Okay but like Gojo in an arranged marriage- but you two actually get along from day 1? Because you love to trash talk and he loves it?
Warnings: cursing, mentions of sex, mentions of drinking, reader has good alcohol tolerance, Gojo doesn't
Here me out guys-
Lets say- they do make him get married. He's what? 18. He's never met you, refused to even look at your photo, couldn't care less about your personality. He meets you on your wedding day, dolled up in the prettiest kimono, hair in an elegant bun- expression carefully neutral as the wedding progresses.
You're pretty, even Satoru will admit. Had he met you outside of this, he would probably try his hand at flirting with you. But your entire being is being forced into his life so he tells himself he'll set the record straight on what to expect here and then live his life as he has up until now. That thought is the only reason he goes through with the wedding and takes you home. You're quiet in the car, eyes focused on your hands folded in your lap.
When you get to his house, you don't even look at him- a maid leads you upstairs. He briefly considers being an asshole and going to fuck someone else (he's never done this before guys Gojo is a liddol baby and an utter loser and not a manwhore) but shuts that thought down because he's never actually gone past the flirting part of conversations with girls so seducing someone isn't something he can even begin to try.
(Wouldn't succeed either the author has no faith in him as she believes he has no game whatsoever)
He simply drinks some hot chocolate, bidding his time until he goes upstairs. He has the entire speech ready- no bed sharing, no room sharing, no expectations for romance- but then he opens the door and you're sitting on the floor with a wine bottle in hand.
He doesn't know where you got it from, but you've downed about half of it already (he's kinda jealous bc 2 sips in and Satoru turns into an utter clown but you actually still have some of your bearings). Your kimono is crumpled, expression no longer neutral. Emotional eyes turn to look at him as you skiddle back on the floor.
Satoru blinks in confusion, opens his mouth to ask what is wrong with you- but then you're crying about how you don't want to have sex with him and how you never wanted to marry him in the first place.
Maybe your alcohol tolerance isn't that much better than his. Small victories. Ha
(Everyone has a better alcohol tolerance than Gojo and he is always in denial about it)
He thinks he should maybe knock you out, have that conversation tomorrow, but then you start bashing on the elders and he can only stare in awe. You don't just say that they suck, you start insulting every single one of them. From their appearances-
'That beard probably has mice hiding in it-'
To their intellect-
'Stupid old man couldn't even spell the word responsibility and has the nerve to lecture ME about it-'
He lets you go on and on. At some point, he ends up sitting in front of you, one knee up with his chin resting on it. You had looked pretty before- but now- now you just look gorgeous. Trash talking others definitely brings out your best features, Satoru thinks.
By the time you've exhausted yourself, and emptied the entire wine bottle (Fuck, your alcohol tolerance is better than his. Satoru would be passed out in an alleyway for 3 days if he drank that much), he's in a great mood. Sure, he has a wife he never wanted, but you have something he is yet to find in any other jujutsu sorcerer.
You openly hate on the elders.
Sure, he knows other sorcerers have problems with them. But no one ever, and seriously, ever goes along with Gojo when he tries to trash talk them. Instead, he gets lectured on respect and maturity. Not even Suguru had ever trash talked them.
But you? Who was supposedly born and raised to respect them? Who was supposed to marry Gojo and instructed to teach him to be more respectful? You hate them so much that you start telling Gojo how you would murder each and every one of them in different ways.
'That one loves to eat sushi so it's really just a matter of slipping in some rat poison-
He laughs, genuine and happy. All thoughts of the talk he planned are out of his mind. He can only goad you on, adding to how you could go about getting rid of what you refer to as the goddamn most annoying people to have unfortunately graced the earth with its presence.
It's an interesting wedding night, and a memory he'll cherish forever. The two of you hate on the elders together, you open up another bottle of wine (seriously where the fuck did you get that from?), offer to share, he declines in an effort to be responsible (he doesn't want you to know that his alcohol tolerance sucks), you down that entire bottle too (how are you still coherent just how??). The two of you drift off together on the floor, two strangers bonded through vows and legal paperwork, but most importantly- bonded through trash talking.
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A/N:
Just random thoughts that popped into my head. Might make a part 2 Bc I can't stop thinking about this. Hope you guys enjoyed!
