button-up

Imagination has given man flexibility; but in doing so, has robbed him of contentment.

[leuc]

personal account of nobody in particular. 20+ years old. will post about my day to day and my experiences with mental health. it's nice to meet you.

stpd, with avpd and szpd features. fantasy-prone and maladaptive daydreamer.

i am prone to deleting accounts, so i may not be online forever. this is a sideblog, so any interactions will be from another account.

userboxes : icon : banner : art

[godtrauma]

my ultimate fantasy is to have a brain and body that allows me to enjoy being alive

[avoidrant]

playing a game of: am i depressed or having an avoidant episode? or depressed because im having an episode? or maybe im depressed and that’s causing me to have an episode? or maybe —

[hollanderthoughts]

it’s okay guys I’m literally as normal as a person in my situation can be

[eclogues]

i havent done anything or been anyone ever

[floofyflooftheallmighty]

maybe if i just stop talking and interacting with people for the rest of my life ill feel better

[luci-notactuallyshortforlucifer]

how it feels having the deep seated belief that you're inherently unlovable and insufferable so every friendship you make is just a matter of time until they get tired of you and leave

[leuc]

i miss the friends who would stay with me all of the time. but it's okay. my friend is here again.

[gawdland]

'my words dont make sense' i say on the site where words make no sense

[entity56]

i think what people struggle fundamentally to understand is that schizophrenic and schizophrenic-adjacent people often hold so tightly to their delusions not just because that's the nature of delusions in and of themselves, but also because it's often the ONLY thing they can trust. (at very least in my experience if not a general thing. please correct me if i'm wrong.)

i implore you to imagine this for a second: you can't trust ANYTHING. you don't know what's real or fake. there are a bunch of different people and things shouting different ideas and opinions at you at all times all day every day and you dont know what to believe. it's like having a blindfold put on while people spin you rapidly in a chair and then let you go to stumble towards a moving goalpost.

it's not just opinions, either. it's people, and yourself. but let's focus on the former for a second. you don't know who to trust anymore. this black and white way of thinking makes you suspicious of everybody, because in your mind, you HAVE to be. otherwise you trust the wrong person and get hurt. it's like BPD in that way.

and you can't trust yourself, either.

so eventually, something comes along that, to you, feels like Undeniable Truth. in the case of delusions, it's not actually True, but you can't (fully) convince your mind of that, regardless of who or what tells you it isn't real. your mind has clutched to that truth like a vice because it's the first truth you could actually rely on in a while. it's security in a world that doesn't otherwise have it, regardless of how unpleasant the delusion is. a little part of you, conscious or subconscious, takes comfort in it.

that's why delusions are such a struggle. it's not just 'ooh i got abducted by aliens hehe i'm crazy'. delusions are both a symptom and a coping mechanism for other symptoms. at very least for me.

[mediedits]

buttons about reality checking i made for fun! the stpd flag is in the background

[nopointinname]

Cluster a culture is being suspicious and somewhat convinced and paranoid that others can read your mind and see into your internal world, especially if you:

a) tell them too much

b) don't control your facial expressions and body language

c) give accidental proof that you have..thoughts, feelings and are a real person *gasp*

[turboautistdog]

the thing about mental illness is everyone on the internet talks about stigma and oppression and everyone in research talks about symptoms and diagnosing and nobody talks about treatment. nobody talks about recovery. you google treatment for any disorder and its "CBT and medication". you google self-help for any disorder and its "meditate and drink water". you google "(disorder) resources" and theres like 3 results. it often takes me hours to put together support resource masterlists just because nobody even talks about that aspect of it so i have to really dig to find anything. obviously stigma and oppression are important to talk about but why are we barely talking about recovery and self help and teaching each other symptom management and swapping tips + tricks and making resources and sharing experiences and writing books + essays + poetry and giving each other hope and supporting each other and

[kachua-titli]

what doesn't kill you makes you vent on tumblr

[insaneinpink]

⋆｡‧˚ʚ🎀ɞ˚‧｡⋆

[mossy-muncher]

I'm not a good person (remembers morality isn't binary and neither am I) I'm barely a person at all (remembers I shouldn't be self negative) but someday I'll be perfect (remembers that I'm human and I make mistakes) and I'll make up for it all

[yellow-cat]

(voice of a person spiralling) its embarrassing but i still havent figured out if its ok for me to be alive