Welcome to the Literature Club!

Indie. Semi-selective RP blog for all members of the Doki Doki Literature Club! - - - Follows from main! (@theleastcarefulofgamedevs) - (If starting a verse, send an ask with your url, and muse if multimuse, as well as what muse it's for of mine! Also, please check the links below bio! They're up to date, the posts from the start of the blog are not.)

[literatxre-clxb]

A letter in an envelope was taped to Natsuki’s locker. It read: “Natsuki! This is Kotone from the light music club, nice t’meet you! As you know, your President has always made use of our music room when we’re all done for the day. I thought — well… She’s really cute, and I don’t know how I should approach her. Is she a coffee or tea kind of gal? Does she have a sweet tooth? I figured I should ask you! She talks to our president about all the baked goods you make for the club. I tried to ask Yuri but… she’s scary and kind of glared before brushing me off. Sayori was off with her friend Sai? Are they a couple? I dunno... I mean, you don’t happen to have a thing for Monika, do you? It’s really a huge help if you can maybe play matchmaker? Hope to hear from you soon! ”

Oh, great, Natsuki thinks, descending down the stairs from the second years’ hall to find a bright white envelope taped on the face of her locker. What is this, some kind of prank? Her friends had already left school for the day, thank god, so at least she’d be spared the embarrassment of them teasing her about how it was probably some kind of love letter. Not her friends in the Literature Club, to clarify - her other friends, her classmates, the people she’d only started talking to ‘cause they went to the same middle school. Despite calling each other friends, they were all actually kind of insufferable, especially to each other. Being in the club… really only served to highlight how toxic they had been becoming lately. 

Anyway, she’d already spent too much time thinking about them when she should be reading the dang letter. She pulls it from her locker, and the tape gets stuck to her finger, so she has to kind of… idly wave it around for a second so it’ll fall off. Her nails - bitten down as some of them might have been - easily tear the letter open. 

Once she finishes the letter, she can’t help but stand for a short time, reading it over again. She’s pretty sure she’s seen Kotone before, or at least heard her classmates talking about her, but wouldn’t really be able to put a face or personality to her. Maybe she’s one of the upperclassmen. Seeing her confess to thinking Monika’s cute does make her quirk an eyebrow in amused surprise - but really, she doesn’t know why, because people always say things like that about her. Even when Monika’s around, they say stuff like that. You’d think they’d have a little more shame about stuff like that, being in high school, right? 

Seeing her baking mentioned does make her feel a little proud - okay, maybe more than just a little - especially learning that Monika of all people brags about it. About time someone started appreciating what she does for the club a little more! As for asking about Monika herself, uh… Natsuki actually probably wouldn’t be the best person to ask. That’d really fall to Sayori as the vice president - she spends the most time with Monika of everyone, except maybe Yuri? She’s not super sure about what they do outside of the club. Doesn’t seem to matter who’d be best to ask, though, ‘cause it seems like Kotone already tried asking the others - it’s not surprising that Yuri was all standoffish, or heck, she might have just not known what to say and came off wrong…

As for Sayori and Sai… those two were pretty much dating already. Sayori always managed to find some way to change the subject whenever Sai would come up in conversation, but from the way she’d look and talk about them, it was pretty obvious she wanted to say more. Like she wished they’d join the club, or at least like they’d pay a little more mind to her. It made her feel a little bad for the poor girl, to be honest. If she’s trying so hard to be sweet, the least Sai could do would be to come try the club out, y’know?  

The line, “...you don’t happen to have a thing for Monika, do you?” seems funny to her, at first, but upon re-reading it, it does make her think a little more seriously about the other club members. After all… the club is something different for everyone, and for her, it’s a safe space to be herself, more than anything. It’s the only place that she… that she really feels safe without having to pretend to like the things that her friends do, without having to pretend to dislike some of her favorite manga, where she feels free to really express herself and her hobbies. It’s the only place where nobody makes her feel bad about being her. Isn’t that… kind of the same as being loved? Being accepted for just being yourself? Even Yuri, who she’d had some rough times with at the start, ended up finding some common ground with her, and the two got along a lot better now than in the first few weeks. 

Anyway, that kind of sentimental stuff probably isn’t the kind of answer Kotone’s looking for. When it comes to direct “romance,” she probably doesn’t have any feelings like that, at least not right now. Probably. Still, the idea of any of the club members having something they deem more important than them, like a partner outside of the club… does make her feel a little upset. She would feel ignored, or like a lower priority. 

Ugh… she’d have to come up with some excuse for why she can’t help Kotone. She does seem nice, especially given that she seems to have been genuinely listening when Monika had talked about the club’s members… How’s she supposed to find this girl’s locker with just her first name, anyway? It’s something she’d have to tangle with tomorrow, she figures, so she drops the letter into her bag and walks on home to write up a reply.

[literatxre-clxb]

(Long-time lurker here, and I adore your interactions with lilmonix-3! You bounced off each other so much, and I love the references to each other’s muses in other posts. I hope you don’t mind if I add onto that. I love the slowest of slow burns. I would love to see you two tackle Natsuki/Monika and Sayori/Monika as well!)

