I want to be skinny. Yes, we have a significant cultural problem with beauty, weight, etc. (And for those wondering, I'm doing okay so far, but also not policing my meals... the bipolar medication was tacking on 20-30 pounds extra weight, and I was tired of feeling "unattractive" just to myself, let alone others.)
And no, not on ozempic, but it crosses my mind every day because the advertising is very in-your-face daily online and mentioned by others in dialogue. The only thing keeping me back is the fact that it is a health hazard and 5 years from now, I bet it'll be like a "microplastics" topic.
I have a hard time loving myself, but I also find that being off these meds, my appetite has decreased, too. Does feeling good/neutral/stable mean I get hungry easier? Or that I am comfortable enough to listen to my mind/desires?
I don't know. All I do know, is I can look in the mirror now -- and not flinch as much as I did before. Stopping cold turkey got me to lose 5 pounds. I could care less now about my body, I just want my face to look thinner... I've been told straight up, in a very sexual situation, that I'm unattractive.
More than a few times. Even a person in their right mind would get bothered by that.
I keep a watch out for my bipolar flare-outs, and I'm prepared to get back on the prescription immediately ... but I'm just playing this game right now with my brain, my body, and my reality.
Seeing people become so thin, so easily, IS enviable.
My mother told me she suffered from bulimia in her teens. And then in her forties, proceeded to bully me, and my siblings, about our weight when we were as young as eight years old. And it was always focused on the AFABs, not our little golden cisgender boy, at least, not as much.
I remember my mom hugging me after not seeing me for months, only to follow up in the next breath on how much heavier I was since last time she did see me. That was when I finally moved away from her and into a household that fed me as much as I wanted, whenever I wanted -- which I never got to experience with her.
The irony? She looks like a misshapen potato, the kind you would never pick up at the grocery store, unless at a steep discount. She has always looked that way.
FYI, we don't talk anymore. She's problematic and abusive and narcissistic. There's a lot wrapped up in those layers.
I don't eat my feelings anymore; and I don't judge others, or try not to, on their appearances. It's an evolving project (me, my self worth, my perception of the world, how I project my insecurities onto others...) And I definitely understand why those in the spotlight would starve themselves or shoot up a drug to be skinny.
I'm on a knife's edge on that possibility, as well - if I choose my appearance over prescriptions giving me stability.
Even on those meds, I'd have to cut my calorie count by 1000, like essentially one big meal a day, and that's it. That's how hard the bloating gets to me. It's upsetting, and I just try to compartmentalize it by not making bad eating habit choices (no junk food, small amounts of soda only every now and then, load up on veggies/protein, only have dessert every now and then...)
idk this is just a rant, thanks for fielding these questions by rando anons
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