Writing To Cope With Trauma

Home to a 24 year old trying to heal from extended periods of childhood trauma through a silly blog on Tumblr :]

[unwelcome-ozian]

[littleguy-bigfeels]

I wish my abuser knew that fear and respect are two different things

[gentleaffirmations]

I am here for the "bad" survivors.

I am here for people who don't perform perfectly as they recovered from their trauma and abuse.

I am here for people who weren't believed.

I am here for people who went back, who reached out, who were unsure about what was happening to them until they were.

I am here for people who behaved chaotically and uncharacteristically in reaction to their trauma.

I am here for people who screamed, yelled, or hit back.

I am here for people who froze, stayed silent, or couldn't fight back.

I am here for people who couldn't get their stories straight, because their own memories of what happened were so fractured by the trauma.

I am here for people who's boundaries became rigid and impermeable as they tried to create a new sense of safety in their life.

I am here for people who lost all boundaries, who felt unsafe setting any boundaries in the wake of having them violated.

Whatever happened that makes you feel like you were a "bad" survivor, I am here for you.

There are no "bad" survivors because there are no "good" survivors. Surviving is hard.

[littleguy-bigfeels]

Ah yes. The passing of time,,,

Hello, I've been busy! I started this tumblr account to write about my experiences to cope, but I just haven't. I've been busy, and I've also been hesitant to share some of my story. I also worry that I'm not using the right language to describe what happened to me.

I need to be brave.

[littleguy-bigfeels]

It's been a while

My first semester back to college/university has been full of great learning opportunities and growth.

I was able to really fall in love with writing again because of my English class! I guess it was evident that I loved it so much because my professor wants to submit a paper of mine to a creative writing event and a poem I wrote to my school's creative newsletter :D !! I had no idea that creative fiction could be something people wanted to read, but here we are!

I'll provide an update on that as events unfold, but I'd love for people to read my work at some point!!

[littleguy-bigfeels]

Update on that event and newsletter:

My poem didn't get into the newsletter due to it being too short :( I had no idea that was a factor that could contribute, but hey, it happens!

The event that I was really confused about (in terms of title) was something my university calls "Celebrate Writers", where students in different English writing classes are nominated for certain categories. I don't remember the categories specifically, but I believe they went by class level (English 101/English 102) and Unit in that class. There were two winners for each category!

I was nominated for three categories (English 101 Unit 1, Unit 2, and Unit 4 [I think] ), and was one of the two winners in the Unit 4 category!!

This is great because that specific paper was my last one in that class-- which I was really proud of!!

While I didn't get to really dive into other peoples' writing, there was an opportunity for students in the Creative Writing class to read pieces from their thesis. That was so fun! There were so many creative voices that really hit me in good, bad, and indifferent ways. It is my belief that each kind of response (whether intentional or not) is equally important!

I want to compile some works together for people to see them, but I'm not sure where to do that, or even where to start! My other concern is that because my works aren't from already established media, no one will want to read them,,, I'll figure it out though!

[littleguy-bigfeels]

THE SEMESTER IS ALMOST OVER!!!

I haven't been able to be on here much this semester because I've been busy (and depressed due to winter,,,), but I really hope to write more things and share those things!!

[casarole76]

[ath3alin]

so fucking humbling to be like “no I like that character a normal amount” and then you can literally feel your heart rate spike at a mention of them like a dog that just heard the word “treat”

[synergy27]

Me at 13: “god I can’t wait to go home and read fanfic”

Me at 17: “god I can’t wait to go home and read fanfic”

Me at 21: “god I can’t wait to go home and read fanfic”

[showgirlshawn]

Me at 35: “god I can’t wait to go home and read fanfic”

[avenger-nerd-mom]

Me at 51: "god I can't wait to go home and read fanfic"

[vvdot]

Me at 60: "god I can't wait to go home and read fanfic"

[littleguy-bigfeels]

Me at 87 in the nursing home in a group activity: “god I can’t wait to go home and read fanfic”

[tragicburnout]

the best apology is changed behavior

[littleguy-bigfeels]

Life used to be so much harder for me. I was in a constant state of distress, with a vast ocean of cortisol waiting to swallow me whole.

