[vampirefabio]

283,000 likes………giant meteor strike the earth rn holy shit. oh my god.

[insomniac-arrest]

"maybe it's not your pussy" is such a funny phrase and also correct. People wonder why chores are so hard and it's like, friends we used to have a whole intergenerational team on this and now Grandma is locked in a beige box. Cooking is hard.

[sensiblereblogifposts]

Reblog the problem is capitalism and not your pussy

[fiddlepickdouglas]

[terriamon]

[classicmeevs]

yeah baby :/

[fuer-die-katz]

[yardsards]

his tuoy

[yardsards]

woke up cuz he dropped his tuoy

[yardsards]

i have retrieved his tuoy for him. all is well.

[bigasspants]

stop eating gruel with the fools and come eat a leek with a freak

[asmeesh]

1$ flea market score. Tiny glass 1960s perfume bottles. I love them.

[shit-show-no-go]

Can you swap their heads ?

[asmeesh]

omg you can

[asmeesh]

Their meeting was foretold in the ancient texts

[copepods]

i like working at plant store. sometimes you ring up someone and there's a slug on their plant and so you're like "Oh haha you've got a friend there let me get that for you" and you put the slug on your hand for safekeeping but then its really busy and you dont have time to take the slug outside before the next customer in line so you just have a slug chilling on your hand for 15 minutes. really makes you feel at peace with nature. also it means sometimes i get to say my favorite line which is "would you like this free slug with your purchase"

[copepods]

@holyknuckled you get it. lterally what are we here on earth for if not to occasionally impose gastropods upon unsuspecting customers. this story is delightful

[lintubintu]

@holyknuckled like that?

[holyknuckled]

oh? my god???

yeah, Exactly like that

[boatgrave-deactivated20250901]

[mysteryteacup]

*Scrolls past*

*reluctant sigh*

*scrolls back up*

*rebogs*

[attackfish]

As it is Passover again, it is time for the annual debate as to whether the frog plague, which thanks to a quirk in the Hebrew, is written as a plague of frog, singular, rather than the plural, plague of frogs, was in fact, as generally imagined, a plague of many frogs, or instead a singular giant Kaiju frog. This is an ancient and venerable argument that actually goes back to the Talmud because this is what the Jewish people are. If we can't argue for fun about this sort of thing, what are we even doing.

In that spirit, I would like to submit a third possibility, which is that in fact it was one perfectly normal sized frog, who was absolutely acing Untitled Frog Game: Ancient Egypt Edition. One particularly obnoxious frog, who through sheer hard work, managed to plague all of Egypt.

[koshercosplay]

[everythingfox]

“Oh you haven’t met yet, this is my daughter Rachel”

(via)

[devilcat3d]

not my island, not my yoshis

[simplyjustfucked]

[counterpick-me-irl]

SEIS fag sex? En esta economia?

[spiribia]

maybe im just a weirdo but does anyone else hear an interesting or relevant conversation behind you in a way where you think if i’d been a cat my ear would have done this just now

[teathattast]

[laneichy]

GIRL WHAT?!

[teaboot]

Whiteknuckling my plastic break room chair trying to figure out how to ask my boss for a raise like 70% of what you’re paying me right now is just keeping me housed and if you want five more years of gold star employee behaviour then you’re gonna have to lighten the fucking load or I’m just gonna start letting people piss in the food court

[teaboot]

I am begging bosses everywhere to consider that therapy costs money and I am THIS (this) fucking close

[mergers-and-executions]

[thespacesay]

ID: a tweet edited to be by Bateman @ MurdersAndExecutions. I'm not "freaking out". Can't you see how unnaturally still and silent I am? Could someone who was "freaking out" be this rigid? This uncomfortably quiet? Yeah, didn't think so. / end ID

[brilliantpines]

do you guys remember when we used to say oh worm all the time. remember that

[brilliantpines]

is anybody out there

[acakewalkofcrocodiles]