You guys ever just wonder what went through Shoko's mind when she got Gojo's body? When she was piecing him back together? Do you think maybe a part of her hoped that he would simply wake up but he just didn't?
The clock is ticking, she can faintly hear the TV and everyone struggling with sukuna- and all she can do is stare down at the friend she had just put back together. She meticulously wipes off the blood stains on his face, and half expects him to just open his eyes, sit up and ask for sweets like he used to in their school days.
But he doesn't. No matter how much she stares at him and mentally wills him to. Instead, the door slams open, and she finds Yuta in the exact same condition.
Shoko pushes aside everything she feels and simply gets to work. Ignores the fact that she's transplanting Gojo's brain out of his body- his brain-the one thing that made that idiot him-and she's taking it out and throwing it to the side like he's just another patient and not her friend.
When the transplant is done, she watches as he opens his eyes- just like she wanted him to. But there's no mischievous grin, no demands for sweets, none of what was her friend in his demeanour.
They win that day, but Shoko doesn't sleep that night. Instead, she spends her night putting Gojo's body back together, despite how unnecessary it might be.
You know anon, I’m gonna agree with you. I see no reason why he wouldn’t be, and he gives me the vibes of someone who would be allergic to something but be around/touch/eat it anyways LMAOO
What did I do to deserve this affection?! Wait... it's actually for The Paws™ isn't it? It has nothing to do with my writing (though perhaps it has something to do with yandere alpha levi because 🤤).
I'll begrudgingly pass on your love, @liddolwhynot2000 😒
Summary: He doesn't feel bad about it and that's what's bothering him.
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Pairings: Levi/Reader, Levi/Petra
Genre: Angst ish, romance, one sided feelings, Levi deserves happiness, guilty Levi, very smol drabble
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Levi doesn't have much experience in the romance department, at least, until he met you that is. You're his one and only, his first in just about everything.
You're the first woman who manages to make his heart beat too fast, who invades his thoughts relentlessly and constantly makes him feel like he's walking on a soft cloud. Every moment with you is cherished-remembered and fondly recalled in moments of distress and loneliness.
He couldn't have helped gravitating towards you, not when you were everything he hadn't even known he needed. Just being in your presence soothes him, drains him of all his grumpiness and misery.
Sitting down and sharing a nice warm meal with you, it's his ideal night, one where he just relaxes and basks in what he feels for you.
He often tries to go to you as much as he can, even dipping into his savings to buy good food for the two of you to enjoy. It's desperate on his part, one could even call it a little pathetic. He doesn't have the nerve to actually court you, he's too awkward and distanced from society to pull that off. But he can't bring himself to stay away.
There's this urge to be close to you, almost like an instinct-and Levi simply gives into it.
However, he can't help the slight guilt he feels. He knows that there's another woman he met before you, one who has been vying for him the exact same way he is for you. The one who still looks at him with hope that he would want her-only to be brutally rejected by his demeanour.
Levi knows Petra is in love with him, that she wants to give him all the care and love she has in her heart. That regardless of his lack of feelings towards her, she's given him a part of herself forever. But he just can't bring himself to even think about giving her a chance.
Before he met you, he might have. Maybe, if his desperation for a companion had gotten out of hand, he might have picked Petra. But since the moment he met you, and became so infatuated with you, he doesn't even bother to entertain the notion of a universe where there's any other woman in his life but you.
It's like she's standing right outside his door. Petra keeps ringing the bell-but Levi has no intention of ever opening the door for her.
Because he's standing outside your door, waiting for you to open it. And he can tell that you're about to let him in.
His problem isn't that he feels bad for not returning her feelings-no its much worse then that.
He feels guilty that he doesn't feel guilty at all. The selfish, self absorbed part of him, feels absolutely zero guilt for breaking Petra's heart like this.
He doesn't feel bad about it and that's what's bothering him.
Decent human beings should feel bad that they've broken someone's heart, that they've stomped on someone's genuine feelings for them and carried on with their life like nothing happened.
But Levi is reminded yet again, that he isn't a decent human being. For the only guilt he feels is that he isn't feeling any guilt at all.