The currents would violently pull me under as I clawed and kicked my way back to the surface for air. These oceans had no concept of time; I could be pulled back under any second. I hated it. And I hated myself.

Nowadays, I'm much better adjusted to handle intense emotions. I have the proper equipment to safely dive into the cortisol ocean— with a team of aides to help in a nearby boat if I need. I'm forever grateful for all of them. I'm grateful that I've come this far.

On days like today, however, I have no diving equipment. I have no backup. I'm floating atop the ocean, hoping—dare I say praying— that something—please, anything—will charge to the surface and drag me under, leaving all of the air I have left to breathe on the surface.

[writingsforwinter]

I live in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

As some of you may have seen on the news, our city has been occupied by federal ICE agents for many weeks now; estimates hover around 3,000+ ICE agents. Agents have been waging a 24/7 campaign of terror against Minnesota communities, with a major emphasis on Minneapolis. They have committed mass abductions of our BIPOC and immigrant neighbors; they have subjected women and trans community members to gender-based violence; they have murdered two Minneapolis residents. They have detained children as young as 2 years old. Toddlers. They used a 5-year-old child as bait to lure his family from his home to be detained.

Whatever you think it's like in Minnesota right now from wherever you live, it's worse. It's far worse than you're imagining.

On January 7, ICE agents murdered Renee Nicole Good, 37, a queer woman, poet, mother, and wife. They shot her 4 times as she tried to drive away from them. They refused offers from observers to provide her medical care. As she lay dying, a male ICE agent called her a f-cking b-tch.

Today, on January 24, they murdered Alex Jeffrey Pretti, an intensive care unit nurse. Several agents - at least 7 - beat Alex repeatedly in the head, tear gassed him, restrained him, and repeatedly shot him at point blank range. Before they murdered him, Alex had stepped in to help a woman whom the agents pushed to the ground.

If you do not live in Minnesota, Stand with Minnesota is a very helpful website filled with places to donate, mutual aid information, scripts for contacting your elected officials, calls to action, and more.

Please help us. https://www.standwithminnesota.com/

Please do not read this and turn away. Please share this with anyone and everyone you know.

And if you support ICE, unfollow me. You are not welcome on my page, ever.

[tenderwatches]

sometimes you need dialogue tags and don't want to use the same four

[thoughtkick]

“First impressions are always unreliable.”

— Franz Kafka

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

[littleguy-bigfeels]

I'm so excited for classes to start back up at university but I'm really nervous also,,, I'm so scared that this coming semester won't be as good as my last one or that my GPA will go way down

The best I can do is try my best and know what to do if/when I start to fall. I will put my best foot forward!

Best of luck to all of you university students going into your next semester!

[ellipsus-writes]

If you haven't heard, the em dash has been getting a lot of attention lately…

Because it was trained on pirated work—including freely accessible online writing (like fanfic, academic texts)—ChatGPT picked up patterns and quirks native to human writing.

Including (sigh) the em dash.

There are other victims here (RIP tapestry and delve 🫠), but the appropriation of the em dash—a punctuation mark beloved by writers everywhere—feels especially personal.

A kind of low-grade panic is ensuing. Writers who once memed their own em dash overuse—the greatest punctuation mark ever to grace the control-freak’s lexicon, frankly—are suddenly backing away to avoid accusations.

No. More. We have centuries of dash-abusing writers behind us. We will not sit quietly while AI repurposes our beloved stilted aside—or the just-one-more clarification the sentence demands—or the dramatic pause your comma could never—etc.

You don’t write like AI—AI writes like you.

Defend the em dash.

(Feel free to download/share/stick it where it matters!)

[littleguy-bigfeels]

The em dash helped me write smoother papers for my college class once I knew how to use them!! Defend and protect these bad boys with your life!!