come by fire

luis castro castillo /

[lccastillo-blog]

jacksondonovan:

Jackson had just popped some frozen dumplings in the microwave and was taking a beer out of the fridge when he heard the knock on the door. There were a total of two possibilities that came to his mind. First was Phoebe, but the recent acquirement of walkie talkies had all but eliminated the need for them to knock. The second… “Great.”·He sighed and put the beer back in the fridge before walking to the door. His irritated expression was quickly replaced by one of surprise when he opened the door to see that it was not, in fact, his parole officer doing his job for once, but Luis.·“Oh, um… Hi.” He paused for a moment, as if he wasn’t exactly sure how to respond. The microwave behind him beeped in a demand for attention. He didn’t really know how to react with Luis, which was actually way more of a personal problem than anything else, because he was stuck in this weird place between ‘I still love you but I can’t forgive you’ and·‘I miss my best friend but I don’t trust you.’ But true to Post-Prison-Jackson form, his face was nearly unreadable the whole time he thought this through.·“Ah… Yeah… Sure, okay,” he said finally, before swinging the door open to let Luis in, suddenly incredibly conscious of exactly how tiny and shitty his apartment, let alone the entire building, was.·“But, ah… Why exactly are you dressed like you just had a meeting with the pope?”

Luis had grown up poor before he met Gabriel. He understood the struggles of having to live where you could, not where you wanted. Jackson never really seem preoccupied with money, though. Which was good. Luis didn’t mind the apartment building, even if he personally would never live there. He stepped inside of Jack’s apartment, observing it quietly. There wasn’t much too it, but he didn’t really care. He could tell Jack was hesitant to spend time with him, and for good reason, too. Luis didn’t deserve his kindness, but he was asking for it anyway. Luis looked down at himself, at his expensive outfit, and sighed.·“I had other plans. I ended up cancelling at the last minute,” he explained, setting the bags of movies and food down on the couch.·“Anyway, I brought some candy. You still like skittles, right? And some movies. Ones you might’ve missed while you were, uh. You know. Away.”

[lccastillo-blog]

@jacksondonovan

Luis had made big plans that evening, hoping Jackson would join in. An extravagant dinner before they saw a production of Shakespeare’s Hamlet that night. He cancelled that all at the last minute. He was still desperately trying to win Jackson over, but he remembered that Jack was more than content with a night in. Luis at least wanted to be Jack’s friend, if nothing else. He stood outside of Jack’s apartment, a bag full of his favorite snacks and movies in hand. Luis, as usual, was significantly overdressed for the occasion. It was his fault for cancelling their plans at the last minute. He’d explain later. Luis knocked on the door, completely out of place from the other tenants in the building. Once Jack opened the door, Luis smiled a little awkwardly. “Hey,” he greeted, lifting the bag of snacks and movies. “Thought we could just have a quiet night in. You used to like that,” Luis pointed out, hoping the door wouldn’t slam in his face for a change. 

[lccastillo-blog]

text message | unknown

Mimi: Seems like you do something. Otherwise this conversation wouldn't be happening.

Mimi: None taken, I feel that too somedays.

Luis: Yeah. Just trying to move on from an ex, I guess.

Luis: If you feel that way at all, wouldn't it be best to end whatever relationship you're in?

[jacksondonovan-blog]

I fucked that up, and I can live with that. Jackson actually scoffed. “I’m so fucking glad you can live with what you did to me. Do you want the monitor, the parole officer, the rap sheet, and the trust issues that came with it, too, since you can fucking live with it?” he snapped. As quickly as it had appeared, the edge in his eyes as gone, and he ran a hand over his face. “I… That… was mean. I’m… sorry, okay, this is hard for me.” In prison, his knee jerk reaction to… well… pretty much everything was to lash back out. He was trying to keep down the defenses he’d spent so long carefully and deliberately building up, and it was so much harder than he thought it would be. Jesus, he was trying so fucking hard, and the worst part was that he was sure Luis had no idea what a struggle it was for him. 

“I know what I did, Luis, don’t act like I don’t. You’re the one who doesn’t know. You didn’t even ask for my side of the story before deciding that I was the bad guy! But I get it, okay? I made her mad. Even if I think it was unwarranted and a little bit of an overreaction, I can understand that. But you don’t get to stand there and say I had no right to do that while also holding me responsible for the single punch Logan threw at you. That’s not fair.” But despite his harsh words, his tone wasn’t the caustic one he’d held toward Luis in… well, literally every single conversation they’d had since he’d gotten back to town. It more closely matched the one he’d used multiple times so many years ago; a tone used to call Luis out on his shit out of love and a steadfast belief that he could be better than this.