He wonders if it's his years in the underground that have shaped him into the selfish, uncaring individual he is today. He hadn't ever thought he would be so remorseless towards what someone else is feeling.
But, he recalls your sweet smile, and the girl he's hurting easily fades into the back of his mind.
All he can think about is you.
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A/N: Heyooo just a random drabble that not even that well written. Been stressed af and felt like writing in some way. Might delete it cause I know this isn't that good :(
so,,, y'know how we only ever see dabi use his flames on his forearms and above?
but for some reason, his eyes, lower face, neck and chest are also burnt to a crisp?
i know ppl say it's because he manifested his quirk at an early age and it was too hard for him to control, but whenever we see him as a child, he doesn't have any visible scars
so may i propose a different theory, this time involving the fact that dabi used to look up to his dear old dad endeavor so much
so, y'know, what if...
...dabi got burnt trying to imitate endeavor's flames?
Levi isn't the kind of man who apologises, who grovels and begs for forgiveness. His usual way of admitting he's wrong is often a gruff, almost forced apology. He doesn't like it, but he'll do it if it's necessary.
But when it comes to you, his mind screams at him to be the opposite of his usual self. To throw his composure away and do whatever it takes to have you look at him the way you used to.
He loathes your hatred filled eyes, wishing they would look at him as softly as they used to. He abhors how helpless he is to reverse time, to go back to when he he could tell you thought the world of him.
Now you don't. You don't acknowledge he exists, don't wave at him like you used to. You don't even let him feel as if he's in the room with you. The worst part is, he can't even blame you for your cold behaviour.
He knows he fucked up. And that there's no turning back from it.
Why did he have to go so far, pushing you away like that, making you feel like you were nothing to him. He could have, no scratch that, he should have at least tried to stay friend with you. Instead, his behaviour had pushed you away to a distance that was too far for him to reach.
He's never felt so strongly about someone, as he does about you. You're sweet, caring nature. Those slight giggles at his jokes. The good natured ribbing about his strength. It had accumulated into feelings that he could only wish would leave him alone.
He wants you- so so badly. But he's not used to this. The overwhelming urge to ensure your safety, to keep you close, to fantasise about you in a white dress.
It's foreign to him- so he distanced himself from you. He tried and tried to force you off his mind, to pretend he isn't noticing how hurt you are because his behaviour. But his feelings only grow stronger, and he finds himself helpless to you and what you make him feel.
By the time he manages to pull himself together and admit how in love with you he is, you've already left him behind.
And he can't blame you for it.
Everytime he pushed you too hard during training, everytime he made you do too many chores, they all drained whatever positive emotions you had harboured for him.
Just like the rest of the military, you look at him as the cold hearted Captain.
And he can only be sorry about it. Because, as he watches you excitedly converse with Moblit, he knows that he only has himself to blame.
Summary: Capricorns can be naturally pessimistic. They already expect unfortunate things to happen in life, so they take them in a stride.
Alternatively, Levi braces himself for the worst and is pleasantly suprised.
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Telling his squad had gone better then he thought it would. His special ops members took the news it in a stride, immediately launching into a discussion of what they needed to do now and how to utilize this information best. Eren, as expected of his 15 year old version, was befuddled.
Levi wondered how someone so innocent looking transformed into a complete monster in such short time.
His squad had lived up to his expectations, easily concluding that they need to keep this information to themselves for now. Eld, ever the natural born leader, took the lead and suggested that they need to learn to work with Eren. So that they aren't caught off guard on the bare minimum skill level they can expect from the traitor.
Gunther was the one who brought up the possibility of facing the armoured titan, and even though Levi was sure they wouldn't have to face that particular beast yet, he still agreed with their suggestions of carrying some fire arms. Thunder spears didn't exist yet, which meant that grenades and canons would be their best shot.
Eren had tried to voice out his own suggestion, that he wanted to train his skill set too. He felt that he needex to improve in some areas, and although Levi bitterly recalled how much Eren had improved without help in another life, he had to agree with the brat.
His squad, however, didn't share the same opinion and immediately began to shut Eren down.
'Eren, your job is to trust us. We expect you to leave it all to us and transform as an absolute last resort!'