Thank you so much! It makes me happy that others enjoy my writing just as much as I do. Monika has been an absolute joy to write with, and her ideas for deviations from what's exactly 'canon' in DDLC have always interested me. I'd like to apologize for my slow pace in responding to asks or posting in general - it can be hard for me to find the motivation to sit and write sometimes, as much as I enjoy it. Life is busy, and it's hard to get motivated to create sometimes when you could be doing something less mentally taxing during free time, y'know? Regardless, this blog - and writing as a whole - will always be a high priority for me, and having asks to reply to and ideas to flesh out will always help me stay motivated. You're always welcome to add on and send asks, I love getting to explore my muses in new ways, or writing them in new scenarios! ^^ I think writing other pairings would be a lot of fun, as well! That depends largely on what she or others are comfortable with writing, though. If she'd enjoy writing it, then so would I! I think each clubmate has a unique sort of affection for one another, romantic or not, and their relationships to one another are part of why I grew so attached to the characters in the first place.

[literatxre-clxb]

You can’t go back to change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.

[ misc. starters ]

“Are you certain…?” Yuri muttered, gazing down at the half-finished poem before her. Every few moments, she’d been casting glances behind her, to ensure that her club president remained standing by her side. She sat at her desk within the clubroom, pencil in hand, with Monika hovering over her right shoulder. She had requested the brunette’s assistance with the second half of this poem, having only been able to finish the first overnight. As always, she wrote in handwriting others would describe as ‘flowery,’ or ‘pretentious,’ using her favorite calligraphy pen - meaning what she had already written couldn’t be altered without starting anew completely. 

“It seems that the general connective tissue of writing is one of the hardest parts for me… I develop this list of themes, or ideas that I have in mind, along with numerous ways to exemplify them to achieve their best effect… but when it comes to connecting those ideas in a way that flows naturally, I crumble.” Yuri sighs. “...But you’re probably right. I just… can’t come up with any way to connect the ending I have in mind with the ideas I presented in the first two stanzas.”

She rereads what she’s already written again, and again, and again, until she can hardly believe that what she wrote last night was legible. She’s overanalyzing her own work, and coming to feel that this bit of writer’s block might invalidate all of the ideas she wanted to explore in the first place. 

“I tried to make it clear through both the language used in the introduction and its formatting that the point-of-view character is talking around and obfuscating the problem they’re facing, as though intentionally trying to avoid the solution. Initially, the payoff of the ending was that it was intended to reflect the problems faced by the reader, and display that we all have things we try to avoid or push away because we’re terrified of how they might change the world around us if we acknowledge them… perhaps establishing the protagonist as someone who falls victim to this behavior was a mistake. After all, it’s hard to succinctly change a character’s habits in the span of just a short poem… Maybe the story I have in mind would be easier to write as a cautionary tale, where this problem boils over and changes their world regardless of their attempts to push it away?” 

She looks over her shoulder at the club president once more, realizing she may have gone on a bit too long - an unfortunate habit of hers. “What do you think, Monika? How would you go about helping someone realize they’ve been avoiding something that they’re better off having confronted?”

[literatxre-clxb]

Some DDLC + / Side-Stories Thoughts...

Reflecting some more on the Side Stories and my old muse descriptions for this blog, I’m really starting to like the idea of the Side Stories having occurred just before or even concurrently to the main game’s canon.  The side stories, I feel, added a lot of depth to Monika’s individual character, helping her reach the same level of development as the others - I feel part of that was missed out on for her, having been sacrificed for the game’s second and third act reveal regarding her epiphany and her greater knowledge of the game’s actual universe. Not to say it didn’t make her a more compelling character - there’s a reason she wins almost every popularity poll - it’s just interesting to see her in a situation where she gets the chance to live life more like the rest of her club members, and to see what her relationships with them would be like if the events of the game had never unfolded. Additionally, the idea of the side stories occurring in the same universe / timeline as the game itself makes them more emotional, in a way - Monika built up these incredibly dear friendships, only to have her entire reality shatter around her. The mental stress of that is unimaginable, and it really helps to empathize with her actions, even if it also acts to demonize them further after having come to care for the rest of the club members so dearly.  Perhaps it’s just because the same characters are involved in the Side Stories and the Main Game, but it’s always been difficult for me to entirely separate them because of how much better of a glimpse they give us into the club members’ actual lives and intimate emotional reactions to one another.  In other news... I’ve been thinking of rewriting my muse descriptions, because I don’t follow those characterizations of them very closely anymore, and they’re certainly outdated. Whether or not I actually get around to doing so is anyone’s guess!

