[lezshimi]

˚˖𓍢ִ໋ welcome to my blog !

┊𐙚 name : JJ

┊𑣲⋆ pronouns : they/them

┊ ◟ main blog : @jayrrow

┊ ⁺. asks : open!

┊ quick links :

fic request rules

fic masterlist

(the rest of this will be edited eventually ok i just gave up)

[masterlists]

the pitt fic masterlist

[my tags]

tbd

[boundaries]

dms: open

@: allowed

asks: open and encouraged!

fic request rules

[other socials]

ao3: artbyvis (pseud: lezshimi)

twt: lezshimi

all dividers by @pixopix !

[timelooplesbianlesbianlooptime]

baran feeling like she constantly has to prove herself as an attending, on top of that having a son to take care of, thus ignoring her own needs, to the point of having debilitating belly aches and almost passing out in the er

trinity being the only one around to notice and forcing her to take a beat, reassuring her she doesn’t see her as weak or lesser :((

[lezshimi]

I’m so curious, is there a story behind ‘Cannibalism’ specifically being included on the list of things you won’t write? Are people often asking you to write about cannibalism?

there is a reason, and it's (fortunately?) not people asking me to write it LOL

i have a few friends who like writing (consensual!!! kinky!!!!) cannibalism and they've talked about it a bunch of times so i'm very aware of its existence and popularity.

the reason i won't write it is because i have pseudo-trauma from a lucid dream i had a couple years back. which, i'm aware may not be a rational reason, but when i say lucid i truly mean lucid

(though, as i said in that same post, i'm pretty chill regarding everything so i'd probably still write cannibalism if someone asked me to.)

[lezshimi]

sometimes i forget people just,, don't like characters that are mean or sarcastic based on those surface qualities.

sometimes i forget people take everything at face value and don't analyze the characters and understand why they are that way.

[lezshimi]

"barantos doesnt make sense" "all the fics are ooc" "yall love to villanize garcia" "baran would never do xyz" "trinity would never do xyz"

so, i dont know, maybe consider that these people aren't writing for you. they're not aiming to write The Perfect Fic that appeals to everyone. they're doing this for free, for themselves, and to an audience who thinks similarly.

but yeah, get mad at them instead of writing what you think is "right". criticise and complain about fan works instead of creating your own. that'll solve your issue for sure!

[lezshimi]

i’ve been thinking about trinity a lot these past few days. which is probably not a good thing knowing me, but. i need to pour my thoughts somewhere so,

[cw: self harm]

trinity relapsing on a perfectly good, normal day. nothing is wrong, nothing hurts, she’s happy and everyone else is too. nothing happens but she still relapses.

it’s not even because she feels like hurting herself. she doesn’t go deep, doesn’t go past a few. she doesn’t cry, doesn’t shake, doesn’t stare at the blade after. she does it, throws the blade away and moves on with her day. simple as that.

and it’ll always keep being simple, even when she’s old and has gone through years of therapy. even when she’s been clean for decades. even when she’s gotten past her triggers and doesn’t even feel the urge to do it.

she just does.

[lezshimi]

i think someone crushed a garsanshimi pill and mixed it into my coffee this morning

[lastlivinglostcause]

barantos decompressing after a longgggg day of work… @_@ (sfw, so much fluff!!!!!!)

they both get home, and trinity can barely function. Baran has to lug her around just to make sure she doesn’t fall asleep without her washing off all the hospital musk . Trinity nearly lets out a whine, just begging for Baran to let her go to bed, that she’s soooooo sleepy and will shower in the morning… and baran just flat out refuses, the mom in her insisting she showers, and that she’ll just throw something in the oven for them to eat and be right there..

So eventually Trinity obliges, stripping her clothes off and discarding them lazily on the floor, certain that Baran will not be happy about it, but too tired to care. It’s only when she already has the water on that she remembers her forgotten towel and change of clothes, slumping herself against the cold shower tiles, hoping Baran will remember them as she dips her head under the stream of hot water.

the shower door is now laced with steam, but Trinity can still spot the unmistakable figure of Baran strutting to the shower, undressing. She hears her complain about her clothes on the floor, saying that there’s a hamper in the washroom for a reason, but there’s no real bite in it. She opens the shower door with a gust of cool air, swallowing Trinity, causing her half-asleep body to shiver as Baran walks in. Cooing reassurances at her, its just me, Trinity. Didn’t mean to make you cold, why are you so far from i’m the water? She questions while ushering her under the stream more so, her hands landing at her shoulders as she rubs her hand into the tender flesh. A groan escapes from Trinity, along with the tension of the day.

She turns to look at Baran, who trails her hands down Trinity’s body until it wraps around her waist, pulling their bodies close together, skin to skin, faces inches apart. Trinity’s heavy eyes meet hers as she questions, how are you not nearly as tired as i am? to which Baran responds with a laugh, tugging and a loose strand of Trinity’s hair as she tucks it behind her ear. Because I wasn’t awake all night studying and consuming caffeine, my love. trinity’s head falls against Baran’s chest, capturing another chuckle from the attending.

As they (as in Baran assisting Trinity) slowly wash and dry themselves, Baran goes to retrieve a pizza from the oven, Trinity lugged over her side as her now slightly less sleepy eyes land on the pizza. Baran, you hate pizza. she frowns, turning to face her. Baran pecks her in the lips, hand coming to cup her cheek briefly before letting go from Trinity entirely, trailing to the fridge. I have leftovers from yesterday, Joonam. But I appreciate the concern.

