Natasha sat in a small reading nook in the living room. She was intently reading a new novel that she picked up on a recent family trip to the local bookstore. A throw blanket covered her lap and she leaned into a mountain of pillows as the sun from the window cast a warm, gentle glow across her face. She was entirely enthralled by the story and lost herself in the world, effectively avoiding being distracted by the chaotic sounds that poured from the kitchen. The girls were helping you make dinner, which has become routine. Whenever the girls get curious about cooking, or want to do their version of helping, you make sure to make ample time to take things slow, and help them . It was a great opportunity to get more time to bond with them, and to have a front row seat to them making new discoveries and developing confidence.
Most days they did their tasks without problem. At times messy, but you got free entertainment out of their sometimes silly bumps in the road. But, today was challenging. Zara and Kali were constantly bickering; Your oldest being particularly annoyed by her sister’s mere presence. You didn’t want to interrupt the time that Natasha is taking to unwind, so you tried to calm the girls on your own but, a small part of you hoped she could come work her magic.
Kali had been sneaking little bites of the ingredients that you all had been prepping and this time, it was really bothering Zara.
“Kali, we’re not gonna have any dinner to eat if you keep eating all of the food,” Zara reprimands.
Kali grabs another piece of the food from the counter and offers it to Zara, “We share!”
“No, put it back!” The oldest pointing to the cutting board as she raises her voice.
Kali, attempting to process the aggression, looks to you for help. “Z, it’s okay honey.”
“But she’s being annoying,” she whines.
Frankly, Kali has done worse. It was hard to wrap your mind around why this was bothering your oldest so much, “She’s curious babe. She’s never tried tomatoes like this before. Would you like to do a different job?”
“No, I just want her to do it the right way,” your oldest huffs.
“Okay. Remember if you want to teach your sister something you can calmly explain, or show her how but I need you to try your best not to yell, okay?”
“Okay,” she groans.
“Thank you. Do you want to help me cut the cucumber or do you want to help me start mixing everything for the salad?” You ask, hoping that giving her options helps make her feel a little better.
“I’ll cut,” you weren’t surprised by her choice to do something individually.
“Okay you can do that and Kals you can help Mommy pour this in the bowl,” Zara begins to saw at the fruit with her child safe knife, creating different sized chunks.
“Good job baby,” you praise. You hand the small mason jar filled with the homemade dressing that you’d previously made. You point to the jar, “Can you pour this,” then the bowl, “in there?”
You pull the bowl just a bit closer as a precaution. You’d been working on pouring with Kali recently. She’s gotten better the more you’ve practiced over the months, but there’s still progress to be made. She cautiously lifts the jar and begins to tilt it toward the big bowl. At first, she’s successful, mainly pouring directly into the bowl.
“Good job,” you encourage. You didn’t realize that you speaking to her would cause such a distraction. But, at the sound of your voice she looks up with a big bright smile on her face, shifting her hands causing the last of the dressing to pour out onto the counter. This mistake was obviously the last straw for Zara. She huffs and swiftly exits the kitchen with her arms crossed. She sits on the couch adjacent to where Natasha was reading and dramatically exhales as she plops down.
Natasha had noticed her demeanor as soon as she entered the room but decided not to respond quite yet, allowing Zara to try to process on her own first. But, mostly because she was so close to a really juicy reveal. But, the small girl huffs again, earning Natasha’s attention as she glances up from her book.
“Can I help you?” Natasha quirks a signature brow.
“I’m upset,” Zara stands up and moves in front of Natasha, her arms remaining crossed.
“What’s making you upset?”
“Kali,” the child grimaces.
Natasha hums in acknowledgement, “How did Kali make you upset?” She reaches for the child who eagerly climbs into her lap.
“We’re trying to help Mommy cook but she’s not being helpful and she keeps eating everything and making messes. I want her to do a better job,” she pouts.
“You’re right, that can be really frustrating,” Natasha soothes
“I tried doing a good job but I can’t because she’s being crazy.”
“That’s not very nice, love,” Natasha gently corrects.
“But it’s true, mama!”
“You shouldn’t call your sister hurtful names.”
“My sister shouldn’t do things to make me upset,” the child crosses her arms over her chest again.
Natasha pauses, amazed at the young girl's quick wit and how it is nearly a carbon copy of your own. “But she’s little. She needs us all to be patient with her and help her learn. She doesn’t mean to make you upset, honey.”
Zara was quite stubborn. It always took a while for her to calm down. Now was no different, a deep frown remained etched onto her face. In an attempt to soothe her, Natasha ran her hand through the child's chocolate curls and pulled her into a sweet hug.
“I’m proud of you for communicating your feelings to mama. But, I want you to try to do the same with your sister, okay?”
“But why,” she whines.
“Because she’s your sister and she needs you to explain things to help her understand right from wrong.”
“But that’s what Mommies are for!”
Natasha emits a raspy chuckle “I mean… yes. But, big sisters are just as important. Because little sisters want to be just like their big sisters. So you have to set a good example and be nice.”
“Does Kali have to be nice?”
“Yes, Kali has to be nice.”
“What happens when she’s not nice?” She challenges.
“What happens when you’re not nice?”
“You and mommy tell me to be nice. Or say sorry,” she sighs.
“Mhm that, and we help you figure out what you could do differently next time, right?”
She nods as the furrow in her brow begins to fade away, “Do you have a sister?”
“Auntie Lena is my little sister.”
Her eyes bug out of her head, “Really?!”
“Yes! That’s how she’s your aunt silly.”
“Are you a nice big sister mama?” She bats her eyelids and regards Natasha with the biggest, brownest, most curious eyes. This moment becomes another stark reminder that she’s responsible for molding two innocent little humans. Her girls hang on to every word, every action, as if she hung the moon and the stars. Her response to this question means everything.
“I’ve said and done things to her before that weren’t very nice and I think I’ve definitely hurt her feelings. But, that’s because at that time I was only thinking about my own feelings. I didn’t care that my actions hurt her feelings. But, I’m very nice to her now. I try to be the best big sister I can be. We’re best friends now.
“I thought I was your best friend,” Zara nearly gasps.
“You are. So are Mommy and Kals.” Natasha shrugs.
“But, you can only have one best friend,” the little girl objects.
“Says who!”
“The rules!”
“Mmm I’ve never heard that rule before so I can have as many best friends as I want,” Natasha boops Zara’s nose.
“That’s not how rules work mama!” She giggles.
“It is if I say so,” she tickles her and the child ends up squealing and eventually allows her head to rest on her mother’s chest. Natasha kisses the crown of her head and nuzzles her nose into Zara’s curls and deeply inhales the fruity scent of her shampoo. They enjoy this moment together. Zara revels in the opportunity to be close to her favorite person.
“Can I go play in my room with my toys?” The child breaks the comfortable silence.
“Of course. Can you give your sister a hug and a kiss first?” Natasha realizes she may be pushing it but is curious.
Zara hums as she contemplates what she wants to do, “Sure.”
She untangles herself from the coziness of her mama to make her way back into the kitchen. You were practically done with dinner but you didn’t want to interrupt Nat calming Zara down and Kali became a bit cranky at the idea of stopping. So, you were supervising her trying to cut cucumber with her child safe knife. As Zara entered the kitchen you simply smiled at her before noticing Natasha slowly trailing behind her. Zara stands behind the step stool, gaining the smaller child’s attention. Before Kali can fully turn her head, Zara embraces her and gives her a peck on the cheek.
“That’s so sweet, Z. Do you want to help Mommy set the table?”
“No thank you. Can I go play in my room until it’s dinner time?”
“Yes but, we’re eating soon okay?”
She nods before climbing down and heading off to her room, catching the quiet ‘thank you’ that Natasha throws her way as she walks past. Natasha then approaches you. She wraps her arms around your waist from behind and rests her chin on your shoulder, her breath ghosting over the soft skin there.
“What was that about?” You ask under your breath.
“She just had some not nice things to say about my princess,” Natasha shakes her head.
“Yeah she was pretty frustrated when she left. I think she’s having a bad day.”
“She called Kali”, she stops herself to see if the girl was paying attention. When she notices that she was she changes what she was going to say, “Coo coo,” she chuckles.
You slightly giggle at Natasha censoring herself. Kali, ever the parrot, proving why you should try to refrain from swearing in front of them sings, “Coooo Coooo.”
She sports a proud smirk at making her moms laugh. Nat picks up the small child, the three of you still slightly giggling. “Are you coo coo?,” she jokingly asks the little one.
