oh darling

 pretty in the way that takes your breath away, but only after it's too late 

[lettersofanangel]

You write beautifully my love 💕

Oh my god it’s been years and this is so nice to log into 🫶

[lettersofanangel]

I’ve been lost at sea

And it’s be so easy to jump aboard

your strong arms

and stop

Treading water

Because in all honesty

my darling

I’m fucking exhausted

But if you were to leave me behind

I won’t survive

Not this time

And how is that fair

To your blue eyes that can drown me

from miles away

Tell me you’re missing me

Tell me I’m not the only one pining

Tell me those three words that are insane to say this early

[lettersofanangel]

I can’t see through the mist

It’s a different storm now

I can’t keep grabbing onto one crutch after the next

I can’t think of what my own face looks like

What a mess

And it’s not his job to clean it

He can’t take care of you like this

I think I’ll just lay here for a while

Until I can breathe

If that ever happens again

[lettersofanangel]

I feel like a ghost

made of has beens and almosts

wilted flowers and windy night

keeps me awake and tired

So tired

I’m exhausted

living is exhausting

the cracks have become crevices

the crevices have completely split

you left me broken

you left me

[lettersofanangel]

I think it’s time

to run away

nobody needs to know

that I’ll end up in the bed

of a ravine

I’ll lose the weight of you

of all the bullshit weighing me down

all the tears in the world

haven’t helped

maybe some freezing cold water will

[lettersofanangel]

I’ve been sad

So so sad

And I can’t

Say anything

Beyond that

I laid in the bath

And then the floor of the kitchen

And then the chair you used to fall asleep in

I never knew I was so weak

I never knew you were so cruel

I’ve never known sadness like this

I’m never going to feel sadness beyond this

Have you ever hurt like the crevice between your ribs are going to swallow you whole

Have you ever cried so hard the neighbours called the cops

I guess I’ll be go be quiet now

[lettersofanangel]

I’ve been sad

So so sad

And I can’t

Say anything

Beyond that

I laid in the bath

And then the floor of the kitchen

And then the chair you used to fall asleep in

I never knew I was so weak

I never knew you were so cruel

I’ve never known sadness like this

I’m never going to feel sadness beyond this

Have you ever hurt like the crevice between your ribs are going to swallow you whole

Have you ever cried so hard the neighbours called the cops

I guess I’ll be go be quiet now

[lettersofanangel]

He can take a knife

and run it through me

over and over

which I suppose

he already has

The point is that

I would let him

I have let him

And I don’t know how to stop

[lettersofanangel]

“Most people have monsters on their tails, but you are something special. You have a flair for the dramatics, and you have fooled everyone, except for me. I know you. You’re not running from any monsters. You are the monster.”

— excerpt from the book I’m writing #1 

[lettersofanangel]

“I remember being in the meadow with you, and your laugh that was indistinguishable from the melted chocolate on the strawberries we brought but forgot about in the midst of chasing butterflies. Don’t pick me the flowers baby, let them live, let them bloom. Let me count the freckles on your nose, the flecks in your eyes, and we can argue over if the universe had plans for us or if this is just how the stardust settled. You never want to settle down, nor live some already led life. But my darling, there’s nothing new in this world anymore.”

— we’ll all be gone one day but the stars will remember us, here, laughing all the dust out of our tired lungs

[lettersofanangel]

I didn’t know what they meant

when they said

all’s fair in love and war

until you took this heart

and used it as ammunition

until I’m too broken to ever be whole again

and you get a hero’s welcome

champagne and she’s all over you

I’m so far gone

I’m sorry to my mother

for being so careless with this body that she grew with her own

I’m going to bleed out

but who cares

all’s fair in love and war

[lettersofanangel]

I’m exhausted

absolutely fucking exhausted

I can feel another wave coming

and I can’t cry because I’m exhausted

so I’ll turn around in my bed to the side where you must have let her sleep

and just feel exhausted

until I feel nothing at all

[lettersofanangel]

It hurts it hurts hurts

Everywhere.

[lettersofanangel]

Is it me

Did I turn you into this monster.

Did I make you point the pistol into this chest.

I’m bursting at the seams yet I’m so goddamn empty.

I’m full of how could yous and why did yous and none of it matters.

Turns out I don’t matter.

Turns out the warmest place I’ve ever known is also the coldest.

I can’t fucking breathe.

[lettersofanangel]

I can’t breathe

knowing I have broken myself

for you

[lettersofanangel]

No. No. No.

I am not a winter flower on your pedestal,

I may be broken and numb and stranded in the dark,

But I am not yours to save.

[lettersofanangel]

Be gentle,

I haven’t been whole since July.

Be soft,

Every time I’m touched I feel as if I could shatter into a million pieces right then and there.

Be quiet,

I’m sorry I don’t mean to be rude but I’m so lonely yet so overstimulated, I have lost my sanity.

Be mine,

Everyone I’ve ever loved has hurt me, thrown me, burnt me, destroyed me. I can’t be yours yet for I’m not yet my own enough, but I can eat candy and feel the way your breath quickens when you’re near.

I won’t ask you to wait, but just for today, will you be here?