ellievsbear
One Nice Bug Per Day
YOU ARE THE REASON
titsay
pixel skylines
tumblr dot com
izzy's playlists!
h
blake kathryn
oozey mess
styofa doing anything
Discoholic šŖ©
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noise dept.
ā
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
hello vonnie
art blog(derogatory)
Sweet Seals For You, Always
i don't do bad sauce passes
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@linkisthebae
oh to be a statue of a goddess covered in moss, somewhere in the garden of the enchanted ruins the castle left behind, for birds to take rest on my shoulders and for animals to sleep in front of my feet, for no ordinary humans to be reached
Then some bitch shows up waving spirit orbs and demanding heart containers
aang š¤ link
sleeping for 100 years and waking up in the middle of a war not knowing what the fuck is going on
āIām allergic to apples. Everytime I try to eat more than 80, I barfā
ā Link
So while I was getting my haircut, the lady asked me if I had other plans for the day and I said:
āIām just going to pick up the boy from daycare and then itās date night.ā
And the lady says āOh! How old is he?ā
āHeās three.ā
āMine too! Where are you registering him for kindergarten itās such a hassle-ā
And thatās when I realized I said āboyā and not ādogā because I always think of Charlie as āgood boyā but this slip up has lead to a miscommunication.
The lady is now 6 minutes into a clearly needed rant about how unnecessarily complex shopping for schools is, esp when you have a neurodivergent child, so I canāt just tell her that Charlie is a dog because then sheāll feel awkward for unloading on me and she clearly has enough going on.
So the rest of the haircut became a game of āhow much can I say about Charlie without revealing that he is not a human child?ā And the answer is āenough to cover a half hour hair appointment, quite possibly several hours worth if Iām specific enoughā
āis he very verbal?ā
āIt really depends on who heās with. Heās very quiet at he but wonāt shut up if heās at the park or has a friend over.ā
āwas it hard to potty-train him?ā
āheās adopted, but I was genuinely amazed at how good he already was with hygene and potty stuff.ā
āmineās just obsessed with paw patrol and Frozen, drives me crazy!ā
āI imagine. Charlie is colorblind so heās not as into tv, but he always wants a toy if I take him anywhere with them.ā
āoh gosh the toys! And the kids are so rough on them!ā
āyeah Charlie can destroy a stuffed animal in about 2 minutes, so I only buy him the really cheap ones.ā
āDoes he throw tantrums when they break?ā
āNot really. Itās meditative, really, taking them apart. He has hysterics if the cat takes his toys though. Runs downstairs and cries at me until I retrieve it because heās not tall enough to get it out of the cat tree.ā
The Very Good Boy in question, Charleston Chew.
(if you want to read more of my much weirder adventures, I have pre-orders for my book on Patreon right now:Ā https://www.patreon.com/gallusrostromegalusĀ )
Oh my god
depression: kill yourself
Me: kill me yourself you coward
I made a few of these
ADS THAT SUDDENLY TAKE UP THE WHOLE PAGE
ADS THAT SUDDENLY TAKE UP THE WHOLE PAGE AND PLAY MUSIC
What about ads that play music, but you canāt find them anywhere on the page?
Still hearing the ads music after you close the page
having adblock
Sites that forbid adblock
When ads pop up even when Adblock is enabled
When porn ads pop up unexpectedly
this post gets better everytime i see it
When you try get rid of the add really fast but accidentally click on the link that sends you to seventy different pages before you can go back.
THIS POST KEEPS GETTING BETTER
When the ad shows something youāre actually interested in.
When you have to wait to skip the ad
When the ad is about abused/animals needing homes
@extraordinaquari
I dub this postĀ āThe Legend of Advertisementsā!Ā
when you get rid of the add but it keeps coming back.
It got better.
Making it my goal to reblog this once every day lol
When you get so many ads at once that the site youāre on crashes and you have to reload the page.
When an ad plays awesome music
MY DASH HAS BEEN BLESSED
WHAT ABOUT ADS THAT SUDDENLY APPEAR AND START TALKING WITH NO CONTEXT
Ads that suddenly appear and start talking with no context
i love this post omg
Someone make this better please
when the ad is in another language
Perhaps the most pleasant surface to touch
ŠŠ¾Š¶Š°Š»ŃŠ¹, ŃŠ°Š¼Š°Ń ŠæŃŠøŃŃŠ½Š°Ń ŠæŠ¾Š²ŠµŃŃ Š½Š¾ŃŃŃ Š“Š»Ń ŠæŃŠøŠŗŠ¾ŃŠ½Š¾Š²ŠµŠ½ŠøŠ¹
looking at this makes me feel calmer
The Villains as Parents
Ganondorf:Ā Remember child, if someone insults you at school, take the high road. Sabotage their grades, destroy their social life, and only once they have nothing to live for shall you destroy them.
Child:Ā Because no one insults us without consequence!
Child:Ā Dad, please leave my classroom.
Bowser:Ā No! I canāt leave my baby alone! (sobs as heās dragged from the classroom by security)
Child:Ā Dad, can I play video games?
Ridley:Ā Have you finished your meal?
Child:Ā But dad! Human skulls suck!
Ridley:Ā Eat it! itās good for your bones to eat all of the carcass!
Wario:Ā Okay sweetie, have a fun day at school. And remember, if a person asks you to sell some strange pills for themā¦ make sure to get 15%.