Kali turns to look at you and then back at Natasha, “Yah,” sending the three of you into another fit of laughter.
when will you come back from war bestie? i miss your stories 💕 i hope you’re doing well 🫡
hey bestie i’m really hoping the war is almost over 🤞🏾but i need to stop scrapping everything i write first! and i’m doing okay :) just working two jobs and planning a big move
erasing Natasha’s storyline of her not being able to have children and you writing a story where she can have children is absolutely disgusting. You’re erasing her identity.
canon and fanon are two different things for a reason my friend
Summary: Wanda is a mess and things keep falling apart, that’s all tbh 💀
Parings: Stoner!Wanda x Reader
Warnings:18+, cursing, heavy angst I guess, groping, stalking, obsessive behavior, non con things, harassment, minor violence, drug use, alcohol use, mentions of vomit.
A/n: This part is finally out, writers block was really getting me with this one but thanks for staying patient with me and Yall I don’t know wtf the word count is but just know this shit is long af….I apologize in advance and happy reading!! Also let me know if it’s not showing up in the main tags please! 🙏🏽😭
part10| Part 12
“I’m sorry the number you have reached doesn’t associate with backstabbing bitches!” you yell through the phone so loud you would think Kate had you on speaker phone as she paces back and forth in her room. here you were again back at the start of all of this avoiding Kate and avoiding Wanda. well avoiding them as much as your mind could muster before losing your shit. the constant texts and calls from both of them had you steering clear of your phone and social media in general. You were starting to regret ever hooking up with Wanda, giving her the time of day, and playing into her cat and mouse game.
really want soft wanda 🥺 maybe a first blind date with reader?
i hope you like it!!!
Nerves
Wanda maximoff x F reader
gif from pinterest!
summary: Your best friend Natasha set you up on a blind date, she is a master matchmaker.
word count: 1.3K
warnings: none! just cute fluff!
“Maybe I should just not go in.” you frown as you look into your car side mirror, staring at the restaurant where your date will be.
“Are you kidding me?” Natasha exclaims, clearly annoyed, “Y/N, I swear if you don’t go in there I will go there myself, drag you out of the car and throw you into her arms.” you hear a thud and smile at how frustrated your best friend sounds.
“What if she doesn’t like me?” you sigh and rest your head on your steering wheel. “You said yourself, ‘she’s very attractive’ that scares me!” you grunt.
“And you know what? I told her, ‘she’s very attractive’ you both are so hot, a perfect match. I’m never wrong and you know this.” Natasha says proudly. “Now go inside, you’re two minutes late.”
“I’m already messing up.” you whine and grab your phone, taking it off of speaker and putting it up to your ear.
“Listen, you deserve this. She’s a good friend of mine, she’s beautiful and very kind. You need to invade your mind with someone else, trust me you’ll really like her, not just because she’s hot but she’s amazing as well.” Natasha laughs.
“Hey, stop gushing over my blind date.” You tease with a nervous laugh and Natasha laughs as well.
“Go, she texted me saying she's sitting at table four, in a floral dress. Call me after and tell me how it went.”
You nod and whisper a ‘bye’ before hanging up. A deep breath in and you get out of your car.
You walk into the restaurant, eyes scanning the small room, you see many people but not a table four and no woman in a floral dress. A hostess comes up to you, after a quick exchange of words you’re following her outside to the outdoor dining area.
It’s beautiful, with various plants and lights, truly beautiful. But nothing compares to the woman in a floral dress sitting at table four.
You walk up to the table, your eyes glued to the woman because you couldn't you look at anything else,
“Y/N?” the sweetest voice calls out and you nod. “Hi.” Wanda smiles wide as she stands, pushing the chair beside her out from under the table for you.
“Hi, Wanda.” You smile and the two of you freeze a bit not knowing how to greet each other. Wanda gently squeezes your elbow and you do the same, bumping hands as you both take a seat.
“How are you?” the brunette asks, her fingers fidgeting with a napkin that was crumbled on one corner, very clear that she was nervous too.
“I’m good, thank you. How are you?” you clear your throat.
“I’m great!” the smile doesn’t leave her face, “I ordered you a cup of water, I hope that’s alright.” she points to the glass in front of you with her pinkie.
“That's perfect, yeah, I love water.” you grab the cup and pray that she can’t notice your shaking as you take a sip.
“I do too.” she giggles, closing her eyes for a second and tilting her head upwards.
Once she opens her eyes back up, you connect eye contact with her. They had to be the most beautiful eyes you’ve ever seen.
“You’re very beautiful.” you blurt out and feel your heart skip a beat as she looks down at her fingers, the napkin now in multiple pieces.
“So are you.” She looks back up, “Nat said you’re very attractive and she’s very correct.” Wanda doesn’t think her smile will ever leave her face.
“She said the same thing about you, she’s never wrong.” You shake your head with a smile and run your finger on the cold glass of water. Wanda giggles, shaking her head in agreement.
Small talk turns into conversation between the two of you. Not a minute of silence is shared between topics, Wanda was everything you had wanted in a partner. She is so sweet, so kind, loves animals, is a homebody, quite the artist, everything about her was everything you loves. You couldn’t help but admire every movement she did, her nose scrunching up when she giggles, her fingers tearing up the napkin into tiny pieces, her lips were never without a smile. Hearing small bits of her past and her future dreams were so entertaining.
And that accent, that beautiful accent. It would become weaker at some points but you couldn't help yourself and you had to compliment her for it. "Thank you so much, Y/N." She pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear and leaned into her hand, clearly blushing.
How did Natasha not tell you about her sooner?
~
“Well, I really enjoyed this.” Wanda says sweetly as she walks beside you towards her car.
“So did I, Wanda.”
Once the two of you reach her car, she quickly opens it, throws her purse onto the passenger seat and closes the door. She leans back on the car and looks up at you.
You stand across from her, about two feet away. “I’d really like to see you again, if you’d like.”
Wanda bites her bottom lip and nods, “I’d love to.” a small smile forms on her lips as she looks up at you. “Can I have your phone number? so we’re not talking through Natasha.” she giggles.
“Oh yeah! definitely.” you laugh and take your phone out of your back pocket, “here, you can put your number in.” You make a new contact and hand your phone over. Wanda grabs it and puts her information in, she gives her phone a quick call and returns your phone to you. “Perfect.” you smile and put your phone away again.
The two of you just admire each other for a minute, the dim light of the light post beside her car making her look even more beautiful, her eyes had a golden glow to them.
“Well, I hope you have a good night Y/N.” Wanda quietly says, her eyes glancing to your lips for half a second.
“I hope you have an amazing night, Wanda.” You lean forward and wrap your arms around her in a quick but gentle hug.
Once the two of you part, Wanda stays in your arms. This time she had the sweetest smile you’ve ever seen. Her lips slightly pursed as she looks at yours and you lean the small way down, gently pushing your lips to hers.
Wanda let out a gentle sigh at the sweet kiss. It was quick, light, but magical. “Text me when you get home safe.” Wanda slowly let you go. You nod.
“You text me too, please. Let me get that for you.” You quickly open the car door for her and she whispers a ‘Thank you.’ before getting into her car.
You walk over to yours and sit in it, looking at Wanda's car through your rear view mirror. Her right hand gripped onto the steering wheel, the other hand was gently grazing her lips as she smiled, closing her eyes.
The butterflies in your stomach bursting with excitement watching the sweet moment. You watch as she drives off.
Once you get home, you take your phone out and see the message waiting for you.
‘I’m home, thank you for tonight <3 Natasha should’ve told me about you sooner.”
You smile wide, and just as you’re about to type your reply, you get multiple messages, this time from Natasha:
‘Y/N SHE LIKES YOU SO MUCH OMG!’
‘SHE CALLED ME TO TELL ME ABOUT THE DATE’
‘YOU GUYS KISSED????????’
‘YOURE GOING ON ANOTHER ONE??’
‘MAN, IM A MASTER MATCHMAKER, ILL CALL YOU WHEN WE HANG YP IM SO HAPPY!”
Summary: Natasha and Reader get into an accident that leaves Natasha in critical condition. When she wakes up, it’s revealed that she has amnesia and doesn’t remember her life, her wife, or her children.
Masterlist | General Masterlist
Follow my update page @natsxaddiction2
w/c:4.9k
Notes: another one - by the end of this chapter y’all might dislike our beloved Natasha but hear me out. Her entire life she’s seen love as a weakness. She doesn’t know what it truly means. For her, Ultron was yesterday, and she’s just found out the girl of her dreams has lied to her. Now she has to go through all of these feelings and work through her own insecurities and trauma while also feeling like a stranger in her own body and life.
