lemon

welcome to where I share my raw emotions in rhymes and poetry

[lemonybish]

the truth.

You asked me to be open.

I promised you I would.

Even though my heart felt broken,

I told you what I could.

It weighed on me for time-

I wanted to tell you sooner.

It felt like a crime

I wish it was a rumor.

I told you what had happened,

how it hurt me to pieces.

Your silence came so rapid-

My eyes surrounded with creases.

I felt a tear fall,

as you admitted disappointment.

I wanted to sit and bawl,

because it felt like fingers pointing.

It reminded me of months ago,

and what J did to me.

I confessed and hoped that you would know

How that did not feel “free”.

I hope as time goes on,

you will understand.

You’ll know that I was just a pawn,

And carry me in your hand.

[lemonybish]

Storybook

Once upon a time, 

You were my prince charming.

Dashing and handsome, 

No thought of you alarming.

We smiled & laughed together,

Just the two of us,

Until the eve of Christmas eve,

When you had things to discuss. 

You quietly told me,

You needed time alone.

I said I understood,

and I put down my phone.

Our break was quite short,

as it only lasted a day.

We agreed to try again,

but our burdens did weigh.

A few weeks passed by,

We began to grow distant. 

Your love for me-

It became inconsistent.

On January 13th, 

you finally came forward.

You told me the truth, your lies, 

It left me in horror.

Our happy ending was lost,

it was damaged and gone.

It was time to write the final line,

and ask how to move on.

What comes before “The End”?

Was it the way he stared?

As he walked away with her-

and her dark brown hair?

Is it where we are now,

and how he ghosted me?

For fear of an attempt at redemption?

Him, I pity. 

Or perhaps its as simple 

as where I am now.

I think about you often,

but not in the way you assume.

I remember your toxicity,

and all of your gloom.

Thank you for teaching me 

a lesson I hold dear.

Not all men,

are the prince they may appear.

While that may not be,

the lesson you did intend,

I thank you often for helping me write :

The end.

[lemonybish]

Storm

Waves crashing on a sandy shore

Normalcy fills your mind.

It sends feelings of happy, peace, bliss and calm

I recall it as I gaze upon my own shores.

Where waves are not happy, peaceful, bliss, or calm.

But cause shipwrecks and wreak havoc wherever one crashes.

What used to be there; what used to be normal, has changed into pure evil.

The storm above casts down its negativity.

It’s waves are filled with rage and pain; normal is gone.

Everyone wants the waves to be how they used to be...that happy, peace, bliss and calm.

But the waves have changed.

Who’s to say they can ever return to what they once were?

Perhaps once this storm passes over then things will change.

But all we can do is wait.

[lemonybish]

Monday in May

It’s been two years

I’ve tried to bury my fears

But I still see your face

And feel how your fingers traced.

I get chills

When I walk past there, still.

It’s like you’re still there

Though I cannot see where.

The things you did,

And my happiness you rid.

I will never forget you.

Because of what you put me through.

I’m scarred; part of me is broken,

The words that were never spoken-

I can not regain.

I will never undo this pain.

I can only learn to accept it.

I should’ve known not to talk to the misfit.

Guess that’s on me-

I was too naive.

I pray I’ve learned my lesson.

Because the silence and screams in my head are deafening.

[lemonybish]

The heart of love.

I admired him through the screen, fearing of what may come eventually; my panic soars the closer I grow to him, though I cannot help but give him everything I have; I want to show him my love, and receive his in return, though I know one day the supply may just run empty, and I’ll be left alone once more; my heart to be crushed at his shaking hand, because little does he know how much the small things affect me; they pile up, one after another, and soon enough it will become overbearing, but I can’t just let it go; the ways in which I love him are more than something I can explain; the touch of his hand embracing mine sends a warmth through my body; I feel safe when he is with me, because I know he would do anything to keep me protected; I feel reassured because I know that he, unlike the others, truly cares for me; seeing his smile after he laughs at his own joke is such a heartwarming blissful moment, because he’s free in that moment; unburdened by stress or feelings, and he forgets about anything weighing on him; remembering the ways he makes me smile when I have tears pouring down my face, because all he wants to do is see me happy; that's all he truly wants, and I know because he doesn’t just tell me to smile, but he embraces me and allows me to cry in his arms; my heart heavy and hurting, though nothing can truly hurt me with him; he’s my reason for getting up each morning; my reason for smiling and laughing, and I know each day will be better on the days when I see him, because just the mere sight of him sends an instantaneous wave of calm through me; my worries evaporated just for a moment; just long enough for me to run into his arms and love him; just long enough for me to appreciate his love and everything about him; and though it took me a long time to see this, love isn’t love without a driving force, because you can’t truly love someone unless you know what it’s like to lose them; fear is the heart of love, it gives meaning to it, too; fear allows us to see what we can lose, and it motivates us to work hard; fear shows us scary realities which we will try endlessly to prevent; you can’t live you entire life happy because then the meaning of happy will diminish; you need to sadness to balance it, as you need fear to balance love; loving someone without seeing what you can lose, isn’t love, and you can’t truly mean it until you’ve almost lost the person; moments of arguments and agony will provide this needed fear because you see the scary truth; you realize the reality of the situation, acknowledging that losing them is the most painful thing you can endure; if you don’t think so, then you don’t love them, and maybe you never have; fear is what allows us to see the truth and meaning behind what we feel, and that is why is it the heart of love; it is why fear is so important, and why we must never for ourselves to hide our fear. 

[lemonybish]

Wait.

