hey lesbian-gender, we thought you were dead!!!
I’m not dead I’m just tired of discourse ! I’m gonna keep it real with you chief now that I’ve remembered this blog exists I might deactivate it.
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@lesbian-gender
hey lesbian-gender, we thought you were dead!!!
I’m not dead I’m just tired of discourse ! I’m gonna keep it real with you chief now that I’ve remembered this blog exists I might deactivate it.
im genderfluid and i usually feel like a girl or nb but sometimes i feel like a boy. can i still call myself a lesbian?
djsjhdfk I haven’t been active on this blog in like a year F but here’s the thing-- if you’re a man or man-aligned, you can’t be lesbian. It’s up to you and your perception of your gender if you feel like your connection to being a woman is enough that you’re a lesbian. In general tho, I’d say if you’re a dude, it’s a pretty good rule of thumb you’re not a lesbian
Men tw, vomit tw but like last week a guy threw up on me after half a beer and then after I left he told my sister I was hot. After she explained I was a lesbian he said well if she changes her mind. Like men sure do have one thing: the audacity. Like yeah man if I happen to change my mind, I'mma go after the guy who not only puked on me but said he relates to the joker like damn, a catch.
I’m not active on this blog anymore but I feel you on a spiritual level
lesbians who use they or even he pronouns dont have to explain themselves to anyone, shame on yall for gushing over butch women or trans women every chance u get but as soon as one of us has a complicated relationship with gender and express that thru our preferred pronouns we get accused of not being “woman” enough for lesbian identity
girlhood is so traumatic, especially as a young lesbian. being abused for something you don’t even know is part of you yet, because other people somehow notice it before you do.
no wonder so many of us feel disconnected from womanhood, and the only connection we have with it is our lesbianism, our ability to love women as women ourselves.
this is why being a nonbinary lesbian is a thing. why she/her pronouns may feel alien, hurtful, reminding us of difficult times, even sometimes provoking dysphoria.
respect nonbinary lesbians, respect lesbians who go by they/them, he/him or other sets of pronouns, respect lesbians who deal with dysphoria. we are wonderful and strong.
non-lesbians can and should reblog this post
LET ME SPELL THIS OUT FOR YOU:
for a lot of lesbians, gender is confusing and difficult. for a lot of lesbians, being a “girl” in our society means looking a certain way, dressing in a certain way, acting a certain way, and loving men.
for a lesbian, to love women goes against being a “woman” so many lesbians feel disconnected from the label of “woman.” in our society, if i were to tell you that i was a woman, the inherent association with that is that i am attracted to men.
hence why many, including myself, are nonbinary women. we still feel connected to womanhood, whether that be due to our own love for women or otherwise, but we dont feel tied to “being a woman.”
For me and many others, being a lesbian is inherently tied to my gender and sexuality. I love women because im a woman. I’m a woman because I love women. lesbian IS my gender. I am, at the very core of my being, a lesbian. so to suggest that because we have a disconnect from the western definition of “woman” that we aren’t actually wlw, its an insult to our identity as lesbians.
i feel like blind, disabled or deaf lesbians don’t get any positivity or love because i don’t think i’ve ever seen a post on tumblr for them so this is for every single lesbian who’s blind, disabled or deaf because y’all are beautiful and deserve so so much love 💕💖💞💘💗💕💕💗
what a great day to remember there is nothing predatory about being sapphic, checking out women, and flirting with women. you don’t have male gaze and there’s nothing dirty or wrong with loving girls
There r like sooooo many issues that pertain to like lesbian dating that like no one talks about…like what happens when you date a woman with a different body type than you…what happens when you’re a woc dating a white woman and vice versa…the way you inherently think desire dirty unless it’s reciprocated which I think is why everyone is so fixated on dating…like people are sooooooo fixated on minute political aspects of identity like who can say gay and all this dumb shit…but no one ever talks about the reality of dating women
Lesbianism isn’t cookie cutter
It’s okay to be a butch attracted to femmes and other butches
It’s okay to be a femme attracted to butches and other femmes
It’s okay to be a butch and be exclusively attracted to femmes
It’s okay to be a femme and be exclusively attracted to butches
It’s okay to be a butch exclusively attracted to other butches
It’s okay to be a femme exclusively attracted to other femmes
Remember:
It’s okay to have preferences.
You are allowed to have them.
It’s okay to not have preferences.
It’s okay to be you.
You are allowed to be you.
Sometimes it can feel lonely being a lesbian, especially if you're not out irl. Just remember that you're not alone, you're not gross, and everything will be okay. Just keep moving forward.
girls of color??? cute. chubby girls??? cute. disabled girls??? cute. neurodivergent girls??? cute. trans girls??? cute. all girls??? cute. youre all cute. i love you
Do you know how many young girls identify with the word gay because this society treats “lesbian” as something bad and sexual and dirty and secret. Honestly fuck that , and dear twelve year old self : lesbian is not a bad word it’s a beautiful one
things I wish someone had told me when I was recently coming to terms with being a woman who isn’t straight:
1) if your first relationship with a girl is messy and you don’t know how to go about it because you had little to no models of healthy w/w relationships around you, and you struggle and struggle and it doesn’t work out and ends badly, it doesn’t mean you’re straight or should’ve stayed straight. it doesn’t mean you’re never going to be happy with a woman. if your first experience, or second experience, or third experience with women isn’t the rosy picture of bliss without any problems or struggles that you pictured it would be, it just means you’re human. don’t hold the concept of relationships with other women up on a pedestal to be perfection; it’s wonderful and great to be with women but it might not save you from the things that are wrong in your life like you fantasized about when you were first coming to grips with your sexuality and it definitely won’t be without struggle because interpersonal relationships aren’t ever without struggle and growth and change.