Also, she clearly has anger issues and also she’s in pain
Good luck and enjoy lol
It’s a terrifying feeling waking up to an anxiety attack. One minute you’re sleeping peacefully and the next you’re thrown into reality with an aching chest and uncontrollable breathing. This feeling isn’t foreign to you. Anxiety has been at the forefront of your mind since you joined the Avengers. It was as if all of the pain and trauma from your years at HYDRA slammed into your body at once. Back then you had Wanda come and sit with you at night. Despite her own pain, she was always there. Even now you don’t doubt that you could call her and she’d come running. You want to do this on your own. You blink, trying to reorient yourself, as you look up at the ceiling of your bedroom. You try to pay attention to your senses. Five things you can see or smell or something. Deciding that it’s not enough to help, you settle on another method. Throwing the blankets from your body, your stretch your toes against the fuzzy fabric of your rug. Natasha picked this one out. Almost a year ago when you were shopping for furniture she was adamant about this very rug. You remember how she couldn’t pick between the two but ultimately picked this one.
You brace yourself against the bed, taking two long deep breaths before you feel well enough to walk to the ensuite bathroom. You fill a dixie cup with water, opening the medicine cabinet with a bit more force than necessary, as you search for the familiar orange bottle. There are several. You twist the labels, finding the appropriate one, before opening it. You turn it sideways to allow the contents of the bottle to spill and only one drops out.
“Damnit,” You curse as you place the pill on your tongue, downing the entire cup of water before you toss both things into the trash can. You’d have to fill your prescription today.
You walk back over to your bed, sitting along the edge, thinking of all the breathing exercises you’ve learned. In and out. Count to ten. Your fingers grip the sheets, balling them into your fists, as you try to calm yourself. None of this is easy. This new life where you don’t know what the day will bring you. Pain? Heartache? Animosity? One thing you’re certain of is that Natasha’s memories aren’t coming back anytime soon. It feels lonely here with your wife down the hall. Natasha certainly knows how to shut a person out. She doesn’t enjoy spending time with you it seems. Not that you’ve forced her to. Not anymore. You’ve learned to avoid her in your own home. She helps with the girls as much as possible. You keep the house in order just like always. Dinner every night. Breakfast in the morning. The girls seem unphased which you’re thankful for. For the past few weeks, you’ve been focusing on their well-being. You make sure that Olivia and Lily don’t see a change in their routines. Every step you take is for them when it used to be for all of you.
Once you feel the medicine taking effect, you breathe again. You hate to admit that this era of life is difficult. You’ve survived being a guinea pig to a nazi organization, your father dying, losing your brother, and gaining a new family. Yet somehow you don’t think you’ll survive this. Loving Natasha has always been something you do with your entire being. She’s been all you’ve ever wanted since the moment you laid eyes on her. Through everything, she’s been yours. The thought of losing her again has been soul-crushing. You stand close to her and don’t even recognize the person you love. Her anger seems to be far beyond what you experienced the first time around. Back then you had written history for her to look back on. Natasha had knowledge and feelings and listened to her own heart. Here in the present, you don’t know if it will be the same.
With a sigh, you rise to your feet again. You need to get your day started. No matter how much life has seemingly stopped for you, you have to go on. You start with a shower. Hopefully, that will make you feel a bit better.
Meanwhile, two doors down, Natasha has been hovering over the contacts of her phone for the better part of an hour. She woke up earlier than usual with a lot of things on her mind. She’s still so confused about everything she’s been told. She scrolls down to the name Yelena Belova on her phone. Sure enough, there’s a contact picture that seems to be recent. She eyes it for a long time before pressing the back button. She can’t make herself do it now. Instead, she goes to Clint Barton’s number, tapping the green phone icon without hesitation, all the while holding her breath when it rings.
“Barton,” He greets and Natasha nods to herself. She listens for what seems like forever. There’s a bit of noise that she recognizes as a children’s show. He must be busy. She almost hangs up. Not because she’s afraid. Well, she kind of is. More so because she’s nervous about the truth. Clint is never one to hold back when it comes to giving it to her straight. Even if it means hurting her feelings.
“It’s me, Natasha.” Natasha feels as if she has to introduce herself again. Then she shakes her head at how dumb that is. She’s the one that lost her memories not him. She bites her lip nervously.
“Nat,” Clint breathes. “Hey, how are you holding up?” He questions. There’s a bit of shuffling in the background. Suddenly all of the noise stops. All she can hear is his breathing through the speaker. He must have moved to a different room.
“I-I’m good,” She clears her throat. “Recovering. Fractured ribs, sprained wrist, and stitches.” She explains to him.
“Ouch,” Clint whistles. “Y/n said it was bad but I didn't imagine that.”
“So, you’ve talked to her?” Natasha questions. That seems silly too. Of course, he’s talked to you. You’ve only managed to infiltrate every other part of her life why not this?
“Laura has,” Clint offers. “They call each other to catch up a couple of times a month. It’s their thing. She didn’t mention you in their call this week. Which can only mean one thing. You’re being ornery.”
“I wouldn’t call it that,” Natasha looks down to her feet. She wraps one arm around her midsection, in an unconscious effort to guard herself, as she thinks about what to say next. “Everything’s different.”
“Does that mean it’s bad?” Clint questions. He’s starting off the call with a dose of reality and she finds she doesn’t like that. “I know the accident took your memories but…”
“Did you know?” Natasha interrupts him. “From before? Did you know who she was during Ultron?”
“Of course not,” Clint denies. “It was just as much of a surprise to all of us as it was to you. We were only told about the twins. We didn’t even know there was another girl. Let alone the one you told me about from your night in Morocco.”
There’s a pause.
“I looked for her for so long after that,” Natasha whispers quietly. She remembers how long she searched for you. Day in and day out. After her futile search, she realized there was no sign of you. No trace besides her faint memory. It’s like you didn’t even exist.
“They practically took all of us out and you invited them to the team?”
“If that’s what you want to dumb it down to sure,” Clint huffs. “It wasn’t that easy. They were kids.”
“She wasn’t,” Natasha argues.
“Natasha,” Clint says her name as if he can make her understand with one word. “Your history with y/n is rocky at best but you worked past that. You forgave her. She forgave you.”
Natasha snorts in disbelief. “Yeah, remind me how that went. Still doesn’t make much sense to me. I forgave her?” Clint can tell by her tone that she isn’t buying any of this but he decides to humor her. She wouldn’t have called if she wasn’t looking for answers. To what? He’s not too sure.
“Well, for starters, it’s pretty hard to remain angry at someone you were sleeping with every night,” He says bluntly. “When she moved into the tower you avoided them. Wanda and y/n were pretty much attached at the hip those first few months. Y/n was a tougher nut to crack surprisingly. She’s even more stubborn than you.”
Natasha listens closely, she eyes the door, wondering if you’re the type to eavesdrop. She puts that idea to rest quickly.
“You still won’t tell me exactly how it happened but I think having her close meant more than letting her go,” Clint continues. “I did notice a shift between the two of you. You’re secretive and so is she. I guess that might have been around the time you two started. You called it scratching an itch but I knew it was more than that. I could see the way you two looked at each other. The way it was more than just sex between you. Everyone could.”
Natasha, though unwilling to say anything, refuses to believe she would get over betrayal with a few rounds in the sack. That’s unlike her.
“Before you deny it,” Clint can tell what she’s thinking. “You’ve had flings way before y/n. Hell, maybe even sex that you considered good. There was something drawing you back to her and it was a lot more than just feelings. It was love. As cheesy as it sounds it was written all over your face. It was like I was witnessing a new side of you.”
“A weaker side,” Natasha mumbles.
“You can’t truly believe that,” Clint transfers the phone from one hand to the other. “What you and y/n have isn’t weak. What you’re witnessing every day from her isn’t a weakness. I imagine she’s giving you time to adjust but there’s only so much one can take. Y/n especially.”
“What does that mean?” Natasha doesn’t take it as a threat. It’s vague.
“It means get your head out of your ass before you mess it all up.” Clint is distracted by a shout from somewhere Natasha can’t see. He listens for a second before bidding her goodbye. “I have to go, but, uh, Nat, give it a try. You owe it to yourself.”
Natasha doesn’t speak for a long while. She doesn’t know how to respond to that. It’s not in her nature to trust easily. She was raised in a facility with a hundred other girls. She was taught that love was weakness. All of this she has built within the confines of these very walls goes against everything she’s been taught.
