LizWinchester

I love Supernatural and Hawaii Five O and anything marvel and DC. I do take request if anyone has anything.

[deadlymistletoe]

Deadly's Once Upon A Time Masterlist

Killian Jones/Captain Hook x Reader

Birthday Wishes

As your birthday comes to an end, you begin to doubt that Killian will show up, however when you go to your room there’s a surprise for you.

Moonlit Misery

On the anniversary of being separated from your beloved son by the devil known as Peter Pan, you and Killian despair under the moonlight with thoughts of your failure.

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[tiredofthehumanlife]

Fuck pirating, the sea of baby fever is for me

Barbie dolls: Killian Hook Jones x pregnant reader

Word: 3.3K

Summary: you and Killian have a loving night of sex and few months later you find yourself trapped in the echo cave with only one secret: your pregnancy

Warning:aside from the pregnancy thing it's gender neutral, sex mentioned and extremely briefly described, Echo cave, cuz I like that episode, highly unlikely pregnancy but lets pretend it's just ovulation and Killian j has really great swimmers, suspend you disbelief for me 🙏, you're best friends w Emma, I don't think that's a warning but I felt it should be said, yeah and cursing that's it

Storybrooke was a lovely place to live. The townspeople were devoted to the community. Maybe it was because they were all fairytale creatures who couldn’t find full comfort in the modern world.

You came to town with Emma. A strange proposition from your friend and soon enough your bags were packed and you were sharing a new apartment with your closest friend who was in the middle of a custody battle, Adorbs.

 Through all the drama and struggles and threats to your safety, you were struggling to find peace in your daily life. As you met more and more of the characters you read about over a hundred times, you forgot how desensitized you were from crazy.

That was only furthered when you met a man with a hook and a ship. When his name fell from his lips you froze in place. Your brain worked double time to come to terms with that you unfortunately found the real-life Captain Hook. You almost laughed in his face, but you swallowed your thoughts of how absurd your life was and shook his hand. 

Even worse it was evident the attraction was mutual. He made far too many comments at you, though you never disliked it. You feigned annoyance, he even offered to stop. You stayed silent when he asked if you wanted him to stop. Hook chuckled and nodded, muttering about how it was exactly what he expected. You can only wander around town and run into him so many times before your resolve breaks. 

The final straw was so insanely boring and domestic you even disliked that it was your final straw. You and Emma were on your weekly grocery shopping trip. Emma couldn’t give up the reins of the cart, instead slapping your hands away. You took up the job of searching the list and dropping your items into the cart. Emma ranted to you about unsure sheriff problems, going into insane detail. She finished the story as you finished the first half of the list. She sighed and relaxed her face, erasing the almost perpetual wrinkle between her eyebrows. You gave her a comforting smile and patted her shoulder. You started explaining to her your struggles. You headed three feet away from the cart, getting Henry’s favorite cereal from the shelf. 

“Of course, I told Grumpy that. Of course, I was met with grumpiness. I just told him I would like him to stop leaving his coal dust all offer the diner tables. I told him we have a bathroom with a working sink and he told me I should shut up and work in the mines myself. I told him I’m not diminishing your work, I know you work very hard. Your work is the backbone of our town, however, you could wash your hands before-“ As you joined Emma at the cart, dropping the box in the cart, Hook decided your shopping was an open invitation. He stood at the foot of the cart, smiling at the both of you. Emma sighed and dropped her shoulders, leaning closer down to the cart. 

“Can we help you, Hook?” Emma asked. Hook ignored her, moving his eyes to you. He rolled his shoulders, straightening his back. He tucked his hook into his belt. 

“Are you busy this weekend?” Hook asked, still ignoring Emma’s protests of his nearby existence. You held your breath, trying to find the proper reaction in your mind. Your hand traveled under the cart and held onto Emma’s hand on the handle. 

“I just think we could enjoy a meal together.” Hook added, looking away from you as you continued to stare mouth agape at him. Emma’s hold on your hand tightened, trying to gain your attention. It did nothing. 

Your mind reeled trying to calculate what exactly was happening. Captain Hook from the fairy tale Peter Pan was asking you out on a date. Aside from the obvious glaring strangeness staring at you, it was startling anyway. You just assumed he was more of a flirt-and-do-nothing-about-it type and not like a flirt-and-actually-do-something-about-it type. Emma’s elbow quickly jutted out and right into your ribs. You groaned and released her hand. You pressed your palm into the spot where you suspected a bruise to be growing in a few hours. 

“Right, well. If you’re a little busy right now,  I can go. Obviously, you’re going through a little something now.” Hook muttered, taking a step back away from your basket. Your hand shot out towards him. 

“No, I'm free. All weekend actually.” You said, a little too eagerly for your liking. You released your rib, hiding your hands behind your back. Hook froze and stared at you for a moment which made your stomach twist. He nodded like he was finally accepting it. He left soon after giving you the details of when you were going to meet at Granny’s. You turned to Emma, finding her reading the nutrition facts of a jar of alfredo sauce 

“Did you know that alfredo sauce has 4% iron?” Emma muttered. You stared at her, finding your mind empty with responses. 

“Wow.” You whispered, letting her have her moment. Emma nodded and st the sauce back into the cart, pushing it forward again. ”You don’t have a reaction from what just happened?” You asked, glancing down at the list again. Emma snorted. 

“Oh please. He asked me for advice on how to ask you out. Not to mention the tension between you two is so dense, I can barely breathe.” Emma pulled down a bag of pita chips. You hummed, taking the bag out of her hands and throwing it into the cart. 

The date was the start of something fresh and freeing. Killian was charming and your laughs were so loud and constant Granny kept glancing over at your table. You didn’t notice, smiling at Killian so bright he forgot where he was. The food at Granny’s was always good but it was outshined by the warmth spreading between the two of you. His flirting was nothing like having his full attention. An entire evening dedicated to furthering the relationship between you two. 

You both awkwardly stood outside the door to Granny’s after, staring at each other. You thought through the night, choosing your next actions slowly. You smiled at Killian and shoved your hands in your pockets. 

“You don’t have roommates we don’t know about on your ship, do you?” You asked. Killian paused and stared at you with wide eyes. He shook his head. 

“No, why?” Killian asked, raising a brow at you. You pressed your lips together to hide the excitement growing. You held your arm out at him. Killian moved forward and hooked your elbows together. 

“Show me your ship, Killian.” You said, releasing your smile and showing him its full wattage. Killian let a short laugh, leading you towards the docks. 

Killian had an air about him that lured you in from the moment you met him. This was something entirely different. You moved together like you knew each other's next three moves. It was slow and yet not patronizing. He took his sweet time cherishing every inch of your body, pausing to stop and watch your reactions. You laughed through your date and giggled through your night. Killian seemed to quite enjoy kisses that turned into laughs against each other, doing everything in his power to give you your pleasure and humor. By the end of it, you two were so tuckered out you flopped next to each other and didn’t move or recognize each other’s existence until after you caught your breath. 

Killian turned his head to face you, still huffing. His hair was plastered to his forehead. He chuckled and gently patted your cheek. 

“Yeah?” He asked, his words still breathy. You nodded, laughing at his audacity to ask. 

“Yeah.” Killian nodded at your affirmation, sighing and flinging his arm out off the bedside. You sat up and took in your surroundings. You reapplied your mind to the real world, away from the warm and soft words of Killian’s attention. You scooted to the edge of the bed, pulling your underwear from the floor. Killian sat up, his hand brushing against your back. 

“Where are you off to? We haven’t even had the chance to discuss a round three?” Killian muttered, pressing a light kiss to your bare shoulder. You laughed at him, shaking your head in amusement. 

“Oh! You’re funny.” You replied, standing up to pull on your clothes. Killian whined, melting into the sheets where your body was. His hand reached out for you, dragging down your thigh to your knee. 

“Where could you possibly need to be that’s more important than my post-coital care, aye?” Killian asked still trying to grip onto you as you pulled up your pants. You shook your head, following the trail of his discarded black clothes. Killian groaned again as you left his circle of reach. 

“I just need to get home. I have to shower, dress for bed, debrief, drink some tea, brush my teeth, work on some things I didn't finish yesterday, and sleep. Unfortunately, I do believe to share a bed with you is to share a bed with temptation.” You found both your socks thank goodness. You almost lost the right one, finding it under his bed. Killian sat up and smiled proudly. 

“Well, we've already lusted. What's the harm in a little more?” Killian asked, grinning up at you. You leaned forward towards him, cupping his cheeks. You gently pecked his lips, lingering for a brief moment to give him a proper goodbye. You pulled back to find Killian’s eyes still shut and his chin pointed up in expectation for more. 

“Because I need my sleep. Though your offer is tempting. Goodnight, Killian.” You said, picking up your shoes and heading for his door. Killian hummed and returned your good night. 

The night between you two was held close to your heart as you continued to speak to Killian. You hadn't gone alone on another date but every accidental run-in was cheery.

A few weeks passed and you felt off. You had plenty of signs and you felt like you had left your marbles. You confided in Emma what you thought was happening and she was dragging you to the closest bathroom with a pregnancy test in hand. She kept the little pink plus sign under wraps as you pulled from Killian. 

You weren't sure what to do at all. You wanted to think and decide. You weren't sure if you wanted to even tell Killian. You weren't even sure if you were okay with Emma knowing. When she tucked you into her side and gently hummed you to sleep you were proud of your decision to tell her. 

You didn't get the chance to decide if you were going to tell Killian before you and Emma were rushing after Henry into Neverland. You followed her around as you and the rest of the group were dragged around after the red X on the map.

Still, you kept your distance from Killian. He tried to start a conversation with you, shooting a bad flirt at you that you would've groaned at before. You stayed silent, ignoring him entirely. Killian scoffed and left your side. You kept it out of your mind as you focused on Henry. 

Your stomach dropped when Killian explained the requirements of the Echo Cave. You froze in front of the entrance, your hand shooting out for Emma's. Killian noticed and hesitated before entering the cave. Emma stopped and joined you at your side. She held onto your hand, reassuring you as she pulled you into the cave.

First up was Killian. He stood at the ledge and turned around to face you. Mary-Margret sidestepped to stay out of the way. Your grip on Emma's hand tightened and she held you steady. Killian let out a sigh and raised his eyes to you. 

“I didn’t think I was ever going to be able to love after I lost Milah, and then I met you. I know we only went on one date but we both know it was a long time coming. I love you, I do.” Killian said. The cave shook as the stone bridge appeared, jutting out into the gap. You held onto Emma's arm as you both fell into each other.

The floor stabilized and you pulled back, huffing in frustration. Emma straightened up keeping her hand on yours. Killian tried to catch your eyes, staring into the side of your face. You couldn't face him, your mind was still rushing through his words. 

You weren't sure if he was being honest. Though the Cave thought he was so you suppose… 

You didn't want to spill your secret, you could see the outrageous reaction. David would probably chide you over your dangerous actions like you're his kid or something. You can already hear his words, fighting lost boys is no behavior for someone pregnant.

You turned your face away from Killian, leaning against Emma's shoulder. You stayed silent during Mary-Margaret and David's confessions. It wasn't your business truly. You swallowed down a gasp but kept your nose out of it. You thought maybe David would go easy on you for your dangerous activities today. If he didn't you could easily point out that he was walking around diseased during all your time in Neverland. 

You stared at the gap between the bridge and the ledge. There was space between the two large enough for one more secret. Emma needed this. You were doing this for her, and Henry. You hadn't released Emma's hand yet and you doubted you would be anytime soon. Emma nodded and gently rubbed your arm in reassurance. You turned around to face the group, trying to catch Killian's eyes through the unhappy couple. 

“Killian.” You whispered, already hearing the pain in your own voice. You didn't want to tell him like that. Not here in this cave. Not here on this island. Not here in front of this crowd. You wanted to go home.

The couple separated, spreading apart so you could see Killian. His mouth was parted and he froze in his place. You couldn't face or speak to him this entire trip and now that it was time to spill your secret you asked for him specifically. His mind reeled as he pieced together that you might finally tell him what he did wrong that caused your reaction. 

“I didn't want to tell you like this. I'm not even sure if I wanted to tell you, period. I think I wanted you to pack your things, get on your ship, and sail off into the sunset scot-free. I didn't want to face the chance of rejection when it came to your love. I can't stomach that. I just wanted to hide the truth so you could think I was just some strange individual who had no empathy for you. You could grow distaste for me and live freely on the sea, not chained down with me.” The cave stayed silent as you such in a breath to stabilize yourself. Mary Margaret had clutched onto her sleeve, staring at you intensely. David was watching Mary-Margaret, trying to figure out what she caught onto. Killian was starstruck. 

He hated to say it but you looked so gorgeous in this damn cave. He was confused and felt like he might lose his balance. Killian hated this cave. He hated this situation. He hated that you had to spill whatever secret you had in a place like this. He wanted you to tell him organically. He wanted you to explain it all to him on your own terms. Now your hand was forced. 

Emma dropped your hand and held onto your shoulder. She squeezed it and you let out an unsteady breath. You weren't going to cry on this god-forsaken island. You held Killian's eyes, you weren't going to break eye contact when you told him this. 

“I'm pregnant.” The air was sucked out of the cave as Mary-Margaret let out a quiet gasp. She clamped her hand over her mouth, her eyes shooting to Killian's quickly. Killian froze, his body turning into a statue. David’s mouth opened, staring at you. Just as you opened your mouth to apologize for never telling Killian until now, the cave shook. You were tousled and fell into Emma. Mary-Margaret held onto the cave wall. David shot for her, trying to find comfort in his wife. Mary-Margret held onto him, her fingers digging into his arm.

 The floor stood solid. You slowly pulled from Emma's arms, looking at the bridge. It was complete, thank the stars. Emma released your shoulders from her hold and cupped your cheeks instead. 

“You'll be okay?” She whispered, her eyes slipping towards Killian for a brief second. You nodded quickly, shooing her down the bridge. She left you standing alone, heading for Neal’s cage. You awkwardly floated next to Killian, waiting for him to regain his bearings. He straightened up and turned to you quickly. Killian held onto your hand, letting your other hand hold on his wrist. Your fingers trailed along the edge of metal and skin, toying with his hook from nervousness. He stared into your eyes. 

“You're pregnant.” Killian’s voice was breathy, still laced with shock. You nodded, not positive your voice could stay steady.

“Why didn't you tell me? Why would you want me to leave you alone like this?” Killian asked. You hated the hurt in his voice, it made you feel nauseous. Your nausea reminded you of the morning sickness in store for you in a few months. You imagined comforting yourself after hunching over the toilet. Emma would help, of course she would but it's not the same as Killian. You thought of waking up in the middle of the night from kicking and having no one’s hand to press against the little foot. You shrugged. 

“I didn't want to hold you back from pirating or whatever it is that you get up to. A baby is a lifetime subscription, I didn't think you would want it like this. It's unexpected. Completely. We haven't even gone on a second date and now we've made an entirely new person.” you glanced away to see Mary-Margaret pretending not to listen by staring at the cave wall. Emma had reached the cage, but Neal was still inside, unfortunately.