[nightprompts]

&. 𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

(  various  fluffy  dialogue  prompts  so  soft,  so  sweet,  just  for  you!  )

❛ i just wanted to make sure you’re okay. ❜

❛ there it is, there’s that smile! ❜

❛ you got me flowers? ❜

❛ i’m not afraid of you. ❜

❛ aw, did you miss me? ❜

❛ you’re lucky that you’re cute. ❜

❛ wait, you think i’m cute? ❜

❛ you’re not alone. you never were. ❜

❛ i don’t think i’ve ever seen you smile. ❜

❛ good morning, sleeping beauty. ❜

❛ it’s better with you here. ❜

❛ don’t worry, i’m staying right here. ❜

❛ you’re welcome to stay, if you want. ❜

❛ don’t be a stranger, okay? ❜

❛ i haven’t laughed like this in a long time. ❜

❛ hold still. this might sting a little. ❜

❛ you can hold my hand, if you want. ❜

❛ i knew you would be here. ❜

❛ i just wanted to say thank you for protecting me. ❜

❛ before you do anything, try this and tell me what you think. ❜

❛ wow i really can’t speak, huh? must be because of how pretty you look. ❜

❛ we can order pizza, watch a movie, whatever you want. ❜

❛ what, am i not allowed to look at you? ❜

❛ i’m not giving up on you. ❜

❛ is that my shirt? ❜

❛ this is a good look for you. ❜

❛ pinky promise? ❜

❛ c’mere, you. ❜

❛ honey, i’m home! ❜

❛ you remembered? ❜

❛ you’re my family too. ❜

❛ let’s go somewhere, just you and me. ❜

❛ i’m here for you. don’t forget that. ❜

❛ you’re the only thing that matters. ❜

❛ was that your first kiss? ❜

❛ i was worried something happened to you. ❜

❛ your heart is beating so fast right now. ❜

❛ relationships are built on trust, and i trust you. ❜

❛ you always see the good in people. even me. ❜

❛ do you think the moon is jealous of how pretty you are? ❜

❛ nope, puppy dog eyes aren’t going to work this time! ❜

❛ thanks to you, i know what it means to love again. ❜

❛ how about a kiss before i go? ❜

❛ i’m just glad you’re okay. ❜

❛ here we are, home sweet home. ❜

❛ thanks for being here with me. ❜

❛ seeing you happy is all that matters. ❜

❛ keep it. it looks better on you. ❜

❛ i couldn’t stop missing you if i tried. ❜

❛ you feel like home to me. ❜

[literatxre-clxb]

❝  wait are you jealous?  ❞

[ jealous, fiercely protective, and territorial prompts ]

The question catches Yuri off guard - sitting at her desk in the clubroom, she carefully, slowly places her bookmark between the pages of the book she’s reading, before closing it. She takes this time to begin contemplating her response.

“Yes, Monika,” she begins, her eyes still upon the cover of her book. If she looks the other girl in the eyes, she won’t be able to tell the whole truth, and she knows it. “I suppose that’s the best way to describe how I feel about you. From time to time, I mean.” She can feel a wave of strong emotions coming on, a high rolling tide upon the shore, and decides that it’s for the best to chase that feeling - at least long enough to make her feelings known.

“Everybody in this school worships you.” Yuri pauses for effect, her statement hanging in the air between them like a static charge. “Everybody except Natsuki, maybe. I understand that this worship is because they fail to see you as you truly are - as a fallible, normal human being. But regardless, you have to accept that countless people view you in a positive light. Boys talk about you, and want to be with you. Girls want to be you. You’re the gold standard for everybody - what everyone else envies most, and aims to become similar to.”

“I’m grateful that we’re given a look behind the curtain - at your true self - while we’re together in the club, but I honestly do envy the position you’re in with the rest of the student body. You’re their angel, Monika, and I’m…” She trails off, her eyes still locked upon her desk. Her emotions plunge downward, into negativity - into self hatred, albeit only for a short moment. “Well, the rest of us can’t say the same.” “I just hope you know that they could never love you as truly and wholly as we do,” And finally, she manages to look up at the beautiful girl standing before her. “...And that your popularity is a gift, just as much as you might view it as a curse.” It seems like she just got a lot off of her chest… maybe this jealousy has actually been building for quite some time. Seems she said more than she actually meant to while she was going on her little rant, too - she might have conflated her own feelings with those of the other club members, assuming that the others must have felt the same. 

“Though, in coming to view that popularity as a gift… please try not to forget who your real friends are. The literature club… for a variety of reasons, we all view this place as a blessing. As a refuge. We have you and only you to thank for that.” She pauses. “And maybe Sayori, too, a little bit.” Yuri smiles. 

As much as she might believe that she knows the truth about who Monika is, there are countless layers to her reality that she will never understand - that she never could hope to understand, that she’ll never be meant to or ready to understand. Yuri could never hope to fathom exactly how little pondering Monika’s supposed popularity meant, given the truth of their situation. 

Perhaps there is solace in knowing that the only reality there truly is is one in which the club members are happy, in a place they feel well accommodated and respected - a small slice of paradise, trapped forever within an uncaring, eternally looping void.  

[clubmates-a]

                      ♫ I WANT TO GET CLOSE TO YOU,                   YOU ARE MY DREAM COME TRUE ~! ♫ ❤

                                 ( art credit + template credit . )

[literatxre-clxb]

Closed starter for @shslprogrammerchihiro!

