A friend told me that when a native Japanese comments on your Nihongo speaking by saying きれいな言葉 (kirei na kotoba), it's not really a compliment and is contrary to what the phrase literally means. If this phrase is directed to someone, what's the most polite reaction/action that the person should have/do next?
Hmm. This is a very interesting ask. I wonder if your friend is a Japanese person or a non-native speaker, because it’s not a compliment I’ve heard much. To be honest, receiving praise about my Japanese is a huge pet peeve of mine, so I’d like to delve into this topic a little bit. Let me talk about why they praise us even when all we say is a simple “arigatou,” and then how you can respond to that praise.
Note: You will see me refer to “foreigners” (a.k.a. “Non-Japanese people) as “gaijin” in this article. “Gaijin” （外人） is a truncated version of “gaikokujin” 外国人 (a person from outside of Japan). By removing the middle “koku” (country), we are left with the word gaijin, which literally translates to “outsider.”
Some people see this as an offensive term, and I am one of them. So when I use the word “gaijin,” I do it order to highlight how foreigners are truly viewed as “outsiders” in certain circumstances by certain Japanese people.
Note 2: You are WAY more likely to receive praise if you clearly do not look Japanese. This post is told from my perspective, a girl so white she freaking glows in the dark.
Stereotypes of Gaijin Held by Japanese People
If you go to Japan and try to use Japanese, no matter how fluent or non-fluent you are, you will be complimented on your Nihongo by Japanese strangers. Japanese people are very quick to give compliments even if all you say is a simple “arigatou gozaimasu.” As a people they are polite and complimentary, and they appreciate even small gestures like you taking the time to learn “arigatou” even though you’re a tourist, for example. Some of these compliments are sincere, and other times they say it because even if your Japanese isn’t good, at least you’re trying, and they appreciate the effort.
There are quite a few TV shows in Japan that capitalize on gaijin in Japan, such as “YOU wa nani shi ni Nippon he?” (Why did YOU come to Japan?) in which they scavenge for interesting gaijin at airports and follow them on their trips. (I was once picked up for this show, but when I was like, “Yo I’m just going back home to Hokkaido and starting up work tomorrow,” they were like, “oh, you are not the gaijin image that we want to show Japan” and ditched me lol.)
Basically, most of these shows like to capitalize on a very particular image of gaijin:
They cannot speak Japanese, or at most can only speak broken Japanese, and they certainly can’t read Japanese
They cannot use chopsticks well
They do not like/fully appreciate Japanese food, like raw fish, meat, or eggs
They generally do not understand Japanese customs. (I watched one episode about a hippie dude who was walking around Japan BAREFOOT. BAREFOOT. ENTERING SHOPS AND PLACES WITHOUT SHOES ON, FEET FILTHY. He said, “Japanese people are so nice–no one minds if I come in barefoot.” THEY DO MIND, YOU INGRATE. THEY’RE JUST TOO POLITE TO TELL YOU TO GET THE EFF OUT. Who knows how many Japanese people think that Americans think it’s okay to walk around barefoot now, even though we have “No shoes no shirt no service” signs everywhere for this very purpose!)
Only 3% of the Japanese population is non-Japanese. This means that many, many Japanese people have never met a gaijin in person and base their assumptions of us entirely off the media and the stereotypes proliferated there.
One of the things Japanese people (and most other people in the world, for that matter) mistakenly believe is that Japanese is the hardest language in the world to learn.
Real talk: from an unbiased, purely linguistic standpoint, there is no such thing as a “hard” or “easy” language. There is such a thing as “linguistic distance,” which measures how much one language and another differs. For example, Italian and Spanish share so much grammar and similar vocabulary that their distance is short. Conversely, there is a substantial linguistic distance between Spanish and Korean.
However, a short linguistic distance does not equal “easy to learn.”
Japanese is quite distant from all languages other than Korean. And yeah, kanji’s a bitch. I won’t argue with you there. But from personal experience, as a native English speaker, I found German harder to learn than Japanese, despite German being much linguistically closer to my native language. It all varies from person to person.
