His past haunts him, two bitter betrayals by past lovers having turned his heart to iron. She was damaged goods, tortured to the brink of insanity by one who was hellbent on breaking her. Now he is supposed to be keeping her safe and showing her life again, but can he do that or will she forever flinch from everything?
Yael has endured a lifetime of pain, fiercely protecting her sister from similar suffering. Now that she is safe in Imperium, she is determined to move forward with her life. She is supported by a warrior with whom she shares an intriguing connection that demands her attention. Furthermore, in "The Horseman of Famine," she discovers another bond that mirrors the one she has with Phaedra. While the significance of these connections might be unclear, one thing is indisputable: she can trust them. Given her past, that level of trust is invaluable.
Deacon has always felt alone in the world, even among the other Horsemen. Yet as he assists Abriella's friend, he is forging a powerful new bond unlike anything he has encountered before. He may not fully understand its significance, but one thing is clear: she now holds a greater place in his heart than anyone else in existence.
Haunted by the ghosts of his past, Leandre must find a way to confront them if he is to help Yael. Drawn to her pain in ways he cannot fully comprehend, he discovers that by providing her with comfort and support, he is beginning to heal himself. Abriella was the first to understand the turmoil within his mind, but now he realizes there is another person who is facing the same struggles alone. It is his mission to ensure that she no longer has to endure that isolation. As she discovers her path to healing, he hopes that she will find strength in his presence. Together with Deacon, they will work to heal the heart of the gentlest of the Nephilim.
“Little angel, I’ve told you, I shall not leave you alone.” Leandre’s voice was deep and soft as he reassured her once more that she had nothing to fear. He wanted her to have confidence that no matter what came in the future, she would not have to face it alone again. Deacon was quick to offer similar reassurances as well. Both men knew what it was like to feel alone in facing darkness, which is why Abriella had asked them to help Yael, and why they had agreed. “You have no reason to worry.”
After more upset, stress, and commotion, Yael began to feel tired. She supposed that it had something to do with the crash of adrenaline after all that had happened. She didn’t want to let go of Leandre’s hand though, although she supposed Deacon’s would work if he’d tired of having to be her babysitter. He seemed calm and warm, and Leandre seemed to trust him, and of course Abriella did. Why was she doubting, he was the Horseman of Famine! HORSEMAN. OF. FAMINE! Like he was going to be untrustworthy, yet still nerves swirled like her brain was a blender set on high. It was still hard to add one more person to her current trust list after so many centuries under Gabriel.
“I…I’m not feeling too well. Do you mind if I lay down? I think maybe a nap? Or just a rest? I just feel kind of out of sorts. But I don’t want to be alone, if you want you can go get my sister. She’s used to having to keep me company.” Her eyes fell to her tears as her voice got faster and faster with each word; and she fought letting the tears that were welling in her eyes fall as well. She was a burden to everyone that knew her. Abriella had to make room for her here. Phaedra had to keep her company and chase nightmares when she slept. Cruz had stood in for Abriella or Phaedra if they had other business to take care of when they’d been at the Nephilim Sanctuary. And then there was Arch, who was working tirelessly to find something to help quell her fears and anxiety, but nothing seemed to help. “I’m sorry, I know I’m a bother.” Her head dropped and those tears she’d been fighting won their battle.
“Now, don’t start that.” Deacon’s voice was warm, yet a bit teasing at the same time. His hand gently went uner her chin to bring their eyes to meet one another. So much like a scared kitten, no wonder Cruz was about to behead people, he reminded her of the Abriella from years prior as well, and she wasn’t his sister. For Cruz it had to be like watching it all unfold again. “It’s no bother. I have had a bunch of excitement this morning, I could use one myself. I’ll keep you company and Lee here can go get some fresh tater tots for both of us, and maybe something sweet?” Deacon’s brow rose as a smile tugged at his lips. “He can also get caught up with his Captain on everything. How’s that sound?” He knew what it was like to feel like you were dragging everyone down. Before he’d met Talon he had felt the same way except when around Abriella alone, but he’d also learned he’d been wrong.
“You don’t mind?” Yael looked back and forth between Deacon and Leandre, not sure if she should really believe that it was okay and not just him trying to make her feel better. He was new to the room, again her brain trying to tell her that as soon as Leandre was gone that she’d be in trouble with the newcomer. Her hand tightened on Leandre’s without even thinking about it.