“Yeah,” She mutters.
“Kiss my godchildren for me,” Clint hangs up the phone. This leaves Natasha to her thoughts. She sets the phone down on the bed beside her, before picking it up again. She types the password, before opening the messaging app. Outside of her door, she can hear the pitter-patter of little feet. The girls are awake. One set of footsteps she knows to be Olivia’s stops for only a second before the little girl’s attention is drawn elsewhere. Natasha watches the shadows under the door before they disappear.
Natasha turns her attention back to the cell phone. She’s been putting off doing this for a while now. She opens the messaging app, scrolling to your name, before scrolling back up as far as she could. There are random messages between the two of you. Her asking for you to pick up milk on the way home. You informed her you’d be late for work. Several random messages of a song either of you enjoys or movie recommendations. There are a couple of videos of the girls shared back and forth. Most importantly there are voice messages. Dozens of them with different date and time stamps. Natasha decides to click on the one with Olivia’s face as the thumbnail.
“Mama,” Olivia’s voice blares through her speakers. Natasha can hear shuffling in the background and the sound of Lily’s babbling. “Um, Mama, I want you to come home from work okay?”
Natasha plays her own response next.
“I’m so sorry, Myshka, Mama is away on business but I’ll be home to kiss you in three nights of sleep.”
“Okay, Mama, I miss you.” Olivia’s voice sounds sadder as if she’s holding in tears, but she remains positive. “When you get here we can play with my toys.”
The text chain ends there. Then it begins on the day after. A few words exchanged between you and her.
Nat, woke up this morning thinking of you. I really need you here. - y/n
I can’t wait to be there with you. I miss you all. Isn’t it late for you? - Natasha
It is but I am up for other reasons - y/n
Like? - Natasha
In response, you sent a text along with a voice message
Open this when you’re alone *winking emoji* There’s a stillness in the air, then faintly, the undeniable buzz of a vibrator. She can hear your soft moans becoming more frequent. More urgent and needy as you moan her name. “Nat,” You whisper. She can hear the desperation in your voice as you draw closer to your climax.Arousal shoots through her and she clutches the phone a bit tighter. She wants to memorize that sound forever. She wants to experience it firsthand. The thought startles her, causing her to quickly exit, before tossing the device somewhere on the bed.
“Fuck” She curses.
Now she needs a shower.
**********************
Natasha doesn’t come downstairs for another thirty minutes. She follows the sound of the girls, which consists of yelping and laughing, as she rounds the corner into the kitchen. Sure enough there they are. Playing with pots and pans on the floor as you clean off Lily’s high chair.
“Hi, Mommy,” Olivia greets. She waves to her mother, as she helps Lily make noise with her pot covers. It’s not too loud but certainly can give a person a good wake-up. You on the other hand don’t speak to her besides a small hello. You’re not really in the mood this morning. She seems to be avoiding your gaze too. You pour yourself a steaming cup of tea, leaning against the counter as you drink it, while Natasha makes herself a bagel.
“Thank you,” You say aloud, not liking the silence between the two of you, and her eyes snaps to yours. “For pumping for Lily. I haven’t said it yet but I really appreciate you doing that for her.”
“Of course,” Natasha responds. Something about you is different today. More muted. You're dressed well just like always. Black t-shirt, denim skirt, grey cardigan. You have stockings that cover your feet and Natasha finds them quite sexy. She wonders how delightful it would feel to peel them off of you. She trails her eyes up your body, past your thighs, your stomach that has the slightest curve, your breasts, your lips, and finally to your eyes that aren’t looking back at her. She wasn’t lying when she said you were beautiful. Not that she’s said it aloud to you just yet but you’re perceptive. You know when your wife is checking you out. You also know when she’s turned on.
It reminds you of the days in the compound when you both would skate around each other. She has the same flushed cheeks, her eyes linger whenever she looks at you, and often times she becomes fidgety. As if she is struggling to contain herself. This time is no different. You decide to spare her by not pointing it out. Her response would probably end up in anger and you’re not prepared for it. Instead, you find a spot on the ground to look at. Not letting her know that you’re aware.
A part of you is excited that somewhere inside of Natasha she likes you in some way. It’s the smallest flicker of hope that you’ll hold on to.
“Are we doing anything today?” Natasha tears herself from her own trance. She had to say something. Anything.
“I,” You shake your head. You glance over to the calendar on the fridge before looking back at her. “Grocery shopping.”
Natasha nods. She could do that with you.
“Is there, um, anything special you would like to get? So I can add it to the list?” You question and she thinks about it.
“No,” She says. So far she’s been cordial and that’s more than you can say for the past few weeks.
You turn to the sink to pour the rest of your tea down the drain. Grocery shopping it is.
Natasha remains quiet for the rest of the morning. She only offers her opinion when asked. She remains stoic and cold. With the girls, you see a sliver of her before the accident. Happy and free. You could only wish to be afforded the same luxury. The grocery store is close enough to ride the subway though you prefer driving when the girls are concerned. It takes longer to find parking than it does getting there and it kind of ticks you off. You park and grab a shopping cart for both of the girls to sit in. You offer it for Natasha to push as you both walk into the grocery store together.
Wanting to feel helpful, Natasha grabs her own part of the list to shop on her own. You trail behind, making sure to grab things you missed, to keep track of everything being put in. Natasha peruses the aisles, eyeing foods that are new and unfamiliar, as she follows you around the store. She takes note of what foods you choose for the entire family, snacks that are just for the girls, and even your own eating habits. She wonders how you have such a good figure with the amount of junk food you buy.
“I’ve been craving sweets,” You inform her when you notice her look of displeasure. Truth be told most of this is because of hormones due to your period being near. An unwelcome reminder that you didn't go through with the insemination. You and Natasha wouldn’t be having another baby anytime soon if at all. The other portion is because you’re not feeling well and you plan on curling up on the couch with your favorite sitcom and ice cream. Not that you would admit it to her.
“I’m not judging,” Natasha responds though her expression says otherwise. You can always read her so well.
“I need to get apples,” You say when you arrive at the produce aisle. “Can you get grapes and whatever other fruit you’d like?” Natasha does as asked, pushing the girls over to the grapes, where she uses them to decide on which ones she should grab.
“Get the big bag, Mama.” Olivia points. Lily on the other hand is too busy trying to place her mouth on the bars of the shopping cart. Luckily you’d wiped them off but even still. Natasha holds two bags in her hand, humoring the girls, as she pretends one bag is heavier than the other. Olivia giggles and Lily stops her chewing to clap at Natasha’s silliness. Natasha keeps the act up when she finds a bag of strawberries too. Only this time, she’s distracted by a random man approaching you. He’s tall. Handsome. Darker-skinned with the whitest teeth she’s ever seen. He’s standing a bit too close and though she can’t hear what he’s saying she knows he’s attempting to flirt. Something about that pisses her off.
Should she just go over there and act possessive? Demand he does not talk to you? Or should she wait to see how you react? Either way, she doesn’t like the feelings of jealousy coursing through her veins as she wheels the cart over to the aisle you’re in.
*******************
When he approached you, you didn't think anything of it. You’re bagging the apples when you accidentally grab the same one as him. Your hands touch for a brief second, you glancing over to him with an apology on your tongue, when he smiles brightly.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking,” He apologizes sincerely.
“It’s fine,” You nod. “I was rushing. No big deal.” You give him a once over, noting the pamper pull-ups he has in his hand before you ask. “How old?”
“Three,” He answers. “She’s going through a night terror phase and I’m just trying to help as best I can.”
“Oh, I haven’t gotten to that yet,” You sympathize with him. You don’t know why you’re engaging in conversation with a random stranger but you find him charming.
“You have kids?” He asks, looking around for them, but he notices you’re alone. You know he scoped you out and used the apple thing as a way to initiate conversation. You weren't that sheltered growing up. You have no intentions of taking it past this and he’ll be sorely disappointed when you reject him.
“Two,” You say. “Three and eighteen months.”
“Wow,” He seems impressed. “So you can tell me if this is a good brand for pull-ups then? I’m a single dad and I’m not too sure about this whole process.”
With your outstretched hand, you take the diapers, inspecting them, before pointing to a sentence. “Dual-leak guard barriers. I think that’s as good as it gets.” You shrug and he chuckles. “I’m going to be honest, and say I’ve been lucky in the potty training department with my oldest.”
