Less Correcting ~ More Connecting

My mind vomit about my journey to becoming a social worker whilst battling with the more mundane aspects of my life: trying to grow Rapunzel hair, trying to lose weight... and trying to crochet! I'm useless. If you don't believe this, just follow the trail of mind vomit and see for yourself!

[less-correcting-more-connec-blog]

[less-correcting-more-connec-blog]

[less-correcting-more-connec-blog]

lovemisscasanova replied to your post: Lectures, Lectures and More Lectures

A little coco-cola when you are expecting isn’t going to have a huge impact on a child. (unless you have gestational diabetes). Caffeine in general is something you should limit when pregnant but studies haven’t show it leading to any huge defects

Yeah, I actually read that I could have 5 small glasses of Coke in comparison to 2 cups of tea to stay within my 200mg recommended maximum of caffeine. So tea is actually worse for me that the Coke. 

I don't drink it that often anyway, though I did forget that my friend had recommended some smoothies to me that I haven't yet tried. Not even looked at the recipes properly yet. I'm a terrible friend! 

[less-correcting-more-connec-blog]

Lectures, Lectures and More Lectures

You'd think I was back at uni... but I'm not. It's just my friend going on and on at me about being healthy. Because I'm pregnant I'm not allowed to drink Coca-Cola any more. Anyone who knows me will know that I will struggle with this, but I have actually been doing quite well. I did admit to having some Coke today though.

She's insisting that she is going to send me some smoothie recipes. Well if she does go to all that effort then obviously I am going to have to make one and see if it is better than Coca-Cola. I'm sure it will be healthier than Coke, but it has to be more pleasurable as well otherwise it just isn't going to satisfy me. 

And NOTHING is better than Coca-Cola. Apart from my unborn baby's health of course. So the smoothies might just win after all...

I'm going to go and have a nap. I'll see what she comes up with when I'm next online. 

[less-correcting-more-connec-blog]

So

I've been away for the past 5 days so I've not been on here to say much. 

I did manage to finish my report, just not with the input of my "practice educator". I'm going to start saying "practice educator" in inverted commas because it seems more apt to make a mockery of the title in the same way that she has. Anyway, I've written a report, it is ready to print out and send in ASAP. Sadly I don't have all of the documents that I am meant to send in but I guess I'll just have to live with that. 

I had my 12 week scan before I went away and my baby looks happy. I even got a little wave, which made me laugh and the probe bounce up and down on my tummy making the baby difficult to actually see for a minute! I have two lovely pictures of my scan now but they have my name on them and could be identified by people who know me even with that detail, so I'll have to keep them off here I'm afraid :( Never mind though. 

I'm so pleased that all is well. I just want to put the placement behind me now. Onwards and upwards from here on. And outwards thanks to my bump!

[less-correcting-more-connec-blog]

:(

I'm really struggling to write my report. The anxiety is eating away at me and I just can't face it right now. I'm halfway through but I feel like the half that I have managed to write is just bollocks. 

Why does it have to be so hard?

I just want to curl up and pretend I don't exist. 

To add to my anxiety I've been told that social work students don't get the maternity bursary that other NHS-funded students get so I don't know what I'm going to do financially. I guess I need to enquire about that. 

And we're trying to get a house but we're struggling to get a mortgage. The house went back on the market today so I'm really hoping that we can sort out something ASAP and hopefully not lose it. It is a beautiful house and I'd love my baby to have a home like that. My boyfriend is trying to sort it out with his parents to get the mortgage for it. Hopefully something good will happen for us. 

Maybe we'll just have to find somewhere else. 

I feel overwhelmed right now with things that I need to do. I don't want to do any of it. 

[less-correcting-more-connec-blog]

Blogging

I've been pretty rubbish at blogging recently. Probably because you have to think carefully about what you say when you are "anonymous" because lots of little things can easily reveal who you are. 

But I need to talk about these things that are bothering me or I'm going to drive myself crazy. 

My placement ended prematurely. Although it was my choice I feel like it was forced upon me by the company I was on placement with. They weren't 100% supportive of me to say the least, and even now, a week after the placement has ended, they're still letting me down. They're not going to submit my final report in time, and I'm just glad that it is being sent directly to my uni tutor instead of to me to forward on with all my own work. 

I've had to complete feedback for the placement and it makes me sad that it has all had to be negative. I enjoyed working with my colleagues and the young people, but the form doesn't really give me the option to emphasise that, as its focus is on the placement as a learning experience, not a purely work-focused one. 

I'm glad I'm not there any more because my health was really suffering. It disappoints me though. If it had been a positive experience then I would've fought through the sickness and the stress to complete the full number of days I should have done. Instead they'll be added on to my next placement. I just hope that one is miles better than this one has been! 

