Do you know how it feels?
To try to see the beauty around you,
but all you see is sadness.
To try to be happy,
but all you feel is pain.
To try to talk your friends,
but they donāt want to talk to you.
To try to be around others,
but hide yourself behind your hands when you hear someone raise their voice or make sudden moves.
To try to eat,
but feeling sick to your stomach because you know how many calories are in there.
To try to go outside,
but getting a panic attack when you open the door, because youāre too afraid to go outside.
To try to look in the mirror,
but start scratching your skin because you donāt see yourself in the mirror but a stranger.
To try to shower,
but canāt stop scrubbing your body because you never feel clean.
To try to go to bed,
but canāt because you need to do several patterns over and over again, till you did it perfect otherwise it feels like something bad will happen.
To try to sleep,
but not being able to sleep because you start to overthink every little detail of the day, and those before.
To try to leave the past behind,
but waking up, screaming and crying because the past wonāt let you go.
To try to get out your bed,
but getting pushed down by the huge amount weight of life pushing you down.
To try to breathe,
but canāt because youāre suffocating.
To try to scream for help,
but no one hears you.
To try to reach someone,
but have no one to reach.
To try to run,
but have nowhere to run to.
To try to hide,
but have no safe place to hide.
To try to fight back,
but being too drained to even crawl.
To try to see a way out,
but not being able to see anything anymore except this intens darkness.
Do you know how it feels to live in a constant fight with yourself?
Do you know how it feels to live with a mental disorder?
