deranged timeloop overanalyzer

💜(23 yr old) 💜they/she nonbinary 💜fictosexual-ace 💜audhd and queer 💜time loop hyperfixations (doomed by the narrative) ❤️reblog account(sfw): @liliallowed ❤️rp blog: @crimson-dusttale

[liliallowed]

❌no donations. if you ask you will be blocked and reported❌

dear people in power. stop fucking the middle east please.

(im tired man. and this shit is so ass.)

transphobia/discrimination/racism/sexism is unacceptable.

my ao3 (THIS may be mature tho. mind the tags)

blog info below cut. (under reconstruction)

SORTED TAGS

reblogs/reblog (noteworthy reblog)

soulsona (player oc designs or deltarune)

moot art

moot au

lili out of context

liliplays

lilireads

lilithinks  (random ideas)

lilidraws

asks

liliwrites

sillylili

lilisimps

lore

ship

cool au

other topics/fandoms

starrail posting

genshin posting

kpop demon hunters

cookie run

homestuck (idk theres not much about it)

inscription

clair obscur: expedition 33

persona

date everything

aus

dusttale: closure

dusttale: the woods

dusttale: see no evil (player is reset)

dusttale: speak no evil (others remember)

dusttale: hear no evil (dust resets)

dusttale: permutation (a neutral loop. dust muffets au)

dusttale: inmate au

dustgrave

mix aus

dustfell: false paradise

cleavertale/cleaver tale

butchertale/butcher tale

crims joins the bad guys

crossovers

deltarune x persona

players

crimson anomaly

ghost anomaly

ruby anomaly

rogue anomaly

pire anomaly

au ocs

fresh!kris

venom!kris

fateweaver!muffet

dustgrave!noelle

dustgrave!sans

seraphim!dust

my series

ask closure

lv triangle

ships

sansanomaly

corestrings

crimsondust

thornbound souls

sansanomaly

echo strings

FANDOMS

omniscient readers viewpoint

in stars and time

inscription

dokie dokie literature club

RAIN WORLD

LITTLE NIGHTMARES:

stagnant static

MY SLAY THE PRINCESS AUS:

slay the player (crimson designs)

unwound tapestry

MY UNDERTALE AUs:

dustfell player (teal)

dusttale: slay the player (yes it's a stp cross over)

closure au (ask box)

bad influence (comic+ cross over)

dustgrave au (comic+playlist)

wonderland au

dusttale ocean au/mer au

snake dust

angel au

mafia au

Coraline au

phoenix au/emberscales

sci-fi au

inmate au

dusttale: speak no evil

dusttale: fiend or foe

symbiot au

monster hunter au

forgive me not

forget me not

otherposts:

crimson hour(idk its kinda mid and a lil cringe but im proud of my cringe)

sans goes feral (shit post animation wip)

murder time trio (immediate murder professionals)

fanfics(romance related content)

LV triangle

crimsondust

forgive me not (dragon shipping au)

thorn bound souls (soul bond au)

bloody scalpel (havent started it yet)

have we met before (ao3)

[daily-dusttale]

Day 393 - i can’t stop making more dusts

Dusttale by Ask-Dusttale

Outertale by 2mi127

“why does he look like that” i followed my whims and my whimsy

his name is Lunar(also goes by Lun), like lunar->moon->moon dust, ykyk. Listen, I couldn’t come up with anything better. Go check out Stardust!Sans by krater-arkwright, that’s another OuterDust Sans(and one that looks more like canon!outer sans). And check out a Sans that actually called Lunar!Sans by reyyyt. Do it. Or not. I’m not your mom.

[sinner-shark]

i don’t have many thoughts regarding this guy tbh. but i do like silver

[liliallowed]

dust x grillby x player when.

I'm dubbing this ship as dumpster fire.

[liliallowed]

penis gnome penis gnome

i should sleep

[liliallowed]

fellas do you ever feel too much that you burn through all your capacity to feel?

and it refreshes based on a monthly subscription?

yeah me neither

[liliallowed]

people with hyper empathy also need love.

I will also give myself head pats for that too.

I might be both. my empathy just spikes and deflates whenever it's most convenient for the plot of the timeline.

cw: cattle death???

cw: edible fish death

so uhm.. sorry dead fish I watch on the butcher's table with morbid fascination as I stare into your dead bloody eyes.

or the hanging meat of cows. ..

one day I will be eaten by maggots and return this kindness.

and that's alright. I'm alright with that.

also shouout to that dog that yelped in pain down street and I cried the whole day for it. my empathy decided it was time to go berserk.

god I love being crazy. it's like... getting first hand experience with a fictional character! I love my funky brain. I get to study it and feel it and suffer with it all at once!

[skeletonh0e]

Dust x the Dusttale player wholesome yaoi is almost as wild as the wholesome non-problematic killermare

[liliallowed]

people with low empathy deserve more love.

yes. I'm currently patting myself on the back.

good lili.

no one else call me good lili. only I get to say it okay.

[liliallowed]

like...

is this what it feels to not give a fuck about people?