He shook his head at Luis’ last question. “I don’t,” he said plainly. “I don’t understand why you’re okay with letting someone else dictate your life and your choices. Look, I don’t know if we could work things out. To be perfectly honest, I don’t know if I’d want to. I’ve spent the last eight years of my life desperately in love with you, but I’m still angry at you, and I don’t trust you. But that should be up to us to decide if we wanna figure that shit out. Not anyone else. I had every second of the last five years of my life decided for me by someone else, so no, I don’t understand how you can just lie down and take that willingly.” He shook his head again, although this time, there was a look of helplessness on his face. A desperation to understand, and to make Luis understand. “Taking a punch isn’t weak, y’know.” This is.

He looked down and crossed his arms back over his chest. “Like I said, I know it doesn’t matter,” he said. “You don’t have to lecture me on why it doesn’t matter.”

[lccastillo-blog]

Luis didn't want to react to Jack lashing out. By that point, it was just exhausting. Luis's voice was no longer stern. His words were soft, helpless. Defeated. "I can live with the fact that we'll never be together. That this is ruined. I can live with the fact that I'll never move on from this. It may not be as harsh as the trust issues or the parole officer and so on, but it still fucking... sucks," Luis admitted. He knew that what he went through was nothing compared to Jack's time in prison, but maybe Jackson would understand that it hadn't been easy for Luis, either.

"You're not the bad guy. Logan isn't either. I can't argue about this anymore, alright? It's not doing either of us any good. Viviana and Gabriel are assholes, I know, we ruined your life. I have to respect what my father wants. I can't stress that enough, Jack. You know I'd love to say "fuck it," and work on this, but... I can't. You said it yourself. You don't trust me. And honestly? I don't think you ever will, no matter how hard we work on it. And you’ll always hate my father."

It felt like there was still so much to say. There probably was. Luis wanted to say screw it all and give it another shot. To just try. But instead, he simply stood there, hands in his pockets. "You deserve someone who will love you the right way. Not whatever it is that I did.” 

[lccastillo-blog]

text message | unknown

Mimi: You could say that again.

Mimi: Been there done that. Almost makes me miss being single. Almost.

Luis: I don't really date, but I don't really do one night stands, either.

Luis: Single life isn't so bad. I'd take it over being in a relationship. No offense.

[lccastillo-blog]

text message | unknown

Mimi: People meet me at work and then find ways to track me down. It's not exactly what I want.

Mimi: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude.

Mimi: Date give you the wrong number?

Luis: Work? I'm guessing you're in the business of dealing with assholes.

Luis: Not really a date. One night stand. I don't really do those. He left his number written on my nightstand. Ineligible. I'm not too torn up about it.

[lccastillo-blog]

text message | unknown

Mimi: Oh.

Mimi: I'm so sorry. I'm Mimi, I'm guessing this must be a mistake.

Luis: Yeah. Big mistake.

Luis: I'm guessing you must get a lot of texts like this.

Luis: I meant no harm. I'm Luis.

[lccastillo-blog]

text message | unknown

Mimi: If that's some ploy to get me to tell you my last name it's not going to work.

Luis: I can assure you I'm not interested in your last name.

Luis: I think I sent you this by accident.

[lccastillo-blog]

text message | unknown

Mimi: I'm not sure how you got this number, but that's not how this service works. Please stop contact immediately or I will be forced to contact my boss.

Luis: Wait. Who is this?

[lccastillo-blog]

text message | unknown

Luis: I had a good time last night.

Luis: Tonight?

[featuringod-deactivated20221011]

[nikita-galvani-blog]

The man did not have a money, that much was obvious. Nikita was nearly fifteen feet away and she could practically see the wheels turning in the man’s head as he tried to come up with a good excuse. A dramatic sigh left her lips as she got closer, should she intervene? No. Nope, that would be a bad idea. “You sound a bit testy today Homeboy.” The words came out of her mouth without much thought as she half jumped over, resting her elbow on the man’s shoulder as to get the pressure off her foot, where were her crutches? It didn’t really matter, the point was that they were gone, “What’s the poor uomo owe you? I’ve got some cash on me.” 

[lccastillo-blog]

Luis clenched his fists at the sight of Nikita Galvani, sauntering in as if his current conversation was open to the goddamn public. He stared directly at her, a stern look reserved for the annoyances in his life. Nikita was one, at that particular moment. "I don't want your money. I want his money. This conversation is for adults. Perhaps you'd like to go elsewhere while I finish up here?”

