Babes And Blunts

[snorlaxatives]

i can’t believe there are people that are still in high school like… it’s literally 2018 how have you not grown up yet damn

[theeidiot79-deactivated20180115]

Are you perhaps some sort of idiot?

[snorlaxatives]

[sharmakeswife-deactivated201809]

please keep me in your prayers guys, nothing happened i just want a fatter ass😔

[permeate]

[reversedbeat]

[kccojk]

[spudsexuall]

My boyfriend talks in his sleep and because he’s bilingual, he says some hilarious/weird/sometimes creepy shit. I ask him every morning if he remembers saying this stuff and he has no idea about any of it. 

Here are some of my favorites:

-”Babe, can you please turn down the brightness of your skin” -After stealing all of the blankets: “This is my right as a human” -After I take the blankets back: “I don’t want your freedom, America. Just blanket” -Sometimes he just says “Hello?” as if he’s answering a phone call -One night he just said “Cabbage” which is weird because he doesn’t know the english word for that when he’s awake.  -After spooning me: “You have a nice butt” -”Who is that in the corner?” (terrifying) -”Watch out for the red lady” (even more terrifying) -Sometimes he will say things in German and it sounds like he’s speaking Parseltongue -One time I actually think he said something in Parseltongue -One time he talked about buying a ticket to “everywhere” and then just said “hello?” after two minutes of silence -And my all time favorite: ”This is MY yogurt, Satan”

[letstrythisshiz]

[sixpenceee]

Lara and Mara Bawar are not your average supermodels, but their striking appearance is sending shockwaves through the fashion industry. The 11-year-old twins from São Paulo, Brazil, have albinism, a condition that causes a lack of skin and hair pigment, and they embrace it to the fullest.

[shitispuffinup-deactivated20190]

Me when I get in bed: ooooh I’m a warm little bich!!!

[little-sunny-d]

What kind of pupper do you think this is?

[meetmeinthehallway]

IM FUCKING SCMIFNDISNFGDIFNASFIDGGD

[myzuer]

Mushroom

[duyeo]

[ultrafacts]

Source If you want more facts, follow Ultrafacts

[maggiemunkee]

I read an anecdote from someone whose African Grey didn’t particularly get along with her Amazon parrot, Paco. One night she was preparing cornish hens for dinner, while the grey hung out with her in the kitchen. He got a closer look at one of the hens, looked his mama dead in the eyes and asked, “Paco?” Then he laughed.

[vitiateoriginator]

that is one sadistic bird 

[mentalhealthfemme]

I am slightly afraid now.

[syndonic-deactivated20160709]

I love birds?

[toshio-the-starman]

African Grey Parrots are one of the smartest birds, and seems they can be known to play “jokes” or “pranks” on their owners or any visitors.

I was visiting a friend of the family one time and I was just casually watching tv when I thought I heard the water running. I go into the kitchen but everything’s fine. the parrot looks at me and says “gotcha”.

Parrots are awesome.

[whatswrongwithblue]

I have an African Grey named Loki and he lives up to his name.

He likes to scream and mimic the sounds of things falling off the shelf and when we run into the room to see what’s happening he says “The cat did it! Bad Sammy!” and laughs.

Whenever he gets mad at me he flies away from me, but since he can’t fly very well, he always crash lands. And the first thing he says when I go to pick him up, without fail, is always “You need to vacuum,” in a very bitter grumble. 

Loki likes to call our cat to him. He’ll sit there for minutes saying “here kitty kitty kitty.” The cat will come, walk up to the bird, get bit and then Loki will laugh as the cat screams and runs away. This goes on for hours. 

If it’s late at night and he’s tired, but I’m still up with the lights on, he’ll say “Loki go night night.” It’s starts of in a normal tone and then gets louder and louder until he’s screaming “LOKI GO NIGHT NIGHT!” 

If he sees my dad fall asleep, he screams like a little girl to scare my dad awake. And then laughs. He’s kind of perfected that evil laugh.

But the best one was when I brought home the man who has since become my ex for the first time, Loki looked him dead in the eyes and said “I’m going to bite you.” My parrot was the first one to see what a bad person my ex. He was smarter than us all. 

[buggery-approved]

Parrots are people.

[countess7-deactivated20210515]

@oneshortdamnfuse

[theofficialvincenzo]

African Greys are like the greatest animal on the planet

[outragedbird]

When I was a kid, we had a rescued african grey called Dodi, and once I was arguing with my mum about my bed time, and the parrot (who had some very foul mouthed previous owners) just shouted at me “for fuck sake go to bed!” also whenever we hoovered he’d call us “yoooou dusty cunts” best thing was he had a scottish accent

[nuttyrabbit]

Reblogging for Scottish swearing parrot

[pati79]

I almost died choked with a piece of cake because of the last one.

[azcrowleyfell]

@farragoofwires

[shuhvon]

Cosmo got something right for once

[itsagifnotagif]

Old but still one of my fave memes

[aquariushawty]

HOW HE TREATS YOU IS HOW HE FEELS ABOUT YOU. DON’T TRY TO DECODE IT OR MAKE EXCUSES ITS SIMPLE. IF HE ACTS LIKE HE DON’T CARE, HE DON’T CARE.