※ ADVENTURES IN HELLSCREAM
a thrilling saga of shit i’ve heard while visiting a haunt with my friend, with the occasional moment of my own commentary and things that actors said. may include nsfw material. feel free to change names/pronouns/etc.!
“ new york is so weird. ”
“ i hadn’t realized the street sign had changed, so i thought the taxi had stopped so a pigeon could cross the street. ”
“ you can never tell with some taxis. ”
“ never said i was a smart person. ”
“ all i know is monster acting and horror puns. ”
“ watch your head– that means duck. ”
“ i have a single braincell at all times, sir/ma’am. ”
“ i don’t have to duck, i’m too small! ”
“ some of us only have one braincell at all times! ”
“ does your candle ever just die? ‘cause same, bruh. ”
“ it helps that they have more lights on, 'cause it’s spooky. ”
“ finally, someone loves me! ”
“ i think i peed a little bit, and i need a pharmacist. ”
“ i’m glad i wasn’t just trippin’. ”
“ i don’t like that, all of a sudden, careless whisper is in my head. ”
“ that girl/guy is…very talented. ”
“ (name)– bitch, don’t leave me behind! ”
“ stop being so short! ”
“ i’m sorry that it’s my genetics! ”
“[ startled ] you’re very talented. ”
“ uh-oh, sisters! ”
“ i found (name), (name)! ”
“ that’s (name)’s mama! ”
“ i can’t hear for shit. ”
“ the others will take care of you. ”
(creepy lullaby voice) “ when the blazing sun is gone, when the nothing shines upon, though i know not what you are, twinkle twinkle little star– ”
“ someone’s not having a good time. ”
“ oh boy, claustrophobia tunnels. ”
“ what are you doing in here? ”
“ i don’t know, (name), i just wanted to fight, man! ”
“ what are you guys doing in here? ”
“ i’m looking for cupcakes! ”
“cupcakes? you know, i’m the cupcake person around here! ”
“ sometimes you just gotta find a bunch of jars and heads. ”
“ ruh-roh, rhaggy. ”
“ would you do it for a scooby snack? ”
“ are you ready for dinner? ”
“ i gotta make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into, alright? are you ready to BE dinner? ”
“ alright! i like your style! ”
“ come on this way, this is what we’re gonna do. we’re gonna send you through the tenderizer, alright? then we’re gonna make sure you’re seasoned and ready to go. then i’m gonna dice up and eat out your hearts, alright? ”
“ —spicy! ”
“ you won’t feel a thing! ”
“ you shouldn’t have said that, now we have to find out how properly marinated you are! ”
“ surprisingly, this is the lowest my heart rate has been all day. ”
“ that was a real pain to get through. ”
“ go go, power rangers! ”
“ look, it’s sharita repulsa! ”
“ ’go go go’, isn’t that what you said? ”
“ sucks to suck for that guy. ”
“ so, um– can i eat your face? ”
“ yeah, i don’t really like it, so you can have it if you want. ”
“ would you like to join us and become part of the menu, perhaps? ”
“ —-jinkies! ”
“ ‘jinkies’? what does that mean? is that a magic spell? ”
“ is that a magic spell? ”
“ yeah, i am a witch, so– ”
“ okay, cool, works for me, let’s go. ”
“ this is the playground, how do you like it? ”
“ don’t mind the waste, it’s perfectly safe. ”
“ my daddy was a clown, my mama was a witch. it was a little bit of a shock to both of them when they found out. ”
“ wow, which one do you take after more, the clown or the witch? ”
“ which one do you take after more? ”
“ my dad, the clown. ”
“ perfect, you’ll fit right in! ”
“ i don’t know what i am, really. ”
“ you don’t know what you are? ”
“ you can always just /choose/ to be a clown. ”
“ we can convert you tonight! ”
“ another clown always said i was kinda funny-looking. ”
“ i never said i was a fast clown, now. ”
“ you ever just get whacked in the face with plastic tubes? ”
“ do you think i could cut off your toes and deep fry like chicken nuggets? ”
“ i know words– sometimes. ”
“ the floor breathes. ”
“ hiya, (name), what a nice boat! do you want it back? you’ll float too! ”
“ we’re in the endgame now, boys. ”
“ sounds like we’ve got newcomers. ”
“ fire in the hole! ”
