So I finished the season finale of Euphoria and I am deeply sad. Now a Pepa monologue is being born. I...apologize but writing these super long monologues is actually pretty fun and I tend to write a lot when I’m sad so I added a “keep reading” mark for this one. ;-;
DISCLAIMER: If you’ve never seen Euphoria, do not watch it if you’re under the age of 18. It is very inappropriate and dark and contains themes that would be much too overwhelming and triggering for anyone under 18.
(Pepa narrating.)
(Imagine her waking up to her husband cuddling her, seeing clouds already formed above their canopy.)
Sometimes I can’t believe that this is my reality.
(She looks over at her husband, who’s sleeping away)
I’m married to this amazing man right here. He’s genuinely and madly in love with me. He truly isn’t bothered by my emotions. He still considers our wedding to be one of the most joyous days of his life even though I nearly killed everyone in town, including myself and him.
Sometimes I wonder if he just loves to make me feel good. The feeling that must build inside of him to see me express myself is one I could only associated with some weird mix of love and lust. But Félix...he’s just...he’s more complex than that.
Félix is someone I’d call “an angel that my father gifted me”. Even though I never got to meet him, I don’t doubt that he’s watching over us and our odd family. If he were still alive, he’d probably get on me for beating up so many kids while also being proud that I did it to stand up for Bruno. He’d probably cheer us on every day in sharp contrast of mamá cursing us out.
Honestly, the only reason I didn’t completely lose it on her and blow her away with a violent tornado was because I could fight. Those kids gave me the leverage I needed. Every time they shoved Bruno...every time they called him a name...every time they took his lunch...they would go back home with a new injury and no precious healing foods from my sister. The experience...always made school fun for me. Much more than it should have...
And it’s not like I didn’t have my reasons for it, I had plenty. A reason to be a cool older sister. A reason to beat some kids into the dirt. A reason to vent out all of my frustrations from school, community helping, life, love and lack thereof, literally everything. And I had Bruno to thank for that. I missed him dearly when he left. He was the only reason I could feel complete as a person and a Madrigal in comparison to Julieta. The original golden child.
(At the breakfast table. Pepa started breakfast eyeing her sister, who was happily chatting with her husband and middle daughter.)
To say that I envy Julieta is an understatement. She gets praise because her gift is actually useful, while mine is essentially a death sentence and Bruno’s is slowly eating his brain. She came out of puberty looking and feeling amazing and I came out of it feeling gross and bloated all of the time. I think the worst part about it all is that she not only gave birth first, but her daughter became the new golden child.
(Pepa was eyeing her brother while he ate, gesturing him to finish his food with her gaze.)
Then there’s Bruno. He never bothered with love, and I honestly don’t blame him. If people treated me like the town pariah, I’d say fuck it and never look back. Well...if Félix and I never met, that definitely would have happened.
It’s strange, though. Bruno had been back for several weeks, but it still felt like it was yesterday. I remember those first few nights without him here...
Holy shit, they were some of the worst...I think I had a mental breakdown five times...all I could remember was him making that shitty joke at my wedding and then disappearing.
Then it turned into hatred. Because all I could remember was that shitty joke.
(Many years ago at Pepa’s wedding, she was having a bit of a nervous fit when he came up to her and said that.)
“Heh heh, looks like rain, ey Pepi?” Like who the fuck says that to someone who’s sweating bullets at her wedding, let alone to someone with horrifying weather powers? I’m happy he’s back and he’s getting a free pass right now, but I’m never letting him live that shit down. That was just-
(Pepa paused. She felt a hand on her arm.)
Great. I was thundering. And glaring. You know what, I don’t really care. I have other stuff to worry about.
(After breakfast, Pepa returned to her room with her husband and their youngest son. Félix was helping Antonio get ready for his first day with his new gift, while Pepa just watched them and smiled.)
Like my little boy.
My poor Antonio had so much pressure put on him...by the entirety of this town. Every single person gathered to our house to see him receive his gift, and every time it never failed to remind me that I’m stuck with this gift. Antonio. My poor Toñio.
He was actually scared of not getting a gift. I don’t know if it was because of Mirabel or because of me or just because that much pressure is too much for a 5 year old...but he was so scared...no 5 year old kid should be that afraid, especially not on their birthday.
And I just know that mamá would have treated him just as badly as she treated Mirabel...I just know she’d have a fit and blame the magic dying. She’s always cared more about the goddamn magic than any of us and I was sick of it. My baby boy wasn’t going to come into a world where he was shunned by his abuela for something he couldn’t control. And if we’re being honest...I’ve always hated how mamá treated Mira. I never understood it.
All because she had no gift.
I envy her for having no gift.
