:(

[leptosome]

If I was smaller and less emotional my life would be easier

[leptosome]

Wow.

[leptosome]

How bout I just nap forever

[leptosome]

Update: I still hate myself very much!!!! :)

[snorlaxatives]

that little chunk of chocolate at the bottom of the drumstick cone reblog if you agree

[paprika]

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSS

[justhurtingalot]

Isn’t it weird how you can actually feel the pain in your chest and stomach when something really hurts your feelings

[christichris]

This is actually because it activates your vagus nerve! Basically your body goes “we are so upset! We must be injured! Where???? On the inside guts! Those are confusing and hard to differentiate!!! Confusing guts are hurt!”

[queenrami-deactivated20191012]

So today at work a lady came in and told me she was Christmas shopping for her granddaughter. She told me that her granddaughter was into a lot of bands so of course I asked her what band she was into. She said Panic at the Disco, twenty one pilots, and My Chemical Romance. AND THEN she looked me dead in the eyes and then said with the most terrified look I have ever seen I have lost my granddaughter to the emos.

[prussianmemes]

I hope everybody can enjoy the typical day at the Russian parliament

[paininmyassachusetts]

it looks like a classroom where the teacher’s left for a few minutes

[tiredpug]

i work at a gym largely frequented by older women, and today as one of them left after her workout she accidentally pulled the entire door handle off and just slowly looked at her bicep in horror as if she was terrified of her new strength. it was beautiful.

[10000bc]

sometimes i’ll see ppl in their early 20’s completely fucking covered in tattoos and im like damn what if one day youre 33 and u want a new tattoo but u cant get one cuz u done run out of skin

[heckayeah]

I thought this was going to be really negative but Im glad with its turnout

[tanknaka]

hey

hey friend

dont kill yourself tonight ok

you have a really pretty smile and i know its not always easy to manage one but itd be a bummer if we never had the chance to see it ever again

youre really important and you matter a lot so stay safe and try and have a nice sleep

[the-grace-of-fallen-angels]

I would like a moment to thank the people who reblog post like this so that it eventually shows on my dash.

It is keeping me alive

[duendealexis]

Wasn’t iCarly that guy with the wax wings that flew into the sun and fucking got rest because same

[duendealexis]

I just realized my phone corrected Icarus to iCarly because I type iCarly more than Icarus okay thanks

[phillylesty-deactivated20180912]

I thought this was just a god tier shitpost

[lissadiane]

Okay, I have a life hack for you.

Last week, I got attacked by the most painful and persistent hiccups of my life at work. My co-worker heard me hiccuping and said, absently, “Got the hiccups?” and I said miserably, “Yeah.” And she said, “Prove it.”

And I glared at her, because why the fuck should I prove anything to her? And I waited for the next hiccup, which would prove that she was a dick and that I was, indeed, suffering from hiccups. And… that hiccup never came. And she smirked and said, “My daughter calls me whenever she has hiccups and when I ask her to prove it, she never can.”

And that was weird. But later that night, I got hiccups AGAIN, so I said to my boyfriend, “I HAVE HICCUPS.” and he said “Yeah, you do.” And I said, “No, ask me to prove it.” And he gave me a look like I was a crazy person, and I hiccuped again and insisted he ask me to prove it and he did and BAM. I couldn’t do it!

And a few days LATER, I got the hiccups WHILE DRIVING ALONE, and I said, out loud, “DUDE, I have the hiccups.” And then, in another voice, “PROVE IT.” And bam. Couldn’t do it.

The moral of the story? Apparently hiccups are little shits who refuse to perform on command. 

There you go. Hiccup cure. I can’t promise it’ll work for everyone, but so far, it’s worked for me like six times.

You’re welcome.

[notagiraffe]

My dad always did this. Weirdly, it worked

[astrojukebox]

“I’ll give you a hundred bucks if you hiccup again” also works

[michaelblume]

*opens pill botttle*

*opens water bottle*

*pours some water out into my hand*

“Wait. No, that’s…no.”

[kokonutwata]

i hate that “LOL SO IF WOMEN ARE EQUAL CAN I PUNCH YOU” shit bc 1 in 3 women are abused

y’all are already punching us

the issue is that we’d like you to stop

[cutegorl]

It’s totally okay to say “you know what, this isn’t making me happy” and to walk away from whatever or whoever is keeping you from the happiness you deserve

[c3po]

me halfway through unpacking the dishwasher when i get to the cutlery

[carlashawofficial-deactivated20]

This kid at school carried a freaking inflatable dolphin on a leash around all day

[carlashawofficial-deactivated20]

If this gets a 1000 notes I’ll put a picture of his dolphin on a t shirt and give it to him

[itacake]

do it for him

[somestraightartist]

*reblogs this 400 times*

[carlashawofficial-deactivated20]

GUYS I MADE THE SHIRT, I’m gonna give it to him tomorrow

Look at that smug lil turd

UPDATE: LOOK AT HOW HAPPY HE WAS

HE SCREAMED WHEN I GAVE IT TO HIM OMG

[emery-art-dump-thing]

I’m really glad that instead of making fun of him you have him a gift of something he likes.