“I want it. I want all of it. Forget pirating I have a baby. I wish you told me before but I understand why you didn't. We’ve done plenty more together. We don't need dates, we save each other from Lost Boys and other fairytale shit.” Killian said, dropping your hand to cup the side of your face. You leaned into his palm, smiling at him gently. Killian leaned forward and nudged your nose with his. He waited patiently, giving you plenty of time to refuse his advancement. You lurched forward and pressed your lips against his. Killian released your cheek and slipped his hand behind you to press into your back. You held him closer by the back of his head. The kiss threw you right back into your first date together, wrapping you both up in a swirling warmth. You hummed into his lips, tilting your head to the side to deepen the kiss. 

“Alright, break it up. Break it up.” You pulled away at Emma’s voice. You stepped back from Killian, taking in the group’s eyes. Killian’s hand hesitated on your back, wanting to keep you close.  Emma raised an eyebrow at you. Her smile told you she didn’t mind much at all. You smiled and waved at Neil. He gave you a short wave back. You looked back at Killian, glad you had both fixed your relationship struggles. You knew this pregnancy would be so much easier with Killian by your side. 

[justanoasisimagines]

Bloodied Hand

Summary: Killian's watched someone flirting with you all night, he decides to take it into his own hand Pairing: Killian Jones x Female Reader WordCount: 514 Prompt: “He shouldn’t go after other people’s girlfriends!” Warnings: N/A A/N: 30 Days of 30 Drabbles for my 30th Birthday Credit to cafekitsune for the banner and the divider!

Killian slammed the glass onto the bar, uncaring of the shattering pieces falling from his hand, blood-stained. He’d been struggling to maintain his composure all night. You’d attended Snow’s birthday party together. He’d been willing to celebrate the woman who’d introduced him to the love of his life. Besides, it provided the perfect excuse to show you off. He was the luckiest man everywhere he attended. He was the luckiest man in every world, every dimension, every version of Storybrooke to exist. Killian knew that. 

As a result, he’d made sure everyone knew you were together, for a couple of reasons. One, he loved you, and he wanted everyone to know it. Secondly, it meant everyone else needed to keep their hands and eyes away from you. Which, as someone intimidating and with the capabilities, knew how to murder without getting caught, had been successful. 

Until this evening, you’d gone off to dance with the other women, Killian hadn’t minded especially with the view so enticing. If he had the ability, he would have joined you, but he hadn’t been familiar with the moves currently on display. He’d hoped the music might slow down so he could have at least one dance with his beloved. 

No. Instead, he’d observed a scoundrel flirting with his woman all night. Persistent too. You, Snow, and Emma had long since shooed him away several times. He’d observed him leave and circle back like a great white shark. Killian had long grown tired of the Scoundrel. A woman says No, you leave her alone. The way in which you all closed in together. None of you was looking for male attention tonight. You were attempting to enjoy yourselves. Killian was trying to observe you. 

Killian tried. He’d attempted to count to ten and hold his breath. He’d attempted to realise how unbothered you were. He’d promised himself he wasn’t going to make a scene, however, he’d had enough. Ignoring his bloody hand, Killian moved swiftly towards the scoundrel, pulling him back from the three of you. 

“The women have expressed their interest in being left alone.” 

“I’m not doing any harm.” 

“You are when it’s my girlfriend you're bloody flirting with.” Laughter. The man laughed at Killian Jones, Captain of the Jolly Roger. With one swing, Killian landed the man on his back. 

“Stay away from her, or so help me, and you’ll find yourself at the bottom of the ocean.” 

“Killian!” 

“My love, he shouldn’t go after other people's girlfriends, especially mine!” Killian shook his hand out a couple of times before you made your way over to him, checking out his bloodied hand. 

“You're bleeding.” 

“Yeah, I broke a glass a while ago. I’m fine.” You shook your head. Pulling him away from the crowd to ask the bartender for the first aid kit. 

“We should go to a doctor, make sure your hand is not broken.” 

“Trust me love. I would know if I’d broken my hand. Now come on. I want to dance with you before the night is out.”

“But your hand” 

“Can wait.”

[lila-lou]

✨Coming Home - 6/6✨

Summary: In Texas, you and Jensen grew up side by side, until the day you didn’t. Years later, you find each other again. He’s built a life, he’s tried to move on, he’s even loved someone else. But the second he sees you, he knows he’s been holding his breath since the day he left.

-requested-

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Warnings: None, lol.

Word Count: 2637

DISCLAIMER: Everything is purely fiction. I do not intend to attack or hurt anyone. The story is, of course, entirely made up and meant for entertainment purposes. I love them all.

Jensen was still asleep. His arm draped over your waist, bare skin pressed to bare skin. His face tucked into the space between your neck and shoulder, lips parted just slightly. He was breathing evenly, his chest was rising against your back. Your body ached in that way only he could leave you, not sore, just… claimed. Still pulsing with every memory from the night before. Every whispered word. Every time you gave yourself to him and he gave himself right back.

You let your fingers trail down the arm he’d slung over you. The freckles on his forearm. The familiar shape of his hand. The way his thumb twitched just a little in his sleep, like even now, his body knew it was holding you. And for the first time in years, you weren’t afraid of morning. You weren’t waiting for the silence. The vanishing act. The note left on a nightstand. He was here. And so were you.

You turned your head just slightly, enough to see his face, soft with sleep. His lashes long, his hair tousled and his lips still flushed from everything you'd shared. God, he looked young like this. Not in age, but in hope. You smiled, faint and sleepy. And then, maybe because it was safe, maybe because it was earned, you whispered, so quietly it barely counted as sound: “You stayed”. And still asleep, he murmured, thick with dreaming, lips brushing your skin: “Always”.

-

Weeks passed. The papers were signed. No more waiting. No more in-between. And still, Jensen didn’t rush you. He didn’t post. Didn’t push. Didn’t put a label on anything the world could grab hold of too soon.

But he was there. Every night. Every morning. Every “You want coffee?” and “Come with me to set?”.

You stayed at his place more than you didn’t now. Your stuff slowly claiming space in his drawers, your toothbrush beside his in the bathroom, your favorite sweater always thrown over the arm of the couch because he loved watching you wear it — or wear nothing but it.

He called it “home” now. Not “the apartment”. Not “my place”. Just… home.

He brought you into his world, little by little. The acting world. The set, the lights, the waiting around in trailers while he came back between takes to eat granola bars and kiss your forehead.

And his… other world. The one that really mattered.

Jared was the first to meet you. He looked at you like he’d heard every detail for years and was just glad to finally put a face to it. His hug was strong and warm and full of something that told you he knew. That everyone knew. Not because Jensen had made some big speech. But because when you were in the same room, he didn’t look anywhere else.

“He´s different with you”, Jared had said, later, when Jensen left to grab his phone.

You raised a brow. “Different how?”.

He just smiled. “He breathes easier”.

And maybe he did. Maybe you both did. Because the silence between you now wasn’t tense, it was comfortable. The space between texts wasn’t panic-inducing, it was lived-in. Trusted.

No title. Not yet. But he was yours in every way that mattered. And you were his. Even when he didn’t say it, he showed it, in the way he handed you his jacket when you were cold, or the way he waited for you before watching a new episode of something. The way he learned how you liked your eggs. The way he answered every time you called. And the way he looked at you, every time, like the waiting had been worth it. All of it. Even the wreckage.

-

It had been quiet. You noticed it first. Jensen was checking his phone a little more often than usual. Glancing at it during breakfast, then again while brushing his teeth. You never pressed, not at first. But the look in his eyes said more than his silence did.

“She hasn’t responded”, he finally admitted one night, sitting beside you on the couch, thumb ghosting over the last text he sent. "How’s the baby doing? Everything okay?" Sent. Read. No reply. That had been days ago. And another one, two days later. Still nothing. No updates. No typing bubble. Not even an Instagram post.

Danneel, who used to document everything from her nail appointments to what she ate for lunch, had gone completely dark. It didn’t make sense. Until it did.

The call came from Jared. Jensen had barely answered before Jared just said, “Hey. Can you talk?”. The tone in his voice made Jensen sit up straighter. You watched his face carefully as he listened.

“Gen heard something”, Jared said. “Last night. At that thing Lisa threw. Danneel was there. And she—she wasn’t exactly whispering”.

Jensen said nothing. You could see the muscles in his jaw lock.

Jared hesitated, then added quietly, “She told someone she was never pregnant”.

The silence that followed was deafening.

“She lied?”, Jensen said at last, his voice low and razor-sharp.

“I’m sorry, man”, Jared said. “I don’t know everything. But… yeah. Sounds like it”.

Jensen didn’t speak again for a long moment. He just sat there, his shoulders tense, the phone still against his ear. You reached over and slipped your hand into his. His fingers were ice cold.

“She lied”, he repeated, like he couldn’t quite make sense of the words. “She lied about a kid. She lied to keep me”. You could see it in his eyes, the heartbreak. The betrayal. The weight of being manipulated in a way that cut far deeper than the surface. “She used that”, he said finally, quieter now, “to keep me from you”. You squeezed his hand, not with answers, just presence. “I should’ve known”, he added, eyes locked on the floor. “I did know. I just… I didn’t want to believe someone would go that far”.

You leaned in, resting your forehead to his shoulder, but within minutes, Jensen was pacing. Back and forth across the living room, one hand in his hair, the other clenched tight at his side. The fury wasn’t loud, not yelling, not fists slamming into walls, but it was all-consuming. Like he couldn’t stop the thoughts from spiraling. Like they’d taken root somewhere deep and were growing fast and choking.

“She said she was pregnant”, he muttered again, like saying it out loud might dull the edge. “She said she was carrying my kid. That’s not just a lie, that’s—”. He stopped, turned, then kept going. His jaw was tight. His shoulders locked.

You stayed on the couch, letting him work it out for a minute. Not interrupting him, just watching. Waiting for the right opening, the right moment to step in before the anger ate him alive.

When he finally stopped, you stood up and walked to him slowly. You genlty placed your hand against his chest. He froze. His eyes flicked to yours, wide and dark and sharp with disbelief. But when he spoke again, his voice cracked: “She knew what that would do to me. What it would mean. And she did it anyway”.

“I know”, you said softly, your fingers pressing gently into his chest like you were trying to remind him where his heart was, where you were. He looked like he might come undone. So you stepped closer. “Jensen”, you said quietly. “Breathe”.

His jaw flexed. “I am breathing”, he muttered.

You gave him a look, just a flicker of the one you used to give him back when he was 16 and pretending he was fine when he wasn’t. And something about it must have reached him, because he finally let out a long, broken exhale and dropped his forehead to your shoulder. You didn’t say anything right away. You just wrapped your arms around him. Held him.

It took a while, longer than either of you would admit later, but slowly, inch by inch, you felt him start to come down. The rigidity in his back loosened. His hands stopped clenching. His breaths grew less jagged.

When he finally pulled back, he looked wrecked. But also a little clearer. “Sorry”, he said quietly. “I didn’t mean to… lose it like that”.

“You didn’t lose it”, you said. “You reacted. Because someone you trusted played with your life”.

He gave you a tired, grateful look. And then: “I don’t want to talk to her again. Not unless I have to”.

“You don’t owe her a thing”, you said gently.

He nodded. “I just want peace now. And you”.

You smiled, soft, a bit sad, but steady. “You’ve got me”, you said.

-

It took a few days. Maybe more. Even once Jensen stopped pacing the floor and the anger gave way to quiet processing, there was a shadow in his eyes. You knew it wouldn’t disappear overnight. How could it? The woman he’d promised his life to had lied to his face, about something sacred. Something defining.

But you didn’t try to fix it. You didn’t rush him past the ache. You were just there. Morning coffees. Quiet touches. A steady hand on his chest when sleep was hard to find. And that was what grounded him. That was what steadied him enough to start building something new. Together.

It wasn’t until the between season break from Supernatural, when filming wrapped, that Jensen finally exhaled. Really exhaled. And by then… the two of you had already found a place. Not in L.A. Not in Vancouver. Not somewhere temporary. But home. A house just outside Dallas, tucked away on a quiet street with old trees and a crooked front porch Jensen said he’d fix eventually (you said you liked it crooked). There was room for his guitars and your books. A garden neither of you knew how to keep alive. And space to breathe. It wasn’t extravagant. Not showy. But it felt right. And funny enough… it wasn’t far from the old playground where you’d run into each other all those months ago. That bench still creaked. That swing set still leaned a little too far to the left. You’d passed it on the drive to the new house, and Jensen had gone quiet, just reached over, took your hand, and smiled. Not the “is this real?” smile he used to give you. The “I know exactly what I want now” smile.

You moved in on a Sunday. Boxes scattered. Jensen carrying you across the threshold like a joke, then doing it again two more times because you hadn’t filmed it the first time. It wasn’t perfect. It was real. And every day that passed made it feel more like the life that had waited for you both to be ready.

-

The last light was fading through the open windows, painting gold across half-unpacked boxes and scattered bubble wrap. Music hummed softly in the background, one of Jensen’s playlists that he hadn´t updated in years. He was digging through a box labeled Bedroom: personal, while you knelt beside a stack of half-folded blankets. You weren’t really paying attention, not until you heard his soft but confused voice. “Hey… what’s this?”.

You turned. He was holding a small metal box, dented and scratched, decorated with faded stickers from the 90s. You froze the moment you saw it. Because you knew what was inside. “Shit”, you whispered.

Jensen raised a brow. “Should I not open it?”.

You didn’t answer. Not right away. But after a pause, you nodded. “Just… gently”.

He sat back on his heels, opening it slowly like it might bite him.

Inside: pages folded and refolded. Some yellowed with time. Some written on notebook paper torn from school journals. Some with drawings in the corners, hearts half-erased. Every single one addressed to him. Jensen. Or J. He pulled one out, his eyes flicking over the familiar curve of your handwriting. He didn’t read it aloud. Just looked at it like it was something sacred. “You wrote these for me?”, he asked quietly.

You swallowed. “I started when I was fourteen”.

And just like that, you were there again.

-Flashback- You sat near the lake. Your notebook balanced on your knees, a pen cap pressed between your lips, the late sun warming your bare legs. The water was calm, that perfect glassy stillness before sunset and Jensen was lying beside you on the grass, shirt off, eyes closed. You didn’t think he noticed when you wrote. He never asked. You’d been carrying the notebook around for months, keeping it close like it held a secret version of your heart. Which, of course, it did.

He rolled onto his side lazily, elbow propped under his head. “What are you always scribbling in that thing?”. You looked up, startled. He smirked. “You’ve written more in that notebook this summer than all of last year combined. Come on, what is it? Poetry? Vampire stories? Crush list?”.

You laughed, trying to play it cool. “Maybe I’m journaling your dumb quotes. Gotta document every time you mispronounce croissant”.

He grinned and reached for the notebook. “Give it”.

You yanked it back. “Nope”.

“Why not?”, he teased. “You write about me or something?”. Your face must’ve betrayed too much, because he blinked, smile faltering just slightly. “You are, aren’t you?”.

You shook your head quickly. “Not like that”.

But it was like that. Every page was full of him. Of what you couldn’t say out loud, how you watched the way he laughed when no one else was around, how his voice changed when he whispered to you. How you wanted to be his and didn’t know if you were allowed to say it yet. So instead… you wrote.

I think I love him. And I think it scares me more than anything.

-Present- Jensen stared at the folded letters, then back at you. His eyes were shining now, soft with something broken and whole at once. “I never knew”, he whispered.

You bit your lip. “I didn’t think you were supposed to”.