- 

Mere days after the beginning of their School Life of Mutual Killing, Sayori begins to spend most of her time with Junko and Chihiro. They just seem the most… approachable, for lack of a better word. In a hopeless situation like this, she needs people like them - soft and kind. Then again, could she really describe Junko like that…? She seemed very assertive during group meetings, but only in a way that demonstrated an uncompromising will to not interact with that which annoyed her. 

Putting it succinctly… Junko was kind of mean. But she’d never been the victim of it so far, and the people who brought it out of her most were people like Mondo and Toko, so… maybe she’d be safe from Junko’s fashionista rage. 

Chihiro was so interesting, too - during their first ever conversation, Chihiro mentioned that she felt like they’d met somewhere before… even putting that aside, she was just so cute! Her talent would undoubtedly require her to be extraordinarily smart, and it didn’t seem like anyone else was really interested in hearing more about it… besides maybe Hifumi… bleh.

Between Chihiro’s cute, meek demeanor and Junko’s pride and confidence, she couldn’t decide which of them she liked talking to more. It genuinely made it hard to choose what to do with her time! 

At least the first floor had been entirely investigated by now. All she could do, personally, is relax and get to know the people around her better. 

She didn’t want to start suspecting people or getting depressed before the game had even really begun. If anyone was going to die first or seem like easy pickings… she could only hope it would be her, so that she wouldn’t have to see all that would unfold afterwards.

Luckily, one of her favorite places in the school also seemed like one of the safest places to be - the dining hall had an unlimited supply of her favorite cookies! Natsuki would be so jealous!

[shslprogrammerchihiro]

Often times, when it feels as though the world one knows is changing too rapidly, comfort can be found in routine. In the familiar things that have existed long before disruption took hold, so that the change feels a bit less daunting.

With the start of the School Life of Mutual Killing, Chihiro had spent her time clinging to the familiar. So, there she sat in the dining hall, typing away on her school handbook. It set her at ease, to be able to do something she was so used to, even in the absence of many of the familiarities in her life. She had no internet, granted, but the device had provided her with a simple coding app that she passed time with rather often. Programming had been one of the things Chihiro was most passionate about, and something she busied herself with rather often when stressed. Naturally, the start of such an intense scenario, and a whole new way of life was no different. She barely even seemed to notice Sayori walk in, taking herself away from her task for only a few moments at a time to nibble on the blueberry muffin sat beside her or take a sip of cherry cola.

The girl furrowed her brow as she thought about other prewritten responses to add to certain phrases- she was making a chatbot, as they were fun and easy to make, and liked to leave in little easter eggs to be found later, usually by herself. Friendship and companionship were things she greatly yearned for, especially when dealing with the uncertainty ahead of her, but she often lacked the bravery and initiative to take the reins and get talking to people. Thus, she found friendship in strings of code and commands, in ones and zeroes, in the programs she’d create to spend time with her.

She wasn’t the only person in the dining room, of course. Toko was sitting at the table a few chairs away, casting glances at Chihiro with innocent curiosity written on her face. The usual gloom was absent from her expression and her demeanor as she took remarkably small bites of a red apple. She’d also left her hair down this morning, a surprising change. It looked soft and wavy when it wasn’t restricted in a bun or her usual twin braids.

[literatxre-clxb]

Sayori really did try to make as little noise as possible - honest! - but the small pile of plastic-wrapped cookies hitting the table was more than a bit noisy, regardless. She hadn’t considered how loud all of this plastic packaging would be, especially fiddling with it to get each one open… Leave it to Monokuma to provide them with all of their favorite foods, but only in the smallest possible portions that they sold at stores. 

“Ehehe… Sorry. I didn’t really think about how annoying all this crinkling would be. I hope it doesn’t distract you,” she smiled apologetically at Chihiro, wondering if it’d be too awkward to leave now after she’d just sat down.

Thank God it was only the few of them in there. The others… well, this wasn’t the image of herself she wanted to send to some of the ‘higher class citizens’ that she’d be living with for the foreseeable future. She already felt like she didn’t fit in - her family had always been middle-class, and she’d even gone through most of her education in public schools. It was only after Monika, a friend from her school’s Literature Club, spurred her to write a particularly striking poetry collection, that she received any widespread acclaim. This success of hers was apparently enough to land a spot at Hope’s Peak Academy. The general public loved her for the short year or so that she was famous… and then she got trapped in here. 

All she could really do was try not to think about it. After all, she was classmates with the Ultimate Gambler - someone who was arguably a criminal! - AND the Ultimate Affluent Progeny, which is basically just a different way to say Ultimate Trust Fund Baby. There are undoubtedly bigger fish to fry than her in this school. 

She hoped that her sudden presence didn’t come across as an intrusion - though, if it had, Toko most likely would have said something by now. 