“Asshole doesn’t say what he doesn’t mean, angel. I will vouch for him.” Leandre gave her a wink and squeezed the hand still in his softly which seemed to help her relax the renewed vice grip she had on him. She reminded him of those Christmas ornaments that Abriella had brought down the first year in Imperium. She called them Mercury Glass and he swore if you breathed on them wrong they shattered into a million tiny pieces that looked like glitter. Needless to say, many were lost the first year. Yael’s confidence was that fragile, and possibly even her psyche, but she was captivatingly beautiful to look at and he found it hard to tear himself away. Both he and Deacon would have to be gentle and patient, something at least Deacon was known for. “If you need me to, I can stay. It’s your first day and you’ve already had a rough one.” Leander took the hand that had been gently soothing her back and gently grasped her shoulder to pull her against him in a half-hug. “I swear not all are so eventful here. Our dear Queen sees to it. But best call her Brie, she doesn’t like being reminded of her station.”
“No, I’ve been a big enough bo-” Yael’s words were cut off by Deacon’s finger gently pressing against her lips and keeping her from continuing.
“None. Of. That.” His voice was quiet and soft as Deacon cut her off, his heart almost breaking in sympathy with the woman.
Just then a soft knock was at the door. “Speaking of our fair and lovely Queen.” Deacon said with an amused smile as he rose to go to the door.
“I heard that!” Abriella’s voice could be heard from the other side, along with a laugh. She rarely snooped or used her powers to eavesdrop on her friends, however she had just been trying to make sure that they actually WERE in there, since she was looking for Leandre.
Once Deacon had opened the door and they’d exchanged hugs, Abriella made her way over to Yael to give her one as well, then to Lee. “I hate to do this, but I need to borrow your night, Leandre, for a bit. I need to take a trip and I’m afraid he is the best one to accompany me. I promise, he’ll make it back in the same condition I borrowed him in.” Abriella’s smile belied the seriousness of the visit she was about to make.
Lee quirked a brow as he looked up at her, his eyes darkening, there were few places that Abriella would ask him and not her brother, Arch, or another of the Horsemen to accompany her. None of those places were good, and all of those places meant that the situation was tenuous at best, and she was trying not to provoke war. Given the news Deacon had brought, he had a feeling that he knew just where they were going.
“Again? I demand being able to bring back treats this time.” Leandre said, not loosening his hold on Yael in any way, as he could feel the slight tremble already starting. If the two of them could convince the delicate Nephilim it was nothing more than a mundane visit, then he hoped she would relax. Deacon being there might help as well.
“If you must. We can stop for shopping after my meeting. That way the sweets that I am sure you are thinking of won’t go stale if a certain someone decides he just cannot shut up.” Again her smile hid her fears and was doing a good job of convincing Yael all was well.
“You have to go again?” There was no again, but Deacon had figured out the game that Leandre and Abriella were playing.
“Unfortunately. I promise, it won’t be long. Just a quick word,” she looked over at Leandre, “sweet shopping of some kind,” she looked over at Yael, “and I’ll have your knight back to you before you have even realized he’s gone.”
“I bet he’ll be back before we wake up.” Deacon winked at her, and her smile told everyone they’d pulled it off.
Now Deacon had found Yael and Leandre, and discovered her love for Tater Tots, it was time to fill them in on the events after they left...
TW - PTSD, Panic Attack, high level mention of past abuse, no specifics
Yael had been relieved that the ball had been canceled, it was welcome news for her. Then Deacon had started telling them WHY it had been canceled and she was back to almost breaking the bones in Leandre’s hand as her anxiety and fear rose. If someone would do something like that to a relative of Abriella and Cruz’s, would they dare to come to the Palace as well? Were they secure? Did they need to worry? Without realizing it, she had stopped moving, stopped blinking, even stopped breathing and was just staring at Deacon.
“Sweetheart, you need to breathe.” Leandre’s calm and deep voice next to her wove its way through the thick fog of her mind to reach her in the hidden recess where she had disassociated to, hiding from the fear that had come welling up from the depths of her. “You’re safe and you’re going to stay safe. No one can hurt you here.” More reassurances finding their way through the blanket of safety she had long ago learned to put up around her mind so that she could endure not only what Gabriel had sent her way but also the things her own mind could do to her.
“Yael, Leandre and I are not going to leave you alone. You are safe.” Deacon now joined in, his voice dropping and a greater warmth coming to it. He was looking forward to finding Gabriel and bringing about a reckoning and revenge, he’d have to train with Arioch and Raguel later, he was sure the boys could use a power boost. But that would have to wait until Yael was doing better. At the moment, all color had drained from her face and he was quite concerned about the Nephilim before him. A born warrior, she had been so broken he wasn’t sure she could have even battled a hamster in her current state.
