Something that I've noticed about Spike over my many, many rewatches is that he extremely reactionary and his attitude in a given scene is 100% dependent on the attitude of the other characters towards him. If someone is being a dick to him, he's a dick back but if someone is treating him with respect, he's quite respectful in return, even while soulless.
For example, at the end of season 5, when the Scoobies let him be a part of the gang, he's nice to Tara, follows Willow's commands without complaint, and even works with Xander (who he mostly hates) with only mild snark. This continues into the beginning of season 6, when he is helping the Scoobies fight demons in Buffy's absence. There's a strange comradery between Spike, Tara, and Giles in that scene that is notable in that it never happens again but also in that it doesn't really feel out of place. He's a part of the team now. But when Spike learns that the Scoobies left him out of their plans all summer and Xander starts antagonizing him about Buffy again, Spike throws Xander against a tree. Similarly, in Once More With Feeling when Spike brings Sweet's minion to the Magic Box, he comes in expecting to be greeted with cheerful gratitude because he did something helpful for them, so Spike immediately offers to continue to help Buffy, even when the others say they won't. When he is instead met with ridicule from Giles and Xander and coldness from Buffy, Spike turns on a dime and is mean to her, too. The way he treats others is directly linked to how they are treating him.
It's pretty important to note that the intensity of the overall vibe of the interaction is higher on Spike's end than the others', in both a positive and a negative sense. His "being a dick" is often much more harsh than what is said/done to him and often results in violence and his "being respectful" often manifests in him risking his life for someone who is being just civil with him (likely a manifestation of both the moral limitations of lacking a soul and Spike's suicidal level of devotion to the woman of his affections). If I had to guess, this trait may have arisen from the whiplash of existing within the Whirlwind, where he was adored by Drusilla, endlessly ridiculed by Angel, and likely met with apathy from Darla. Effectively "growing up" (in the vampiric sense) in this environment likely made him very good at adapting to any environment and protecting himself emotionally, but the love he shared with Dru (and likely fostered by his role as her caretaker and knight within their relationship) preserved enough of his drive for love and affection to maintain a tie to his humanity, which comes out when he is treated like a person. One could say that this is sloppy writing, but it's so rampant within the show that it's actually a fascinating character trait (to me).
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