'Yeah, you brat, don't get cocky. The only way you'll fight is if we somehow di-'
Olou had bitten his tounge and cut himself off before Levi could. Levi had then interrupted before Eld and Gunther could throw in their two cents.
'Eren is the main target, what will all of you do if Eren is somehow dragged away you from you and has to fight for himself? We need to prepare this brat for everything, especially how to fight in his titan form.'
They had all shut up, but he could tell it was only because of Eren's presence. They wouldn't be caught dead speaking speak out against their superior, especially in front of Eren. Levi had taken advantage of that little fact.
'We'll get back to this in a while-- Eren it's time for you to transform. Four eyes is here'
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It went just like last time, Eren wasn't able to transform. He sat in front of Levi, looking just as despondent he had the last time. He didn't walk away from Eren like last time, instead having chosen to stick close to the brat. Some things still needed to happen, and Levi was just waiting for that inevitable explosion.
When Eren accidentally transformed this time, he immediately took out his blades and points them at his team, not at all surprised that they had already drawn their blades.
They would always be talented little brats, but they had a long way to go..
'Captain-'
'Put down your blades Petra.'
'Captain get away from Eren-Please-'
It had continued on, with the brats arguing in favour of heatedly questioning Eren and his motives, while he had ferociously stood by the him. It was a part of the plan really-he knew that Eren would be fine no matter what. He just hoped that, at least this time around, the brat would take his taking a stand for him like this into consideration before he decided to launch a mass genocide on his own.
'Shut up and obey.'
His team had faltered, and then slowly lowered their swords as he began to speak.
'Do you have any other titan shifters?'
They all looked confused. Only Olou managed to speak croak out a strangled no. Levi pointed at Eren, who was panicking alot less since Levi had begun to speak in his favour.
'You see this dumbass? He's our only shot. There's no replacement for him. All of you can be replaced, Erwin can be replaced, Hange can be replaced. Despite your silly admiration of me, I could easily drop dead and be replaced too.-'
His squad had looked scandalised at the thought of their beloved captain being anything remotely close to being replaceable. Then again, none of them had experienced Mikasa and her unnatural strength yet.
'We need him. He doesn't need us. Understand that none of you can afford to point your blades at him without my orders. The next time you do so, I will be your opponent.'
Eld and Gunther had looked nervous, Olou had visibly begun to sweat and Petra had looked at him a little strangely. However, they all seemed to understand the point he wanted to make. '
'Am I clear?
They all nodded
'Yes Sir!'
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He had made sure to still have that chat with Eren, to make him understand his squads actions. He knew Eren trusted him a little more this time around-his showing support toward him like this had likely changed his opinion of him, if only a little. Levi was banking on that, hopefully he could push the kid in the right direction.
He had gone to his room after Hange had explained Eren's transformation and his squad had shown support towards Eren by biting their hands. A filthy act, but he supposed in this case he would allow it. Not that it stopped him from ordering them to go sanitise their hands and not come near him for a while.
He had even made his tea on his own, unwilling to let them touch them with their germ infected hands. Petra had looked at him oddly when he had told her he would do it on his own, almost like a kicked puppy.
He sat in bed, tea long finished and mind occupied.
He had been somewhat productive so far, managing to manipulate Erwin into changing the plan to capture the female titan. His squad was well in the loop, and likely making several plans to take on a titan shifter. Eren was beginning to look at him with more trust, something he hoped would blossom more.
There was still too much to figure out though. And since Levi had resolved to not let Erwin in on the plan, he was now drowning in things he needed to figure out. How Erwin managed to sort through so much crap was beyond him.
Some things, he had already figured out. Others were still being debated upon.
When it came to Historia, he would injure her tommorow, to the point she wouldn't be able make it to the expedition. She would likely try to jail him for it after taking the crown, but he figured he could call it vacation time from work and enjoy the silence. Those brats were too loud anyways.
He knew that Rod Reiss might come after her sooner after hearing that she had been injured, so he would have an old friend keep an eye out for her. It was an aquantince from the underground, one of the few he could trust, that had managed to crawl their way to the surface too. He was strong and capable-and very good at hiding when he needed to.
Only Levi had ever been able to find him- and since he knew Kenny Ackerman wouldn't be used yet, he felt it was the best way to keep her safe.
