Tools of the Trade. @lazerpenis - Tumblr Blog

willgrahamscock

pausing mid thrust to open tumblr.com to delete the celibacy gif I reblogged 2 weeks ago

fuckedndstupid

cunt-force-therapy

Why are they in Hell

willgrahamscock

because if you have sex you will die and go to hell

minotauri

[louder than everyone] MAN I THINK IT DEPENDS!

gaybichon

i think i found my new favorite artist on twitter

(source)

gaybichon

👆 me

cicadathecat

Dude what was happening in the writer's room when they made the Across the Spiderverse screenplay this is so unserious

jesterbots

“Larper” being used like “poser” is so annoying bc actual LARPers are cool as hell. Get me some armour and a fake sword too

cutecipher

basketball players fight over the basketball because they are hypnotized before each game to believe it is their egg

enthusispastic

I don't think this is true, but I will wait for a ruling by the sacred boar that lives in the center of the earth

loveridden1999

wizardshark

hey can you guys keep an eye on my red explosive barrels while i go take a nap

do NOT smoke weed beside them

blappature-executive

Visit Original Link

tooth-sucker

deseos-de-la-via-lactea

source

utah-mountain-drifter-deactivat

derinthescarletpescatarian

Hey so that was a great date, yeah, but I don't think it's going to work out. Nono you didn't do anything wrong, and I have indeed had a crush on you since we started high school, it's just... well, I didn't want to bring it up at the time but we kinda got sucked into a portal fantasy midway through. We saved the kingdom over and over, relying on our knowledge of and trust in each other every time, throwing ourselves into the firing line to protect each other and using each others' conviction as a rock. We got married and lived a happy life together until the portal sucked us back mid-battle and you gave up all your memories of our journey in order to save my life right when we ended up back in the coffee shop. Yeah that was when I got a bit weird and went to the bathroom.

Anyway I thought we could push on and make the date work but I have all of these memories of secrets that this you never chose to share, decisions that this you never made, and intimacies that this you never experienced. And it's kind of screwing with the vibe yeah. Also on the date it was really, blatantly clear that you're sixteen whereas I have memories of ruling a fantasy kingdom for thirty years so like... that's a problem all on its own. Anyway this you just feels more like a daughter to me. A daughter with the woman I gave my heart and soul to over and over and received like in return, only to lose her forever on the journey home. On the plus side I can definitely help you with your math homework now.

derinthescarletpescatarian

#what the fuck#this one was actually really very short why is it still like that what

The shorter it is, the more concentrated the what the fuck can be.

derinthescarletpescatarian

I can help you with your math homework because the fantasy world's magic system was based on calculus and I was a gifted mage, stop nitpicking.

derinthescarletpescatarian

#this world's magic system is also based in calculus