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[stjohnstarling]

I'm in your house picking your shy, uptight man like a lock.

[stjohnstarling]

Like this, btw. ⬆️

[stjohnstarling]

@anarchafemme Congrats on being the funniest person on this post.

[stealthetrees]

What if human astronauts visit Erid one day and are doing diplomatic things and whatnot and they learn Ryland Grace is sstill alive and is in a terrarium. One of the astronauts jokingly says “you’re not experimenting on him are you” and the Eridians freeze cause yeah, they totally are. They experiment on him all the time. They’re experimenting on him right now in fact. They read about deep sea diving and are now testing the effects of replacing certain gases in Graces atmosphere. Right now they’re testing helium.

They send someone to stop the experiment but Grace refuses cause they’re so far in already and well that would just ruin the data.

The new humans think this is hilarious and insist on joining the experiment as Grace excitedly yaps about all the cool stuff he’s learned about aliens but he’s still got that high pitched helium voice.

[silvernevermind]

small town diner waitress voice: Omelas? Oh, oh no, easy mistake, you're in oh - MAY - las right now, with an A. Plenty' people get the name mixed up. Nope, no utopia here, just our small little town. *face gets really grim* We do still.. Okay well we do still have a kid that we... I mean it isn't working but- well- You know. It- It's fine. I'm sure it'll start working soon.

[vulcanette-deactivated20260506]

the new dj crazytimes song … now that’s what I call music!

[vedajuno]

[allthestarscantfillalifetime]

The over-pronunciation of every word is so spot on lol

[insomniac-arrest]

the road OUT of hell is also paved with good intentions. That’s just kind of the main road we’ve got

[bayesic-bitch]

If you read interviews with homicide cops, two things very quickly become clear

It is really not all that hard to get away with murder. A basic amount of foresight and prep will get rid of enough evidence that the police either won't find the killer or will be unable to make the charge stick.

Despite this, most murders do get solved, because someone who decides that murder is the solution to their problems is probably not the kind of person to be levelheaded and careful enough.

I think something very similar is true of sockpuppet accounts. It's not that hard to make a convincing sockpuppet. However, people almost always make sockpuppets as a way of defending their egos, of making it look like they have more support than they actually do. And this passionate defense of someone the sockpuppet ostensibly doesn't know and has no reason to care about is a dead giveaway. So if you want to validate a sockpuppet you have to lose an argument to it. You have to get owned. Once it makes you look like an idiot, basically no one will ever suspect it again.

Unfortunately, by posting this, I've burned my only chance to actually do it. From now on, whenever you see me getting dunked on, you'll assume it's staged sockpuppet validation. and you'd be right. i have never lost an argument on this website. every single one was staged. i did not get owned. i did not get owned.

[seren-starlight]

Cities are so awesome. More people should live in them

[belvira]

She balled so hard they banned her from ballin.

[sob-dylan]

to me, stringer and avon feel like the couple in which one partner wants kids and the other doesn't, but they still get married because they each think the other will eventually change their mind. and then, naturally, one of them kills the other's nephew.

[gameraboy]

“He seems to have his hand in a lot of things around here”

– Kermit the Frog discussing Jim Henson

[st-just]

whenever I'm informed that a given functionality or option is only available on the mobile app I'm filled with a monetary urge to defenestrate the nearest software developer.

Just make a functional fucking website, goddamn.

[scribefindegil]

I'm still thinking about the guy who saw me realize my wheelchair wouldn't fit in the elevator because he (also a wheelchair user) was already inside it and immediately quipped, "This elevator ain't accessible enough for the both of us."

[zxid]

collection

[fishlung8877]

[unknought]

Higgledy piggledy, turning and turning as gyres are widening, centers unheld,

things fall apart and there’s anarchy everywhere; falcons fly freely and can’t be compelled.

Dimming the tide there is blood in the water and everywhere customs of innocence drowned.

Held by the worst is a fervent intensity; lacking conviction the best run aground.

Surely there must be some kind of apocalypse; surely epiphany must be at hand!

Visions unbidden from Spiritus Mundi of something awakening out on the sand:

Head of a man with a leonine frame and a pitiless gaze that’s as blank as the sun;

sleep became nightmare by passage of centuries long before eons of slumber were done.

Higgledy piggledy, beast of antiquity, imminent, just as the prophecies warn,

shambling slowly but revelatorily, slouching towards Bethlehem, there to be born.

[eliolikesapricots]

[misanthropymademe]

gonna upgrade from sternly gesturing to people at zebras to start walking to shouting that hesitation is weakness and they should take their right of way without flinching

[danielkanhai]

i hate when apps know that i’m screenshotting something. when i screenshot something, that’s me acting outside your realm of understanding, app. i am beyond what you consider the observable universe. you’re not supposed to perceive me. we don’t know when god screenshots the earth. we don’t know when he’s like, “okay i’m just gonna take a pic in case i ever want to add dinosaurs back to something later and don’t remember how.” and if we did, we wouldn’t act all smug about it like, “hey, you wanna share that post? you could just click here to share it.” no, man. you didn’t catch me. i screenshotted this for my own reasons. what’s next? i can’t take a photo of my computer screen with my phone out of laziness without being shamed by the printer i don’t own?