A STARTER FOR @lgcdohyun
TW parent death
Yebai is rather absentmindedly playing with Dohyun’s hair, twirling the same bit of it back and forth around his index finger; his friend’s head rests in his lap, his eyes no longer red, but still a little swollen.
The day had been a heavy one—Yebai and Dohyun had visited the latter’s mother, where she lay interned in a vase of ashes, and had left her flowers, Dohyun leaving her a letter—they’d both shed tears.
Now, though, they were at Dohyun’s father’s house, in the twins’ bedroom, which existed in a strange sort of stasis since the two of them had moved into the dormitories, in such a way that being in it made Yebai feel a couple years younger; it wasn’t the same room, but it had all the same things. He eyes the desk across from them, which is stacked with Dohyuk’s junk, eliciting a smile.
“Do you remember how much Dohyuk used to hate me?” he asks with a snort, speaking of Dohyun’s twin brother, who’d been strangely jealous when Yebai had first started coming around, “He used to get so mad at your mom for making me snacks.”
He giggles, brushing the bangs from Dohyun’s forehead, and thinks for a moment of how they’d first become best friends.
Yebai’s mother had been pregnant at the time, and the scent of most food, and the act of cooking had made her sick—she’d done her best to ensure that there was food on the table most nights, but that was all, and Yebai had opted not to bother her about it. Dohyun, who was their neighbour at the time, had taken to sneaking treats to Yebai, who was hungry more often than not, and eventually Misses Ahn caught wind of this, and started to invite Yebai over—it soon became a part of their schedule, that she would make enough for three boys to snack on instead of two, and he would come over and eat.
“You…you’re just like her, I think…” he says, his throat tight, “She was just…kind.”
it’s been just over four years since dohyun’s mother died. dohyun would like to say that each year it gets easier, but he’s not sure if it’s the truth. it never really gets any easier, he just gets better at distracting himself from remembering that she’s gone. he becomes more used to the pain, but it’ll never go away. it’s hardest to hide how broken he still is from the loss on the days when he visit her. he visits her every month or two, leaving her letters sometimes about how he’s been, other times just opting to tell her instead, if he’s alone. he takes flowers and stays a while, and each time it’s just as hard to stop crying.
today, he’d gone with yebai, who his mother’s death had also affected. for a while yebai seemed almost like another one of her kids, and dohyun knew she adored him just as much as dohyun did. so, he’d invited yebai to come with him to pay his respects. now, having returned to dohyun’s old bedroom rather than the dorms, just so they could have some privacy without the other trainees around, dohyun feels as though the slightest breeze might make him fall apart. his eyes ache from crying and he sort of wants to just go to sleep for a while.
the only thing that seems to be holding him together though is yebai’s body heat so close to him, and his gentle touch to his hair, his soft voice making dohyun feel safe and relaxed. yebai’s good at this - calming dohyun. he supposes he had a lot of practise in the year following her death. he listens as yebai talks, and finds himself almost smiling at the memory of dohyuk pouting angrily, jealous that their mum was making snacks for someone who wasn’t a member of their family.
“he didn’t like that i suddenly had another new favourite person he had to contend with.” dohyun says softly, voice slightly hoarse from crying so much. yebai’s following words though make dohyun purse his lips and sigh shakily. he’d heard that before from family friends and people who’d known his mum.
“i’m glad. she was the best person i ever knew, and i always wanted to be just like her...” he says, his voice soft as he lets his gaze travel around the room. this wasn’t where they lived when his mother had been ill, in fact she’d never lived in this apartment, but this was where he grieved, where he dealt with the loss in the years following her passing, and before he moved into the dorms. it held bittersweet memories.