Maybe all this’ll help her come across as socially inept, though - the less the others expected of her, the less she’d have to actually contribute, and when what she had to offer was already so little… well, tempering expectations a little couldn’t hurt.  Man, two cookies in, and she’d only now come to realize that she forgot to get something to drink. That’s the way the cookie crumbles sometimes, huh?

[leneemusing]

JEALOUS, FIERCLY PROTECTIVE & TERRITORIAL PROMPTS

feel free to edit pronouns as needed! content warning for some strong language,  threats and implied violence.

to each other:

❝  you’re mine. only mine.  ❞

❝  i’m all yours.  ❞

❝  mine.  ❞

❝  yours.  ❞

❝  we belong to each other.   ❞

❝  you belong to me.  ❞

❝  i belong to you.  only ever you.  ❞

❝  i just didn’t like the way they were looking at you.  like you weren’t mine.  ❞

❝  you know i’m yours,  right?  i only have eyes for you.  ❞

❝  no one else is ever gonna have a chance with me.  you’re it.  you’re all i want.  ❞

❝  i chose you.  and i need you to trust that my decision is final.  trust me.  ❞

❝  wait are you jealous?  ❞

❝  aw,  baby.  it’s cute when you’re jealous.  ❞

❝  i don’t like the way they keep staring at you.   ❞

❝  i don’t like how they keep staring at me.   ❞

❝  are they making you uncomfortable?  i can do something about it.  ❞

❝  no one should even get to look at you unless you want them to.  ❞

❝  stop—  it’s okay.  they’re not worth your anger.  just kiss me.  ❞

❝  stop saying i’m jealous.  i’m not—  i just.  i don’t like having to share. ❞

❝  i’m not jealous,  who said i’m jealous?  ❞

❝  well if i’m all yours then kiss me like it.  ❞

❝  show everyone who i belong to.  ❞

❝  i’m gonna remind them you’re mine.  ❞

❝  i want everyone here to see that you’re mine.  ❞

❝  i want everyone here to see that i’m yours.  ❞

❝  hey—  look at me.  why are you all upset?  ❞

❝  you can’t keep getting your feathers all ruffled when anyone else gives me attention.  ❞

❝  they don’t deserve you—  i don’t deserve you.  but at least i’m aware of it.  ❞

❝  i promise there’s no one else.  you have my heart completely.  ❞

❝  hey,  is this asshole bothering you?  ❞

❝  tell me you’re mine.  ❞

to a third party:

❝  get the fuck away from them!  ❞

❝  look at them like that again and you’ll won’t be seeing anything.  ❞

❝  don’t you dare touch them.  ❞

❝  yeah it’s time to walk the fuck away.  ❞

❝  you’re gonna lose a finger if you don’t get outta my sight right now.  ❞

❝  you heard them,  get lost.  ❞

❝  lucky for you,  i don’t wanna ruin their night.  but i see you sniffing around here again you might not be so fortunate.  ❞

❝  you wanna lose a limb?  beat it,  fucker.  ❞

❝  see,  i woulda left it alone.  but you made them fucking cry.  so now you’re gonna lose your eyes.  ❞

❝  hey,  they said ‘no.’  ❞

❝  hey asshole,  shut the fuck up or i’ll make you shut up.  ❞

❝  what did you just say to them,  you little shit?  ❞

❝  oh yeah.  now you’re all quiet.  not so bold when you’re not the toughest guy in the room,  huh?  ❞

❝  get lost.  ❞

❝  go.  ❞

❝  leave.  before my patience runs out.  ❞

❝  get the fuck outta their face.  ❞

❝  hey,  that’s enough.  ❞

actions:

[ CLAIM ]  for one muse to possessively place their hands on their shoulders or hips. 

[ HOLD ]  for one muse to slide their arm around the other in a possessive way. 

[ SHELTER ]  for one muse to lean into the other’s side or hug them to seek comfort from a crowd or individual while in public. 

[ STAKE ]  for one muse to protectively and/or possessively stand behind the other to intimidate a third party. 

[ RESCUE ]  for one muse to intervene upon seeing a third party making the other one uncomfortable. 

[ CHASE ]  for one muse to interrupt and make a third party leave the other alone out of jealousy/possessiveness. 

[ TENSION ]  for one muse to get in a fight on behalf of the other. 

[ STOP ]  for one muse to break up a fight which started because of them. 

[ MEND ]  for one muse to treat the other’s wounds they got from protecting them. 

[ SCOLD ]  for one muse to treat the other’s wounds they got from fighting over them. 

[ CARESS ]  for one muse to possessively kiss the other in public.

[ TAKE ]  for one muse to passionately kiss the other,  fueled by jealousy. 

[ TAUNT ]  for one muse to flirt with a third party to try and get the other to act possessively. 

[ REMIND ]  for our muses to have passionate sex meant to remind one party who they belong to. 

[ EMBRACE ]  for one muse to dominate the other due to possessiveness/jealousy. 

[ LINKED ]  for one muse to hold the other’s hand in public to stake claim. 

[ INTERTWINE ]  for one muse to hold the other’s hand in public in a comforting manner. 