A breath in, a breath out, a breath in, a breath out, slowly Yael started to breathe again. Each one required her to concentrate so she did not slip back into that safe room in her mind where no one and nothing could reach her. The place only she knew about and only she could be safe when the world around her threatened to destroy her. Gabriel had never been able to reach her there, the Heavens and Hells knew he tried though. Leandre and Deacon though, their soft voices, the caring woven into the very ether that carried their words to her ears, they found her in that small and quiet place and slowly coaxed her back out into reality. Were she to be asked in that minute, she would admit that scared her a little bit. For them to be able to do that meant that they had a power that no one else did, and she had learned long ago that anyone having power over you meant that they could destroy you just as much as love you.
“That’s it, little angel, you’re going to be fine. Damien losing his temper is nothing to be all scared about.” Leandre stroked her hand softly while throwing a glance over to Deacon that spoke far more words and a louder volume than he could have with his voice. They were going to have to play this delicately. “You know how Princesses can be. Kaylin was just being dramatic. Have to make an entrance. Deacon, Olly, Cruz, and Luc are more than a match for Damien. And the Palace has more protections on it than you can imagine.” Managing to finally pry his now numb hand free of hers, he switched them out, and lightly stroked her back with the one where it felt like she’d actually mangled fingers. Damn strong female.
Watching Leandre free his hands, Deacon had to try not to laugh. He could only imagine how tight a grip she had on the male, and was glad it wasn’t him. “It’s just a family squabble. Nothing to worry about, dear. I promise. Just them showing up threw a wrench in Abriella’s plans; and like Leandre said, she and Asher were all dramatic about it. I mean, who makes their entry in a fountain?” Now he did give out a small chuckle and tried to give her a smile. He had tried to be delicate in recounting the events, but apparently had failed somewhere along the way. Navigating instances like this was going to be a learning experience for all of them. No doubt this would not be the last such a time.
Yael’s head dropped again. “I’m sorry. I can’t help it. I…” A deep sigh came from her and her head shook, causing her hair to fall forward, forming a chestnut curtain on either side of her face, thankfully blocking everything from her view. Not having to see helped her to gather a little courage, which felt like a whole lot of courage to her. “It’s not that I doubt either of you, or anyone here in the Palace. I’ve just spent so long not knowing where the next blow was going to come from, when, or if I’d even recognize the face that delivered it because he was good at hiding. Every event could lead to another…another…another..”
A deep breath in, a breath out, a breath in, a breath out, concentrate on breathing and slowing down her words, she could do this. “Any time that there is upset like this, even if I’m not involved, I worry that I’m going to be blamed for it.” Tears pricked at her eyes, she could feel her heart pounding in her chest, hear her blood rushing in her ears, and she felt the desire to get up and run. It was a battle to stay seated, one she was winning only because of the soft feel of Leandre’s fingers against her back and the tight hold she had on his hand. He was currently Yael’s anchor in the tempest of emotions swirling within her. “Please don’t give up on me.” The last words came out as almost a whisper, a prayer.
“Little angel, I’ve told you, I shall not leave you alone.” Leandre’s voice was deep and soft as he reassured her once more that she had nothing to fear. He wanted her to have confidence that no matter what came in the future, she would not have to face it alone again. Deacon was quick to offer similar reassurances as well. Both men knew what it was like to feel alone in facing darkness, which is why Abriella had asked them to help Yael, and why they had agreed. “You have no reason to worry.”
Deacon finally locates where Yael & Leandre, and brings them up to speed...
While there were multiple offers to meet up for dinner, including from Dez, Thinnius, and Phaedra, Deacon wasn’t sure that Yael would feel up to it. There was also the possibility that she would feel embarrassed and just want some time alone and also some quiet. He told that he’d let everyone know, then he went looking for where exactly Leandre had spirited the two of them off to when he traced out of the dining room. There were a few places that he could think of, but he was eternally grateful that not only had he not chosen out into the Palace Gardens, but that they hadn’t been around when that excitement had gone down.
After looking in all the other places he considered that the demonic nephilim might have chosen to take Yael to give her some time to calm down and feel safe, Deacon ended up at the double doors that led into Leander’s quarters in the new wing of the Palace where all of their suites were. If Leandre and Yael weren’t there, he was going to have to have Cruz, Brie, or even Div help him locate them. With what they were dealing with at the moment, he was hoping not to have to bother them, but at the same time he wanted to ensure that nothing further had gone wrong. Deciding he had to change it in order to find out then taking a deep breath, he raised his hand up and gave the door a solid knock.