As the two of them finish eating and eventually make their way to bed, Trinity is slightly more awake, no longer lugging herself around as an accessory of Baran. the two of them reach the bed and Baran makes Trinity wait before getting in, fixing the bedsheets and such before eventually allowing them both to hop into bed.

Trinity instinctively reaches for her phone, to which Baran comes up from behind her, placing her chin on Trinity’s shoulder. That blue light will kill you, Trinity. to which she smiles, a hand snaking to touch any part of her she can awkwardly reach. M’just checking on Huckleberry. He’s going to the farm, just wanted to make sure he made it there safe.

Baran hums, planting her lips against Trinity’s neck and sucking gently. Trinity giggles at that, putting her phone down and turning herself to face her. the two meet in a soft kiss, tenderly exploring each other after a long day. the kiss grows in urgency, Trinity growing more and more sloppy until she feels Baran stilling. She pulls herself back, her expression bewildered as she realizes Baran is drifting into sleep, her eyes heavy as she blinks them quickly.

are you seriously falling asleep right now? she laughs, which causes Baran to laugh as well, the tiredness laced within it. Trinity tugs her closer, allowing Baran to bury her face in her grasp as Trinity draws light circles on Baran’s back, coaxing her into a deeper sleep. Ok, ok.. let’s go to sleep. Trinity mutters quietly, her own eyes tiring again.

And it’s all new for the both of them, Trinity is finally letting herself be cared for in a way she hadn’t ever experienced, and Baran is learning how to find time for herself and what she loves without throwing herself in her work. The two of them work hand in hand to confront their biggest challenges… awwwwww <33333333

[lezshimi]

garsanshimi x whatever the fuck happened with gigi, alice and nat in tlwgq. thinks

[blueeyesshyskies]

Just sat bolt upright at the thought of a pitt yuri Oceans 8 au

[lezshimi]

i've been writing from trinity's pov so much that writing baran's feels impossible #sos

[lezshimi]

this might be a slightly controversial approach, but i think baran could have optimization ocd. it's not very well-known or studied because it isn't really ocd, but a pattern of obsessive-compulsive behaviour. it usually gets the label "workaholism" even if it can be life ruining and really fucking intense.

in baran's case, it'd develop in her teenage years. as a child with a deliberating illness, she did not have freedom. she couldn't help with chores, couldn't run outside with other kids. she wasn't allowed to live her life because it was deemed too dangerous.

so when she was a teenager and her seizures became manageable, she got that freedom. she could do and experience things just like anyone else. that triggered a need to do everything "while she still can". she followed through with her mother's failed legacy, graduated med school, worked overseas and in active warzones, got married, had a child. a regular life. but it wasn't enough, nothing ever is.

she has to be in control of herself and the people around her. if she slows down, it feels like she's back in her childhood bedroom, sitting by herself with nothing to do. she thinks she'll lose her job and her husband and her kid if she stops for even a second, because they need to see that she's competent and capable. she's productive and ten steps ahead. she can do whatever she fucking wants and do it better than anyone else.

she goes above and beyond to be perfect at her job. she works long hours, back-to-back shifts, and never stops moving. not when her husband is concerned enough to threaten her with a 302, not when her son has fallen asleep without seeing her for the third night in a row, not when her boss calls a meeting to discuss her insane hours. not when her husband files for divorce. not when she almost loses custody of her son.

she never stops moving.

when one thing doesn't work, she obsesses over the next. she pours everything in her into proving that she can be the ideal mother and good at her job without having to quit either in favour of the other. it runs her down, but it doesn't matter. she can always be better, do better, make everyone see that she's great at everything she does.

when she starts at PTMC, her whole world comes crashing down. she has two seizures within fifteen hours, everything she does is questioned, no one believes she's capable of running the place. the constantly moving train of productivity comes to a sudden stop, and she feels like she's nothing again.

or something like that :)

honestly the intensity can be toned down a notch and turned into more control-based. like the need to be in control of her body at all times because her brain is unpredictable (doing yoga, running, food-prepping, drinking the exact recommended amount of water, taking medication at the same time on the dot every day, no alc, no drgus....). maybe control over sex with whoever she ends up with (coughs trinity so i can tag this with barantos coughs).

my original destination with this line of thought was that getting baran al-hashimi to willingly take a day off or submit is a Big Fucking Deal. because of a sickfic i'm writing. god i love this fucking woman and her stupid brain.

[lezshimi]

trinity santos with histrionic personality disorder. send post

[lezshimi]

quick question, do people know that trinity having an eating disorder was like, a fully intended part of her past from the get-go or are we still in the hc area of it?

[lezshimi]

the concept of the pitt only being one work shift per season so they have to reveal crucial pieces of character lore via interviews that aren't even part of their official press junkets

[lezshimi]

i'm not sure if this needs to be a separate post, but when have i not gone fuck it and posted whatever i want anyway. so.

aside from writing full on fics, i'm also super down to discuss headcanons and concepts regarding the pitt crew :)

[lezshimi]

i also do art. i guess. i'm in like art school and shit. if that tickles anyone.

[applesdream]

more barsantos tweets for you all, as you loved the first part 😉

btw i giggle as i make these🤗🤗🤗