I kinda get it.

it's weirdly... idunno. I can describe it as the color of deep blue mixed with a black buzz.

idunno if that makes sense but like it feels like staring at a bubble.

you don't FEEL anything about it. it exists. and if it pops? it's not really your concern.

you mind just...

yeah it's creepy. cuz I know that bubble is a whole ass person n that line is a cutie lil puppy but my brain just...

turns off those details because the game graphics are too high and it has to operate with low resolution so it ends up dehumanizing others to keep itself running.

is this how people can be so mean and cruel? fascinating. I think I have the potential to be a horrible selfish person. and I kinda like that!

because if I see it, it means I'm NOT it.

if I was selfish I wouldn't be able to acknowledge any of this

this is some dark side of the moon shit. saying hi to my darkside.

n telling me that yeah it's okay to be evil if the situation calls for it. you're here to protect me. I accept you too. so let's do our part! both of us.

do like... not getting angry or sad about hearing about animal abuse? thanks darkside subconscious or whatever dark lord that is in my brain plotting evil schemes for self preservation.

[liliallowed]

alright just realized I might have empathy deficit disorder too. which can be another thing connected to my autism.

cw: mentions of animal abuse

cw: mentions of intrusive thoughts

maybe the ocd and intrusive thoughts of pigeons exploding in the air into blood bombs has kinda numbed me to whatever actually happens to real animals irl but like...

not in a sense that don't FEEL empathy. it's just very selective?

alright look.

there was a YouTuber reading stories about stuff on Reddit a d the topic of animal abuse came up.

they looked devastated.

and called it fucked up.

I was surprised by their reaction because it was not anything like the shrug I gave.

to me it was illogical and wasteful. why waste money on an animal that will not even be worth the emotional investment you put in it to give yourself a sense of comfort?

pets are meant to bring you warmth. but if you see them as objects to use as you please then... I guess? sure. go for it. none of my business. you go poison that fish.

then I had to remind myself that, hey. lili. that's not considered moral.

yeah it's "fucked up"

but I never really got... mad or surprised about it? it was weird. because then I compare my own thoughts to what a normal person would have reacted like and be like:

oh shit I should be devastated about this aren't I?

I had to do some introspection because this has been a pattern with me. I'm emotionally sensitive to something and other things...

nothing.

blank.

but also. I got alexithymia. hi hello. not actually aware of my own emotional state. so like if some bird actually exploded next to the window I'd probably cry.

but the thought of it doesn't bother me.

there's like this weird duality where my brain decides: is this topic worth putting emotional investment in and if the answers too stressful or pointless it just turns off my empathy to save power.

I don't actually no the psychology behind this but I just wanted to put this here.

I'm not an emotionally available person in general.

maybe the reason I try SO hard to understand people is exactly because of this.

cuz I don't get them. n I desperately want to.

I want to help I want to empathize bit sometimes it's just... not there.

I think it has to do with the survival rules I've made for myself. that I can in fact kill any big that steps into my "territory" because of that same bug was my size it'd showmenp mercy.

and I think that's fair.

oh lili were humans we're better than animals-

nope! we're worse! our entire civilization took nature's survival of the fittest rule n made it into a capitalistic hellscape.

we are apex predators. not even that we're a cancer technically. a cancer that'll wipe itself out after it kills the host.

anyways my point is...

I don't feel bad for hurting animals if they STEP over my boundaries. like a stray dog attacks me on the street I WILL smack a walking stock on the ground to scare it. (it happens a lot here. and I do not want to get rabies)

so like my brain might've just generalized DEFENDING myself into becoming numb about cruelty.

would a dolphin trap humans in a box. ... absolutely. those guys are fucking assholes.

is it still cruel? yes.

do I care???

I should but I don't.

do I just idk... squeeze nonexistent tears out of my eyes?

it's kinda the same with people too. specially strangers.

but even so I surprise myself.

when there's people in need I don't FEEL bad.

my brain acts faster than I can think and just goes straight into action to help.

so I think I skip a few steps because I'm a contradiction.

I cannot tell what upsets me unless I'm there in person seeing an animal being hurt.

I will be upset but...

EUGH ITS COMPLICATED OKAY. emotions don't emotion unless they're practically overflowing through my eyes in the form of tears I CAN'T EXPECT TO KNOW WHEN I'LL BE SAD OR MAD ABOUT SUPPOSED AMORAL THINGS HAPPENING TO ANIMALS.

(I love animals. I think my brain just decided this topic was too heavy n locked away my empathy for my own sake.)

but it is kinda scary how easily I can just.

emotionally disengage and not give a fuck about a heart breaking topic.

m sure a lot of neurospicy people can relate tho.

[liliallowed]

to do list:

gameoverse x dusttale

dustgrave concept art

speak no au character sheets

[liliallowed]

I need to fix my sleep schedule.

*proceeds to make it worse*

[artsyrean]

when all is gone, he remains

[akanemnon]

Dark World Flowey if he understood the Knight assignment

[yellowlartdump]

I animated this in like 5 days nonstop, I'm about to pass out Not TADC related but still an animation that took me a lot of time

[queenaegon]

is that song actually character-coded or is your brain a character-shaped hammer looking for lyrics to nail down somewhere

[interestingmistakes]

Reblogging this manually. Op doesn't want credit for fear of being terminated.