There was a sense of relief that flooded through his veins like a tsunami coming ashore when he heard Leander’s deep voice from within telling him to enter by name. Obviously his presence had been sensed; sometimes he was glad that he resided with those with supernatural powers and not with humans without. Now that he’d found them, he could assess the situation and then let Brie know the status of everything when he was done. She was worried, but had thought it best to let Deacon and Leandre handle things for the time being, especially after all that had transpired in the garden. Since they were going to be Yael’s guides in Imperium, they all needed to learn to lean on one another, and Yael needed to know that she was safe with the two men. No one thought that this would be the last time that she had a bad reaction to someone or something she was not expecting, unfortunately.
“Hey, when you didn’t come back, I wanted to come and see how you two were doing.” Deacon had only opened the door enough to get through and closed it behind him. He could see Yael sitting on the couch, her knuckles white as she had a death grip on Leandre’s hand. The other male had a rather bemused smirk on his face with brows raised, as if the answer to Deacon’s inquiry was self-evident. Yael had been eating something, her cheeks slightly rounded out like a hamster caught shoving seeds in its cheeks. Deacon tried not to chuckle.
“I wondered when you’d show up.” Leandre said with a smirk his voice slightly amused. He’d known it was Deacon from the feel of his energy over the protective ward he had over the suite of rooms, which is why he hadn’t had to rise to let the male in. Had he not recognized the feel of the person, the reaction would have been quite different and far mor violent. Yael was not at all relaxed, but that’s what he was there for, to be her calm and protection until she got her feet under her.
“Sorry if I startled you.” Deacon blushed a little as he headed over towards the couch the other two were seated on, a plethora of food before them. Yael was slowly chewing now and she still looked like that caught hamster, and it was taking all of his will not to laugh. He was afraid that might embarrass her, which was something that he didn’t want, but the scene before him was rather “cute”. At least some of the food that the kitchen had prepared for the ball that was supposed to have been that evening wasn’t going to waste, and he was sure that Yael could use something to keep her busy and why not food? Nephilim had high metabolism, and if she felt up to it, he and Leandre could take her on a little tour of the quieter parts of the Palace that had some lovely views of the grounds and countryside. There had also been the offers of dinner or drinks later with her sister as well. Time would tell how well any of that would go.
Yael swallowed then took a sip of the large glass of water that was hers on the coffee table in front of her. “I guess I’m just a little jumpy.” She could feel her cheeks heat as she looked at Deacon as he sat on the other side of her. She popped a tater tot in her mouth to keep her from saying something that would get her shushed by Leandre again and once more chewed. She had lost count of the tater tots around 100, they were covered in cheese, bacon, and chives. As her eyes dropped, she noticed the death hold she had on Leandre’s hand and looked over at him with a slightly mortified expression, only to find him amused. She guessed he was getting used to it, since his thumb swept the back of her hand softly. It helped her relax and made her stomach flop simultaneously.
“It’s understandable and you did nothing wrong. I’d hope Leandre here would have made that clear.” Deacon’s face was sympathetic and warm as he leaned over and took her free hand for just a moment. Her head swung back from looking at Leandre, who seemed to have come to terms with her nerves and just looked bemused by it all. “We are both here to help. He may better understand some of your nerves and fear, that does not mean that I will judge you for them either. Ok?” He squeezed her hand lightly before releasing. It was clear she was already comfortable with Leandre and he didn’t want to rush her into being comfortable with him as well. He had no doubt that would come with time and spending more time around one another..
“We have had that conversation, haven’t we little angel?” Leandre reinforced what Deacon was saying, his rich accent rounding out each word and giving them a life and depth of their own. His hand not currently in her death grip, lightly ran over her hair in the back. He had found that it helped both of them to relax, an interesting discovery indeed. “I think we’ll find ourselves working all well together.” Changing focus to Deacon, their blue eyes that were almost of matching hues, met and remained trained on one another in some unspoken communication in addition to the words that followed. “And possibly your best friend can help as well when he has a little time can assist in helping the demons of the past to stay at bay. Nightmares as well too, since it is hard to be able to think clearly when one cannot sleep, or is even afraid to.” He continued, referring to Talon. The demi-god had powers over the mind and emotions. While he could not force her to feel if she truly did not want to, he could put blocks up for her to help her learn to control her fear on her own. Thenasus might be able to help as well. Leandre had considered both, but Thenasus was the larger and more intimidating of the two. Talon normally came off more like a quiet nerd than a powerful demi-god warrior.
