BREAKING: Dads Can Buy Teacher Gifts Too, You Know?
It’s been a long time since I’ve posted on here, and that’s something I hope to change now that my kids are in the preschool/toddler wheelhouse. Would love feedback if you enjoy (or don’t!).
First, a quick reintroduction if you’re one of the few people reading this who doesn’t know me personally. I’m a close-to-full time dad who also has a full-time job in journalism that, fortunately, allows for flexibility and a lot of working from home. My wife is way smarter and way more successful than I am, and works hard as a scientist.
So I’m home with my kids -- a 4-year-old boy named Cameron and a nearly-2-year-old daughter (monster) named Sarah -- most of the day before working at night. I sleep when I can.
Many of my funniest stories of stay-at-home-daderhood have to do with my relatively unique situation. There have been countless articles and studies in recent years proving that I’m not alone as a “stay-at-home Dad.” But in real-world experiences, I can count one one hand how many I’ve met in the four years since my son was born.
First thing’s first: I am not trying to wag my finger at moms who look at me funny when I’m trying to make sure my daughter doesn’t steal anything from the grocery store on a Tuesday afternoon. I get that it’s unique to see a dad and a kid (or two) out in the real world, so it might warrant a double-take (but not unsolicited parenting advice, please).
Nearly every dad I know works his butt off as a parent, and is just as capable of changing a diaper, picking up the right brand of juice boxes at the store or scheduling a doctor’s check-up.
What I would love to do, however, is simply point out to people the little things they may not even realize that perpetuate the “dads are incapable” stereotype.
Example #1: My son’s preschool -- like most, I assume -- sent home a class list with email addresses for both parents, phone numbers, mailing addresses, etc. It’s on our fridge and I hadn’t thought much of it.
This morning, my wife forwarded me an email from one of the moms in my son’s class talking about a joint Christmas gift for his teachers. A thoughtful, great idea.
But here’s the thing: My wife got the email because the mom emailed all the moms in the class, and none of the dads.
She forwarded it to me, because I take care of nearly all interactions with school. I wait in the car line every morning and every afternoon, I know his teachers, I sign anything that comes home, I make sure the tuition check gets there on time. That’s not because she’s incapable, but just because I’m the one here during the day.
By no means do I think this mom meant any ill will “ignoring” the dads with her email. It was probably second nature to just email the moms, and judging by who I see at drop-off and pick-up time, she might have hit her target and saved a few seconds typing in email addresses
But that’s the whole point.
It’s second nature to just think “Oh, Moms handle that kind of stuff.” Hell, my wife didn’t even realize it at first after forwarding me the message. “I wonder why you didn’t get it,” she said, before realizing it mid-sentence.
So this is not at all meant as a “shot” at that mom or anyone who has done something similar. Just a reminder that the next time you send a note to your kid’s class, plan a play-date (that’s a whole other post) or refer to someone like me as “daddy day care,” you might want to take a moment to think again.
I may be in the minority (and judging by the car line, I am). But I’m not the only one. And a simple gesture like a “what should we get for the teachers?” email -- addressed to Dad too -- can mean a lot.