[less-correcting-more-connec-blog]

On the edge of CAUTION

I've been feeling against blogging recently. I've realised how open I am to people figuring out who I am, and that's because of the crossover of my personal life with my social work life. It is too hard to try and maintain anonymity. I should wipe some posts from my blog that reveal too much and try to start afresh. But that takes time and I'm meant to actually be doing some work today. So far I've managed to procrastinate on Facebook for an hour. 

I'm going to make myself some breakfast and settle down to some reading. 

Eurgh my mouth suddenly started watering like I'm going to be sick at the thought of that. The breakfast, not the reading. 

[less-correcting-more-connec-blog]

imyourtarget replied to your post: :( :) :/ Lots of Different Feelings

Congrats on the pregnancy :3 and hope your placement goes by quick!

Thank you, me too! I've not got very long now but I've got a lot to cram into these last weeks so that'll either make it feel really quick or really short.

[less-correcting-more-connec-blog]

When Professionals Get Attached

My placement makes me so angry. I am working with a little boy who has really complex emotional and behavioural problems and I went to a meeting the day before yesterday with his social worker, psychologists, health professionals, education professionals etc and a colleague from the home, and we all agreed 100% that he is being "contained" rather than being able to develop and address his behaviour and other needs, and that ultimately he needs a therapeutic residential placement that can offer him this. 

To get him the funding for this the social worker requires evidence from all arms of the case (health, education and social care) in order to get that funding. Me and my colleague went home after our meeting and told our team leader what evidence we needed to collect and he suddenly seemed to react like a shutter had been pulled down. There is a lot of our paperwork "missing" for incidents of behaviour. He said we would have to pull it together ourselves rather than getting people who haven't done it to chase it up. We have agreed to do this because we both believe strongly that this home can't meet this boys needs and it means between the two of us rather than the whole team it is going to take a lot longer. 

Anyway I talked to another colleague yesterday who is quite new about an incident that I noticed wasn't logged in what we call an "IRS" (Information Record Sheet), which is what we use to record any information of any concerning behaviours or big incidents. She told me that she had been told "not to log it as it will be used to get him moved" so it wasn't logged in any of our paperwork. Bear in mind that our paperwork should be reflecting everything that goes on as they are legal documents and cover us if any allegations should arise or any of this information is required in court (or to acquire bloody funding that these young people might need!). I said to her  "it wasn't (such and such a person) was it?" naming the team leader directly and she said yes! So my suspicions have been further confirmed! 

I'm so angry that someone could put their own attachments to a little boy before addressing his needs. I have had suspicions of this before when I mentioned his attachment disorder (which psychologists have highlighted, not the company I work for) and the same team leader shrugged it off and started saying that these people through around these phrases. That might be so, but this little boy has very significant issues. Only the other day he seriously assaulted a female member of staff (not sexually, but potentially life threateningly and she was lucky to overpower him before it got to that point). 

I fear that when he stops being a cute little boy with violent and aggressive behaviour (he is primary school age) and he is a violent and aggressive teenager that doesn't want to do little boy things any more then these attached staff members will soon get bored and give up on trying to keep containing the behaviour. And by that point time will have been wasted that could have been used in a therapeutic residential setting addressing the behaviour. 

I need to work really hard in the last few weeks of my placement to ensure that this little boy isn't done a disservice by us, even though it is completely unreasonable that I am taking on such a responsibility when it should be a team effort supported 100% by my team leader. Sadly I am scared to find out what the management team intend for him, because I'm scared that they will want to keep him as a result of thinking he is cute and being pressurised to keep beds full because of the income it generates.

[less-correcting-more-connec-blog]

:( :) :/ Lots of Different Feelings

I've not written on here for a while and that's probably because my life has been turned upside down recently by my recent discovery that I am pregnant. Being pregnant isn't a bad thing though, just a slightly distracting thing that is hard to escape, especially when you feel like you want to throw up 24/7. 

I'm well past the halfway point of my placement now but I still have a month to go. A month isn't a long time at all. I have a few things planned for the young people that I work with, but not loads in the grand scheme of things. I've got someone interested in coming to do a talk with the young people, I've got some details for a possible activity out of the home that we could do (but it does cost money so they may say no)... and an activity in the home that will cost around £20 to do with one of the boys in particular. 

I've done a fair bit of work on the Olympics with the young people and tried really hard to keep motivated and focused. I don't really get much stimulation from my placement though which is a shame. I feel like I'm not being taught anything by my practice educator, and that defeats the point of them being called an "educator" really. 

I'm disappointed about how my placement has been as a whole, but I suppose it has been overshadowed by my growing baby and I just can't wait for it to end now so I can focus on that new chapter in my life. And my dissertation. I am VERY excited about my dissertation! 