He gently folded the one in his hands, placing it back in the box. Then he stood, walked toward you slowly. You stood up as he reached you, not sure what to expect, your heart already pressed against your ribs like it knew this moment mattered more than you were ready for.

He didn’t say anything right away. Just set the box down on the chair behind you and cupped your face with both hands. And then, God, he kissed you. Not urgently. Not like someone overtaken by the moment. But like someone anchoring himself to the person he couldn’t believe was real. When he pulled back, his smile cracked wide and boyish. “Those are mine now”, he said softly.

You raised a brow. “You’re stealing my teenage soul, Ackles?”.

“Borrowing”, he murmured, then kissed you again. “Protecting”.

You rolled your eyes, but your lips curved, warmth blooming across your cheeks despite yourself.

With one final grin, he turned and gently placed the little metal box in the drawer of his bedside table, like it belonged there. Like it was meant to be kept close. And when he looked back at you, taller, broader, older but still so Jensen, the ache in your chest wasn’t from pain anymore. It was from peace. From a kind of love that had been written across time and finally, finally… come home.

———————————

A/N: Please let me know what you think.🥰 

-

Taglist: @baby19sthings @suckitands33 @spnfamily-j2 @lyarr24 @deans-baby-momma @artemys-ackles @a-lil-pr1ncess @nancymcl @hobby27 @deans-queen @deadlymistletoe @winchesterwild78 @smoothdogsgirl @freyabear @laaadygisbooornex3 @quietgirll75 @deanwinchestersgirl8734 @kr804573 @barnes70stark @roseblue373 @shanimallina87 @spxideyver @ralilda @americanvenom13 @ozwriterchick @spnaquakindgdom @multiversefanfics @winchestersbgirl @stoneyggirl2 @little-diable @schattenphoenix-cave @sunnyteume @magic-sprinkled-daydreams @allthingswickedpodcast @pokemonlover65 @idjit-central @indyredhead @notyouraveragegirlxx @dinosauregg99 @mandee7 @coventina2001 @jessheartsyou @ladykitana90 @madelinessss @k-d--h @kittenlittle24 @ambroseluvr81 @panickedbitch @mrslaufeysosworld @winchesterslullaby

[abbygracerecs]

Chris Evans and Co Fic Recommendations

A magical place - @fandomimaginestrash

Prom dates and broken hearts - @rogersevans

Kiss cam - @thegettingbyp2

Kiss cam - @speechlessxx

Steve Rogers

The Whisper Challenge - @ofstarsandvibranium

With Your Permission - ofstarsandvibranium

Stupid and Blind - ofstarsandvibranium

Sweetness - ofstarsandvibranium smut

The Captian and The Nerd - ofstarsandvibranium

Golden boy - @bucksfucks smut

Guys my age - bucksfucks smut

Ruin our friendship - bucksfucks smut

Pollen talks - @wadedickpool smut

Alphabet Boy - @lanadelreyscokewhor3 smut

Watchful Eyes - @espinosaurusrexex smut

Lease - @ronearoundblindly

The alpha next door - @witchywithwhiskey

Nature’s beauty - @biteofcherry smut

What’s a Tumblr? - @holylulusworld smut

Cockwarming - @nastybuckybarnes smut

Daddy’s Little Pet - @sinner-as-saint smut

F*** being friends - @smutsonian

Afternoon Delight - @christowhore smut

Wallets, Keys, and Bobby Pins - @marvelouscaptainrogers

Butterfly Effect - @fangirlovestuff

True Love - @coffee-with-bucky

Skinny - @stories-sometimes

Chaleur - @moonstruckbucky smut

I’m different - @fantastic-fantasy-fanfics

For a smile - @anika-ann

I knew you would - @slowly-writing

Basket Boy - @needleandhammer

The beauty within everything - @iguana-eyanna

Prom dates and broken hearts - @rogersevans

America’s sweetheart - @generallynerdy

A long, long time - @dem-obscure-imagines

What’s in his heart - @waiting4inspiration

Say you love me - @bonky-n-steeb smut

Got you - @hispeculiartreasure smut

[holylulusworld]

Thank you for the rec, lovely.

[padfootagain]

Requests are open!

Fics organised from oldest to newest.

Bruises

When you fall from your horse one afternoon, Caspian gets a tiny bit overprotective.

Confessions around a Birthday Cake

Caspian has prepared a surprise for your birthday but you have other worries in your mind.

Farewells Or Goodbyes

Parting from Caspian as he leaves Narnia in search of the missing Lords who knew his father is hard for the two of you. But you believe that this is no Farewell, just a goodbye.

Pancakes (200 followers event : prompts 49-66-69)

After drinking a bit too much of alcohol, you wake up in Caspian’s bed.

Oceans (200 followers event : prompts 19-40-48-30)

You are to stay for Narnia for just a few weeks as you accompany your uncle overseas. But your feelings for Caspian and his feelings for you may change those plans…

Narnian Liquors

Caspian has been fighting for your heart against his rival for a while now. But at a ball where his rival courts you openly, Caspian finds refuge in Narnian liquors. But his drunken state will bare many conséquences…

Rain

Caspian is finally ready to ask you THE question. He wants to spend his whole life with you, and to ask you so, he prepares everything. But when rain gets in the way, will he ask you anyway?

Ice And Cold

After a fall on a frozen lake, you are brought back to the Castle unconscious. The following days are nothing but horror for Caspian as he wonders if you will survive.

White Roses (500 followers event : prompts 35-36-39)

After a long night spent together, Caspian and you exchange your first kiss. But the next day, Caspian fears that you might have regrets.

Wonderful Cries

Caspian has to depart while you are pregnant because of his duties. But when he comes back, you are already in labour.

Love And War

You and Caspian have been friends since you were toddlers. But during a battle, you are badly wounded. Will the war against Miraz separate you?

Apple Pie (500 followers event : prompts 10-31-55 & 39-40)

The feelings you have for Caspian but that you try to hard bring much worry to you. Seeing you so restless, the King offers you your favourite cake to ease your mind.

Across The Sea (2300 followers event : Compass Soulmate AU!)

Caspian is following the compass carved in his arm to find his soulmate, but how far will he have to go to finally reach her?

Footsteps In The Snow (Winter Event 2018 : prompts 30-35-45-52)

You spend an evening with Caspian under the snow, and it’s just magic.

Queen Of Narnia

Your and Caspian’s daughter is an adult now, how time flies by…

New Beginning (Winter Event 2019)

Caspian has had a little too much to drink on New Year’s Eve and he’s about t confess things he shouldn’t say.

Such A Silly Game

You are Caspian’s bodyguard and are ready to take all the risks needed to protect him. But facing dangers always change relationships.

The Ocean

You’re a bit jealous of the ocean sometimes, but you really shouldn’t.

The Adviser

You drink a little too much at a reception when you get jealous of the princess being so close to Caspian…

Scars (Comeback Event : Soulmate AU + Enemies to lovers)

Caspian and you need to reach an agreement on this treaty, it is vital for both your kingdoms. The problem is, you are simply unable to get along. Or well… at first, you can’t get along, there is still this strange tension between the two of you though. But it would be ridiculous to act on it, because in this world filled with soulmates, you cannot be meant for each other… right?

Book Lovers

Caspian falls head over heels for the librarian in Cair Paravel.

A Quiet Birthday

You spend an uneventful, quiet, and quite wonderful evening with Caspian for your birthday.

His Heart in Your Hands

Caspian comes back to Cair Paravel alive after a campaign against a neighbouring kingdom, but he’s still in a pretty bad shape. You’ve been worried sick about him, and even if you are but a servant, even if it’s not your place… you can’t help but look for him that night, just to make sure that he’s alright.

Nothing like that here.

Lioness series (series complete):

Caspian quickly understands that you are stronger than you look. But as his feelings grow for you, a threat spreads across Narnia as well, and your life is soon at stake. Will he be fast enough to save you?

Masterlist for Lioness

Starry Nights series (series complete):

Daughter of a star, you are forced to live on an island that you cannot leave. But when Prince Caspian is about to get killed, you decide to use your powers to warn him. Years later, his path leads him to your shore. Will he remember that girl who saved his life by walking in one of his dreams?

Masterlist for Starry Nights

A Recipe For Love series (series complete):

Your life was quiet, working in the Royal Kitchens and craving for a chance to become a cook. But your whole world changes when your eyes meet the King’s gaze…

Masterlist for A Recipe For Love

Pirates! series (inspired by an imagine made by @fangirlsupreme20 ) :

As ships disappear across the sea, Caspian is forced to go investigate himself. But to win against the wild uncharted waters he must cross to reach his people, he needs to bargain with pirates. And then, he finds you…

Masterlist for Pirates!

The King And You series (for @madamrogers - series complete) :

Somehow, Caspian stumbles out of Narnia and into your world. He’s utterly lost and has no idea how to get out of this world filled with scary toasters, strange carriages and a woman who literally knocks him off of his feet. But does he really want to find a way back?

Masterlist for The King And You

You and the King (Sequel to The King and You - on-going series)

After meeting Caspian in your own world, you decide to follow him to Narnia, your love for him too strong for you to keep your old life. But as you discover the magic of Narnia, you soon realise that this extraordinary world is as dangerous as it is magnificent. Will your love for Caspian be enough to defeat your new enemies?

Masterlist for You and the King

Cute Alphabet (1400 followers celebration)

Memories Drabbles (2200 followers + 200 fics + happy birthday celebration)

[imtryingbuck]

The Queen and Her King

~ series masterlist ~

Summary: Y/n L/n becomes Queen of Astoria not that she wanted to. Prince James of Winterfeld meets her and falls in love.

Series Warnings: angst. fluff. historical inaccuracies. small amount of past child abuse. accusations of infertility (being barren). death. swearing. and that’s pretty much it.

Word Count: 32,084

Status: ongoing (every monday)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!reader

A/N: divider by @saradika-graphics

Masterlist

| Prologue | One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven | Eight | Nine | Ten | Epilogue |

[thesilmarillionblog]

𝐖𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄 ── mini series.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x F!Reader

Word Count: 30.242 / ?

Warnings: +18! (Minors DNI), smut, loss of virginity, unrequited love, heavy angst, hurt, drama, jealousy, sexual tension, suspense, friends to lovers

Click Here for AO3 Link.

♱ Waste: Chapter: 1 ♱ Waste: Chapter: 2

♱ Waste: Chapter: 3 ♱ Waste: Chapter: 4

♱ Waste: Chapter: 5 ♱ Waste: Chapter: 6

[queen-of-the-avengers]

Between Love and Hate Series

*The image(s) I’ve used for the reader on the cover DOES NOT reflect what the reader actually looks like*

Pairing: Mafia!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Series Summary: Loving Bucky Barnes is like waiting for a grenade to go off. Fearful yet thrilling. Every time you allow yourself to feel something for him, a piece of you is chipped away and stored in his jacket pocket. How can you love a man who murders people for a living? How can you hate a man who gives you the world? You're stuck in the middle with no clear way to the end.

Series Word Count: 20.4k

Series Warnings: angst, heartbreak, murder, kidnapping, torture, fluff, bucky kills someone, implied smut, relationship angst, bucky beating and shooting someone, getting roofied at a bar by someone you trust, geting cut and tortured by someone you trusted

Part One: The Past Comes A Knockin'

Part Two: After So Long

Part Three: Bleeding Heart Syndrome

Part Four: Home Is Where The Heart Is

Part Five: It's Looking Up From Here

Part Six: Reality Sinks in

Part Seven: An Endless Cycle

Part Eight: Shouldn't Have Said It

Part Nine: You Two Against The World

Epilogue: Happily Ever After

[megalony]

Evan Buckley (911) Masterlist

This was the 911 masterlist, but now this is dedicated to Evan (Buck) and there is a separate masterlist for Eddie. I hope you all enjoy them.

Main Masterlist

Eddie Diaz Masterlist

Evan (Buck) Buckley:

I Was Worried

Care to Dance

Buck Jr

We Made It

Professional

Did I Stutter?

See The Difference

Obsessive

Early Arrival

My Squad

Part 2

Part 3

Bathroom Revelations

Family Favouritism

Checked Out

Helpless

His Own Miracle

You Look Beautiful

You Saved Me

Being Threatened

I'm Home

Hostage

A Piece of Me

There's My Girl

Part 2

Old Memories

Call For a Rescue

I Won't Lose Her

Double Trouble

Comatose

Helping Hands and Paws

Sick Day

Falling For Me

Communication Error (Deaf! reader)

Give Me a Reason (Deaf! reader)

Hypo State

Emergency Situation

I'm Taking You Home

Is This Your Husband

Protect His Girls

A Burden On You

It's Yours

You Need To Choose

Let Me Help

Little Bird Part 2

You Didn't Know?

A Bad Night

One In A Million

Wish I Knew

You're Not Leaving

Just In Time

Tiny Little Fighter

Can't You Be Mine

Resemblance (Series Masterlist)

Too Stimulating (Autistic! Reader)

Matters Of The Heart

She's Not Here Part 2

Have You Slept Part 2

Mayday, Mayday

Strike Me Down Part 2

Another Present (Christmas fic)

Beautiful Destruction

She Needs Help (Series Masterlist)

Call Me Dad (Series Masterlist)

This Is Fate (Dark! Evan Series Masterlist)

Baby-Trapped (Series Masterlist)

It's Complicated

Part 2

Evan Buckley x Tommy Kinard:

Third Time's A Charm

Like You

Eddie Diaz x Reader x Evan Buckley:

Bittersweet

We Love Him

Pretty Please

My Boys

She's Going Down

Light Duties

Disciplinary Action

Worth The Wait Part 2

Brave Girl

Doctor Diaz

Model Patients

Who Do You Think I Am

Better Than Any Medal

Get Her Out Part 2

Home Invasion Part 2

Look After You- Masterlist

You'll Be Safe Here- Masterlist

Holiday! Imagines:

Get Your Sea Legs Part 2

Flight Plan

Poorly Baby

[megalony]

You Saved Me

This is an Evan Buckley imagine I felt compulsed to write after rewatching recently. A lot of angst and fluff, I hope you all enjoy it. Feedback would be amazing.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem@butlegendsneverdie@langdonzvoid@jennyggggrrr@rogmeddows@radiob-l-a-hblah@rogertaylorsbitontheside@chlobo6@rogertaylors-lipgloss@sj-thefanthefan@omgitsearly@luckytrashgooprebel@scarsout@deaky-with-a-c@killer-queen-ofrhye@bluutac@vousmemanqueez-blog@jonesyaddiction@milanosaurus@httpfandxms@saint-hardy@7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls@mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me  @hellsdragon@im-an-adult-ish@crazylittlethingg@allauraleigh@onceuponadetectivedemigod@ceres27@avyannadawn@noonenuts@sleepylunarwolf@coverupps@justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @topguncultleader

911 Masterlist

Summary: It's Evan and (Y/n)'s first shift back at the 118 but things don't go smoothly when (Y/n) gets shot.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Woah, and who do we have here?"

Tilting her head to the side, (Y/n) buried her face in Evan's shirt that her fingers were scrunched up in until she was close to popping the buttons. She could feel Evan chuckling into her hair and his hand rubbed up and down her back as they slowed down their walk into the station house.

She kept her face nuzzled into Evan's shirt but when she dared open her eyes and look across, she noticed Chimney advancing towards them.