“Well, maybe you can give me some tips,” Before he can finish his sentence, Natasha is by your side, giving him a menacing glare, as she stands. He stops to look at her.
“This is my wife,” You introduce him and you can see the realization on his face. There’s something satisfying about that.
“Oh!” He takes the diapers back. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry. I should go.” He says before turning to walk away. He gives one last awkward smile before leaving you two alone.
“Mommy, who is that?” Olivia questions.
“A stranger,” Natasha answers for you. If you weren’t mistaken you would say she sounds angry. Now that he’s gone, Natasha notices a bit of the rigidity back in your body. How straight you stand when she’s near. It’s as if you feel you have to be on guard with her. She has yet to see the calmness you’d given to the man standing just before you. “Are we done here?” She squares her jaw. She doesn't like what she’s feeling at all.
“Yeah,” You drop the apples into the basket. Lily reaches behind herself, attempting to take one out of the bag, but she’s too small to reach. You fumble through your purse to find a pacifier for her instead. She takes it gratefully. “I have to head to the pharmacy quickly. If that’s okay?” You walk in that direction with Natasha, she stands so close her shoulders bump yours, and you don’t know if that’s on purpose. You walk up to the pharmacy counter as Natasha stays behind. “Hi, I’m here to fulfill a prescription for Y/n, YLN.” You provide the pharmacist with your information. He quickly finds it and goes to the back to fill it.
Natasha desperately wants to ask what this is for but she feels it’s not her place. You notice and answer for her. You're the only people in this area and you feel well enough to give that to her.
“It’s for anxiety,” You answer. “I only take it when needed.” You add so she doesn’t get the wrong idea.
“You’ve needed it recently?” She licks her lips and you confirm with a look away. She doesn’t know what to respond with. You grab your medicine quietly, following her to the checkout, where Olivia begins to beg for a candy bar.
“She can have one,” You say as you begin to put things on the conveyor belt. When Natasha grabs Reese's Cups Olivia is pointing to, you have to step in. “Nothing with peanuts or peanut butter.” You remind her and she drops it back into the box as if she’s been burned.
Be better, Natasha. She reminds herself internally before she grabs a pack of Starbursts for the girls to share. It’s a much safer option. When you’re done shopping, you help the girls into their seats and drive back home in another bout of silence. This was fun.
With the groceries put away and the girls down for their naps, you’re left with nothing else to do. Natasha’s mood has changed and really you’re not up to figuring out why. It’s a guessing game with her these days. She’s mostly hot, sometimes cold, and other times avoiding you. You’re in the living room, reading a book when she decides she’s going for a run. She comes down the stairs, running shoes in one hand, and her keys in the other and you look at her in confusion.
“Natasha, are you sure you should be doing that?” You don’t mean to sound patronizing or condescending. You walk over to the foyer, looking pointedly at her wrapped wrist, as she steps into her shoes.
“Doctor says I should exercise and stay active,” She says like she can’t care to answer. Something like that bothers you. “That’s what I’m doing.”
“Staying active and going for a run are two different things,” You say.
“Am I being held prisoner here?” She snaps, her eyes a deep green when they look at you before she goes back to tying her shoes.
“N-no, Natasha, you’re not being held prisoner.” You can’t even wrap your head around why she would say such a thing. “I’m just worried about your limp and ribs and everything else it may be too much too fast.”
“You know you worry about my health a lot when you’re not even taking care of your own,” It’s a low blow. Definitely not needed and you remain quiet. “Look,” She huffs. “Just stop worrying so much. I’m a grown woman that survived way before I met you. I can make decisions for myself. I know you’re used to us consulting each other or whatever it is we had. I just…I need you to understand it’s different now.”
“Natasha I do understand that,” You breathe deeply. “I understand a lot in fact. Instead of you acting like a petulant teenager you could just tell me you need space. Not that I haven’t given you more than enough of that since you’ve been home. I’m sorry for caring. I’m sorry that I’m worried you’ll reinjure yourself and delay your recovery. I didn’t know it would be such a big deal to care for my wife.”
“Dear God,” Natasha frowns. She doesn't know why that sentence makes her angry. “I just can’t take it with you and the hovering. It’s like you don’t have anything better to do or anywhere better to be. I’m sorry your life has been reduced to that of a boring housewife but it’s not something I want to partake in. I know everyone says we’re attached at the hip but really this seems excessive. I don’t know what the obsession is whether it’s because I’m an Avenger and or a former Widow or I don’t know. Just for one day, I want things to be normal. I just want to go for a run.”
She can see that her words hurt. Her outburst was unnecessary and yet she can’t find it in her to take it back. She can see the tears shining in your eyes and the way you quickly hide them.
You swallow thickly, pursing your lips before stepping over to her. “For the record,” You say, never taking your eyes off her. “I’m an Avenger too. I have been for five years. My obsession is love.” You raise your finger to quote her. “It was love the night we met and I gave you a piece of myself I had never given another person before. It was love when I laid in your arms and confessed every detail of my life to you. It was love when I laid in bed in a coma for a week for you.” You almost choke on a sob and so you stop speaking. This time you come a little closer.
She sits up a bit straighter, waiting for you to do something. To shout or scream or anything but not this. You lean down, kissing her forehead, your lips lingering and leaving a burning mark on her skin before you pull back.
It’s love to know when to let a person go.
Even still you’re selfish for wanting to keep her here.
You leave Natasha in the foyer, not giving her another glance, as you disappear up the stairs and to your bedroom.
Summary: Your biological mother, Natasha Romanoff, was associated with some rather unsavory characters during your childhood. All she ever wanted to do was protect you from them.
Series
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
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A/N: I came to the conclusion that I’m obsessed with Mama Nat soooooo….
Summary: Your biological mother, Natasha Romanoff, was associated with some rather unsavory characters during your childhood. All she ever wanted to do was protect you from them.
Series
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
.
.
.
.
A/N: I came to the conclusion that I’m obsessed with Mama Nat soooooo….
Just like yesterday, today has been a whirlwind and quite possibly, the longest day of your life. Your new life? There were so many reunions, tears, and realizations. Everyone is so different now. There was something so indescribably eerie about seeing the impact of your own death on the people closest to you. They could hardly work together anymore due to their blinding grief. You were the heart of the team and without you, they just couldn’t seem to go on.
This morning, there’d been a hearing led by Nick Fury and Maria Hill in an attempt to get to the bottom of how something like this could’ve even happened.
“I’m sure this won’t take very long,” Fury’s stern gaze lands on Steve. “We’ll hear both sides of the events and we’ll share the next steps with you both at the appropriate time.”
Steve shifts in his seat at the claim.
“Now, Mr. Rogers, you were Agent Y/L/N’s point of contact, correct?” Maria interrogates.
“Yes ma’am,” Steve clears his throat.
“And when was that last time that you were in contact with Agent Y/L/N?” Maria pushes further.
“4 years ago,” he quickly blinks. You feel your face get hot at the blatant lie.
Fury was absolutely correct. It took no time to uncover what Steve had done and why. Unfortunately, lying about someone else’s death technically isn’t illegal, but it does directly conflict with the supposed morals of the one and only Captain America. Fortunately, he will face legal consequences for the falsification of legal documents. His contract was terminated and he was banned from Avengers, S.H.I.E.L.D, and any physical locations associated with the two. It doesn’t feel like enough though.
While you wanted Steve to painfully suffer, you couldn’t focus your attention on it. Partially because you were being reunited with other team members and getting updates on how much their lives had changed since seeing you last. You appreciated that they were trying not to overwhelm you. But, being overwhelmed was inevitable with how much information you’d learned in so little time. Tony had ordered takeout and you shared a meal with everyone for the first time in years. It was clear how much the entire group had missed each other. You wished that this reunion could be under better circumstances but still, you were grateful.
Another source of anxiety throughout the day’s events was Natasha. She waited for you after the hearing and was hovering as you reunited with the team, and even joined everyone for dinner. However, she hadn’t said more than two words all day. Part of you appreciated it. After spreading yourself so thin today, it was nice to not have to give more. She likely knew that. The other part of you, though, wanted to hear from her more than anyone else. You wanted to hear her laugh, the deep rasp of her voice, her gentle reassurance; All of things you’d been waiting years to hear. You were sure her mind was racing just as much as your own.
Nonetheless, her presence was still greatly appreciated. It was protective. It was soothing. You knew that if you gave her any signal, she’d make everyone go away. You relax your shoulders a bit at the thought. A tear in your heart mends, as you realize that she’s still fiercely herself no matter how much she may have changed. But, another one splits open at the thought of her grieving you and the future you two planned together.