He had also decided that he would have to kill Kenny. He had contemplated recruiting the old bastard, but Kenny was too much of a gamble. The type only Erwin would take on trying to recruit. And while it would be feasible to drop hints about his mentor in the underground to the Commander, he wasn't sure the Survey Corps could handle a mission like that. Their attention needed to be on capturing shifters and getting Historia to the crown.
Maybe Erwin could risk something like that, but this time it would be his deicison. Kenny, despite his conflicting feelings towards him, had to be eliminated. He just couldn't chance their opposition having someone like that on their side, and wasn't confident enough that they could get him to jump ship.
The rest he was still a little muddled on. He was reasonably sure he could draw Ymir to their side, especially if he told her about how Historia would be queen soon. But the girl wasn't dumb, she would also be able to tell that Historia would have a part time job as child breeder, and might even try to leave with her then.
It pained him to do so, but he couldn't save Historia from that fate. He could, however try his damned hardest that her children wouldn't be turned into shifters.
The other shifters left him feeling conflicted. They needed the Colossal titan, he would be their mass weapon against other nations. The moment he could, he would get the serum and feed Bertolts titan to one of their soldiers. There would be no compromising on that, no matter how much he wished he could lure the kid to their side instead and spare him from that painful death. He just didn't know the kid enough to ensure he could win him over.
As for Reiner, Levi recalled the young man who had stepped up to stop Eren. He recognised that he was stuck in a tough place, but again, he would have to harden his heart. He had to keep his side as safe as possible, even if it meant taking away the armoured titan.
A part of him still hoped that he could get the kid to join him though, he would definitely try for it.
As for Zeke and Pieck, who had likely already arrived on the island, they would be dealt promptly. Zeke would need to be restrained and hidden away in a deep tunnel, while the cart titan would be given to someone else.
He would, unfortunately, have to allow Zeke to turn Ragako Village into titans. But he figured not everyone needed to be turned for it, he could at least get the children out of there. Connie's mother had been key in figuring out the truth about titans, and so he would have to sacrifice her. But Connie's siblings would at least live this time around.
More of his cormades would survive the attack too, having less titans to deal with. He was hoping that Mike and his squad would get out of it alive and not be dealt the same unfortunate fate they had suffered through before.
When it came to Annie, however, Levi already knew what to do. If all went well, he was more then sure that the Female Titan would be fighting for the Island soon enough.
His plans regarding the shifters were a big gamble on his part, since it was all relying on one thing specifically.
Getting the titan serum from the Royal government.
But Levi was a thief at heart, a man who knew how to get things no one wanted to give, to find them in the shadiest corner, completely undetected. Worst comes, he would easily infiltrate. Their security was crap anyways.
He would know. It wouldn't be the first time he had stolen something from those bastards anyways.
Levi laid down, covering himself with a blanket. He thought of one last thing before he allowed sleep to overcome him.
It was dumb of Marley to send six of their shifters to the Island, and all at the same time too. Because Levi had no intention of letting any of them go back home, not this time around.
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In all his years of living, Levi had gotten used to being surprised. He had gone through surprise attacks, friends turning into foes, getting punched by the Queen and even time travelled. Yet had taken it all in a stride.
He had expected that half his plans would fail, that he would end up losing his squad anyways, that Annie would escape this time too. But here they were, sitting in the mess hall, post expedition, and very much alive.
Erwin had informed more squads about the traitor, although thankfully Reiner and his squad hadn't been told. Most of them had understood that they likely wouldn't be able to take on the threat, and their squad leaders had made sure to have them engage very litte. They had tactfully allowed the Female Titan to pass through the formation, thus leading her to Eren. More lives had been saved this time around, much to his pleasure.
They had gone through the same plan, trapping her in the forest. Erwin had stood by and watched as the female titan glared at him. Beside him had stood soldier with black hair, wearing a hoodie. Their face had been hidden, but everyone had called that soldier captain Levi. It had made Annie think she was safe, that when she called titans to her and left to go after squad Levi, Humanity's Strongest wouldn't come after her until she accomplished her mission.
It was only when she reached the squad and made to slice at Gunther that she realise that she had been duped. The sight of Humanity's Strongest blocking her blade with his own had caused her to sweat.