Deacon met Yael’s eyes with a warm smile, “Talon will be happy to help as much as he can, I have no doubt. And you can have girl time with Delilah.” The corners of his eyes creased more as the corners of his mouth continued to lift. “You are not alone in any of this, Yael. Don’t ever forget that you aren’t just stuck with Leandre and I. If you want to hang out with any of the females, all you have to do is let someone know. We’re not jailers and this isn’t a prison that you’re being kept in. This is your home and you should feel like it is. It is a massive place, but once you’re used to it, it doesn’t seem nearly as big as it looks.” Deacon gave her a wink before he remembered he had news he needed to share with the two of them. “That reminds me…there will not be a ball tonight. There was some…excitement after you left that put yours to shame.” He had to tease a little and was relieved when Yael’s only reaction was to drop her eyes and pinken in the cheeks, then shove another cheese covered tot in her mouth.
Chew, chew, chew, chew. Try not to die on the spot. “I’m not sure that could happen.” Yael’s voice actually had some amusement in it when she finally answered, and she was smiling. The two men in the room were helping her to relax and that was helping her to find a little humor in things. Other than Cruz and Arch, it was the first time she’d be in the company of men, even Michael, without feeling a sense of fear and dread. That she had only met them that day, and Deacon only for a few minutes before Leandre had to bring her to this room, again was something she did not understand. She was sure that she would come to, but for now she would continue to eat tater tots and not think about it, it seemed the easiest.
Conversations continue far from those in the dining room and gardens...
“How about we get off the floor now, angel?” Leandre’s deep voice roused Yael where she had almost fallen asleep as she had relaxed against him. He wasn’t sure how long they had been sitting in his suite on the floor, but he’d just kept his voice low, repeating that she was safe, and gently stroking her back and hair. He had been able to tell she was relaxing and calming, although the hold on the back of his shirt, under his suit coat, had not relaxed too much. For some reason that had given him a warm feeling in the middle of his chest.
As Yael had calmed, the come down of emotions had caused her to feel drowsy and it had combined with her feeling safe in his arms to make her almost drift off. Other than Phaedra, there as only one other person that Yael had felt comfortable enough to feel safe enough to fall asleep in the presence of, and that had been a long time ago. As her head tipped back now to look up at him, her hazel eyes stared up at him filled with calmness where before they had been a storm of emotions and upset; it made the corners of his mouth tick up a little. “Unless you prefer sitting here on the cold marble?” There was a hint of tease in his voice as he gently swept a lock of hair off her forehead to behind her ear, thinking that she looked very cute when drowsy.
Yael could feel the heat rising to her cheek as she looked up into Leandre’s serene blue eyes that were slightly crinkled at the edges. Somehow in less than an hour she’d gone from hysterical panic to being comfortable in the male’s arms to almost falling asleep on him. “No, the marble isn’t very comfortable at all.” Her eyes dropped and before she was able to continue her thought, she felt the rough pads of his fingers against her cheek and lightly along her jaw as he gently tipped her head back up to look back up at him, his brows now raised. “Sorry, I was just going to ask if we could stray here in this room. I…” she sighed, trying not to let everything well up in her again. Feeling the pad of his thumb sweep over her cheek rooted her back into the present and the safety of the room that they were in.
“I didn’t say leave. I said get off of this hard ass floor.” There was a deep chuckle in his chest that made Yael’s heart do a funny thing and again her cheeks heated as she was embarrassed. “Now, can we do that?” A brow rose as did one side of his mouth as he looked down at her. She had relaxed, and he had to admit the pink looked cute on her. He hoped she’d agree because his ass was asleep and frozen, and it had taken all his control not to suggest it a while ago, but he had wanted her to be calm and feel completely safe before doing so.
Her nose scrunched up as her eyes closed and she nodded, cheeks heating and kind of wanting to disappear. When she tried to get up off of his lap, she found her legs had fallen asleep and she almost ended up on her ass. Somehow, he was lightning fast and had her upright and once more pulled against him as he steadied her. Her hands grasped the lapels of his jacket as she fought to keep her balance and have her knees not give way. “I promise, I normally am not such a wreck. Although, I’m sure that if you asked my sister, she’d say I have been for a while.” Her head dropped again as Yael took a deep breath and tried to quiet all the voices in her head that kept beating her down, reminding her of all of her failures. It was as if Gabriel had left a part of himself in her mind.
The tone in her voice made Leandre’s jaw clench. He sincerely doubted that her sister would say that from all he’d heard about the two nephilim, but that Yael would believe it tore at his heart. She truly believed the bullshit that Gabriel had instilled in her, so much that he didn’t even need to be around anymore to cause her thoughts. It enraged him and a fierce sense of protectiveness once more welled up inside him. He might not be able to kill Gabriel, but if they ever met, he’d damned well make him hurt.