“Mmm.. 5 kids, two dogs, and a cat,” Natasha shrugs as she rests her head on your chest and plays with your fingers. The two of you had been ignoring your rumbling tummies and ringing phones for hours, refusing to leave this warm little cocoon you’ve made for yourselves.
“You realize that’s 8 mouths to feed right?”
Natasha raises her head slightly to get a good look at you, “That’s me taking it easy on you. I actually want 8 kids.”
She laughs as your eyes nearly fall out of your head, “There’s no way anybody wants 8 children, love. Are you okay?” You place your hand on her head checking for a fever.
She smacks your hand away and returns her head to your chest, “I’m fine! Can we have 7?”
“3.”
“6?” she challenges
“4. Final answer,” you sternly declare.
“5.”
“Fine,” you concede as your girlfriend breaks out into a huge grin. “Wait-”
“Nope you said it! I already have a few names picked out. Now, what kind of dogs do you want?” She smirks with a mischievous glint in her eyes.
Natasha gently nudges you with her shoulder, “You okay?” she quietly asks.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you,” You grab and squeeze her hand under the table. “I might just need a little time to myself.” She squeezes your hand in acknowledgement. You rise from your spot at the table, excusing yourself and thanking your friends for coming to see you. Everyone says their farewells, and you go your own way.
You noticed that you can see the stars so clearly here, unlike the city, so instead of trapping yourself in your room for the night, you make your way up to the roof. While you were away, you’d gotten into the habit of stargazing. Always hoping that somewhere, somehow, Natasha would be looking at the same ones. The thought of it brought you a deep sense of comfort. You didn’t feel as far away when you were just venting to the stars. You’d tell them what was going on in your life, your hopes and dreams, and your deepest darkest secrets. Right now, you have so much to tell them.
You sit with your legs dangling off the side of the building, taking in a series of deep, calming breaths.
What now? You weren’t required to be back to work. The Avengers were disbanded, only to reassemble to fight Ultron level threats that would hopefully never arise again. Your then girlfriend now has much larger responsibilities showing you the ropes again. You’ve never had this much free time before and there aren’t enough things that you can think of to fill it. Maybe you can learn to play an instrument. Or a sport? Maybe you could fulfill your childhood dream of joining the circus. Even though your life as of late definitely feels like one and Steve was the fucking ringleader.
A single tear rolls down your cheek as you inhale a ragged breath. You were practically given a clean slate, a whole new life, and you’re unsure if you can make it a good one. Nothing could fill this very specific void in your heart. You were in your own little world, crying and watching the stars, nearly jumping out of your skin as you heard footsteps right behind you.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” Natasha pauses where she stands. You notice she has a blanket and a 6 pack of beer in hand. “May I,” she nods at the spot next to you.
“Of course.”
She claims her seat and quickly offers you a cold drink, which you enthusiastically accept.
“I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” Natasha breaks the silence. “Have you been up here the entire time?”
You nod, “It’s peaceful up here.”
“It is. I used to come up here all the time when things got to be too much,” she pauses as she pops the metal cap off of her beer. “I felt closer to you then.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’d just look at the sky and… talk. Hoping you could hear me from up there,” you look at her side profile, watching the memories replay in her head. She shrugs. “It’s childish, I know.”
“No, it isn’t. I did the same thing.. Just a little differently obviously.”
“Really?” she furrows her brow.
“Yeah… it’s really nice to know that I wasn’t talking to myself for all those years,” you shift your gaze back to the stars. You two sit like that for a while, soaking in the fresh air.
“I’m really happy you’re back, you know,” Natasha breaks the comfortable silence.
“I’m happy to be back,” you take a sip from the cold bottle. “Obviously, I wish things were a little different though,” you joke.
“You and I both.”
“I know you had some good moments in there, though,” you offer.
“Not quotes the ones I was supposed to have. But, even during my happiest times, I couldn’t help but think of what it would be like if I had you there with me or in the place of other people.”
“Like Steve?”
“Don’t even say his name. It’ll send me into a murderous rage,” she surprisingly doesn’t break the glass bottle in her hand from her tight grip. “But, yes…. him.”
You softly chuckle at her change of demeanor, “I still don’t fully understand why he did what he did.”
“Because he’s an evil fucking arrogant, entitled–,” you place a hand on Natasha’s thigh. She sighs feeling the weight of your hands, “I’m sorry I just don’t even know where to begin unpacking all of this. Bucky went to kick his ass after the hearing this morning, at my request, and said that he said some bullshit about him “taking back what was rightfully his”, Natasha scoffs.
“I thought you only went on one date?”
“We did! Over coffee and after I told him that I just wanted to be friends. That was three years before you even joined the team!” She takes another deep breath to stop herself from yelling. “I just feel like a fucking idiot. I thought at first, that he was just being a good friend trying to keep me busy while you were away. During the first few months, I wasn’t fully myself. Just because I missed you so much. So, Steve and I would hang out to distract me. It was strictly platonic for me. The movies. The bar. Cooking classes even. Which led me to believe that he was just being a good friend by comforting me after we got the news that you “died”. The first night was… intense. I wasn’t really allowing myself to be sad yet. I was just enraged. I broke.. A lot of things. I was combative. It was the closest I think I’ve ever gotten to feeling what Banner feels. But, Steve was there with me,” tears line the redhead’s eyelids. She lets out a long, shaky breath.
She continues, “I thought he was just being a good friend by encouraging me to go to grief groups. By being by my side every single time that I screamed for you. By making sure that I was eating. I was so grateful to have such a great friend… I realized a while ago that I confused my gratitude for love. But, I suppressed those thoughts because I convinced myself that I was lucky. I was lucky to have someone who would be by my side while I was this terrible version of myself. I thought that I was lucky to have a person that was willing to love me unconditionally. Most people don’t even get one. But, I got to have two. And no, I never loved him as much as I love you. But, how could I ever love anyone else that much? But, who was I to question whether or not I genuinely loved him? He wanted a family, a private life, far away from here. Who was I to question why I didn’t get to have that with you,” tears stream down both of your faces as she recounts the events.
“I’m so sorry that you ended up being a pawn in his demented game,” she finishes. Natasha snaps out of her trance at the sound of you sniffling. She scoots closer to you, closing the already small gap between you. She grabs the blanket from her side and wraps the both of you in it, allowing you both to feel each other’s warmth again and for you to then smell the notes of amber in her perfume.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Natasha wipes the tears from your cheeks with her fingertips.
“Don’t apologize,” you close your eyes and lean into her touch. You turn your head to kiss the palm of her hand, causing a fresh set of tears to rush from Natasha’s eyes.
For the first time in a long time, you and Natasha have a day off together. The both of you loved doing absolutely nothing when you had the chance to. Today, you decided on a leisurely walk in the park. There wasn’t any particular destination in mind. You were both content with being in each other’s presence.
You break the silence by yanking Natasha’s arm toward a small pond, “Ducks!”
“Ow!” she dramatically grabs her shoulder.
“Oh, stop it. You’re fine. Look at them! They’re so cute!”
The redhead wraps her arms around your waist from behind, places gentle kisses on your neck, “You’re cute,” she pauses. “And strong.” You giggle at her comment, turning around in her grasp until you’re face to face.
“Aww, did I hurt your shoulder?” you poke your bottom lip out and pull her just a little closer.
“Yes,” her fake pout blows yours out of the water.
“Oh, my poor baby, how can I make it better?”
She places both of her hands on either side of your face and puckers her lips, “Kiss.”
You chuckle at her curtness but grant her wish.
“Another.” You give her another.
“One more.” Of course, she gets what she wants.
“Would you look at that? My shoulder is as good as new.” She moves it around.
You laugh at her antics, turning your head to kiss the palm of her hand, “ You could’ve just asked for a kiss, you know.”
Curiosity washes over her face, “Why do you do that?”
“Do what?” You slightly tilt your head to the side.
“Kiss my hand. You do it all the time.”
“Oh. Does it bother you?”
“Not at all. I’m just curious.”
“I started doing it in the place of saying I love you. I knew it immediately but, I knew I would scare you away if I said it too soon. So, I just kissed your hands every chance that I got.”
“Why my hands though?”
“Your hands are one of my favorite things about you. They tell me everything I need to know. They tell me when you’re anxious, or angry, or when you need comfort. Sometimes I feel like I can kiss the negative feelings away,” you quirk your brow. “Let’s not forget how good you are at using them to f-” she places her hand firmly over your mouth.