They thought they would be the first ones on shift to arrive this morning, they were a bit early after all. But it seemed that both Chimney and Eddie had beaten them to it and by the looks of things, even Bobby hadn't arrived yet. It wasn't like them to be here before the captain.

"And uh, what do we call you now then?" A smile flooded Chimney's face as he stood at (Y/n)'s sides with his hands in his pockets and a smile on his face.

"We can't have two Buckleys running round on shift," Eddie drained the coffee from his cup and wiggled his brows at the couple.

It was their first shift back since they'd gotten married, which the whole team agreed had been their best party yet. (Y/n) was now a Buckley, officially and legally which meant if she and Evan were on shift together, there would be two people running round with visible jackets saying Buckley on the back. It was cause for confusion just like it had been for the past two years since (Y/n) joined the team and had Nash written on her jacket just like her dad.

The only difference was that no one went round calling Bobby by his last name. They either shouted his first name or called him Captain which made things easier. He was Captain and (Y/n) was known as Nasher or Nash when her dad was shouting out orders on shift.

"You can call me what you like, no one calls him Buckley anyway so the name isn't quite taken yet." (Y/n) nudged her shoulder against Chimney's but a spark lit up in her eyes when she noticed something.

Evan's brows rose when she pulled out of his grip and jogged over towards the black open hangers were they kept helmets and florescent jackets by the side of the trucks.

"I've been upgraded," (Y/n) spoke more to herself than the rest of the team but they heard the excitement in her voice when she reached her hanger. It was wedged in between Evan and Eddie's and no longer said Nasher on the top. It had the initial of her first name and then Buckley stamped next to it between Buck and Diaz.

While they had been away, her jacket had also been switched so it now said Buckley on the back, just like Evan's.

(Y/n) didn't mind what the team decided to call her in terms of nicknames. They could continue to call her Nasher since that was the name she had stuck with for the past two years and it was what everyone, aside from Evan, would call her. Even on shift, Evan would call her by her name rather than her nickname. But she wasn't opposed to people calling her Buckley since it was now her name and with everyone calling Evan by Buck, there wouldn't be any confusion between them.

With a smile, (Y/n) slipped the jacket on and turned round to grin at the boys who were nodding at her in approval.

She made a slow walk back towards Chimney while Eddie followed Evan towards the locker room. Evan needed to get changed, he had left his uniform here and if he was here before Bobby he wanted to show off and be smug that he was here, dressed and ready.

"Did you enjoy your time off?"

"We didn't wanna come back, and someone didn't even hear the alarm this morning," Her eyes darted across to Evan before she looked back at Chimney who grinned around his cup of tea.

"Surprised you're here early then," He wasn't the only one surprised. (Y/n) didn't think they would be up on time when the alarm went off and Evan didn't even move a limb or make a sound. He had had over two weeks off where he didn't have to set an alarm, he could get back into the swing of a normal sleep routine and he had time off with the one person who meant the most to him.

Waking up this morning had been hard but once the tiredness wore off in the shower, a spring came back to his step. Evan was excited to be back with the team, with his family and be out on the job with them again.

"I know-" (Y/n) tilted her head back and felt her shoulders slump when the alarm bell went off.

Bobby wasn't even here yet. Hen wasn't here and they had a callout already. It was going to be one of those days and (Y/n) could just feel it in her bones. Their first day back was going to be a full, fun packed day.

"Cap's not even here yet," Chimney sighed and moved quickly to put down his cup and head towards the truck. It would have been all packed and inventory checked last night during the night shift which was a relief since they would have to move now and Hen and Bobby would have to wait at the station when they arrived.

(Y/n) looked back towards the locker room and waved her hand at the boys, grinning at the pair of them.

Eddie's jaw had dropped at how suddenly their shift was going to turn hectic but (Y/n) was smiling at her husband. He was stood, shirtless, with his hands on his belt as he was just pulling his trousers up over his hips.

Growling, Evan hurried to do up his belt and grabbed his button up shirt from his locker. He slung it over his shoulders and tried to fumble with the buttons while he and Eddie sped towards the truck. (Y/n) had taken the liberty of grabbing the boy's helmets and jackets so they could hop in and get going.

"First day back and I'm driving the truck," Evan muttered under his breath as he opened the door and hoisted himself up into the driving seat. He knew both Eddie and Chimney weren't keen on driving the fire truck, Chimney only felt comfortable with the ambulance. And (Y/n) didn't like driving it either and especially not this early in the morning.

(Y/n) hopped in the back with the boys and all of them put on their headphones as Evan turned the siren on and got them moving.

"Cap's gonna be pissed he missed the first trip of the day," Chimney muttered quietly with a smile. And he knew Hen would be upset that she didn't arrive in time to welcome the newly weds back on shift. She was all big for celebrations and parties, especially welcome back parties.

***

"Is it dinner time yet?" Evan tilted his head back and threw his helmet back into the truck at his side. The sun was too bright for him to keep his eyes open properly without squinting.

"How are you already thinking of food?" Chimney took his sunglasses from his pocket and slipped them over his nose as he leaned his shoulders back against the truck.

It had been a bit of a hectic callout but they were over with quicker than they first thought. The 221 team had been called out as well which meant there was a lot of man power here and it made the first callout of the day a lot easier than they anticipated.

"He's missed Cap's cooking," (Y/n) grinned and placed her hand on Evan's shoulder as she walked up behind him. She felt him reach his hand behind him to hold her hip and give her a squeeze when he felt her chin perch on his shoulder which meant she was stood on her tiptoes.

His lips curved into a smile and he leaned his head to the side when he felt her lips press against the side of his neck. She knew he had missed breakfast in his hurry and excitement to get down to the station which was never a good thing for Evan.

"Yeah, and I'm starving. Are we ready? Eddie, you riding with the boy to the hospital?" Evan kept hold of (Y/n)'s hip while he looked across at Eddie who was stood near the ambulance that was just about ready to head to the hospital. He could see his friend wanted to make sure the boy was alright and didn't panic. They could manage without him for the morning if he wanted to head down.

Pushing up a little higher, (Y/n) pressed a kiss to the junction behind Evan's ear at the top of his jaw and gripped his shoulders tighter when she felt him shudder beneath her touch.

She patted his shoulder before she moved round him to hop in the truck, they needed to head back to the station and get Bobby and Hen and be ready for the next callout. (Y/n) bypassed Evan and took a few steps ahead of him while she took off her helmet that she didn't need anymore.

"Yeah, I think-"

Whatever Eddie was about to say drifted off into nothing in comparison with the gunshot that rang out through the air.

Evan froze.

His muscles contracted, his head tilted back and his arms froze in mid-air when blood splattered up his shirt and across his face like someone had drove past him and hit a puddle.

For a second, when the blood hit, his eyes closed. But the moment they opened, he watched his wife fall. Her body turned slightly to the right as if she was trying to find him and look over at him. She didn't quite seem to recognise that the blood covering Evan was her own because something horrid and frightened dwelled in her eyes when she looked at him.

Then she stumbled. Her feet slipped, her upper body tilted backwards and she went down to the floor as blood trickled down her shirt and out the exit wound in her back, creating a darkened puddle on the floor beneath her.

Static buzzed in Evan's ears as his tense, taut body suddenly jolted when Chimney launched himself at him. He grabbed the back of Evan's neck and his arm and almost tackled him to get him down to the floor as close to the truck as they could manage to be hidden from the line of fire. No one could hear, think or understand where the shots had come from and at least two more hit the engine of the truck and bounced off into the street.

Evan didn't realise he was making a noise until the ringing in his ears slowly faded and gave way to the petrified scream that took all the air from his lungs. When he dragged in another breath, he went right back to screaming until he was red in the face and the vein was popping up the side of his neck.

His nails clawed at the tarmac road until blood started to scrape along the pad of his fingers.

(Y/n)'s name morphed into Evan's scream but when he tried to scoot closer to her, Chimney laid more on his back and pinned him down, still holding the back of his head to keep him looking down.

"Shots fired! Repeat, we're being shot at! Firefighter down, back up needed now. Send help!" Eddie screamed into the radio clipped to his shoulder while he pinned his back up against the side of the ambulance and tried to hunker down as much as he could. He repeated his words again and shouted their location down the radio, waiting impatiently for some sort of response to let him know someone had heard them.

He wasn't sure how he heard it over the raised, screaming voices, the shots and the sirens wailing from the trucks, but he heard it. Evan heard his name. Or maybe he just saw the way (Y/n)'s lips moved to try and form his name but either way, he knew his wife was calling out for him. And he had to get to her.

He thrust his elbow into Chimney, screamed and roared until he managed to roll under the truck. He was getting his wife, he had to get to her and she was going to be taken to the hospital whether the shooter liked it or not.

Evan army crawled beneath the truck, scraping his chin against the floor to stop from bashing his head up against the metal.

"(Y/n)! Baby I- I'm here I got you!" He poked his head out from under the engine and took a quick look round for the shooter but he couldn't see anything. His vision was blurred and hazy and his eyes were moving too rapidly to take anything in. All he could see was (Y/n).

Blood was forming a river beneath her chest and her dark blue shirt was turning black from the rouge blood dribbling down it. She had been shot in the chest, but she was still conscious. Her head slowly lolled to the right to look at Evan and he saw the fear, manic and the pain dwelling in her eyes as his name bubbled past her lips.

"I've got you baby."

He didn't know where to grab her or how to reel her back but he had to be quick. His fingers dug into her shirt just near the collar and his right hand pressed into the floor to steady himself when he started to pull. A violent scream tore from Evan's lips as he shuffled back and dragged his wife with him.

"Come on!" His words mingled with (Y/n)'s broken cry when he pulled her and the pain ignited in her chest. Tears blurred down (Y/n)'s face and her wet lips parted to let out another tepid, meek cry when the tarmac scraped against her back that felt like it was on fire.

When (Y/n) was under the truck with him, Evan pressed his forehead into her shoulder and took a split second to try and breathe. His arm was shaking and the muscles were tightening from dragging her with one arm, but he couldn't stop now. He had to keep moving, they had to get her in the truck and down to the hospital before she bled out here on the road and Evan lost her.

"Baby, I, I'm here."

It hurt to shuffle backwards and feel his elbows and knees scuffing on the floor but at least this time, both his hands held (Y/n)'s shoulders and he dragged her with him to the side of the truck where the boys were. They had to move.

"We need assistance-"

"Get in the truck! We have to move her. Now!" Evan's hoarse, scraping voice cut over Eddie's and he pointed at the truck as venom and spit passed his lips. He wasn't waiting here like a sitting duck and letting his wife die in the street.

Trembling took over (Y/n)'s body and she could feel her head spinning around her. She could barely register Evan's voice in her ear telling her to keep her eyes on him. She just wanted the pain to stop.

Her eyes focused on him when he leaned over her and his hands cupped her face. His thumbs brushed over her cheeks and he tilted her head back so she was looking at him but a guttural cry left her lips when Chimney leaned over her and tried to assess her chest. Even the slightest touch of his fingertips felt like he was burning her skin.

"We're moving now."

(Y/n) tried to murmur Evan's name again, unsure what he was talking about or what he was doing when he leaned over her. But a horrid scream pounded through the air when Evan moved her. He grabbed her arm and wrapped it around the back of his neck as his right hand got a good grip on her thigh and he lifted her up.

The moment her chest pressed into his shoulder, (Y/n) scratched her nails down his back and screamed, spitting and dribbling onto his shirt as tears poured from her eyes. Her fist weakly bashed into Evan's back and he groaned as he turned and swung open the back door of the truck.

"Evan!" His name tore from (Y/n)'s lips in a feeble cry and her hands scratched him deeper making him groan and cry at the same time.

"Sorry baby," He cried along with a scream when he climbed up the steps and carefully lowered (Y/n) down on the floor between the seats. Her body writhed and jolted up when she was placed down but her nails scratched at Evan's bicep until he grabbed her hand and held it to his chest.

Eddie took a quick leap and bolted across towards the truck and climbed in the drivers seat. He slouched down low to avoid being shot and once he heard Chimney clamber up into the back, he turned on the engine.

Relief overtook Chimney when he noticed the medic bag was still sat on the backseat, unused and ready for action.

Evan leaned forward on his heels with the soles of his boots pressed into the bottom of the seats, his large frame didn't cramp well in the footwell of the truck like this. His fingers curled around (Y/n)'s hand and he held it against his chest like he wanted (Y/n) to feel his horrid heartbeat that was pounding through his body like it was about to explode.

They left the truck door swinging open as Eddie took a sharp turn and jolted the truck to life, juttering down the street to get away from the scene.

"Let's take a look," Chimney sounded awfully calm, too calm for Evan's liking but he didn't say anything.

His eyes watched Chimney open up the med bag and grab the scissors and cut a long strip up (Y/n)'s shirt which he flung to the sides.

The white bra Evan had clipped on (Y/n) no more than three hours ago was now blood red. He would never be able to look at her in red lingerie the same way again. The gunshot wound was two inches below her bra on her left side and it was pouring blood like a tap. Blood coated all her chest, trickled down her abdomen and started to pool beneath her on the floor of the truck. It was lathered all over Evan and he didn't like it.

A horrid grunt left (Y/n)'s lips when Chimney pressed a handful of gauze against the wound so deeply it was like he was trying to give her CPR. Her chest shuddered and pushed up from the floor and her nails scratched into the back of Evan's hand as she screamed. Spit bubbled past her lips and her blurring eyes locked on Evan.

He leaned over her and pressed a shaking, bloodied hand against the side of (Y/n)'s face. His thumb smoothed over her cheek and his fingers fluttered against her jaw and lips. Evan tried to smile but he couldn't manage it.

"E-Evan… Evan,"

"I'm here baby, just focus on breathing for me, okay? Chim's got you covered," He swiped his sleeve beneath his nose and rubbed at his reddened eyes before his hand reached out to brace on the seat when Eddie took a sharp swerve to the right.

"I c- ca…" (Y/n)'s fingers pulled at Evan's hand and her eyes closed when she tilted her head back into the floor and pushed her chest out. Her breaths turned to struggling gasps and her body started to convulse up and down, unable to take a proper breath.

"Lung's collapsing, she's breathing into her chest cavity."

Chimney rummaged around in the bag until he found a puncture needle and tried to steady himself. He never did this in the back of the ambulance, let alone the floor of the fire truck that was swerving side to side and shaking like they were driving over an earthquake.

His fingers pressed down on two of (Y/n)'s ribs and with a deep breath, Chimney imbedded the needle in the space between her ribs just a few inches to the right of the gunshot wound. He saw the moment he had pushed it deep enough because (Y/n)'s chest inflated up and her lung popped back up to maximum capacity again.

Evan sobbed. His wet lips parted and a groaning, bubbling cry left his lips when (Y/n) coughed up blood that dribbled down her chin and spotted across her lips.

"We're here!" Eddie jumped down from the truck and slammed his hands against the side of the truck before he pulled the door wider and waved Chimney down.

Evan clambered down backwards and smashed his arm out at the guys to get them to take a step back.

None of them were touching his wife.

He held her ankles and tugged her across until her bum slipped down onto his arm and his left arm scurried beneath her back just higher than the wound. Evan hated the way (Y/n)'s head fell back over his arm like her neck had snapped but her fingers scrunched up in his shirt until she ripped two buttons off with her unforeseen force.