[leneemusing]

IT’S  ALL  ABOUT  THE  YEARNING 

❝  you need someone.  let me be that person.  let me be what you need.  ❞

❝  look,  i dunno if i’m the kind of person you need or even want right now.  but i’m looking around and i’m the only one who’s here.  ❞

❝  i never realized how much i needed you until you were the one person who wasn’t there.  ❞

❝  you asked me once,  if i would ever take a chance on us…maybe that ship sailed.  but.  ask me again?  sometime— doesn’t have to be today.  maybe tomorrow just.  ask me again.  ❞

❝  i know i can’t protect you from everything,  but i wish you’d let me protect you from the things i can control.  ❞

❝  i used to have so much faith.  maybe not in deities or something but,  in the world.  the universe.  i believed their was a purpose to it all.  i’m not sure when i lost that.  ❞

❝  have you ever had something…missing?  like something just doesn’t feel right inside you but you don’t know what it is.  ❞

❝  sometimes,  i just need the world to be beautiful.  i know how dark and ugly it can be but i just want to see something good and focus only on it for a few minutes.  ❞

❝  i was sort’ve hoping you needed me.  is that selfish?  ❞

❝  people need someone to see them for what they are and not just see it but accept it.  i want to be that person for anyone i can…but it can be so suffocating to be that person and also remain unseen.  ❞

❝  sometimes i feel i’m being crushed under the weight of everything i’ll never be.  ❞

❝  you’re looking at me but you’re not seeing me.  do you know how that feels?  just see me.  please.  ❞

❝  i want to deserve you.  i’m trying to deserve you.  ❞

❝  i know i fucked up.  i know i did but don’t shut me out anymore.  let me in.  please let in.  ❞

❝  every time you smile at me,  i memorize it.  i remember each moment that i get to be the one to bring out that light inside you.  no matter what happens between us,  that’s what i’ll remember.   ❞

❝  i can’t help but think there’s got to be something out there for me,  somewhere.  just some place where i actually feel like i belong.  ❞ 

❝  the world is so big.  why do i never feel like i fit into it?  ❞

❝  when i’m with you i feel like myself.  i feel like every side of me is present and accepted.  and i feel good about it—  i feel good about who i am when i’m with you.  ❞

❝  do you like me?  i know you love me.  i know you care about me but.  do you like who i am?  ❞

❝  i want to look in the mirror one day and not feel uncomfortable with my own reflection.  ❞

❝  just take my hand and close your eyes.  pretend we’re anywhere else but here.  ❞

❝  so,  what would you be?  if you had to power to change all the things making you unhappy,  what would your life look like?  ❞

❝  do you even know what it does to me?  every time i see you cry,  any time you’re hurt even the smallest bit it just— do you realize how deeply you’ve imbedded yourself into my heart?  ❞

❝  i don’t feel like a whole person without you anymore.  i don’t fucking care if anyone else would say about that.  you’re part of who i am now.  the most important piece of me.  ❞

❝  every time you walk away you take another piece of me with you.  ❞

❝  i’m only really living in the moments when we’re together.  the rest is just existing until you look at me again.  ❞

❝  it feels like there’s a string around my heart and it’s connected to you.  everywhere you go you’re just tugging me behind,  pulling me towards you.  ❞

❝  you’ve got me in the palm of your hands.  you could crush me and i would still thank you for touching me at all.  ❞

❝  i no longer know where i end and you begin.  you’ve wound yourself around my soul so tightly,  you’re all i feel anymore.  ❞

❝  you’ve stolen my heart,  the least you could do is tell me what you intend to do with it.  ❞

❝  i don’t have perfect words.  i’m not the kind of person who knows how to sound poetic and shit.  so all i know what to tell you is that i belong to you.  i don’t know if you want me.  but i’m yours.  and at this point however it is you need me,  i’m here.  ❞

❝  you’re the only thing that matters anymore.  i can’t eat,  i can’t sleep—  all the goddamn cliches from every stupid movie and song.  you’re all i think about.  i’m useless except when i’m yours.  ❞

❝  i haven’t stopped thinking about the way you laugh.  i’m hoping i’ll get to hear it again.  ❞

❝  when your eyes are on me,  i feel like something worth seeing.  ❞

❝  just let me look at you for a little bit.  ❞

❝  i would do anything for you.  all my lines and rules.  they mean nothing when it comes to you.  it’d cross and break them all just to make you happy.  ❞

[bloomsbreak]

gayest of people ever

moniyuri / yurika should be more seen tbh

[literatxre-clxb]

Closed starter for @shslprogrammerchihiro!

- 

Mere days after the beginning of their School Life of Mutual Killing, Sayori begins to spend most of her time with Junko and Chihiro. They just seem the most... approachable, for lack of a better word. In a hopeless situation like this, she needs people like them - soft and kind. Then again, could she really describe Junko like that...? She seemed very assertive during group meetings, but only in a way that demonstrated an uncompromising will to not interact with that which annoyed her. 

Putting it succinctly... Junko was kind of mean. But she'd never been the victim of it so far, and the people who brought it out of her most were people like Mondo and Toko, so... maybe she'd be safe from Junko's fashionista rage. 