Child:Ā 15%? What am I, a charity?!
Wario:Ā Thatās my girl! 25 or nothing!
Child:Ā Dad, I canāt sleep. Iām scared of the thing in my closet!
Wolf:Ā *hands them a pistol*Ā That should keep emā away.
King Dedede:Ā Want some cookies?
Child:Ā But I havenāt had dinner.
King Dedede:Ā Then why not have cookies for dinner. Theyāre much more delicious.
King K Rool:Ā So kid! How about them minions! Big dick energy, yeah?
Child:Ā Dad, please stop.
King K Rool:Ā What?! I stan you! *dabs*
Dark Samus, reading Goodnight Moon:Ā Ra-rargh, rargh. Ra-rargh, rargh. Ra-raargh rargh ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-rargh!
Dark Link:Ā Kid, I have to ask you somethingā¦ have you been doing drugs? Having sex?
Child:Ā What?! NO!
Dark Link, in tears:Ā I knew I was raising a pussy!
Maybe Iām just a sucker for dumb humor, but the face Link makes when he tries to draw a weapon without having one equipped is the funniest thing in the entire game, so I took pictures of every version of Link doing it for kicks and giggles.
just like photoshop something into his hand for the perfectĀ āwtf is thisā reaction image lol
āWtf is this bull shitā-every link
Iām cracking up. Clearly Sidon does not approve of the Dark Link costume ššš
Look at it. You took a perfectly good shark and ruined it. It has anxiety now
#bitchface
So this has been a dry āfuck youā look all this time.
Oh God, I thought for a second it was Sam in the bunker.
That is the only interpretation of this gif I will ever accept.Ā
On the always reblog list so future generations can watch Sam rollerblade through the bunker.
trying to embarrass me is so unnecessary i do it to myself just fine
How to Use a Male Condom
I just had to explain this to a 24-year-old who has been sexually active for years, so weāre all getting a refresher course in condom use before we give each other fucking gonorrhea.Ā Step One: Acquire a condom. No money? No problem. If you wander close enough to a planned parenthood, someone will throw them at your face. Got money? Good for you. Go buy them. Get them ribbed or studded or kumquat-scented or whatever the hell you kids are into these days. Get them fucking glow-in-the-dark for all I care. Just make sure they fit. And whatever you do, donāt use them after their expiration date and donāt store them in your goddamn wallet. Step Two: Get a willing partner. And I donāt mean likeĀ āYeah, sure, whatever, I guess Iām okay with thisā willing. A shrug and an awkward silence isnāt fucking good enough. You need someone with goddamn enthusiasm. You need someone who hungers for your loins like a starving cheetah eyeing a piece of zebra ass. Them begging you for it is optional, but kind of fun.Ā Step Three: Open the condom. Like a human. With your fingers. Ripping it open with your teeth like a starving hyena is not only bad for your teeth, itās an awesome way to rip a hole in the damn thing. Any sex appeal you might have somehow gotten from chewing the condom open will immediately evaporate when youāre spitting out lube and reaching for a second condom. Just open it properly.Ā Step Four: Figure out which way it goes. Seriously. Condoms arenāt like toilet paper rolls, where thereās a right way and an incorrect-but-I-guess-it-will-do way to put them on. There is one correct way only. Look at it. When you put something hard and penis-shaped into the tip, it should roll right down with minimum effort. Pay attention, because if you put this thing on backwards, thereās no turning it inside-out and trying again - you have to throw that shit out and start over.Ā Step Five: Before you put it on, pinch the reservoir! You know, that little balloon-y tip on the end? Pinch it. Push out all the air, and hold it. Your condom should have less air than the surface of the moon. Forgetting to pinch the reservoir is a recipe for a broken condom, and nobody has the time or energy to deal with that shit.Ā Step Six: Roll it on. Stick it on the head of the penis, and roll it down until the whole shaft is covered. Penis not erect? Youāre not ready for a condom, play with it a little and try again. Accidentally put in on backwards? Throw that shit out and start again. Condom doesnāt roll down without yanking on it? Itās too small, throw that shit out and get a different size. Condom fitting too loosely and not staying put? Itās too big, throw that shit out and get a different size. Were you actually in need of a female condom? Throw the male one out and get the right one.Ā Step Seven: Have at it. Do the thing. If you feel the condom slipping or if it comes off completely, you need to stop immediately and go back to steps one to three. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. And if one of you changes your mind about continuing, you stop right the fuck now. Immediately.Ā Step Eight: When youāre done, the person wearing the condom has to grab it by the base, and pull it all the way out. Youāre gonna go soft after that, and if you let the condom slip off before youāre all the way out, then you just let a lot of package-opening and rubber-unrolling skills go to waste. And once you do take it off, wrap it up in toilet paper and toss it in the trash - donāt you dare flush it, your plumbing will not be happy with you. So thatās it, folks. Thatās how you put a condom on a penis that needs to have a condom on it. Play safe out there, people.Ā
Princess Zelda and the Champions trying to take a family portrait āæ
We didnāt start the fire-Marvel mash-up of the past decade
I didnāt get this on my dash so Iām suing everyone
Okay people, you can take two minutes out of your day to experience this MAGNIFICENCE. If you canāt hear it, itās still worth watching; if you canāt see it, itās still worth listening to.