Evan took two steps before a stretcher and three doctors were running out to meet them. He carefully doubled over and settled (Y/n) down as one of the doctors applied pressure back to the wound and another got her head stuck in a neck brace.

"Keep breathing for me baby, y-you're doing so good." Evan snatched the oxygen mask from the doctor and placed it over (Y/n)'s lips while his other hand gripped her wrist since she was still holding his shirt.

He could briefly see the boys running after them while evan stayed doubled over the stretcher until his groin was pressed into the side and his legs burned from running at an odd angle to be alongside his wife. He didn't think about where they were going or what was happening until they reached the operation unit and a nurse suddenly grabbed Evan by the shoulders.

"No! No get off she's my wife!"

When he was pulled backwards, Evan yanked (Y/n)'s wrist with him until she was taken through the double doors and he was left stumbling back until he slumped down onto the floor.

A shockwave rattled through Evan and he jumped forward when a hand rested on his shoulder but the moment he looked up at Chimney, the floodgates opened. Tears overwhelmed his eyes, a sob ransacked his lips and his body started to shake like he was being electrocuted. He coiled his hands to his chest and let his nails scratch into his skin when it felt like his heart was going to give out and end his suffering.

He slumped forward until his head was buried in Chimney's knees and he started to rock back and forth.

How was he supposed to wait out here? Why couldn't he be there with them? Why couldn't he watch through a window? (Y/n) was his heart and they had snatched her away from him.

"Cap?" Eddie clenched his hand around his hip and took a few steps back so he was out of earshot but could still see Chimney and Evan curled up on the floor. "We have a situation,"

"What? The night shift said you'd all been dragged out on a call, everything okay?"

"There… there was someone nearby, some hidden sniper that started firing at us. You need to come down to the hospital, right now."

"Are you guys hurt?"

"(Y/n) got shot."

***

"(Y/n) Buckley. Where is she? Where's my daughter?" Bobby was about to shake off Athena's hands until he realised she was turning his body towards the adjoining corridor on their left. She had spotted Chimney, he had to be with Evan who would in turn tell them what was happening with (Y/n).

Strutting down the corridor, Bobby ran over to his team but he stopped himself short when he looked over at Evan.

He was sat on the floor.

Buck, his closest team member who was now officially a son to him, was broken. He was sat against a wall, his knees coiled up to his chest and his arms tightly curved around his legs and his chin perched on his knees.

Bobby couldn't look at anything but the blood coating his son in law. Blood lathered his arms, dried beneath his fingernails and across the palms of his hands and droplets were splattered across his face. He had been in too much shock to even think about going to the toilet and cleaning himself up. All he could do was sit down and rock back and forth, muttering (Y/n)'s name over and over to stop himself from going mad.

"Buck, hey, it's me. What's going on?" He knelt down on the floor in front of Evan and tried to reach out and hold his arms but Evan shuddered back against the wall and pulled away.

His hands recoiled from his legs and went straight to grip his hair and tug at the strands until they were almost pulled free from his head.

"What happened?" Athena looked across at Chimney who had his hands entwined together behind his head like he had done for the last hour.

"We were about to leave the scene when shots got fired, we couldn't even see where they were coming from. We couldn't do anything," None of them had even seen anyone in a building or close by with a gun. They couldn't see anything until the bullets were shot into (Y/n) and bounced off the truck. It was like they had been ambushed but they didn't even know why.

"(Y/n) got hit… bullet tore through her left lung, clean through. She went straight to surgery, they'll come get us when it's over." All Eddie wanted to do was lean down and wrap Evan up in a hug. He wanted to comfort and console his best friend and tell him that (Y/n) would be alright. His wife was a fighter, she was one of them and she wouldn't be taken away from evan this easily. But Evan wouldn't listen.

"Buck… let's go get you cleaned up, come on." Bobby tried again to place his hands on Evan's shoulders and gently rubbed his arms but when Evan looked at him, it was like someone he didn't recognise was sat in front of him.

Evan shook his head and let fresh tears trace through the blood staining his face. He didn't want to move, he wanted to see his wife and that was it.

"It's her blood,"

"I know,"

"Why wasn't it me? S-she was almost in my arms, I should have- I should have protected her. I couldn't e-even do anything!"

Evan had been within arms reach of his wife. If she had stayed standing behind him instead of moving to get in the truck, he would have been hit instead. The bullet might have ripped through Evan and still gone into (Y/n), but he would have taken the brunt force and most of the damage. If it only hit him, everything would have been better.

He wouldn't of had to carry his wife or sit soaked in her blood. Evan wouldn't be sat crying that the one person he loved more than life itself might die because he couldn't get his arms around her in time. He couldn't even catch her when she fell.

He couldn't help her.

***

Evan's head jerked up from his hands and his legs tensed like rulers when he pushed himself to stand up at the sound of his name. He noticed Bobby straighten up next to him, his rosary still clenched in his fists and Athena's arm around his back.

While they had been waiting, Athena had managed to get Evan over to the toilets to clean him up. Under the strict instructions that (Y/n) wouldn't want to see her husband covered in blood when she finally came out of surgery.

Since then, Bobby had been silently praying, Athena had been consoling him. Hen had come down and was sat with Chimney and Eddie had tried his best to help Evan. For the last hour, they had all been in silence in their own methods of praying, panicking and worrying.

But now the doctor was here, and Evan didn't know if he wanted to hear the outcome or not.

He felt Bobby's hand clench down on his shoulder and it was comforting to feel his captain- and father in law, stand so close behind him. It felt like a safety net in case Evan's knees gave way then he knew Bobby would be able to catch him.

"Is she alright?" Evan tucked his hands into his pockets and part of him wished he had taken Athena up on her offer to drive him home to get changed. His uniform was going to need burning after today and the blood had since dried and caked to him. He felt like he had sat in concrete and every time he moved, his uniform crunched and crackled.

"A vein burst during the repair and she haemorrhaged a lot, but we managed to stop the bleed. The shot went through her lung which we've managed to repair, it was a clean shot between the ribs. No nerve or bone damage and surgery went well, she's in the ICU for recovery."

Both Bobby's hands moved to hold Evan's shoulders and they leaned their weight between one another. He held Evan up and Evan helped keep Bobby upright and stable.

Tears started to flush Evan's face again and he felt like he had cried enough to flood the Atlantic ocean by now. But the relief he felt came with such an adrenaline burst that Evan was sure this is what it felt like to have a heart attack.

"Can we see her?" Bobby jingled his elbow where his rosary was dangling down his arm and he nudged Evan as if to make sure he was still alright and listening.

"Just immediate family for now, this way."

With a glance over his shoulder, Bobby locked eyes with the team as a silent exchange passed over them. They would wait out here for a few minutes then poke their heads round (Y/n)'s door to get a glance of her and see for themselves that she was alright. None of them ever left a friend in need without seeing for themselves that they were okay. Once the doctor was gone, everyone would check on (Y/n) and then try and get sorted out.

Bobby kept his hand on Evan's back as they followed the doctor down the hall, through the double doors on the right and into the intensive care unit.

Evan didn't quite know what to do with himself when he walked in the room. He didn't know whether to stand at (Y/n)'s side, sit down in the chair or collapse down on the bed and wrap himself around her like a blanket. He twitched and shifted in debate before he settled on slumping down on the side of the bed.

His hand curled around hers and he leaned his right arm over her frame and reached his hand out to touch her cheek. She had an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth, an IV taped to the back of her right hand and monitors stuck just beneath her collar bone. He didn't dare imagine what her chest would look like beneath the hospital gown.

Moving to her other side, Bobby dragged the chair as close as he could get it, scuffed his knees against the side of the bed and held (Y/n)'s IV hand in both of his. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers lovingly, unable to fight off the tears any longer.

"Baby, I'm still here. You're gonna be just fine," Evan brushed a strand of hair behind her ear before he went to smooth his hand over her cheek when he noticed her eyes start to move beneath her eyelids.

His thumb continued to stroke her skin encouragingly and he managed a teary smile when (Y/n)'s drowsy eyes finally landed on him. Her hands squeezed Evan and Bobby but when she tried to raise Evan's hand towards her oxygen mask, he shook his head.

"No baby, you need that on for now."

(Y/n)'s head slowly flopped to the left and she moved her hand that was wrapped up in her dad's grip. Something flashed across her eyes and her lips twitched like she wanted to smile but she was too tired. It made Bobby smile despite the tears and he kissed the back of her hand as his fingers continued to trail up and down her arm.

"D-dad," Her voice was so quiet it was barely audible and very hoarse and croaky, but they both heard her.

"I'm here sweetheart. You rest now, we won't leave you we're not going anywhere."

She nodded and slowly looked back towards her husband. Her head felt like it had been pumped full of air and she couldn't feel much below her throat, everything was numb and blocked. But (Y/n) could just about feel their hands in hers and when Evan gently pressed a kiss to her temple, she could feel her eyes welling up with tears.

When he went to pull back, (Y/n) gripped his hand tight and tilted her head so he got the hint and pressed his forehead against hers.

It took him a few seconds to listen and work out what (Y/n) was trying to whisper against the mask but when he did, fresh tears fell from his eyes and onto her cheeks.

"You saved me."

[megalony]

We Made It

This is an Evan Buckley (Buck) imagine, it's probably my longest one yet I had so much fun with the fluff and angst in this. Thank you all for the 911 requests I'm slowly getting through them all. Any feedback would be great.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez-blog @jonesyaddiction @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me  @hellsdragon @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh @onceuponadetectivedemigod @ceres27 @avyannadawn  @noonenuts @sleepylunarwolf @coverupps @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway

Masterlist

Summary: Christopher joins the Buckley family out for a day trip to the pier but when a natural disaster hits, they all fight to find each other and stay together.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey Eddie, everything okay?" (Y/n) leaned against the door and slung her bag on her shoulder.

A bright smile lit up her face and took Eddie by surprise but it helped to wash away the anxiety he had pooling in his stomach. He hated to turn up unannounced, after all he hadn't messaged or called either her or Buck to let them know he would be dropping by, but it was an emergency.

"Yeah, sorry I know I should have called… I need a favour."

"Sure, what's up?" (Y/n) opened the door more to welcome him in but her smile turned into a lopsided smirk when Eddie moved to the side and revealed the small figure hiding behind him.

Christopher.

A broad smile lit up his cheesy face, his curls were flopping all about his head and he had his backpack on.

"Did you get called in?" (Y/n) kept her voice quiet but Eddie's pursed lips and the small nod of his head told her all she needed to know. Eddie wasn't supposed to be on shift today but he'd been called in and he couldn't refuse. And he didn't want to keep imposing on his Abuela and asking her to have Christopher because even though he was a golden boy and never played up, he was still a handful.

"I get it if you can't have him, I just didn't know who-"

"Hey, he's always welcome here. And it just so happens we're off out on a road trip," (Y/n) leaned down to Chris's level and gave him a smile. "Fancy a day out with the Buckley crew?"

"Yeah!"

(Y/n) loved the way he smiled and adverted his eyes to try and hide just how happy and excited he was. She moved out the way and ushered him inside, letting him hobble his way through to find out where Bella was hiding. He was a great kid to look after and (Y/n) knew Eddie was always happy to take care of Bella if they ever needed or asked him to. The kids got along well together despite Christopher being eight and Bella being only three.

"You're a lifesaver, thank you." Eddie leaned forward to give her a quick hug before he glanced at his watch. He had to run before he was officially late for the first time.

"No problem, text when you want him back."

"Thanks."

He had arrived at just the right time, ten minutes later and he would have missed them. They had decided a little road trip was in need to cheer Buck up while he was still off work, waiting for a date when he could go back. He had been glad of the break which meant he could spend time with his girls.

While his leg had been in a cast, (Y/n) had helped him up and down the stairs, helped him shower and cook but the best part was Bella trying to look after him. Evan had sent thousands of pictures to the team of Bella trying to feed him, give him drinks, rub his head, draw on his cast and then the pictures where she fell asleep on him to 'keep him company'.

His daughter had been his saving grace, spoiling him and doting on him and Evan got through each day because of his two girls.

Now he was back in action, they thought a day trip out might be good for them all and Christopher was going to add to the excitement.

"Evan, babe we have an addition to the trip."

"Who?"

Walking down the stairs with Bella perched on his hip, Evan looked at (Y/n) before he looked around the apartment and a grin lit up his face when he saw a familiar flop of curls sat in front of the tv.

"Did Eddie need to work or something?"

"Yeah, do you mind?"

"Course not, he can go on the big rides with me. Chris, are you ready for the best day out ever?" They had already decided this morning that they would stop by the pier in the afternoon. It was the perfect place to play games, have some fun and food and there were a lot of kiddie rides for Bella. Evan waved his arm out to coax Christopher over to them since they were all ready and packed up to go for their day out. But his eyes turned back to look at Bella who was cuddled up into his chest.

She had her light sandy hair put up in two little pigtails and she was wearing a yellow jumpsuit with a big smiling sunflower in the middle. Both her hands moved to pat Evan's chest lightly and when she looked up at him with those wide eyes, he could feel his heart melting on the spot.

"What 'bout me? Will you go on stuff with me, daddy?"

"You know I will sweetheart." He moved his hand to cup the back of her head and pulled her in for a kiss to her temple before he reached down to pat Chris on the back and guide him in front of them.

"Alright, off we go."

***

"Bella, babygirl I do need to breathe, you know?" Evan gruffed but his mixed expression gave away the fondness he was trying to supress. He squinted up at his daughter and rolled his lips together but the slight curve at the corner and the softness in the crease of his eyes showed he wasn't telling her off.

She was stood up on his thighs with both arms tightly bound around his neck and her chin resting on top of his head. It was endearing and Evan loved her cuddling up to him but he still needed to breathe and she was making it hard leaning against him like this and holding his neck with quite a lot of force.

She let out a small whine in response but loosened her arms and kissed his hair repeatedly before she moved her hands to swiftly hold his chin and tilt his head up towards her.

When she puckered her lips, Evan grinned madly and pushed up to give her a small peck, making a loud 'mwuah' sound that always made her giggle.

"Smile, I'm gonna send your dad a picture, show him how much fun you have with us." (Y/n) poked her tongue out between her teeth as she smiled at the three of them sat opposite her at the table. Bella had been sitting patiently with her waiting for the boys to finish the ride they went on but as soon as they came off, she clambered over the table and onto Evan's lap.

Evan tilted his chin up and grinned with one arm around Bella who smiled sweetly and pressed her cheek on top of Evan's head. And with his other arm, Evan reeled Chris into his side who held up the cotton candy he'd just got and started to laugh.

(Y/n) snapped the picture, catching in the food and drink splayed out on the table so show Eddie Chris was having a good time and had had his lunch and a rush of sugar.

"Alright team, what's next?" (Y/n) put her empty drink on the tray of rubbish next to her before she looked at them.

They had driven out and gone to a beach half an hour away, then they came round to the pier. Evan had gone on a lot of rides with Chris, (Y/n) took Bella on the smaller rides and all of them went on the waltzers which made (Y/n) feel sick. But they still had the ferris wheel to do, the water rides on the other side of the pier and all the games and stalls to try out. Dinner was ticked off their list though and after the pier they had the toy shop to head to before they went home.

"We need to win something," Chris stuffed the last of the cotton candy in his mouth and looked between the two people he thought of as family. His dad was always referring to them as uncle Buck and auntie (Y/n).