Chihiro was so interesting, too - during their first ever conversation, Chihiro mentioned that she felt like they'd met somewhere before... even putting that aside, she was just so cute! Her talent would undoubtedly require her to be extraordinarily smart, and it didn't seem like anyone else was really interested in hearing more about it... besides maybe Hifumi... bleh.

Between Chihiro's cute, meek demeanor and Junko's pride and confidence, she couldn't decide which of them she liked talking to more. It genuinely made it hard to choose what to do with her time! 

At least the first floor had been entirely investigated by now. All she could do, personally, is relax and get to know the people around her better. 

She didn't want to start suspecting people or getting depressed before the game had even really begun. If anyone was going to die first or seem like easy pickings... she could only hope it would be her, so that she wouldn't have to see all that would unfold afterwards.

Luckily, one of her favorite places in the school also seemed like one of the safest places to be - the dining hall had an unlimited supply of her favorite cookies! Natsuki would be so jealous!

[literatxre-clxb]

“  do you know how hard it was to let you go? ”

Life, for Yuri, would forever be best encapsulated and understood through stories. Even the terrifying and fantastical can be methodically combed over and understood in intimate detail through the art of storytelling. After all, anything fantastical and terrifying in fiction usually reflects something comparable in reality - every villain archetype is tied to a human act, opinion, thought, or worldview.  

If she could, she’d write forever. Novels and novels worth of friends she could make, enemies she could topple, worlds to travel… they were all means of escaping a reality that never seemed to make space for her. It was a vicious cycle - something bad or embarrassing happens, usually something Yuri feels she’s inflicted on herself, so she then goes to write about it and practice unsafe and unhealthy coping mechanisms, until she eventually tries to move out of that phase and socialize again.

A wheel, ever turning, soaked in blood and lined with eyes that never seemed to stop staring at her. 

She knew it was her fault that the wheel kept turning. The world didn’t actually have it out for her - she always wanted her objective, mature, and reasonable side to win out over her childish superstition. She should make the choice to be healthy, but she just… never could. Maybe it was laziness, maybe it was a genuine longing for glorious self-destruction, maybe she was just waiting for someone to notice and tell her that she needed to do better for the people in her life. 

Her escapism was her strength, and it led her to isolate herself whenever she felt she’d committed even a minor transgression. Any small comment about ways she could work to improve herself came off as though they were hateful words, intended to try and show her her own flaws that she’d already become very familiar with.

Joining the Literature Club was the scariest thing that Yuri had ever done. Sayori and Natsuki were welcoming, certainly, and it seemed like a wonderful place to explore her hobbies and expand her horizons as an artist… but could she handle being around people she didn’t truly know, for an hour after every school day? 

It was made clear to her on the first day that they still didn’t have enough members to become an official club. They needed at least a couple more people to join before they could solidify their place as the Literature Club, and as much as Yuri liked the idea of having a place to belong, the idea of bringing more people in - to judge her, to mock her, to critique her - terrified her. 

The final bell rang after some short, awkward introductions and conversation. Yuri was antsy to get back home, to  try and sort out some of the complex feelings she was having about her actions today - she didn’t realize how quickly she was walking towards the front hall until she walked past the music room, and the gentle piano playing flowing out the door seemed to just breeze by her. 

Other students were indulging in their hobbies so freely, and with such incredible proficiency. Why did something as simple as reading a book for an hour at the end of every day have to be such an incredible issue for her? Ultimately, it all boiled down to her anxiety - it was other people, not the books, that were the problem. 

She couldn’t hear any voices coming from the music room, just the gentle tapping of keys… Maybe whoever was inside was practicing alone. Maybe Yuri was better off alone, too. 

It became a habit, over the next week or so, to stand outside the music room and listen to the quiet music that would come from it as she left school for the day. Sometimes the person playing would mess up a note, or quit playing because their sheet music fell, and thinking that nobody was listening, would mutter something that Yuri couldn’t hear, or press down on a bunch of the keys at once in frustration. Whatever this piece that they were learning was, it was certainly giving them a hell of a lot of trouble. 

By the fourth or fifth day, Yuri had found it in herself to glance into the glass window on the music room door as she walked by - the room was much more vibrantly colored than she’d anticipated, with bright paneling along the front wall, a soft-looking carpet in the middle, even a couch for lounging. 

What stood out to her most of all, though, was that she now had a face to connect with her previously-unknown Mozart. It was a girl, shorter than her, but not by much, with brown hair, also only a bit shorter than her own. Her emerald-green eyes focused intensely downward towards her hands, which floated across the keys like dancers in the rain. Occasionally, she’d glance up towards her sheet music to read the next few notes, or to flip the page. 

Yuri was struck by her beauty, and spent the rest of her few minutes listening trying to convince herself to walk in and say hello - an unprecedentedly confident move, from someone like her. Ultimately, that desire died in her, and she decided to do it another day.