2) that feeling of panic and “I’m going to be alone forever I’m never going to find another woman who loves me or “I’m not xyz like other gay/bi girls why would anyone want to be my girlfriend” is a normal feeling. no, you aren’t going to be alone forever, but feeling that way is something that nearly every one of us goes through.
3) you may find yourself idolizing the first relationship you have with another woman, you’re so relieved to have that “I’m going to be alone forever” feeling gone and that your sexuality is Real and Validated that you put all of your eggs in that basket and forget that there’s even a possibility of it ending. you might find yourself terrified of that one relationship ending, or have it end and feel like you can’t be alive anymore because the happiness had been so intense. if you’re someone who is also attracted to men, you might feel like these feelings are more intense or more overpowering than any time you’ve been in love before. if you aren’t attracted to men this might have been the first time you felt that way about anyone. and you might find yourself feeling irrationally paranoid that someone’s going to take it away from you. if you break up with your first girlfriend you might find yourself more depressed or angry than you’ve ever been about a breakup before. you’re going to be ok even if this relationship ends. you don’t just get one chance at happiness with a woman. it’s like any other breakup, it’ll suck but you will be alright. take a step back. realize what is healthy and unhealthy about the ways you are dealing. make new ties, heal, grow.
3) if a woman ever treats you abusively it’s ok to call it abuse, and some people in your so-called radical women’s spaces are going to ostracize you for it like the hypocrites they are. some so-called radicals especially in certain separatist spaces are gonna push logic that tells u that abuse is a “just a straight people thing”, that being/staying with a girl is something you do to be radical, not to be happy, and if you “really love women” then gay relationships won’t require any work and will automatically last forever / last longer / be healthy - those are lies, those are idealizations. although yes heterosexuality can propagate more chance of abuse due to misogyny, abuse is not Just a straight people thing, anyone can be an abuser. your abuser doesn’t get let off the hook because she’s also a woman. call it abuse. cut ties with the people who try to push back against that. cut ties with the people who tell you that your sexuality is better as a function of radicalness than of building happy, healthy relationships. realize that any relationship will take work and have flaws. make new ties, heal, grow.
4) it’s ok to not be experienced and to not know what to do. not knowing how flirting, dating, sex, etc is going to be and being nervous about that is a place where all of us are at one point - lesbians and bi women aren’t a herd of super confident, experienced people who are all going to laugh at you or turn you down because you don’t know what you’re doing. it can be intimidating to put yourself out there but you’re allowed to exist in the LGBT dating world / social scene without being experienced, I know that’s a common worry.
5) you don’t have to be attracted to every gay girl you meet, that’s not a reason to second guess your attraction to women. you don’t have to be attracted to or say yes to first girl who asks you out or flirts with you. you don’t have to fall in love with the first girl you like, or the first girl you date. you might feel pressured to hurry up and get into a relationship with a woman, once again to “validate” or “prove” your sexuality but you don’t have to rush to do that. if you come out and don’t find a woman you want to be in a serious relationship with for years that’s ok. if you’re sexually attracted to women and you come out and you don’t have your first sexual experience with a woman for age that’s ok. you should go on dates with / have sex with / get into relationships with people because you’re attracted to them, you want to, you’re excited about it, not because you’re trying to fill a hole where you think certain experiences should go ASAP. if Get A Girlfriend Right Now is your core goal you’re going to end up forcing yourself into interactions that aren’t sincere, which is not only dishonest but also doesn’t help at ALL with the whole second-guessing if you like women internalized homophobia thing.
6) if you have unrequited feelings for someone you’re not evil, you’re not pathetic and you’re not going to spend your whole life unhappy and stuck. best friends, straight women, people who live far away from you.. sometimes it can seem like you can’t seem to fall for someone in your reach. that’s normal too. you won’t be stuck forever. and you aren’t terrible, you aren’t predatory or a burden, your feelings aren’t a curse on those around you. you’re a person.
this is is ok to reblog and add on to if you have other tips / things that you want to say; I just wanted to make a post reaching out to women who a) recently realized their sexuality, b) have known their sexuality but don’t have much experience or c) are feeling isolated or unsure of themselves.
Seeing older lesbians also feels very healing. I will exist beyond youth
You don’t have to be femme to be a valid lesbian.
You don’t have to be butch to be a valid lesbian.
You don’t have to identify as femme just because you’re feminine.
You don’t have to identify as butch just because you’re masculine*.
There is more to being butch and more to being femme than just aesthetics, and if you’re neither, that’s okay.
You’re not less of a lesbian for being neither butch nor femme. If you feel like an extra label helps you feel better about yourself, then by all means use it. But lesbians should not be pressured and forced to identify as butch, femme, “futch”, or any other descriptor.
If someone asks you if you’re butch or femme, do not be ashamed to reply, “neither”. You are not less of a lesbian because of it.
*I use “masculine” to describe the traits society attributes to men. Butches are not men, and butches are not trying to be men. They’re women with a non-conforming view of their own femininity.
Lesbians are not predatory for loving women. Women are not predatory for loving women. Your sexuality does not make you predatory.