"Yes we do, what games are you good at?"

(Y/n) strapped her bag over her shoulder and rested a hand on Chris's shoulder when he slipped his hands into his crutches and started to look for a stall with good prizes.

"Come on babygirl, let's go win a load of prizes." Evan held Bella's hands and effortlessly hoisted her up until she was sat on his shoulders. He held onto her waist and she held his lower arms rather loosely considering how tight she had held him previously. But she was used to sitting on his shoulders, Evan preferred to carry her or hold her up like this because he was too worried of her running off and losing her in a crowd.

At least with Chris there was no risk of them losing him here.

For the duration of their walk around the pier, (Y/n) kept her hand looped in Chris's backpack strap to make sure he didn't wander too far or risk bump into people.

"Buck, this one." Chris turned to look back at him with a lopsided grin and squinting eyes, his way of looking sweet and cute to get Buck to agree and play the game of throwing balls at tin cans to try and win a stuffed teddy.

Evan turned his head and nodded but when he went to lift Bella over his head and put her down, she all but screamed and grabbed his forearm but her other hand dug into his short hair. She pulled his hair between her fingers to try and stop him from picking her up. Bella didn't want to move, she wanted to stay right where she was, safe and sound on his shoulders where she didn't have to move and she could be close to her dad.

"Ow that's naughty! No, you're coming down now girlie." Evan winced and grunted while he hoisted her over his shoulders and planted her down on her feet next to (Y/n) who quickly grabbed her hand. But Evan knew he wouldn't be able to stay mad at her because she was already biting her thumb and her eyes were welling up, ready to start crying because she had been told off.

Bella swayed on her feet, still biting her thumb and clenching (Y/n)'s hand in the other while she watched the boys. She would stay silent until Evan smiled at her or said something to her and she knew she wasn't in trouble anymore.

"Buck, I won!" Chris pointed at the enlarged teddybear that was about his size and weight which he couldn't carry all by himself. He watched Buck clap and give praise and move to grab the teddy but when Chris turned around, he noticed Bella was still pouting and looking uncertain. "Bella carry it,"

Evan froze for a moment, glancing between the two kids before his expression softened and he motioned for Bella to come over to him. When she stood in front of him, Evan leaned the teddy over her shoulders but kept hold of it by the arms. Letting her believe she was actually carrying it when really it was more like a hat resting on top of her head.

It was just the thing to make her smile and giggle and add a skip in her wobbly steps until she was prancing like a pony with Evan slowly walking behind her, going a lot slower than he normally would.

They all followed Chris towards the end of the pier until they could sit down on a bench. (Y/n) sat down on the edge next to the teddy bear that they put down on the floor, Bella stood up on the bench next to her wedged between her and Evan. And on the end, Evan picked Chris up and let him stand up and hold the barrier, keeping a tight grip on his shirt to make sure he didn't wobble over the side.

What a phone call that would be to Eddie, having to explain Chris had toppled over the side of the pier and took a swim.

"How you feeling?" Reaching across Bella who was transfixed on watching the tide, (Y/n) leaned over and brushed her fingers against Evan's cheek, trailing her fingertip down his jaw when he smiled and tilted his head to the side to look at her.

"I'm okay, I feel a lot better- oof," Evan closed his eyes and bent his head forward when Bella started to sway from side to side and reached her arm out on top of his head to steady herself on him. The amount of bruises Evan got from Bella was unreal, he could come home from the station unscathed without so much as a water mark and then the next day he would be littered with scratches and bruises from his little monster.

"You'll be able to go back to the station, the blood thinners aren't permanent, babe." (Y/n) continued to brush his cheek and leaned over to peck his lips, smiling against his lips when they could both hear Bella humming to herself. She could see just how far Evan had come these last few months, he had had three surgeries on his leg, did physio and exercises every day and he had followed the doctor's advice to the dot. All the hard work he had put in wasn't going to be for nothing, (Y/n) just knew it.

"How you doin' Chris? What are we gonna do next?" Evan looked over to his right and squinted up at him when the sun beamed down on them. There were still a few games they could play and they all wanted a go on the ferris wheel which Bella was the right height for. But it was up to the kids and since Bella didn't care what they did, it was down to Chris.

"Hook a duck!"

"Alright-"

"Daddy," Bella patted Evan's hair like she was smoothing it down and he turned to look back at her, smiling up at her until he saw her furrowed brows and the way she was bending her knees like she was trying to do some kind of funny dance.

"What, babygirl?"

"Where did water go?"

Both Evan and (Y/n) frowned at one another and quickly moved to turn around and peer over the side of railing the kids were clinging to. What was she talking about? There was a whole sea out there, why did she suddenly think the water had vanished? She had been watching it for the past few minutes, it couldn't have vanished before her eyes?

Something burned down in (Y/n)'s stomach and she could feel her lungs popping and deflating as anxiety broke out in her system.

It wasn't the lack of water at the bottom of the pier that caused her worry, it was the turbulant view of an appending wave that surged her panic. That was larger than the usual surfing wave that occured on this beach. (Y/n) had never lived anywhere where this had happened and she'd never been so close to see one in person.

A tsunami.

Before she knew what she was doing, (Y/n) batted her hand out until she found Evan's bicep and she dug her nails into his skin, clenching her fingers around him like he was somehow going to make this better or turn the wave away and demand it stop where it was. She wasn't sure what she wanted him to do but she couldn't think, couldn't move, couldn't breathe.

"Evan…" His name came out nothing more than a broken sound that she could barely hear but she felt the way his muscles tensed and he shot up from the bench without tearing his gaze away from the water.

"Get off the pier," His voice was barely above a whisper but he was getting into action mode already. "Get off the pier! Move back! Get off the fucking pier!"

His voice sounded like a siren to everyone else who had gathered round to see like it was some sort of beautiful spectacle instead of a harrowing omen. They shouldn't be gathering round to watch, couldn't they see how massive that wave was or work out what that implied? They all needed to leave, not rush closer.

Chris gasped but he didn't have time to react or talk when Evan hastily grabbed him and tossed him over his shoulder. There was no time for Chris to walk or he wouldn't get far and they needed to be as far away from the shore as possible, they needed to be in-land. Evan kept his arm secured over Chris's back and he pushed away from the bench, reaching his free arm out for (Y/n).

Terror had hold of (Y/n) by her heart and it made each breath and each pulse of blood feel horrid and broken but she had to push through it. With trembling gasps, (Y/n) hoisted Bella into her arms, holding her face against her shoulder and her other arm tightly wrapped around around her small waist. She kept her daughter cocooned to her chest and ran forward as Evan grabbed her elbow so he didn't lose her in the rush that was going to come.

The pair of them bolted back across the wooden pannels, aiming to keep going and going until the inevitable flood overtook them. If they could at least get to the end of the pier then it would be a little better but Evan doubted it.

And when he turned to glance behind him, the water was almost at the bench they had just left.

They were running out of time.

"Here! Down here!" Doubling over, evan placed Chris down behind a vacated shall and as swift as anything, he grabbed (Y/n) by her hips and hoisted her over the side before he jumped across.

(Y/n) snapped her eyes closed and buried her face into Bella's hair who was whimpering against her chest, unsure what was happening and why everyone was suddenly screaming and panicking. She pressed her back up against the wood and felt Evan kneel down beside her and hold his arm around her while his other arm deadlocked around Chris.

They had to stay together.

"Oh God, Evan…" (Y/n) nudged her forehead into his shoulder and felt his arm tighten around her waist until it felt like an iron bar was grafted into her skin but it was comforting. It was the only thing grounding her racing thoughts from making her pass out.

"I won't let go babe! I won't I swear-"

He couldn't breathe. He had underestimated just how powerful the water was going to be when it hit. Wood broke and splintered on impact and each broken pannel hit Evan in the head, the arm, the legs and his back like he was being beaten black and blue.

It didn't matter how tightly Evan kept his arms around his family, he couldn't hold them all or keep them safe at his chest.

When the water hit, Evan got twisted and lifted from the floor and that was it. He could feel his fingers scratching into Chris's shirt but (Y/n) left his arm after maybe five or six seconds at most. The water lifted Evan up instead of dragging him down like he expected and it gave him a chance to gasp for a deep breath before something smacked into his foot and toppled him into a gushing wave. He seemed to spin in a circle and race down towards the floor like a diver reaching for the ocean.

A panel of wood smacked into his forehead right across his eye and that was when his world turned black.

Something akin to a bubbling scream gurgled at the back of Evan's throat and he was sure if he could he would have been sick. Everything was water, his lungs were full of water, his clothes were weighed down by water, the current was holding onto him with deep imbedded claws and dropplets were rolling down his eyes.

A tree branch smacked right into his lower sternum and stomach, knocking the water out of his lungs and letting him take in a strangled gasp and open his eyes. It took a few seconds for his vision to clear but when it did, he started to scream.

Where were they?

Why wasn't he back at the pier? How far had the water dragged him? Evan couldn't tell where he was, the water was at a third story level, covering the road, the landmarks, the signs and the building names and distinctions. All he could see were towering buildings, floating cars, broken glass, bodies and unworthy items floating beside him. Everything from chairs to lamps flew past him at top speed and gave him no direction of where he had turned up. All he knew was he was no longer at the pier.

"C-Christopher! (Y/n)! God, Bella? Bella baby where are you?!" Each word became clearer when he took deep ragged breaths but his voice rose two octaves until it sounded like a teen who hadn't hit puberty yet.

Chris didn't have balance or coordination or enough ability to find something to cling to and stop from floating away into the next state. Evan didn't even know if he could swim. And (Y/n) was somewhere around here, she had to be but if she was injured she couldn't swim and if she could swim, what if she hit something?

What if she didn't have hold of Bella anymore? She was three, she couldn't swim, she could barely tolerate getting a bath. This was far too powerful for her to stay afloat or swim or avoid getting scraped or punctured by something.

Where was his baby girl?

"No, God no," Evan let the tears fall, he let awful, hoarse screams scratch past his salty lips as his eyes burned from the beating he had taken and the tears he was shedding. He couldn't get the picture of his daughter floating past him out of his mind. Her little body floating limply past him, never to be seen again. Evan wouldn't survive if he couldn't see her face again or hear her laugh or her calling his name.

Evan screamed all their names again and again until he couldn't do anything but gasp for air and spit the water that flooded his mouth when he tried to push up higher on the tree branch that was currently keeping him afloat.

"Buck! B-Buck!"

"Christopher!" Evan looked around wildly, blinking away the droplets clinging to his lashes but he couldn't see where Chris was. Until he squinted into the distance and noticed a small head and a pair of arms clinging to a telephone pole.

One down, two to go.

"I'm coming! Stay there, hold on bud I'm coming!"

Bringing his legs up, Evan awkwardly shuffled over the branch and dived back into the current that was thankfully heading towards Chris and not away from him. He seemed to be sat right in the middle of the current that flew him down the middle of whatever street he was on.

As soon as he was within reach, Evan stretched out in front of him like someone desperate to find the light in the darkness and when his fingers barely touched Chris's shoulder, Evan grabbed him. He punctured his fingers into Chris's shoulders until he was sure he had bruised him and he pulled him from the pole.

Evan turned onto his back and lifted Chris onto his chest so he could still breathe and stay afloat but his head turned madly to try and find somewhere to move. They couldn't stay floating through the street, it was too dangerous. They had to get somewhere high and safe and wait until the water lowered enough to walk through or help arrived.

Did the fire and rescue come out during a tsunami? It was a natural disaster, surely they had to come out, but how would they get here, a truck couldn't float?

"Truck, truck." Chris waved his arms out beneath the water to stay floating on his back but he tried to splash towards the truck that was elevated and sat on a slant. It was resting on something but he didn't know what.

"Good, good boy! Alright l-let's go there."

Moving yet again, Evan hooked his arm tight around Chris's waist and tilted until they were both trying to stand up in the water so they could kick, bat and shimmy towards the truck.

He wasn't sure where the effort or the energy came from, but they swam like eels through the water until Evan could grab the open window and reel them in.

"Up, up."

When Chris grabbed the rail on top of the truck, Evan moved him up onto his shoulder so he could keep him high above the water and so he could put his feet into the windowsil and lift them both up. Chris let himself go floppy so Evan could push him over the rail and get him safe on top before he flopped on his chest next to Chris, exhausted.

"Are you okay?" Evan crouched on his hands and knees, coughing up the last bit of water and trying to take a second to make sure he could see no injuries on Chris. He couldn't be telling Eddie he had gotten his son hurt during a tsunami and if Chris was badly hurt, Evan wouldn't be able to cope in this situation.

But when Chris smiled and shook his head, Evan merely gasped. How could he be smiling at a time like this? Wasn't he afraid of what just happened? Shouldn't he be crying and screaming and shouting for his dad, demanding help arrive and take them away?

He looked like he had a black eye coming along and there would no doubt be scratches and bruises but he didn't seem like he was badly injured and that was a big weight off Evan's shoulders.

Evan himself felt okay. His head was pounding, blood was starting to dribble down into his left eye along with the water seeping off him. his ribs hurt, his arm was scratched and he was sure a few lower ribs were either fractured or broken. But he was relatively okay, he could run off the adrenaline that was now coursing through his veins. He would be functional until he could find out what happened to the rest of his family.

Tears started to flood Evan's eyes until he could barely see when Chris leaned forward and cupped his face in his hands and gently patted his cheek.

"You're hurt." Chris tried to smear the blood off Evan's forehead and the action made Evan sob.

"I'll be alright, buddy."

"Auntie (Y/n) and Bella, are we gonna find them?" Chris started to brush away the tears falling from Evan's eyes that turned a darker shade of blue and started to twitch.

"God, I hope so."

***

"Daddy!"

"I know you want daddy, baby, I know. We'll find him," (Y/n) could barely keep her voice level but she had to try and sound promising and encouraging. She had cried too much already.

If she cried any longer Bella would realise she was lying. How was (Y/n) going to know if they would find Evan and Christopher unharmed and alright after this? She might find one and not the other. She might have to give Eddie the worst phone call of his life and break his world. She might find Evan too late and shatter her own world entirely.

It had been a miracle that (Y/n) had stayed so close to Bella. After Evan drifted, (Y/n) realised Bella had been sucked out of her arms and carried off further ahead of her. A branch punctured into the bottom of her chest and a chunk of metal smacking into her forehead had done nothing to deter (Y/n) away from chasing her baby through the water. She watched her daughter bob up and down through the stream, gasping and struggling to stay afloat until she got tangled up in a bush that stopped her from going any further downstream.

(Y/n) had managed to grab her and use some nearby rope to tie Bella to her chest so they couldn't separated again.

Leaning forward, (Y/n) folded her arms over the roof of the car Bella was perched on and she pressed her forehead on her arms. If she was going to cry she needed to smother her sounds and not let Bella see so she didn't panic and get upset again too.

"No, daddy!" Bella's tone changed and she started frantically pointing, her sobs now ceasing into nothing.

"What?"

Turning around as much as she could, (Y/n) almost screamed when she saw a familiar figure looming in the distance. How on Earth did Bella know that was Evan? From way over here, he looked like a broad figure standing on top of something. But then again, his hair was always dark and flat when damp and he had wide shoulders, thick arms and a reduced torso. He was distinctive, thank God.