Yuri couldn’t have known it, but the piano’s position in the music room actually places the chair for playing it quite far back into the room. Despite the fact that she was a shrinking violet personified, her presence was still quite pronounced, due to her height and hair - and you don’t have to move your head to check your peripheral vision. 

“She’s like me,” Yuri had begun to tell herself. She needed to convince herself of it, if she was ever to try and start a conversation with whoever was in the music room. “Right now, she’s taking solace in the fact that she has that safe and relatively isolated place to practice what she’s passionate about.” 

If there was anything Yuri wanted, it was to join her in that space, and to bond with her over the fact that they were both happiest alone. Ironically, wouldn’t they just end up disturbing each other’s happiness by even so much as indulging in that conversation, though? What if this was all projection, and in reality, Yuri had just been… practically stalking this innocent girl, for no reason? 

Honestly, though, as creepy as it might have been, or at least, as creepy as she was making it seem in her mind - this had made her happy. It was as though she was sharing an exclusive moment with someone, glimpsing into their life, only temporarily. She’d become infatuated with the idea of what this mysterious pianist might be like. 

It’s about half a week later that she finally gathers the courage to knock on the door to the music room and step inside, introducing herself before she even finishes placing her things down and taking a seat. “I’ve been listening to you play for a little while,” she begins, trying to make herself seem approachable and open to conversation, “...and I wanted to ask about it. You might have seen me in class, or… walking by the door.” She’s staring down at her hands, balled up in the fabric of her skirt in anxiety. 

“Do you know how hard it was to let you go?” Monika smiles. To Monika, it’s a statement that hints at countless eternities of suffering spent in pursuit of something more than a predetermined existence - a statement that carries years of love lost and found, time and time again. To Yuri, it’s a revelation that this entire time, her presence was known and welcomed, and that Monika had carefully chosen to wait for her to be comfortable with engaging in conversation.

Regardless of it’s interpretation, Monika’s statement marked the beginning of something. A friendship, a relationship, or even just a temporary sharing of hobbies, and then a divergence - one way or another, this moment was something that they had, and it was exclusive to them. 

[ghstmemes]

SEND ❓+ A QUESTION AND MY MUSE HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO ANSWER TRUTHFULLY

feel free to elaborate as much as possible !

[literatxre-clxb]

Rare update from mun here - I recently finished my final assignments for the year, so I should be more active coming up soon, if nothing in my personal life comes up. I’m looking forward to writing more for this blog soon!

[literatxre-clxb]

Re: my last post, I'd like to elaborate that Yuri probably doesn't like the fact that she needs Monika, or at least, doesn't like looking at their friendship/relationship in that way. She doesn't want to be the needy or obsessive type, it genuinely is just a facet of her personality that she struggles with maintaining. It infiltrates every aspect of her life, especially her interpersonal relationships.

[literatxre-clxb]

I never needed you. I wanted you, there’s a difference. (@lilmonix-3)

It is not lost on Yuri that there is a difference between reliance upon someone, and willingly indulging in their presence. The difference is made clear when it comes time to part ways - if one is too heavily reliant upon another to make them whole, even the act of saying goodbye will feel like sacrificing a part of oneself. 

It’s unhealthy to form that kind of connection to someone, and she knows that. It’s always been hard for Yuri to know where to draw the line, though - her love is a very powerful force, dangerous if allowed to run amok unrestrained. It’s actually quite convenient that she only forms strong bonds with people who are very particularly special to her, and respectful of her - otherwise, she might be a very different kind of person.

Maybe Yuri needed her. 

Monika was the club’s voice of reason, and a consistent force of order. Only by confiding in Monika could Yuri consistently shut out the voice of anxiety, constantly bickering with her own internal sensibility. Nobody else made her feel like she wasn’t a burden to have around, or to converse with. Monika made her feel not just respected, but appreciated. 

Yuri knew that if Monika was to disappear, or leave her behind, or any other tragedy - well, she’d be losing the person she needed to help make her crowded thoughts feel clearer, even for a short time. 

Another striking difference between ‘need’ and ‘want’ is that wanting for something reflects an active desire for the object or individual in question. Needing something can cause desire, too, but it’s a very different feeling - an unfulfilled need becomes suffocation, starvation, dehydration. An unfulfilled want becomes a mild annoyance, a temporary tantrum in the worst of cases, and a renewed enjoyment of that which is wanted once it is finally brought to you. 

Yuri needed Monika because nobody else made the same effort to understand her. Yuri needed Monika because in her, she found someone who had already seen far uglier than all she’d experienced or inflicted upon herself - and someone who was willing to help her address that which was imperfect about herself.  

Monika wanted Yuri… well, she really couldn’t know why, could she? Yuri had been a dutiful club member and assistant where necessary, a good and reliable friend, and generally did what she could to minimize her negative presence. (Unfortunately, one of the people she spent time around daily was great at maximizing her negative aspects.) 

There was nothing she could list about herself that wouldn’t also apply to Sayori, or even Natsuki. Monika saw something in Yuri that the violet-haired girl couldn’t see within herself.