YOU SUCKED THE LIFE OUT OF ME. not Adrien, not Jace, you. You, teddy. Because they left me. They ripped me to pieces and broke every piece of my heart and soul until I couldn’t stand up because I had felt so sick. But, you, you just stood there! And apologized and tried to fix me, and fix what you had broken. So, yes, you sucked it all out. My world turned grey because you taught me how to love again. You taught me to be fearless and push my limits. You taught me to take what I want. You taught me to walk away from those who don’t care. You taught me to love myself. And I hate you. Because I’d rather cry for hours over Adrien never coming back then have you look me in the face with those ocean eyes and rip my heart from my chest. You just stood there and watch me break and the only thing you could say was “I’m sorry”. And god it hurts. It hurts more then any bone break or anxiety attack. It’s like everyone’s saying goodbye to me again at once and there’s not I can do accept let it happen and that’s the worse part. Because you think that leaving is fixing it but it’s not. I still love you. And I fucking hate you for it. I HATE YOU. Because it doesn’t matter how hard I try to stop loving you, I can’t. I can’t move forward with my life. I can barely get up in the morning. It’s like I’m slowly drowning and everyone can see me but nobody’s going to do anything. And you’re not here. You’re not here anymore and what I would give to have it all back. I am so sorry. Because I am not sorry at all for loving you and I wish I could change that. Because I know you wish I didn’t. And I can try and pretend I don’t. And I can kiss other boys and make other plans but the truth is, is that I’m really not okay. And I don’t know what to do without you. I don’t think I can do this much longer..
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
romaincrisis