Seeing him, knowing you can’t touch him; speaking, though your words are nothing without a microphone; Knowing that one day things would be different, but you look at the clock and wonder when it will be; yearning to hold him and hug him because you can feel his pain through that 6 inch screen, and you hope he can feel yours too; trying to explain to him your feelings when it’s difficult to get in touch from your busy schedules; wondering when that blissful moment will come and you can finally cry in his arms and you pour your heart out to him; wishing that the day would come faster, but time on that clock is ticking ever so slowly; you stand by, hoping that he still feels the same when you can see each other again, because love isn't the same when its all based off of a screen; so you wait, praying to a God you don't believe in, that he won’t leave, because there’s nothing left to do except try anything you can; you’ll cry every night with heart wrenching pain, because who wants to be with someone who they can’t truly be with; and all you can do is just sit and wait; you wait as the clock ticks again; you wait after knowing that its been just a moment since you last spoke, though your words weren’t true; you wait as you yearn to hug him once more; you wait as the memories will fill your head of the best times of your life; you wait as you plan the moment of reunion, the hug you’ll share will be the best you’ve ever had, as the feelings of pain and sadness just melt away in his arms; and you’ll wait as the day comes, because when it does, you know that it all would have been worth it.

[lemonybish]

Crate.

I swear it’s like you only want me in your time of need

Like all you really wanted was some company

But what about when the tables are turned..

I feel like by now I should’ve learned..

That I’m just a never ending giving box of love, to you.

I often make an effort to tell you, too-

That if you keep taking without giving any back,

one day the box will lack.

I hope you see it before it’s too late.

I hope I won’t turn into some empty crate.

[lemonybish]

Spine

He said he admired my back

Though it’s been through so much pain.

He said there were no bumps or scratches..

But they healed and left invisible scars.

He admired my spine and how beautiful it was

But the true beauty was in all the weight it held.

[lemonybish]

Wonder

I often wonder if you still think about me

Or what we used to be.

The thought enters my head

Every night as I shut my eyes and go to bed.

I wonder if you really did care.

If you did, why did you leave me there?

My broken heart shattered on the floor,

As you simply waved and walked out the door.

Why do I still wonder though?

Are we friends or foe?

It shouldn’t matter anymore..

It should’ve stopped when you walked out the door.

It’s not like you care about me anyway..

We went a seperate way.

Besides, I’ve moved on too.

Just like you.

Him and I are meant to be..

I mean it sincerely.

He’s healed my heart

After you tore it apart.

He cares about my well-being.

This is all new that I’m seeing.

He worries when I’m sad,

He smiles when I’m glad.

He makes me laugh when I’m angry,

And to make me smile, he buys me candy.

He knows me better than you ever did.

With you, I always hid.

I never wanted to show you me.

I wasn’t comfortable, you see.

I trust him.

I love him.

I’m better off without you.

Thanks for the memories booboo,

But as a final farewell,

I hope you rot in hell 💛

[lemonybish]

Wanted

Unexpected and surprised-

I never would’ve expected this too..

But he made me feel safe and I realized,

Everything in my head was true.

He gave me attention, care..

Love and protection

And though its not right to compare,

This makes it seem like we have no connection.

At least not anymore.

I told you I’m scared

I feel halfway out the door.

I wish I could be prepared..

But now I’m just unsure.

[lemonybish]

Cracked

I was walking into a familiar place,

but I didn’t recognize anything. 

Confusion filled my being.

Everything was different.

My happiness was draining,

and my heart finally broke.

It wasn’t sudden,

The cracks were always there.

They just grew each time.

Because it wasn’t ever truly fixed.

[lemonybish]

La fille populaire

Who determines popularity? 

Our society is nothing but barbarity.

Why can’t I be that girl?

The one who has the best smile in the world?

Whose hair is never messy

and whose friends are never petty..

She never sits outside and stares up at the sun,

Wondering if she means so much to anyone.

But I can’t be mad-

Its not her fault I’m sad.

I just wish I could be her..

I’d life my life always assured

Because everything would play out great

No worries about my words and my weight

Because in the eyes of society, I’d be accepted.

For once, I wouldn't be disconnected

[lemonybish]

Thoughts

He said he liked when I smiled

And it was the first I’d done so in a while..

He said that even though I felt worthless

He knew I had a purpose.

He said he’d do whatever he had to

-Because he knew what I had been through-

But he promised he loved me

He said he would guarantee

To do everything to make me happy..

And he achieved his goal

Because once again, I felt whole.

[lemonybish]

Growth

When your seeds are planted, 

you spend so much time keeping them healthy.

You watch them grow roots and get taller.

You water them when they need it and make sure they’re exposed to sunlight to help them stay strong.

Before you know it, someone will find a way to your plant.

A single bud begins to grow connecting them to you

Its not long before the flower blooms. 

You offer your precious flower to them and they smile.

They promise to take care of it, as well as you..

And you make the mistake of believing them. 

They return your flower and it is crushed beneath their knuckles

Petals are flurrying down

The plant you spent so much time caring for is dead.

[lemonybish]

Lost.

Sinking down to an endless abyss.

No ground in sight, and nothing to hold on to. 

There’s no clear path of where to go next.

Nothing is in sight,

And everything behind you has gone dark.

You need to get out.

But the everlasting problem,

is finding which way is up.

[lemonybish]

Beauty

Beautiful is a term that is used to typically describe females...but why?

Beauty is more than a pretty face.

Beauty is something that is precious and special.

It is something that is too often, taken for granted.

It is a word that people should used more often.

When you call someone beautiful, you aren’t only complimenting their appearance.

Calling someone beautiful is more than calling them hot, or pretty.

You’re complimenting their soul.. the way they act, think, talk.

Beauty defines who someone is, inside and out.

So I’m calling him beautiful.

He is special.

He is precious.

He’s gentle and kind.

He is what makes me happy..what makes me laugh.

He means everything to me.

And he is beautiful.

[lemonybish]