le bathtub fishe

le bathtub fishe

[drtrinitysantos]

the kids are calling them "stone fruits." they start off small—think cherries. then they're hooked and they need a quick fix, they get peaches, maybe some nectarines. it's all they can think about. before you know it, they're trying the really hard stuff—apricots, plums. once they taste a mango there's no going back.

[problemactic]

never microwave a caprisun

[whereisglory]

what did you do

[problemactic]

i microwaved a caprisun

[antigoneprogone]

[scoffs] You couldn't PAY me to jack off to Brian Griffin! [remembers the state of the economy] Well, you could, but it would have to be a four figure amount. [remembers to be honest to myself] Three figures. [remembers not to devalue my own labor] Four figures.

[things-that-are-not-true]

i ate a sentinel berry and became watchful

[segamascott]

[normalcei]

Not all dogs have jobs and I think they should get to wear little vests too

[kjhjhjdkjdnkldndlj-deactivated2]

gimme the soup boys and free my soul , i wanna eat soup out a little bowl , and drift away…

[killue]

the world is my whale carcass

[ouppygirlpaws]

🦠 #my crobe

[galaxywarp]

once you realize you don’t actually need to sleep, you can really (stops talking abruptly and stares straight ahead for 4 minutes)

[steelycunt]

imagine this heat and you roll over in bed an there’s some cunt there next to you. bruv id be inconsolable

[batsintheshadows]

ahh yes. My favourite character.

[deepinourengines]

unclean = adj. of or pertaining to uncles

[earhartsease]

power plant that runs on uncles

= unclear reactor

[murraysiskind-deactivated202511]

Me: Tom Cruise I picked up more plain steamed fish for you to eat for every meal because of your pathologies

Tom Cruise: thank you so much. By the way I feel that we have been through enough together - you doing a Misery on me and breaking both my legs, etc - that you can just call me Tom

Me: Thank you for saying that Tom Cruise

[diehellasrache]

I think I'm going to remember this phrase every time I cook for the next five years

[3rdrealm-deactivated20200301]

i think the crux of human misery stems from the fact that our skeleton just wants to sit around and accumulate dust in an ancient barrow (that is the innate imperative of all skeletal remains in-case you didn’t know) but our meat has its own agenda which creates this fundamental conflict of interests

[neiljostenpussyindulgence]

I love gay people theres a guy in my neighborhood who named his one singular dog “simon and garfunkel”