“Yael,” his fingers once again lifted her chin, “stop.” A chaste kiss was put on her forehead and a promise sent to the Divine to make sure she was always safe. He could feel the push back against his soul from Abriella’s grandfather, a reassurance that he was heard and supported. “Now, the couch? And maybe some food?” There was a flash of something in her eyes. “Delivered.” He added before she could say anything more. She had skipped breakfast and the ball would not be til later, the female needed to eat.
As he led her over to the couch that was an ornate dark grey and black brocade and was far more comfortable than it looked, Yael nodded. If he hadn’t mentioned food, she probably wouldn’t have thought about it. She had gone days, even weeks without it, because of Gabriel. Why she thought anyone in Imperium would allow that, she wasn’t sure, but she was still getting used to “normal life”, whatever that was.
“Okay, and coffee?” That earned her a chuckle from him, and an honest smile. She swore it stopped her heart, and she made a vow to try to figure out how to get him to do it more often. While she had always wanted to make Gabriel smile and happy, it had not been because she had enjoyed seeing the look of pleasure on his face. No, it had been because of fear of the opposite. Now, she found herself wanting to see that smile of Leandre’s more, and not fearing him at all. It was so strange. He was so strange. She found herself liking him.
After Leandre had called down to get some food, and Yael’s coffee, brought up to them, he asked her what she wanted to do with the rest of the day til the ball. Once more he got a wide eyed, almost afraid look cast back at him that had his brows raising. Had she truly never been given options in what to do? Even in the legion under Mithos, he had never been that controlled. Now under Abriella’s Personal Royal Guard, he had freedoms. He would find out what her life had been like, but he was now resolute that it would be from her, not Abriella. If he was going to help her heal the wounds that were left, he needed her to show him what they were. Only then could he help her heal them and move forward to have a real life, not one of fear.
“How about we start with your rooms?” Yael looked over at him with confusion when he asked her. He had no one told her that she was going to have her own rooms? Or was she confused that there was more than one?
“Rooms?” She inquired. “As in plural?”
“You don’t think I sleep on this couch do you?” A brow rose as an amused smirk formed on his face. “Your living room, decorated by Abriella, so blame her for the color scheme, is through that door.” He pointed to a soft peach door along the otherwise pale beige wall. “You have three. A room like this, a bedroom, and your own private massive bathroom. Your bedroom has a door to both mine and Deacon’s as well, in case you are ever in need of us during the night we don’t kill ourselves tripping over furniture. And, Abriella or Cruz can have the Palace reconfigure things if needed. You could say it’s almost alive.” Trying to explain the Palace to newcomers was always confusing.
As Yael listened to him, she was surprised. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting, but a suite of rooms that were connected to others hadn’t occurred to her. Nor had a Palace that was sentient, or at least malleable to the whims of Abriella and Cruz. It made sense from things she’d heard in the past though. “I’ll sleep alone?” She was almost afraid to ask. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that.
Before Leandre answered he searched his memory for all he’d been told about her. Then he remembered that she’d been staying with her sister, probably never alone. He didn’t even want to consider what had gone on with Gabriel. Only the fact that angels did not have sex before they were with their one true mate probably had kept her purity in tact. “I don’t think it would be proper for Deacon or I to sleep in your bed, little angel. If you would like a pet, I can help you choose one.” Somehow he had a feeling a couch, or two, might end up in her room as well. At least for the short term, there might need to be someone else in the room for her to sleep soundly.
“I have nightmares. I just don’t want to bother anyone…” She lightly chewed on her lower lip. Since she’d left Gabriel’s, she’d had to sleep with Phaedra or would wake up screaming. Scenes would play out behind her closed eyelids of all that had happened with him. The dreams were so real that she was never able to tell that they were dreams until Phaedra woke her up.
“Memories?” She nodded and he made a hmph noise in reply. Abriella really had paired them up perfectly. There were still nights that he awoke in a cold sweat, dagger in hand, ready to slaughter guards that had been killed by his friends centuries ago. Her hell was a lot fresher than his, and he remembered those early days well. “You will not be alone. I am sure that Deacon and I can ensure that.” Couches in her bedroom it was. He gave her a soft smile, trying not to let any form of pity show in his expression. He did not pity the female before him, she was far stronger than she gave herself credit for, were she not, she would not have survived.
Their conversation was slightly interrupted by a knock at the door, breakfast arriving. Finally food and coffee, both of those were something that both of them could use.