“Don’t start what you can’t finish,” she warns.
You playfully smile and kiss her hand again, earning yourself one of her brightest smiles.
Natasha closes the distance between you, “I love you.”
“I love you more,” you whisper before you gently kiss her lips.
Natasha wipes tears from her own cheeks, “I can’t wrap my head around the fact that you’re here with me right now.”
“Me neither. We have so much to catch up on,” you intertwine your fingers and place your head on her shoulder. You ease into another long silence with her. It’s unclear how late into the night it is or how long you two have been sitting on the roof, crying your eyes out but, you finish the 6 pack by the time anyone speaks again.
“How did you become a mom,” you ask carefully, unsure of how Natasha might respond.
“We adopted Stevie when he was a couple months old. Steve said that that might help me adjust more,” she shakes her head. “I wouldn’t change being his mom for anything in this world. I just wish I could change how it happened,” Natasha begins to smile as she gets caught up in her own thoughts. You hum encouraging her to share.
“He reminds me a lot of you sometimes. You both are little comedians. You both love strawberries. You’re both stomach sleepers,” she chuckles. “I believed that he was your reincarnation for a short while,” she laughs.
You match her laughter, “I’m sorry, what?” you ask between breaths. “What made you stop believing that”
She sighs, “He told me he used to be an old man named Franklin, which scared the shit out of me so, I left that alone,” she shakes the memory from her head while you cackle at the story. “It helped for a while though,”she fixates on your face, re-committing your features to her memory and relishing in the sound of your laughter. “I think you’d adore him.”
You reply with a shy smile. It was immeasurable how much you’d missed this woman, “I missed you so much,” you fill her in.
“I missed you more.”
“I don’t know if I can ever leave your side again,” you move as close to her as you possibly can.
“I don’t want you to. I’m sure you don’t want to be anywhere near my soon-to-be divorced, single mom drama, though. Not when you have this chance at a brand new life.”
“I can be there for you. Even if it’s as a friend… a real one,” you add the unconvincing aside. Natasha chuckles at your attempt. “I just want to be wherever you are, Tash.”
“You know we’ve never been good at being just friends, Y/n/n.”
“And when has that ever been an issue?” Natasha raises her eyebrows at your brazenness and as she stares into your truthful eyes. “Let’s start over,” you push. Both of you refuse to break eye contact. Natasha is the first to lean in. You feel her breath brush over your lips.
“Under one condition,” she breathes.
“Anything,” you rush, needing to feel her lips on yours already.
“You better not ever leave me again,” she pleads.
“Never,” you wouldn’t have the first time if you had the choice.
“Then let’s start over,” she closes the last of the distance between you and places the most gentle kiss on your lips. Like, if she moved any faster, you’d disappear. Or if she kissed any harder, you’d break. However, once she got a taste, she needed more, trapping you within her embrace and kissing you over and over again.
Starting your life with Natasha has come way too late. Still, both of you were eternally grateful for another shot at breathing new life into your relationship and on your own terms.
Just like yesterday, today has been a whirlwind and quite possibly, the longest day of your life. Your new life? There were so many reunions, tears, and realizations. Everyone is so different now. There was something so indescribably eerie about seeing the impact of your own death on the people closest to you. They could hardly work together anymore due to their blinding grief. You were the heart of the team and without you, they just couldn’t seem to go on.
This morning, there’d been a hearing led by Nick Fury and Maria Hill in an attempt to get to the bottom of how something like this could’ve even happened.
“I’m sure this won’t take very long,” Fury’s stern gaze lands on Steve. “We’ll hear both sides of the events and we’ll share the next steps with you both at the appropriate time.”
Steve shifts in his seat at the claim.
“Now, Mr. Rogers, you were Agent Y/L/N’s point of contact, correct?” Maria interrogates.
“Yes ma’am,” Steve clears his throat.
“And when was that last time that you were in contact with Agent Y/L/N?” Maria pushes further.
“4 years ago,” he quickly blinks. You feel your face get hot at the blatant lie.
Fury was absolutely correct. It took no time to uncover what Steve had done and why. Unfortunately, lying about someone else’s death technically isn’t illegal, but it does directly conflict with the supposed morals of the one and only Captain America. Fortunately, he will face legal consequences for the falsification of legal documents. His contract was terminated and he was banned from Avengers, S.H.I.E.L.D, and any physical locations associated with the two. It doesn’t feel like enough though.
While you wanted Steve to painfully suffer, you couldn’t focus your attention on it. Partially because you were being reunited with other team members and getting updates on how much their lives had changed since seeing you last. You appreciated that they were trying not to overwhelm you. But, being overwhelmed was inevitable with how much information you’d learned in so little time. Tony had ordered takeout and you shared a meal with everyone for the first time in years. It was clear how much the entire group had missed each other. You wished that this reunion could be under better circumstances but still, you were grateful.
Another source of anxiety throughout the day’s events was Natasha. She waited for you after the hearing and was hovering as you reunited with the team, and even joined everyone for dinner. However, she hadn’t said more than two words all day. Part of you appreciated it. After spreading yourself so thin today, it was nice to not have to give more. She likely knew that. The other part of you, though, wanted to hear from her more than anyone else. You wanted to hear her laugh, the deep rasp of her voice, her gentle reassurance; All of things you’d been waiting years to hear. You were sure her mind was racing just as much as your own.
Nonetheless, her presence was still greatly appreciated. It was protective. It was soothing. You knew that if you gave her any signal, she’d make everyone go away. You relax your shoulders a bit at the thought. A tear in your heart mends, as you realize that she’s still fiercely herself no matter how much she may have changed. But, another one splits open at the thought of her grieving you and the future you two planned together.
“Mmm.. 5 kids, two dogs, and a cat,” Natasha shrugs as she rests her head on your chest and plays with your fingers. The two of you had been ignoring your rumbling tummies and ringing phones for hours, refusing to leave this warm little cocoon you’ve made for yourselves.
“You realize that’s 8 mouths to feed right?”
Natasha raises her head slightly to get a good look at you, “That’s me taking it easy on you. I actually want 8 kids.”
She laughs as your eyes nearly fall out of your head, “There’s no way anybody wants 8 children, love. Are you okay?” You place your hand on her head checking for a fever.
She smacks your hand away and returns her head to your chest, “I’m fine! Can we have 7?”
“3.”
“6?” she challenges
“4. Final answer,” you sternly declare.
“5.”
“Fine,” you concede as your girlfriend breaks out into a huge grin. “Wait-”
“Nope you said it! I already have a few names picked out. Now, what kind of dogs do you want?” She smirks with a mischievous glint in her eyes.
Natasha gently nudges you with her shoulder, “You okay?” she quietly asks.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you,” You grab and squeeze her hand under the table. “I might just need a little time to myself.” She squeezes your hand in acknowledgement. You rise from your spot at the table, excusing yourself and thanking your friends for coming to see you. Everyone says their farewells, and you go your own way.
You noticed that you can see the stars so clearly here, unlike the city, so instead of trapping yourself in your room for the night, you make your way up to the roof. While you were away, you’d gotten into the habit of stargazing. Always hoping that somewhere, somehow, Natasha would be looking at the same ones. The thought of it brought you a deep sense of comfort. You didn’t feel as far away when you were just venting to the stars. You’d tell them what was going on in your life, your hopes and dreams, and your deepest darkest secrets. Right now, you have so much to tell them.
You sit with your legs dangling off the side of the building, taking in a series of deep, calming breaths.
What now? You weren’t required to be back to work. The Avengers were disbanded, only to reassemble to fight Ultron level threats that would hopefully never arise again. Your then girlfriend now has much larger responsibilities showing you the ropes again. You’ve never had this much free time before and there aren’t enough things that you can think of to fill it. Maybe you can learn to play an instrument. Or a sport? Maybe you could fulfill your childhood dream of joining the circus. Even though your life as of late definitely feels like one and Steve was the fucking ringleader.
A single tear rolls down your cheek as you inhale a ragged breath. You were practically given a clean slate, a whole new life, and you’re unsure if you can make it a good one. Nothing could fill this very specific void in your heart. You were in your own little world, crying and watching the stars, nearly jumping out of your skin as you heard footsteps right behind you.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” Natasha pauses where she stands. You notice she has a blanket and a 6 pack of beer in hand. “May I,” she nods at the spot next to you.
“Of course.”
She claims her seat and quickly offers you a cold drink, which you enthusiastically accept.
“I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” Natasha breaks the silence. “Have you been up here the entire time?”
