Masquerading as Various Desserts @lemonmeringuespy - Tumblr Blog

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

grimeclown

Snakeyes Pete is from Toronto he gave me a button once that said "Canadians have the best luck" and i said i thought that was the Irish and he said "I fucking hate the irish" and i said okay

xfurby-farmsx

am real huuman

#furby #how im trying to be

taylornprice

foraging finds

#beautiful art

mewvore

"we detected a mature post" yeah I'm in my 30s

loreleywrites

im always saying this

ggcrono

fleshengine

iwannabeaswampwitch

Lots of drama in our household

paranoidgemsbok

Stardew valley is problematic because it forces you to have an outside cat in a threatened woodland environment

i-am-a-lazy-mess

hate when I type :) and this 🙂 fucker appears. Go away you evil soul

kragehund-est

sex isn't sexy unless it's a little bit gross. have you forgotten that you are a divine ape? plastic smooth skin, plucked hair, painted faces, scripted reactions, scrubbed til only the smell of perfumed soap remains, proportions that are conflictingly cookiecutter yet unattainable, none of this is even a little bit interesting.

you can laugh at napoleon's "home in three days, don't bathe" letter to his wife, but there's more sexuality in that one line then there is in the entirety of the hypersexualized but painfully unsexy internet.