But many Japanese people will tell you, “Japanese is so hard, isn’t it? It’s so impressive that you can speak it. It’s the hardest language.” And then their eyeballs drop out of their sockets when you tell them that you can read tHe KaNjI as well.
Many Japanese people are convinced that not only is Japanese the hardest language in the world, but also almost no foreigners are able to speak it. This, coupled with their culture of politeness, leads them to be quick to praise our use of Japanese, no matter how good or bad it is.
And therein lies my pet peeve with quick praise. Just a simple “arigatou gozaimasu” and some Japanese people will fawn over how sugoi your nihongo is, and in my eyes it sort of diminishes the actual level of sugoi my nihongo is. If that makes sense lol. I guess I just wish that people would treat me like a fellow Japanese person instead of a gaijin.
Here are some common phrases you might hear if someone is impressed with your Japanese, listed roughly from most common to least:
日本語がとてもお上手ですね！Nihongo ga totemo ojouzu desu ne!You are very good at Japanese!
日本語ペラペラですね！Nihongo perapera desu ne!You’re fluent in Japanese!
日本人みたいに喋れるじゃん！Nihonjin mitai ni shabereru jan!You can speak just like a Japanese person!
日本人より日本語喋れるじゃん！Nihonjin yori nihongo shabereru jan!You speak Japanese better than Japanese people do!
ナマリがまったくない！Namari ga mattaku nai!You don’t have an accent at all!
発音がきれいです！Hatsuon ga kirei desu!Your pronunciation is beautiful!
綺麗なお言葉です。Kireina okotoba desu.You speak beautifully.
Y’know, I don’t think I’ve ever heard that last compliment before. To me, it sounds a little…stiff. Like maybe something an employee at a store would say to the customer who is trying to talk to them, and the employee is trying to be polite, but may not be 100% sincere. Sometimes that stiff, formal Japanese hides a person’s true warmth, though, so it’s a bit hard to tell.
In America, if you are praised, it is common to reply with a “Thank you,” and then you can follow that up with a sign of humility or pride, like “Thank you, but I still have a lot to learn,” or “Thank you, I’ve been studying for a few years now!”
However, in Japan, you do not thank them. Instead, you contradict them. If someone says, “You are very good at Japanese!” you are meant to say “No, I’m not at all.”
This is not only limited to praise regarding Japanese. If someone says your outfit looks cute, you should say something like, “Really? This shirt is so old it’s about to get holes in it.” If someone says you are good at sports you should say, “Oh no, I’m terribly clumsy. Today must be a lucky day.” For example.
If they continue to praise you a second time, deny it again.
If they praise you a third time, then you can say something like, “It’s thanks to you,” or “I’ve had a lot of help to get to this point.” Basically, you make sure that you are not prideful, and you give credit to those around you.
Japanese culture appreciates humility over pride, and puts others before oneself. These two facets of culture greatly shape nearly every social interaction.
Here are some things you can say if someone praises your Japanese:
いえいえ、まだ勉強中です！Ie ie, mada benkyou-chuu desu!No no, I’m still learning!
いえいえ、まだまだです。Ie ie, mada-mada desu.No no, I still have a long way to go.
いえいえ、そんなことないです。Ie ie, sonna koto nai desu.No no, not at all.
My favorite is the “benkyou-chuu” one, because I’ll be studying Japanese until the day I die.
As an extra little thing to make you even more natural, when you say the “ie ie,” do this hand motion (and not the facial expression lol):
This little hand wave in front of the face, with the tip of your middle finger at the same height as the tip of your nose, is a Japanese hand gesture that means…man, how do I put this into words?
“No no, you are thinking too highly of me” or “No no, don’t go to such trouble for me” or “No no, I’m fine, thank you.” It’s a super handy gesture!
Anyways. You can use this gesture when you are declining praise, but you can also use it at a restaurant, for example. Maybe a waitress asks, “Do you want another beer?” And you can give the little hand wave and a smile to mean, “I’m good, thanks.” You can also say “Kekkou desu” as you do the motion.
Hope this post was of use to you!