You nod, “It’s peaceful up here.”
“It is. I used to come up here all the time when things got to be too much,” she pauses as she pops the metal cap off of her beer. “I felt closer to you then.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’d just look at the sky and… talk. Hoping you could hear me from up there,” you look at her side profile, watching the memories replay in her head. She shrugs. “It’s childish, I know.”
“No, it isn’t. I did the same thing.. Just a little differently obviously.”
“Really?” she furrows her brow.
“Yeah… it’s really nice to know that I wasn’t talking to myself for all those years,” you shift your gaze back to the stars. You two sit like that for a while, soaking in the fresh air.
“I’m really happy you’re back, you know,” Natasha breaks the comfortable silence.
“I’m happy to be back,” you take a sip from the cold bottle. “Obviously, I wish things were a little different though,” you joke.
“You and I both.”
“I know you had some good moments in there, though,” you offer.
“Not quotes the ones I was supposed to have. But, even during my happiest times, I couldn’t help but think of what it would be like if I had you there with me or in the place of other people.”
“Like Steve?”
“Don’t even say his name. It’ll send me into a murderous rage,” she surprisingly doesn’t break the glass bottle in her hand from her tight grip. “But, yes…. him.”
You softly chuckle at her change of demeanor, “I still don’t fully understand why he did what he did.”
“Because he’s an evil fucking arrogant, entitled–,” you place a hand on Natasha’s thigh. She sighs feeling the weight of your hands, “I’m sorry I just don’t even know where to begin unpacking all of this. Bucky went to kick his ass after the hearing this morning, at my request, and said that he said some bullshit about him “taking back what was rightfully his”, Natasha scoffs.
“I thought you only went on one date?”
“We did! Over coffee and after I told him that I just wanted to be friends. That was three years before you even joined the team!” She takes another deep breath to stop herself from yelling. “I just feel like a fucking idiot. I thought at first, that he was just being a good friend trying to keep me busy while you were away. During the first few months, I wasn’t fully myself. Just because I missed you so much. So, Steve and I would hang out to distract me. It was strictly platonic for me. The movies. The bar. Cooking classes even. Which led me to believe that he was just being a good friend by comforting me after we got the news that you “died”. The first night was… intense. I wasn’t really allowing myself to be sad yet. I was just enraged. I broke.. A lot of things. I was combative. It was the closest I think I’ve ever gotten to feeling what Banner feels. But, Steve was there with me,” tears line the redhead’s eyelids. She lets out a long, shaky breath.
She continues, “I thought he was just being a good friend by encouraging me to go to grief groups. By being by my side every single time that I screamed for you. By making sure that I was eating. I was so grateful to have such a great friend… I realized a while ago that I confused my gratitude for love. But, I suppressed those thoughts because I convinced myself that I was lucky. I was lucky to have someone who would be by my side while I was this terrible version of myself. I thought that I was lucky to have a person that was willing to love me unconditionally. Most people don’t even get one. But, I got to have two. And no, I never loved him as much as I love you. But, how could I ever love anyone else that much? But, who was I to question whether or not I genuinely loved him? He wanted a family, a private life, far away from here. Who was I to question why I didn’t get to have that with you,” tears stream down both of your faces as she recounts the events.
“I’m so sorry that you ended up being a pawn in his demented game,” she finishes. Natasha snaps out of her trance at the sound of you sniffling. She scoots closer to you, closing the already small gap between you. She grabs the blanket from her side and wraps the both of you in it, allowing you both to feel each other’s warmth again and for you to then smell the notes of amber in her perfume.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Natasha wipes the tears from your cheeks with her fingertips.
“Don’t apologize,” you close your eyes and lean into her touch. You turn your head to kiss the palm of her hand, causing a fresh set of tears to rush from Natasha’s eyes.
For the first time in a long time, you and Natasha have a day off together. The both of you loved doing absolutely nothing when you had the chance to. Today, you decided on a leisurely walk in the park. There wasn’t any particular destination in mind. You were both content with being in each other’s presence.
You break the silence by yanking Natasha’s arm toward a small pond, “Ducks!”
“Ow!” she dramatically grabs her shoulder.
“Oh, stop it. You’re fine. Look at them! They’re so cute!”
The redhead wraps her arms around your waist from behind, places gentle kisses on your neck, “You’re cute,” she pauses. “And strong.” You giggle at her comment, turning around in her grasp until you’re face to face.
“Aww, did I hurt your shoulder?” you poke your bottom lip out and pull her just a little closer.
“Yes,” her fake pout blows yours out of the water.
“Oh, my poor baby, how can I make it better?”
She places both of her hands on either side of your face and puckers her lips, “Kiss.”
You chuckle at her curtness but grant her wish.
“Another.” You give her another.
“One more.” Of course, she gets what she wants.
“Would you look at that? My shoulder is as good as new.” She moves it around.
You laugh at her antics, turning your head to kiss the palm of her hand, “ You could’ve just asked for a kiss, you know.”
Curiosity washes over her face, “Why do you do that?”
“Do what?” You slightly tilt your head to the side.
“Kiss my hand. You do it all the time.”
“Oh. Does it bother you?”
“Not at all. I’m just curious.”
“I started doing it in the place of saying I love you. I knew it immediately but, I knew I would scare you away if I said it too soon. So, I just kissed your hands every chance that I got.”
“Why my hands though?”
“Your hands are one of my favorite things about you. They tell me everything I need to know. They tell me when you’re anxious, or angry, or when you need comfort. Sometimes I feel like I can kiss the negative feelings away,” you quirk your brow. “Let’s not forget how good you are at using them to f-” she places her hand firmly over your mouth.
“Don’t start what you can’t finish,” she warns.
You playfully smile and kiss her hand again, earning yourself one of her brightest smiles.
Natasha closes the distance between you, “I love you.”
“I love you more,” you whisper before you gently kiss her lips.
Natasha wipes tears from her own cheeks, “I can’t wrap my head around the fact that you’re here with me right now.”
“Me neither. We have so much to catch up on,” you intertwine your fingers and place your head on her shoulder. You ease into another long silence with her. It’s unclear how late into the night it is or how long you two have been sitting on the roof, crying your eyes out but, you finish the 6 pack by the time anyone speaks again.
“How did you become a mom,” you ask carefully, unsure of how Natasha might respond.
“We adopted Stevie when he was a couple months old. Steve said that that might help me adjust more,” she shakes her head. “I wouldn’t change being his mom for anything in this world. I just wish I could change how it happened,” Natasha begins to smile as she gets caught up in her own thoughts. You hum encouraging her to share.
“He reminds me a lot of you sometimes. You both are little comedians. You both love strawberries. You’re both stomach sleepers,” she chuckles. “I believed that he was your reincarnation for a short while,” she laughs.
You match her laughter, “I’m sorry, what?” you ask between breaths. “What made you stop believing that”
She sighs, “He told me he used to be an old man named Franklin, which scared the shit out of me so, I left that alone,” she shakes the memory from her head while you cackle at the story. “It helped for a while though,”she fixates on your face, re-committing your features to her memory and relishing in the sound of your laughter. “I think you’d adore him.”
You reply with a shy smile. It was immeasurable how much you’d missed this woman, “I missed you so much,” you fill her in.
“I missed you more.”
“I don’t know if I can ever leave your side again,” you move as close to her as you possibly can.
“I don’t want you to. I’m sure you don’t want to be anywhere near my soon-to-be divorced, single mom drama, though. Not when you have this chance at a brand new life.”
“I can be there for you. Even if it’s as a friend… a real one,” you add the unconvincing aside. Natasha chuckles at your attempt. “I just want to be wherever you are, Tash.”
“You know we’ve never been good at being just friends, Y/n/n.”
“And when has that ever been an issue?” Natasha raises her eyebrows at your brazenness and as she stares into your truthful eyes. “Let’s start over,” you push. Both of you refuse to break eye contact. Natasha is the first to lean in. You feel her breath brush over your lips.
“Under one condition,” she breathes.
“Anything,” you rush, needing to feel her lips on yours already.
“You better not ever leave me again,” she pleads.
“Never,” you wouldn’t have the first time if you had the choice.
“Then let’s start over,” she closes the last of the distance between you and places the most gentle kiss on your lips. Like, if she moved any faster, you’d disappear. Or if she kissed any harder, you’d break. However, once she got a taste, she needed more, trapping you within her embrace and kissing you over and over again.
Starting your life with Natasha has come way too late. Still, both of you were eternally grateful for another shot at breathing new life into your relationship and on your own terms.
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