Things had gotten on easily then, she hadn't been much match for him. And his squad had taken double their usual measures, going as far as to throw explosives at her before he could carve her out of the nape. Eren had watched it all in awe, thankfully the brat hadn't needed to transform this time around.
His expression had quickly changed to shock and betrayal once he spotted his comrade sealed in a crystal. Levi wasn't suprised that she had sealed herself like that this time too, he had been counting on it actually.
Levi snapped out of his thoughts and pushed his now empty tray away. He decided it was the perfect time to put his plan into action.
He needed to pay Annie Leonhart a visit.
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A/N: Heyooo. Here's chapter 3! Any guesses how Levi is getting Annie on their side?
Sorry I don't post much, but I swear things have been ridiculously busy. Uni life, housework, and my mom is sick too :(
Summary: So he demoted you. In mere seconds, you went from being the person who owned his heart, to another replaceable soldier.
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Pairings: Erwin/Reader
Genre: Angst, Death, Why am I not nice to Erwin, regrets
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It's night time, with a full moon and peaceful sky. The stars are sparkling a little, accompanied by a peaceful silence Erwin hasn't experience in a while. If he was still a cadet, he would grab a beer and sit on the roof, maybe with some of his friends, and bask in the view.
But alas, his cadet days are long over. Now, he's the Commander of The Survey Corps. His own wants and needs are at the bottom of the priority list, his work comes first, which is why he's in his cramped office, mind on the next expedition and it's requirements.
Erwin sits in his office, dimly lit by a few candles. His hands don't stop as they continue to write, scribbling on the pages without pause. He looks like his usual self; the untouchable, always composed commander.
Nothing can get past him, nothing can make him panic. It's well known that hardly anything has ever phased him, even since before he became the commander. It's why he's considered to be the best at his job.
But there are signs, signs of a weary man. Someone struggling to keep it all in, to not let out how awful he's feeling. Erwin knows himself well enough, he knows when he exhibits those signs. It's usually on nights like these that he has no choice but to acknowledge the overwhelming guilt he feels and give in to the urge to reminisce.
His hands are trembling a little as they write, his hair is slightly messy, from his running his hands through it so much. His foot lightly taps against the wood of the desk, and his face is more grim then neutral. If anyone who truly knew him took a closer look, they would see that he wasn't doing well.
Erwin sighs, putting the pen down. He knows no one is near by, no one who can see him break down a little. So he allows himself to lower his walls, and bury his head in his arms. He welcomes the darkness and drifts off in his thoughts.
He met you three years ago, an aspiring soldier. Strong, witty, reliable and all the things one needed in a capable solider. He had appreciated you, your never ending strength and ability to turn every bad situation beneficial for them. Even at the cost of your own self.
He recalls how badly you would get injured in your attempts at saving lives, how you would selflessly give you up your gas to Levi, knowing he would use it better, while completely ignoring the danger you put yourself in. He remembers how you never hesitated even then, going as far as to call titans to you by yelling, in hopes that your comrades could attack them in their distraction.
What an honourable soldier you had been, having devoted everything to your duty. You had easily attracted him to you with those traits.
Initally, it had only been comraderie. But then it had evolved, growing beyond what two people who work together should be like. The two of you struck up a quiet friendship, often spending time with each other outside of work. It had genuinely been to dicuss work, at the start, but then months in, he found himself embracing you the way a lover would, not how a friend should.
There were parts of you that only Erwin learned about, and there were parts of Erwin only you knew and got to keep to yourself. No one else would ever know the secrets between the two of you, the laughs, the jokes, the moments where you could only see each other.
Those were things you had taken to your grave, and Erwin had locked up in the darkest parts of his heart and mind. He would never let anyone know of them. After all, it was the least he could do, even though he knows that you would rather he forget them all, rather then reminisce about them.
Erwin is too selfish to honour that last, unsaid request of yours. He has to at least cling to your memory, for it's the only thing keeping him from driving himself to the brink of insanity.
No one ever knew about your relationship, and the two of you had been fine that way. Spending time with each other under the guise of work, sneaking kisses after lights out, all of it had been enjoyable. A relationship he hadn't thought possible had blossomed, one that stuck to him with every thought.