Taking them both to their knees, but not releasing his hold, Leandre brought his lips close to Yael’s ear so he did not have to speak loud or harshly for her to hear him. “You are safe. Calm down, Yael. No one is going to hurt you. I have you. You are safe.” He just kept repeating those words like a prayer and holding her firmly as she wept and fought against him, even as her panic was waning. There was no way that he was going to let her go. She was still lost in the terror of her mind and could hurt herself. They’d figure out if they were to return later, but for now, this is where they would stay until she was calm and able to handle being around people again. His quarters were quiet and calm, the colors muted and everything serene. It was his oasis from the rigors of the Legion and Royal Guard. If they had to stay there an hour or a month, it mattered little to him. It was clear that her pain was too close to the surface for it not to be the paramount concern.
As the minutes passed, Yael’s resistance to Leandre’s hold lessened as the reality of the situation permeated the terror that had gripped her mind. His calm voice broke through the haze of panic that had clouded her vision. It was his aura that had brought her out of the hysteria that had entrapped her entire being like a vice, threatening to crush her within it. At some point she had turned so she was sideways to him and was now held against his chest, one of her arms encircling his back under his suit coat with a tight grip on his shirt. Leander’s large hand was cradling her head to him. Occasionally his thumb would sweep softly over her hair, more of a comforting gesture to her. He continued to speak low and soft to her, reassuring her that she was safe and encouraging her to breathe deeply and just focus on the sound of his voice. He would not leave her or allow any harm to come to her. A vow that he meant.
A small wet spot was evident on the shoulder of his jacket where her tears were soaking into the fine fabric, but he cared not. If she destroyed it, it was only a thing. A thing that could be replaced easily, what mattered to him was that her breathing was slowing and becoming more even, her terror ebbing, and that her senses seemed to be returning. There had been a time when he had faced such terror gripping his mind and to see it in another had called to something in the demonic nephilim’s heart that had been dormant for centuries. The soft words he kept repeating seemed to help her, maybe the only thing that got through the panic and terror she had previously coursing through her mind and body. How he knew to say them, he did not know, but it had come to him as if a vision; one he just followed on blind faith.
Cause through every season
Through all the years
When the water is calm
And the waves are the storm
I will be here
When you start believing
That you're lost in the dark
Where it's out of reach
Know that I'll be your North star
Finally Yael looked up at him, gold and green slightly swirling in her hazel eyes. He thought they had to be the most beautiful eyes he’d ever seen. Without a thought he gently wiped the tears that were just below those eyes with the pad of his thumb, then that hand cupped the side of her face. Silence enveloped the room as they simply looked at one another. He held her, just letting her calm and know that she was safe. Somewhere along the line she had started to trust him, and for that he was thankful. He knew trust was hard to come by when you had been deeply hurt the way that they both had by someone that they should have been able to trust; and he would do everything in his power to ensure that he never gave her reason to regret giving him hers.
“You feeling better?” Leandre’s voice was soft and quiet, his words coming out slow still so he wouldn’t startle her. He had a slight accent, almost old English, but with a slight lilt she was having trouble putting a finger on. She gave him a small nod in response so he continued.
“No one, NO ONE, is going to hurt you here. Least of all that angel, sweetheart. He will most likely be the one to kill Gabriel for what he did to you. But beyond that, Yael, I will kill anyone who tries to harm you without hesitation. Understand?” Leandre was gently petting Yael’s hair and the side of her face with the backs of his fingers. He wasn’t sure when he started, or which of them he was soothing most with it.
I will be where you are
When low tides start to arise
I will shield your heart
The way you guarded mine
When loves pull out to sea
Know that I will never leave
Leandre had to have the bluest eyes Yael had ever seen next to her sister’s. They were far calmer than Phaedra’s, but he was far calmer so that made sense. She was still surprised that he’d stopped her when she’d been in the grip of her panic and hysteria, let alone that he had brought her to wherever they were with seemingly plain walls but a gilded crest over the mantle. He also didn’t seem upset at all about her outburst at Adriel showing up. He’d been patient and kind the whole time, not once losing his temper or raising his voice above what was just above a whisper really. His whole being radiated calmness and peace, which was so different to what she had expected. It was all so new to her and she didn’t know how to react. Yael was even afraid of saying anything because she wasn’t sure what or how it would come out.
“Why? Why are you protecting me? Just because of Brie?” Of course it was, why else would he? Why else would anyone? She was still surprised that Abriella and Cruz had been so protective of her. Watching Abriella face off against Michael when she’d found out what Gabriel had done, it was something that still left Yael speechless when she tried to comprehend. Slowly she started to drop her eyes and head but Leandre’s hand moved so his fingers were under his chin and he wouldn’t let her. His grip around her tightened to, holding her tighter against him. For some reason it made her feel safer to be in his arms, even as the fear and nerves continued to bubble and brew within her that she had once more made a mistake in questioning him and was to be reprimanded for yet another failure in her life. This man confused her, but for the first time in centuries that confusion did not come along with sheer and unadulterated terror. Sorrow for a mistake but not fear, none of that.