I've got to go and get myself to work now on the bus. I don't appear to be feeling too sick today so that is a help. My practice educator wants to look through some of my work. I wish she would give me more heads up on when she wants to do my supervisions or look over my work. Especially when I've not looked at the file for a few days and it might not be up to date since I was last there, or people might have moved things around without me knowing. I'll just have to wait and see. 

Have a nice day :) 

[talesilivetotell-blog]

Be sure to read everything in the pictures. This woman, Chelsea, is my older cousins girlfriend or fiance. She is one of the most strongest girls I’ve ever known. This guy she dated, that’s dead now, did this to her. Gave her these scars. There should be no fucking man on earth that hits a woman. This is fucking disgusting. It makes me sick. Just so fucking horrible.  Reblog if you think this is wrong. I don’t know what to say to reblog this. But this shit is wrong. Help stop abuse.  

[summerbarefootbluejeannight]

I will reblog whenever I see something like this on my dash. Women like her (as well as men who’ve been abused) are the strongest people alive. All the pain i’ve been through is nothing compared to what they’ve been through.

[less-correcting-more-connec-blog]

Nobody should have to live in fear of violence. Everyone should be loved. 

[did-you-know]

Source

[less-correcting-more-connec-blog]

This reaffirms why I hate dolphins. Evil. Pure evil. 

[less-correcting-more-connec-blog]

Chuck Norris

I've just read a news article about Chuck Norris wanting to keep gay people excluded from participating with the Scouts Association. Obviously this is a worrying thing to be saying in this day and age, but what really is more concerning is the number of comments underneath the article which say things like:

"I don't mind gay people but I don't want it shoved in my child's face"

Or words to that effect. 

Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't think I know any gay people who purposefully hold hands or kiss in public for the benefit of nearby children. Mostly because I don't think that sort of thing goes through the minds of straight people either when they show affection to each other in public. 

What really needs to change in this world is people being abusive to each other, especially in front of children. If I had to choose between a straight couple arguing in public and a gay couple kissing in public, both in the sight of children, I'd pick the gay couple every time. 

Being gay shouldn't be seen as something that is offensive. It is just different. Difference should be celebrated and embraced by adults who are meant to be role models for children. 

[less-correcting-more-connec-blog]

A New Chapter

It isn't really a new chapter. More of a... appendix to the current one. I've decided to get involved with the Children's Rights independent visiting scheme. I figure it will be a way to continue my placement (first and with looked after children in a children's home) right up to my graduation (after my second placement which doesn't even begin until January and lasts 120 days A.K.A. forever). 

Independent Visiting (for anyone who might be interested) is a sort of befriending/listening/advocating type role for looked after children, often who don't have much or any contact with external family/friends to where they are living. You get to know one young person, have fun with them, listen to them, support them at their review meetings if they want you there, and generally you just be there for when they need you to be there, though you agree how often you see each other with them obviously so they have realistic expectations. If you are interested just Google 'Independent Visitor' and the name of your local council and find out more. 

I would like to work with looked after children once I have graduated but I suppose I have another placement yet and that might end up being my calling in life or something. I would like to work in mental health for the second one I think but I'm not entirely sure. A lot of people might request something like that and then I might end up with a rubbish placement. Hopefully by then though I will also be able to drive. Fingers crossed. 

I am meant to be getting ready right now to go out but I thought I should share this with you first. I also want to point out that my anxiety has been at a high this week and I'm unsure why. I feel behind on my paperwork for my placement, and I've been given a fellow students key roles evidence to help me out but I'm disappointed that her university only do the first 3 key roles, so naturally it was only 'halfway helpful'. Still, every little helps and all that jazz. I need my practice educator to look at them and see what I have done. 

I want to do some group work with the young people but I'm unsure what. The student I'm on placement with is extremely good at that sort of thing and I don't want to look inferior next to her! I shouldn't really be thinking of it like that though because I know it isn't really like that. She'd probably help me out anyway because she is that kind of person. 

I should really go and get ready now. I'm going to have to start blogging more or you're going to start wondering whether this really is a social work blog or whether I'm just here and happen to be a student social worker. If that makes sense. Social work is actually consuming my life, it just doesn't transfer on to here very much because I'm busy worrying about other elements of me being a student social worker! 

[less-correcting-more-connec-blog]

Struggles

Since I've moved from one home to another my anxiety problems seem to be reducing. However, today I feel anxious again and I do know why. I'm worrying about my key roles and completing the evidence for them. I'm lacking motivation to fill in the details. 

Thing is, I don't want to think about the first half of my placement. I want to move on from it now and almost pretend it didn't even happen. I don't even want to write about it right now.

I don't feel like I am becoming the social worker that I want to be. Since starting my placement I have been feeling less and less like a social worker. 

[less-correcting-more-connec-blog]

Theory

I am really falling behind when it comes to social work theory. I had a book suggested to me and I haven't bothered buying it, but I am beginning to think that maybe I should.