He used to drift off to thoughts of your sweet smile during casual meetings, to the point Levi would threaten to throw him out the window for it. He would plan secret dates, often pretending he was taking you along for work, and take you to nice restaurants. Almost every moment of his spare time had been devoted to you, to enjoy your presence and bask in how you make him feel.
Back then, he had been so lovestruck, so spoiled by your affections, that not a day went by where he could help thinking of you. Not a day went by where he didn't fall for you more. The warm feeling in his chest at the mere sight of you was love, and he knows that he'll never experience it for someone else again.
Not a day goes by where Erwin doesn't miss you. But he also knows that he has no right to, not when he's the one who got you killed.
Erwin shut his eyes tight, to the point they hurt, as he tries to bury his head in to his arms even further. He wishes there was a way for him to become one with darkness, to never have to open his eyes again and acknowledge that he lives in a world where you don't exist.
And it's all because of him.
It had been such a simple mission, an expedition solely to set up check points. They were expecting minimal losses, considering how short the mission would be. There shouldn't have been anything that went wrong, beyond the usual.
But then there was.
In a spur of the moment deicison, Hange had decided she wanted to try capturing a titan, all on her own. She had run off, with her gas not even half full, towards a 7 meter abnormal titan. He had been about to send Levi after her, only to remember that Levi was in the left flank that day, not the central like usual.
Hange had ended up being surrounded by multiple titans in her chase, and had gotten knocked out. She had hung from a tree, surrounded by titans. At that point, he only had your squad available to help.
It had been a tough decision, he had known. Anyone he sent there was going to die saving Hange, and any sane person wouldn't bother with saving Hange after that. But, he had been forced to pick.
You were a reliable soldier, but Hange was too brilliant. He had a gut feeling that they would need Hange and her brain more in the future, and Erwin wasn't one to not follow his instinct. A cold hard fact was that they needed her more then you.
So he demoted you. In mere seconds, you went from being the person who owned his heart, to another replaceable soldier.
He had seen the anguish in your eyes, the absolute hurt. You had known you were going off to your death, and that the man you were in love with was sending you there for his own goals. But you didn't argue.
You could have said that Hange wasn't worth an eight person squad of skilled soldiers. That Hange had gotten herself in this mess on her own and she was unreliable because of it. But you didn't make any of those valid points, knowing that Erwin wouldn't give a damn.
Instead, you took a off, only turning back once to glance at him.
You shot him a look, a sight he had yet to forget. The sheer hatred in your eyes, the betrayal, it had given away how much he had fucked up. It often haunts him in his dreams, knowing he deserves it.
The sight of you getting mauled to death by titans was even worse. It had been the one expedition where he had actually needed to throw up upon getting back to headquarters.
Erwin sits back up, leaning against the chair, his eyes full of an unusual amount of sorrow. He gazes out the window, feeling even worse.
You had loved the full moon, often dragging him out to watch it with you. You would bring snacks, and tea, and just lean against him. The serenity he had felt with you was out of his reach nowt was what made it more painful for him, knowing that he had hand delivered you into the arms of death.
The sight of the full moon reminds him of you, of what he's lost. He can't even complain, or curse you out for haunting him like this in death. He did this, he robbed you of your life, robbed himself of a chance at happiness, for his own selfish goals.
He can only reminisce about you, think about the good times he shared with you. But he can never have you back. He can never turn back time and win back the woman who's one smile made him weak at the knees. Who knew how to make just the right tea he needed to calm down from a frustrated mood. Who could sass Levi to hell and back and not bat an eyelash at the grump man's violence.
With a deep breath, he forces his himself to pick up the pen again, trying to ignore the heavy feeling in his chest. He begins to write again, resigned to his loneliness and regrets.
Maybe you'll forgive him once he starts his time in hell. Then again, a devil like him, who sarcficed others for himself, wasn't even worth forgiveness. Let alone worth you.
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A/N: Heyooo. So, I know I'm too mean to Erwin, and I have no excuse for it. I might write some fluff for him now. I initally thought of a part 2 from readers point of view, but I don't know if that's something anyone would read. Do tell if you liked this!