[jacksondonovan-blog]

This song and dance of Jackson asking Luis to talk about shit he couldn’t quantify with facts and logic was familiar, and not in an especially fun way. He’d become uncomfortable with talking about his own feelings and whatever bullshit, himself, because he’d discovered a while ago that he couldn’t be destroyed by feelings he refused to acknowledge. Yet here he was, once again, asking Luis to talk about his.

He finally looked up at Luis when he finished, but didn’t say anything for a long moment. For a second, it almost seemed like he just wasn’t going to respond. Outward, he was stoic as ever, but internally, there was an alarm in the back of his brain screaming DANGER, WILL ROBINSON. The Voice of Reason that had always sounded suspiciously like his brother was telling him to abort, and shut it all down before Luis had the chance to destroy him all over again. And what did he do?

“I still love you, y’know.” Yeah, he made solid life decisions. Well, less decisions… Life impulses? “Or… maybe you don’t, given how shitty I’ve been to you, that’d be fair. But I do. In that elevator, you were talking about trying to make me fall back in love with you, but the truth is I never stopped. And I’ve tried so hard to hate you, but I can’t. And it kills me that you just gave up on us so easily the second things got hard.” Twice, he added mentally, considering this new but not surprising information that Gabriel no longer approved of him. 

He took a step back from Luis, crossing his arms back over his chest, this time in a more defensive position. Jackson was not a small person. That was plain as day. Yet it looked for all the world like he was trying to shrink back into himself in order to protect himself, as if he was expecting Luis to lash out at him for it. “Y’know, while we’re talking about things that don’t matter, I mean,” he muttered, casting his stare down at the ground, suddenly finding a leaf on the ground terribly interesting.

[lccastillo-blog]

When Jackson admitted that he still loved him, Luis shut his eyes and turned around. He thought very seriously about walking away. Ending the conversation right then and there. Pretending it never even happened. Had Jack's admission come weeks ago, Luis would've reacted differently.

When Jack brought up the fact that Luis gave up the second things got hard, he felt angry. He faced him again, practically laughing. "How can you not understand that the only reason I gave up is because of what you did? I'm willing to take responsibility for what happened the first time. I fucked that up, and I can live with that. Because it was my mistake. The second time? That was you. I was okay with you hating me. I wasn't okay with the way you spoke to Viviana because she didn’t break your heart. That was me," Luis said, eyes intense and filled with a confusing amount of emotion. He was devastated that things had to be like this, while also frustrated that Jackson didn't understand. 

“Don’t you see how it must look? When I let Logan beat me with absolutely no repercussions? Just because he's your brother, and I knew how much that would hurt you. How weak do you think I looked for my father?” His words were practically venom, laced with the self hatred he'd felt since it happened. 

"Gabriel will never forgive you," Luis finally said after a long silence. "He may not kill you, but the idea of us ever being together again? Of us ever even being friends? He made it explicitly clear to me that you and I are done." Luis didn't know how he'd ever move past this. Not when his thoughts were often consumed by Jackson and their previous life together. But those memories were years ago, and now the only thing left to do was forget them.

"I only gave up this time around because you left me no choice. It's like you were asking for this to fucking happen to us. There's no going back, Jack. Do you at least understand that?”

[cchristina-hendricks]

[lccastillo-blog]

"I'm not going to stand here all fucking day. Do you have the money or not?"

[reinaxmorales-blog]

“That’s a lovely idea, really it is, but I’m currently trying to support myself while still sending my parents money, so usually by the end of the month I have less money than I started with, not more. Besides, a trip out of the country that’s like… What? Several hundred dollars, probably more likely to be in the thousands. You live a life of luxury Mr. Castillo.” Reina said simply, giving a little shrug, “Consider your advice noted, but unlikely to happen.” 

[lccastillo-blog]

Luis remembered what it was like to be poor. The shame that he'd initially felt, asking for money on the streets. The humiliation he felt was eventually overpowered by his survival instinct. Having food at the end of the day was more important than how people looked at him. "I do live a luxurious life, but I wasn't always this lucky," he admitted. The crowd that had gathered to watch the firefighters was starting to disperse, but Luis stood firmly in his place. "Hard work pays off. Who knows. Maybe one day we’ll all be a distant memory to you here in Chicago.”

[nxdiamercxr-deactivated20170107]

“I’m fine, honestly! I was just trapped in a lift for four hours, nothing as scary as a fire or something”

[lccastillo-blog]

“... you were in an elevator for four hours, and you’re fine?" Luis found that hard to believe. But Luis also didn't fare well in small spaces. "Life has been rather unforgiving lately. I take it you made it out of the blackout unscathed? Aside from this elevator predicament?”