to feel or not to feel

personal stuff away from my main / 30+ / be aware of the mental scare (aka depression and self harm trigger warnings apply)

[leed-en-tekens]

I want to start again I want this hurt to die I want it to destroy me so I'll have a reason not to lie I want to hear your voice and tell you it's the last time ever I want to cut away, I want to separate and sever

Black Dresses - Runner

[leed-en-tekens]

Basically my best hope in life is that my dad dies of old age soon, my mom kills herself because she doesn't want to be alone, and then I can FINALLY kill myself too. My partner will be sad for a while, but they are the most amazingly kind, beautiful and clever person and will find someone that's a thousand times better for them than I could ever be.

[leed-en-tekens]

yeah not doing good my fellow kms'elves

[leed-en-tekens]

everything is well, I have time and energy, and yet, feeling things? motivation? a desire to live? idk them

[leed-en-tekens]

literally love it when I'm my parents' trauma combined <33

[leed-en-tekens]

like yessss i needed someone I love to tell me in my face my dad's a bully and my entire childhood's fucked

[leed-en-tekens]

being reminded of trauma is such fun!

[leed-en-tekens]

just colouring the edges

[leed-en-tekens]

been some time since i felt like it

but i feel like it

[leed-en-tekens]

hey this is an old picture and i'm trying so so soo hard to stay away from it. i've got more than a year on my belt now! if you're in the tag to help yourself away from it, pls do. you're good

[leed-en-tekens]

sometimes i feel like I should try to get better and sometimes i feel like i should get worse, it's an eternal dance of evil

[leed-en-tekens]

I'm okay I wanna die again 👌

[leed-en-tekens]

feeling better, let's keep this energy up :)

being unemployed is much better for me. i have energy now! I can wake up by myself. do little things. make food. go to sleep at a reasonable hour. it's insane how much things changed.

I'm getting decent unemployment benefits for the moment. They're probs gonna start pushing me towards a job again soon. but rn I am enjoying feeling alive

[leed-en-tekens]

[leed-en-tekens]

still alive, unfortunately

[leed-en-tekens]

When is suicide allowed? I had parents that love me, now I have a husband that loves me, when can I kill myself without hurting others?

[leed-en-tekens]