"Evan? Evan, please, please be him!" (Y/n) tried screaming his name but it only made her injured side ache and her lungs burn. She let bella continue to scream at the top of her lungs and wave her arms to direct him over to them.

A fire burned inside (Y/n)'s knotted stomach when she watched him dive into the water. It had to be him, what stranger would answer to his name and head their way? They weren't exactly in distress, they weren't being carried away by the water they had managed to find somewhere to stay safe for the time being.

"Daddy!"

"I'm coming, baby it's me! (Y/n), (Y/n)!" Evan flung a floating shopping trolley to the side and pushed another wooden beam out of his way as he coarsed through the water towards his girls. He could feel Christopher's arms tight around his neck and his weight pressing down on his back, reassuring him that the eight year old was alright and still with him.

He had started to give up hope of finding his girls, it was getting harder and harder to stay positive around Chris until he heard a distant crying. He had been looking round and round for what felt like hours, then when he and Chris moved over to a broken building that had been safe to stand on, he heard the voices get clearer.

There they were. (Y/n) had managed to stay with Bella or at least follow her and find her again and when Evan reached them, they would all be together again.

As soon as Evan was within reach of the dark blue BMW the girls were clinging to, he scrambled onto the boot and manouevred Chris from his shoulders to the top of the car. He helped him shuffle slowly on his stomach until he was safely on the roof and out of harms way.

"Bella!" Chris wrapped an arm around her and started to giggle when she shuffled between his legs and cuddled close to him. She was desperate to jump down into Evan's arms but one look at his stern expression told her to stay where she was. And that meant the closes source of comfort was the person who she thought was her cousin.

"Oh baby! Oh I thought- I…" Evan couldn't repeat what had been rattling through his head, lest he wanted to have a nervous breakdown and sob in front of the kids.

He thought he'd lost her for good.

He gripped the edge of the car and shuffled along until he was close enough to dig one hand into the top of the car and use the other to wrap his arm around (Y/n)'s shoulders. He reeled her into his chest and felt how badly she was shaking when she let out a feeble mewl into his chest. Her face tucked into the middle of his chest near his collar bone and both her arms wrapped around his torso, digging her nails into his flesh to reassure herself he was actually here, safe in her arms.

"Evan…"

"I'm here, I've got you, you're safe."

He couldn't press enough kisses to her wet, matted hair and each peck made her cry harder until she was sobbing and bubbling and whimpering in his arms and all he could do was shush her. If she didn't stop he was going to breakdown.

"Get on the car baby, we need to sit up with the kids until the water goes down enough to walk." Evan let his arm slope lower down until it was firmly around (Y/n)'s waist but his head snapped up to Bella when she spoke.

"Mummy's stuck."

"What? Stuck how?" His head pivoted back down to (Y/n) and he coiled his arm back to his side so he could hold her chin between his fingers and tilt her head up to look at him when she kept her eyes adverted down. He thought it was strange that she had Bella on top of the car but she herself was still half submerged in the water. It didn't dawn on Evan that she might be sitting in the water because she was stuck, he thought she was just trying to test the level of the water or wait and get ready to move again.

"My leg," (Y/n) glanced up at the kids before she lowered her voice, "I- I couldn't swim properly and hold Bella, I tried to get to the car… my foot went through the window, the glass-" She broke off, breaths hitching higher with each word.

Bella had been screaming and choking at the same time and (Y/n) didn't know what to do. The moment she got her unstuck the current took them and a wave submerged them and both of them panicked. When the car came into view (Y/n) knew she had to do anything and everything to reach it and get them both safe but she couldn't let them continue to float away and risk drowning or becoming separated again.

One slippery hand on the roof of the car wasn't enough to ground them to it and (Y/n) was in such a hurry and frightened that in her haste, she tried to put her feet on the car any way she could to grab it and stay secured to it.

Her right foot went straight through the glass window up to her mid-thigh and she could feel every shard of glass imbedded in her leg to the hilt. If she moved an inch either way, a searing hot fire pulsed through her nerves and made spots dance in front of her eyes.

So (Y/n) sat with her left leg floating on the bonnet of the car and her right leg jammed in the window, waiting for help to arrive or for enough courage to filter through her so she could pull herself free and keep moving. She didn't have to wait any longer, the one wish she had been praying for had been answered. Both the boys were here in front of her, they found their way back to her and they were alright.

"Okay, brace yourself on the roof and I'll take a look," Evan pecked her forehead again before he reached down to grab the doorhandle so he had something to ground himself with like an anchor in the sea.

It was hard to see much in the murky seaweed coloured water. Bits of everything floated past him from socks and leaves to paintbrushes and cans of pop. But he didn't have to go far down at all to see the problem. There was a large shard of glass imbedded in the underside of (Y/n)'s thigh, that was why she couldn't move.

He pushed back up to the surface and looked around before he grabbed a floating branch that looked sturdy and thick.

"I'm gonna break the glass to get you free, then I can check the damage properly and patch you up. Deep breaths, this is gonna sting sweetheart," He whispered the last part in her ear before he submerged himself again.

Punching and using force underwater felt pointless when the water took over half his energy and his swing but he had to try. He jammed the branch repeatedly into each area of the glass until finally it started to give way and break off into smaller jagged pieces. And it gave Evan the chance to slowly hold (Y/n)'s upper thigh close to her bum and slowly pull her leg back.

When she was free, Evan rounded her side and scrambled up onto the bonnet before he crouched back down and leaned into the water. His smile was enough to calm (Y/n) down and she held onto his shoulders, letting him grab her under her arms and slowly hoist her up out of the water as both kids cheered.

"Alright, alright baby I'm gonna lay you on your front so I can check the damage, try stay still."

Evan lifted his leg over (Y/n)'s back so she was held between his thighs before he lowered her down until she was laid down on her stomach on the roof. The glass was in the back of her thigh and he had to sort it.

"I'm sorry baby."

"What f-"

Both Chris and Bella coiled back in fright when (Y/n) screamed before she smothered her mouth and nose with her hands and bit down into the palm of her hand.

Evan grimaced, swiping the tears away with his shoulder when he loosened his belt and strapped it as tight as he could around (Y/n)'s upper thigh. He pulled it so hard it sank into her skin like a new layer of flesh and it caused her leg to jerk out. When the pin was secured in the button, Evan kneeled down in front of her and pulled her so her upper half was laid over his knees.

He bent over her, smoothing her hair behind her ears as she sobbed into his muck-ridden jeans. Each sob made her shake and each jagged breath made her leg pulsate and throb and it circled back round to make her cry even worse and all Evan could do was shush her. He hummed into her hair, kissed the back of her head and pressed his fingertips into her skin to try and calm her down.

He couldn't remove the glass from her leg because it was stemming the bleeding and it would make her bleed out if it was removed. But Evan couldn't just leave it there and let the rest of the blood drip around the wound. He had to cut off the blood supply to the wound and the only thing he had that would suffice was the belt keeping his jeans up.

"Shh, it's okay baby, I'm so sorry but I had to. I love you so, so much."

After a few minutes, (Y/n) punctured her teeth into her lower lip to try and stop herself from crying, she had to be brave for the kids.

There was no way she could sit or stand up when the glass was still in her leg so she settled for pulling herself a little higher up on the roof like she was sunbathing and getting a tan on her back. She kept her arms folded and rested her chin on her arms, trying to smile through the tears and the pain that was making her delirious.

"I'm okay," She whispered quietly when Christopher reached a hand out and gently rubbed her shoulder, unsure what else he could do.

"Daddy…" Bella held her arms out towards Evan and shuffled out of Chris's arms. She hadn't seen him or touched him since before the tsunami hit and she was desperate for some comfort. She had been calling out for him for what felt like hours, days, years to the frightened toddler and now he was here, she hadn't even gotten a cuddle yet.

"Come here babygirl,"

That was all the encouragement she needed to scramble forward onto his lap and curl up against his sodden chest. She didn't care about his damp, musky shirt that now smelled horribly of fish, sewage and whatever else was floating in the water. All she cared about was that his broad chest was pressed up against her face and his strong arms were curled around her and when she felt him kiss the top of her head, she mewled quietly like a kitten.

***

"I think we can walk through this now, everyone is heading in that direction, there might be shelter or a hospital somewhere nearby." Evan tiredly looked down at (Y/n), trying to add a little hope to his broken voice.

They had been sat on this car for an hour or more and they couldn't wait much longer. Evan had kept watch of (Y/n)'s leg and her lower chest where he knew she had a puncture wound and both were leaking blood like a slow but steady river that trailed over the side of the car and dribbled down into the dusty caramel coloured water.

He needed to get her to a hospital before she lost too much blood or got an infection or something worse happened. They were safe but isolated here. There had to be a hospital or a make shift hospital nearby.

And (Y/n) agreed, she was growing tired and the longer they stayed here, the less likely she was going to be to move.

"Alright you two, we're going to find some help, wait there for a moment."

Evan sat Bella back down next to Christopher before he shuffled to the edge of the car and slowly slid down into the lapping water, annoyed that he was just starting to dry off and now he was going to be cold and sodden and sticky again.

The water barely reached his knees and it was thinning out by the second.

"Come here bud," Chris smiled and reached out for Evan's arms, letting him pick him up and slide him into the water as gently as he could in case anything sharp was hiding beneath. "Can you walk through this?"

"I think so."

"Good. Sweetheart, you ready?"

A tepid smile mixed with a grimace twisted on (Y/n)'s lips and she shuffled to the edge and looped her arms around Evan's neck. She took a moment to kiss his jaw and bury her face in his neck before she nodded and let him do the work. His hands were tight and secure on her hips and he pulled her closer, leaning her weight on his chest until he could lower her down into the water.

(Y/n) could barely feel her right leg. It was like an awkward sense of pins and needles but it didn't hurt, her leg felt like it was under anaesthetic, it was limp and felt thick and puffy and loose like it was disconnected. She had to lean all of her weight onto her left leg and loop her hands around Evan's bicep to make sure she didn't fall, but she was upright.

She would shuffle and hobble through the water, she had to.

"Baby girl come here so I can get you." Evan wrapped his free arm around Bella and swiftly picked her up from the car but the moment he leaned down to try and put her in the water, she screamed. A horrid, ungodly sound left her lips and rickoted through Evan's ears and make him wince and shriek in response.

"No daddy no! D-don't let me go! DADDY NO!"

Bella started to bash her tiny fists into Evan's chest so much she was starting to hurt him and each scream resonated through his ears until he had to shout her name to get her attention.

He pressed his hand against the back of her head, tangling his fingers into her crimped hair as he pressed his lips against her forehead to shush her.

"Okay baby girl, it's okay. I'll just carry you, shh you're safe I promise. Daddy's got you."

He didn't want to carry her all this way, as much as Evan loved holding carrying and cuddling his little girl, this was different. He had (Y/n) to think about, she could barely stand up and hobbling through this was going to be a big trek for her. Evan had been hoping the kids would walk beside him and he could either carry (Y/n) or at least take her weight and keep lifting her so she didn't have to move as much.

But he couldn't put Bella down, not in this state. God, she was never going to get a bath again.

They didn't know how far they trecked through the water slugging around their ankles. They didn't know how many people they had passed or how many bodies floated in the water nearby. No one could count the amount of cars, trees, electrical items, bikes, cupboards and shoes that had floated past them.

But each of them were getting tired.

Evan couldn't keep walking for much longer, his head and his heart could go on for miles because of the three people who were depending on him, but his body was past its limit.

He had Chris clinging to his left leg, one arm curled around his leg and the other hand was in his pocket so he stayed close and kept himself upright. Bella was asleep in his arm, her legs curled up on his chest and her head lolled on his shoulder. It was a relief she was asleep because neither parent wanted her to witness or remember the violent, horrifying images that were surrounding them.

And then there was (Y/n), both her arms around Evan's neck, her head tucked into his chest and her body stooped over. Her left leg was limp and useless now, she was dragging her foot behind her collecting mud and grime like a hoarder. Evan took half her weight and she hopped on her good leg or dragged her foot and shuffled awkwardly through the sludge.

It seemed like forever until the road actually became visible and the water drained away into a clear, if wrecked, street.

They had been given directions to the nearest hospital and all of them had been praying for some sort of vehicle to pass by and give them a lift but they had no such luck. They had to keep walking until they found what they were looking for.

"Evan… I can't," (Y/n) couldn't even voice what she was feeling or tell him what she wanted or needed. All she could do was stare up at her husband, her firefighter, her saviour, and bite her lip.

She wanted to sleep, she wanted to sit down and have a nap and wake up all better and patched up with this event far behind them in their past with their future ahead of them. But the longer they walked, the less sure (Y/n) was that she would be okay after all of this. She just wanted to stop.

"Bella, baby girl, there's no more water. I need you to walk with us, stay right between my legs if you want and hold onto me, but I have to carry mummy now."

Evan woke her up gently and peppered kisses all over her face to brighten her up and make sure she knew everything was alright. There was no water anywhere in sight to frighten her and make her cling to him in fear of drowning. He didn't care if she walked with Chris, walked between his legs or right behind him holding onto his other leg like Chris. Just as long as she walked so he could carry (Y/n).

Bella began to whimper and squirm but Evan didn't give her chance to panic, he crouched down with (Y/n) doubling over and leaning on him, and placed their daughter on her feet. She stood firmly on the floor, panic and uncertainty in her eyes before Chris reached a free hand down to hold her hand.

"Up you go sweetheart, this will be the safest way for your leg." He crouched and turned his back towards (Y/n), wiggling his brows to make her smile and lighten the mood.

He didn't want to carry her on his chest when he had a feeling Bella would stay in front of him. He couldn't carry her bridal style because it would be too awkward and he could hurt her leg. But a piggy back ride was the next best thing, he could keep her safe and still see where he was going and her leg would just dangle over his hip. He wouldn't be in reach of the glass to knock or disturb it.

With a smile that showed how weak and disorientated she felt, (Y/n) looped her arms around her husband's neck and let his hands hold her thighs. He scooped her up with ease and settled her on his torso before he straightened up and nodded at the kids to start walking.

"Off we go."

Somehow, Evan felt safer, more secure and had a slight boost of energy and adrenaline with (Y/n) on his back. He had her safe in his hold and he didn't have to watch her struggle and hobble, he had been desperate to carry her and now he could, he felt better. Despite the discomfort in his ribs that he was sure were broken and the dizzy feeling clouding his head, he pushed forward.

He had his wife on his back, Chris clinging to his leg and his daughter waddling slowly between his legs, holding Chris's hand for safety and reassurance.

The sun started to set behind the horizon when the four of them slowly shuffled, hobbled and dragged their feet towards the hospital they had been dreaming about for hours.

"We made it," Evan choked through his words and he could feel the tears suddenly spilling down his face like a waterfall. They did it; they got here, it took them all afternoon and a horrid start, but they got to the hospital. Now they just needed to find someone to help them and they could get patched up and finally relax. As soon as everyone was checked over and (Y/n) was taken care of, Evan could calm down.

He would think, breathe, eat, sleep, cry, when his wife was tended to and out of medical danger.

"You did it baby," (Y/n) whispered quietly in his ear and kissed the junction of his neck behind his ear and jaw. She felt him shiver beneath her touch and she nuzzled her cheek into his shoulder. It was hard to fight off the sleep that was fighting to win the battle.