“Little Angel, I went through torture at the hands of our enemy once after I was handed over by someone I trusted. It left scars in my mind that I still battle at times. I know what it is to be scared of shadows and things that you can’t explain to others. Not the same as what you went through, but the effects do not differ that greatly. Orpheus and Andronicus, two of my closest friends, they were there for me during my darkest hours after my freedom. Abriella asked me to help you because of what I went through, because I know what it is like to have body, mind, and soul broken by someone you trusted…someone you loved.” Leander kept his eyes on her, letting her see the sincerity of his words. Maybe someday he’d tell her more, let her know the secrets that few were privy to. The last person he’d told, Talia, had betrayed them all and used his past pain against him to try to turn him against those he loved, those he trusted, and those who he knew loved him. He knew that Yael was different, that her reaction to Adriel was not an act but a visceral response to a fear that she could not control; it completely controlled her. She was not putting on a front to gain sympathy like what Talia had been doing, but he was still hesitant to say too much and open himself up to that kind of pain again. In some ways he and the trembling Nephilim in his arms were much the same, damaged souls trying to survive with the pain from wounds that left no outward scars.
“I do not know all that was done. I do know that you were betrayed by one who should have kept you safe and that he used your trust against you. That you bear physical scars. Brie shared what it takes to leave those. I swear on my own life, I will not allow that again.” There was an anger that was welling up in him. She was truly timid and even as a Demonic Nephilim, he wanted to protect her from all harm. There was an honor in him that Brie had brought out as he had served under her.
Cause through every season
Through all the years
When the water is calm
And the waves are the storm
I will be here
When you start believing
That you're lost in the dark
Where it's out of reach
Know that I'll be your North star
Be your North star
I'll be shining till you find me
I'll keep shining on
Yael nodded and Leandre moved his hand to let her once more rest her head against his strong shoulder. Her eyes closed as she did and slowly the tension began to drain from her. It still mystified her a little why he was able to affect her this way. Maybe it was that he had cared enough upon first meeting to chase her and stop her from hurting herself out of fear. She wasn’t sure, but she let him just hold her as she tried to get her head back on straight. That was something that normally required her sister, but that she was slowly able to do with him there.
“Thank you for not judging me.” Yael’s voice came out quiet, barely above a whisper. “I don’t know where I fit in anymore, if I fit in anywhere. I second guess everything. I’ll just apologize now, because this isn’t the last time I’m going to make a mistake and react badly.”
If a rock and anchor was what she needed, Leandre would be just that. His cheek had been resting against the top of her head, so he’d heard her words clearly even at her low volume. Leandre thought to himself that her voice was one of the most beautiful things he’d ever heard. It baffled him how Gabriel could have been so cruel. It was clear that she had long ago given up any resistance that might have resided in her spirit and was now completely compliant. Had she not been so filled with terror at the sight of Adriel, he doubted that she would have commented on anything that had planned for their entire day. And the rest of the week would have been put in the hands of he and Deacon, since nothing more planned after today.
“There is nothing to apologize for, little angel. And I do not want to hear those words from you again. I will not judge nor hold against you that which you cannot control. Apologize when you do it on purpose, and only then. Understand?” She nodded softly against his cheek and shoulder. “Good.” His lips met the top of his head and he felt her arm around his back tighten. She was holding onto him like a lifeline and for some reason he was completely comfortable being that for her and would for as long as she needed it, and in whatever way she needed.
A weapon. An executioner. Quiet. Withdrawn. Tortured. Broken. Scarred. All true of Yael Mandrake thanks to the Seraph Gabriel. It was the discovery of what he had been doing that freed her from centuries under his thumb and made him a wanted being across the Universe. Centuries of fear have left deep mental wounds that she hasn’t recovered from and often cause jumping at shadows. Unsure of truly who or what she is, she is trying to rebuilt what Gabriel broke. Brie was instrumental in her freedom and in getting Michael to release her from the contract for her service to the Nephilim forces that should have only been fulfilled at the time of her death. Coming to Imperium was to be a new start, but whether it will be is something that is to be seen. Whether those who are there to help her have the patience for how damaged she is, that is another.
He knew about prisons. He knew about torture. He knew about a lot of things. Betrayal was another thing that Leandre was acutely familiar with. First by his exwife, then by a lover he’d thought was like he. Now he no longer believes in love, relationships, or fidelity. His heart hardened and scarred, closed off His Queen asking him to help the Nephilim coming to the castle is one thing, but letting her close is a mistake he will not make again. Others may still believe in love, but it is not something he does, or ever will again.
