I realized I’ve had this space for 10 years and I don’t do anything with it anymore. I don’t really write poetry anymore. I started this during a time when I had nothing else and the words flowed from a heart mangled and broken, and this was a part of that healing process. 10 years later I’m such a different person. This year has been the peak of my successes so far, and I haven’t meant to be absent but I think I’ve grown into a new chapter, and honestly just been so damn busy with all that has happened. I fell in love, this time in a different deeper and quieter way. I feel a calm and content I’ve never felt before. I know that this is it, my soulmate. I’ve traveled to four countries for work this year and another just for pleasure. A university paid me to travel and speak on a panel for the students, I’ve met multiple incredibly talented Grammy artists and world renowned people through my job and tackled multiple of the largest events I have ever managed or designed and executed. I live alone now and finally feel financially comfortable in a way I never could have imagined I would achieve wirh the path I chose. While I haven’t been writing as much, I have spent the last year or two deep in book submissions and editing, of which I’ve slacked off lately because of how busy I became, but I will rekindle in the new year. If I ever publish a fictional novel, you will be the first to know. While I still feel far from happy the majority of the time, I am proud to say the depression is so well at bay that when it does hit, I feel as if I’d forgotten what it was like. It’s hard to remember when I felt this dark every day, and now it visits here and there over the months and weeks, but doesn’t linger, doesn’t sit, and I guess all these years of intense therapy have really paid off. I’m reflecting because I went to visit family for the holidays for the first time in many years. Things have changed, yet the people haven’t changed at all. It’s made me realize how different I am now. I don’t belong here, I belong back in the new life I have built. These are some pics from my only afternoon off in Guam on a short tour to Korea and Guam for work just a week or so ago. I don’t know who even still participates in this site from all those 10 years ago, but I will always hold a special place in my heart for this space and what it has meant to me with the release of words I never knew I had, and the subsequent healing. If you’re still around, hit me up on Instagram (in bio). It’s the only place I exist in social media anymore, but I’ll try to maybe update some photos from this year here in the near future.
ellievsbear
romaincrisis
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