"Cap, it's good to see you," Eddie patted Bobby on the shoulder and managed a bright smile despite the day's work that had unfolded. Staying at the hospital had kept him busy and being a temporary medic was a delightful change for Eddie. He felt a little more useful here than he had back there in the water a few hours earlier.

But whatever Bobby was about to say drowned out into static when Eddie looked just beyond him.

"Oh my God!" Eddie's fingers dug into Bobby's shoulder and he ended up yanking him down a little before he suddenly let go and bolted past the hospital reception that was crammed with people.

He stumbled down the path, his heart beating frantically against his ribs causing the vein in his neck to pulse and make him feel faint.

What had he done?

Why did he drop Christopher off with them this morning? Why did he add such extra pressure on the two most important people to him? He should have found some other childcare for Christopher, he shouldn't have turned up out of the blue and landed them with him. They looked like they had all been through the heart of the storm and then some. Why did he give them the added pressure of Christopher?

If he didn't they might have gone somewhere else on their day trip than wherever they took the kids.

Eddie didn't know what to do when he reached them. He wasn't sure whether to grab his son and hold onto him for dear life, check over Bella, confiscate Buck and wrap him up in a hug or take (Y/n) and carry her through reception. He froze in front of them all, his arms paralysed out in front of him as he couldn't make up his mind on what to do.

"Daddy!" Christopher let go of Bella's hand and stumbled forward, making the decision for him as he threw himself into Eddie's waiting arms.

"Oh, Christopher, are you okay?" He didn't look like he had been through the tsunami, he looked more like he had gone swimming in the sea than through a horrific natural disaster. "Buck, I- hey girlie, oh it's okay." Eddie kept one arm around his son but his free arm looped around Bella when she ran across to him and grabbed his leg.

"Uncle Eddie,"

She couldn't hold her dad properly when he was carrying (Y/n) and she was desperate for comfort. If she couldn't have Evan, she was sure as Hell going to have her uncle Eddie instead. Her little arms stretched up and grabbed at Eddie's neck until he understood and picked her up, holding her against his chest when she began to cry.

"Buck, what happened? Chimney I need help over here!" Bobby bypassed Eddie and stood in front of Evan whose legs were starting to wobble as floods of tears poured down his face.

"Buck, God where were you?" Chimney tried to look him in the eye but he wouldn't look at any of them, all Evan could do was cry, keeping his gaze down to his feet. "Stretcher! (Y/n) I'm gonna check you over real quick then we'll get you inside and patched up, okay?"

"Hm,"

She couldn't open her eyes any longer, her face nuzzled into Buck's neck again and her arms squeezed lightly around his neck. It took all her effort to smooth her fingertips over Evan's chest to let him know that he was okay and they had made it.

Chimney patted his hands all down her back, felt her ribs in case they were broken and observed the puncture wound in her lower chest that wasn't extensive but it would definitely need stitches. But when he looked down at her right leg, his lips rolled together and he eyed Bobby with uncertainty. Her leg was extremely discoloured from the cut off circulation, blood was still dribbling slowly down her leg and the glass could have any number of infections on it that could penetrate her soft tissue and cause damage.

She had to get into theatre now before her leg became unsavable.

"Pulse is good but her breathing is shallow and her leg is in bad shape, that glass needs to come out now and the blood supply needs to be reconnected before the leg is lost." Chimney turned to find two nurses had arrived with a slightly lopsided stretcher but it would do. (Y/n) was now a high priority and she would get first admission to an operating room. "Okay (Y/n) we're going to gently ease you off of Buck and onto your stomach on this stretcher."

"Stay very still Buck, we've got her don't worry." Bobby patted Evan's shoulder before he and Chimney both got hold of (Y/n).

They moved an arm beneath her chest each and carefully held her thighs before they pulled her back. Her head fell back so slow and floppy it looked like she was a ragdoll whose neck had just broken. Her arms were lifeless and useless at her sides and she felt like jelly, one wrong move and she would split forever.

Bobby moved round and leaned backwards so (Y/n) could lay on his chest and Chimney could manouevre her legs and they lifted her up onto the stretcher. He turned her head to the side so she could still breathe properly and they placed her arms on the stretcher tucked up against her chest before Chimney gave a thumbs up for them to take her.

"Buck, buddy let's follow them inside and stay with (Y/n). You and Bella can stay close by and we will get you checked out." Bobby pressed one hand on Buck's back and the other on his chest both to check his breathing and to try and comfort him and steady him when he looked like he would keel over.

He knew Evan and Bella wouldn't want to be separated from (Y/n) and if they went now, they could stay in the closest waiting room to her and get seen by a nurse. Evan's head looked bad and he could have other multiple injuries they didn't know about.

As soon as Buck saw Eddie take the kids inside to follow (Y/n), his knees gave out.

His hands latched around Bobby's arm, his body went down with a harsh thud to the concrete floor on his knees and his breathing turned shallow and limp.

"Wow, wow! Hey, you're okay. You're all here in one piece, you're all gonna be okay. Come here," Bobby spoke with a calm and unusually soft voice like melted butter and he pulled Evan into his chest when he didn't refuse the contact. He let Evan tuck his face into his shoulder, switching between little panting breaths and big gasps before he let out a shrill cry that sounded like his throat had been scratched raw.

"I- I got them all here. They're all safe," Evan started to rock himself back and forth until Bobby and Chimney both did the same, holding onto him and checking his vitals at the same time.

"You did it Buck. You did it."

[borntobewondering]

through the smoke

Evan Buckley x Female!Reader (22.9k) It’s funny how it only takes one second to unravel an entire future.

Warnings: A curse word or two. Mentions of injury. Mentions of fire. Mentions of 4x13 and 4x14. Memory loss. angst

Author’s Note: We’re back with Buck and this is one of my favorite tropes. We’ve got a lovely dose of amnesia for all of you today, and it is just such a treat. I wrote a killer firework analogy for this one, and if we don’t all collectively adore it I won’t be mad, just disappointed. Enjoy.

The title comes from “Wrong Direction” by Hailee Steinfeld

(Divider by @silkholland)

Note: My work is not to be posted anywhere else on any other platforms.

MASTERLIST

The beeping of the heart monitor should be a comforting sound. It means his heart is still beating. It means he’s still alive. But over the last few hours it’s started to feel like a sword swinging over your head. Each beep is another reminder of where you are, of the reason why you’re here. And you’re terrified that each beep might be the last. 

You’ve already been scrunched up in uncomfortable hospital chairs, and living off shitty vending machine coffee, for the past three days waiting for Buck to wake up. It’s longer than he’s ever been out before, and it’s concerning to say the least. But the doctor’s swear it’s not that uncommon. That his body is just taking its time to heal. 

And every member of the 118 says some variation of the same thing when they come to visit after their shifts. And Maddie, too. You take it from her most because she has the most experience with all of this. 

You’re used to Buck getting himself sent to the hospital by now, but each time is still more worrisome than the last. And it’s not like you can really fault him this time. Because he got hurt saving you, and you can’t really blame him for that. If the roles were reversed you would’ve done the same thing if it meant you were getting him out of danger.

Besides you already gave his unconscious form the self sacrificing idiot speech, and you think he got the message.

You’re just about to go take a walk to get your next cup of coffee when something beats you to it.

“Knock, knock.” You look up to see Eddie standing in the doorway with two cups of coffee in hand. “Stopped by the shop down the street, figured you needed something better than the shit in this place to keep you awake.”

He walks over and hands you the cup, which you accept with more relief than you’ve felt in ages. At least it’s something. You haven’t really slept in days, maybe a few minutes of shut eye here and there. The team keeps telling you to get some rest, especially while they come to visit, but you have yet to budge. You worry that the second you really commit to getting some rest is the moment Buck will wake up, or worse.

“You’ve got great timing,” You say, “Was about to go grab myself a refill.” You brush a few empty coffee cups into the nearby trash can before settling back into your uncomfortable chair as Eddie does the same on the other side of the bed.

“The nurses give you any updates?” He asks, eyes fixated on your fiancé holed up in a cramped hospital bed.

“They said it’s only a matter of time now before he wakes up. But it could be hours, could still be a few more days. Hell, maybe even a week.” 

You don’t know why they say it like that when it still really tells you nothing. All it tells you is that he’ll wake up, which is comforting but everything can change on a dime. And he could be fine one second and coding the next. 

Besides, they still have no clue what state he’ll be in when he wakes up. And you can’t fault them for that. Because that’s out of their control. They’ll only know once you do, once Buck opens his eyes and greets the world again for the first time in nearly a week. And it’s torture to say the least.

You eye Eddie across the room from over the rim of your coffee cup, and you see his eyes carefully flitting back to you every few seconds.

“If you’re about to say you’re worried about me, don’t.” You’ve had enough condolences and pitiful looks this week to last you a lifetime.

“Me? Never.” He jokes, taking a sip from his own coffee. “Bobby however.”

“Well, you can tell Bobby that I’m fine. I’m just playing the waiting game.” Which is arguably the worst part of this entire ordeal. “Ask me again when he wakes up.”

If he wakes up. You’ve always been a bit of the paranoid type, it kind of comes with the territory of the job. Face value has never really been your friend, and you’re finding that your tendencies have led to an inability to put much stock in the optimism of the hospital staff. 

And you’re talking to someone with the same problem. A man who relies solely on his team and his intuition. It’s a good way to live, leads to less disappointment. It also leads to a whole slew of trust issues, but that’s a problem for another day. And that seems to be your attitude towards everything these days.

“How’s the wedding going?” He asks, and you roll your eyes. The both of you know full well that you’re not the half of the couple that’s been worrying about the details of the big day.

You’ve always been a little blasé about the idea of your future wedding. Figuring that it’s less about all of the rigmarole and more about the love shared between two people and the people who love them.

But Buck wants it to be perfect. It’s sweet, damn near endearing, but it’s also kind of driving you crazy. Although you’d give anything to be flipping through the wedding binder with him at this very moment. 

You’d much rather he be fussing over picking the right venue, or the flowers, or the menu. Hell, you’d rather be arguing about whether you should have a DJ or a band. Which, the correct answer is DJ. Despite what Buck may think. 

He thinks there’s something so romantic about a full band playing while the two of you have your first dance as husband and wife. And there is some credence in that ideology, but it’s still the wrong answer. Sweet, but overall misguided. 

“Swimmingly.” You joke, placing your empty coffee cup on the tray table beside his bed. “I’ve been fielding calls from Loretta all day. She’s a little worried since she hasn’t heard from Buck in a while.”

Three days qualifies as a while because Loretta seems to be his new best friend. The two of them are this little collective, planning what is going to be a “perfect” day, while you’re just giving your opinion here and there. 

He wants it to be great, and you want him to be happy with the way it turns out. It doesn’t matter to you one way or the other, so long as you’re married by the end of it.

“Did you figure out your guest list?” He asks, and you know that Eddie really couldn’t care less about the details. You know that he’s trying to turn your brain to focusing on a brighter day, and you appreciate it. But he’s not as sly as he thinks.

“You say that like we have leagues of people to invite.” It’s going to be a small affair, well Buck prefers to refer to it as “intimate,” he thinks it makes it sound more fancy or something like that, you only really have the 118, their families, and Maddie to invite. 

“A wedding doesn’t have to be big to be special.” It’s about the people, as most things are, and you it’s better to have a few really close people in your life than a slew of acquaintances lining the rows to cheer on a couple that they barely even know. 

“I’ve been trying to tell Buck that.” You never expected him to be so enthralled by the spectacle of a grand wedding, but it turns out that he’s even more of a romantic than you’ve ever known him to be.

“He loves you.” Eddie says, knocking back the last of his coffee as he leans forward in his chair. “He just wants everyone to know. Including you.” 

Like you could ever really doubt his love. He’s constantly finding ways to remind you, small and big ways. Like he’s worried you’ll stop believing him one of these days. Like he’s worried one of these days you’ll run away because he didn’t prove it enough.

He’s got a lot of those preconceived notions, and you know that they come from a place of his own past traumas and insecurities. You just wish he’d believe that some people aren’t going to leave. Some people intend to stay, and they’ll fight tooth and nail to be by your side. They’ll be there when you need them.

You wish that he had an easier time believing that. You wish he’d never been convinced otherwise in the first place.

“I just-” You start, but you hear the slightest noise that sounds like a groan and it has you sitting up straighter in your chair. Exchanging quick eye contact with Eddie as the both of you lean in a little closer to see if you heard it right.

Only for the sound to ring out, along with the slightly faster beeping of the heart monitor, loud enough for you and Eddie to hear. You’re both out of your seats in record time.

“Buck?” 

His brows furrow at the sound of your voice, his head tilting in the opposite direction as the hand closest to you flexes slightly. Without much thought you place your hand on his wrist, the cool metal of your engagement ring making contact with his arm and he flinches slightly despite his sluggish nature.

“Buck,” Eddie tries, the both of you still waiting for him to actually open his eyes, “Buck, can you hear me?” 

“Eddie?” Buck’s voice is weak, scratchy, and quieter than you’ve heard it in so long, but it’s there. It’s there. 

“Yeah, I’m here.” He says, and the two of you exchange quick, hopeful smiles before turning your attention back to Buck. 

And then, the greatest thing out of all of this, Buck’s eyes finally open. And you can’t help but grin as you finally get a good look at him. Even though his eyes are still solely on Eddie.

“Hey, man.” He says, voice a little stronger than before as he cracks a slight smile. And the smile is returned by Eddie.

“Hey. How are you feeling?” He asks, and then Buck lets out another groan. As though he’s just now reminded that he’s in pain.

“Like I got crushed by a firetruck.” He says it with a chuckle, like it’s supposed to be funny. Like it’s supposed to be funny because it’s what happened. But it isn’t what happened, at least not this time. It has your brows furrowing as your gaze shifts to Eddie. 

“That bad, huh?” He asks, a slight chuckle in place to make Buck feel more comfortable as he eases back slightly. If something’s wrong, the easiest way to figure it out is by making sure Buck isn’t too worked up. 

“I’ve definitely felt better.” He says, coughing slightly as he goes to reach for the cup of water on the tray table. Only to find that his arm isn’t free, and that’s when his gaze finally shifts to you. 

And you don’t know what you’re expecting from him. Maybe a smile or some flirtatious line off the top of his head. What you don’t expect is for his brows to furrow and for his eyes to roam across your face in the hopes of trying to place you. 

Your hand slowly retracts from his wrist and you discretely shove it in the pocket of your hoodie as he looks at you. 

“Who’s this?” He asks, the question clearly directed towards Eddie even though he hasn’t torn his eyes from you. And you can see Eddie open his mouth out of your peripheral, but you beat him to the punch.

“I’m Y/N.” You start, putting on your most professional and placating smile as you attempt to convincingly lie your ass off, “I work for the department, and I was sent to check in on you. Diaz was updating me on your condition.”

You shoot a look in Eddie’s direction, a silent plea that he just goes along with this. It’ll be easier that way, easier than trying to convince Buck of things that aren’t coming to the forefront of his brain.

“I’m glad to see you’re awake, Mr. Buckley.” You clear your throat, grabbing your jacket off the chair next to you as you take a few steps back. “I’ll go grab a nurse and let them know you’re awake.” 

And with that you’re gone, not bothering to send one last look in their direction. Yeah, the doctors definitely didn’t prepare you for this.

— — —

“We’re gonna be late.” 

Your warning seems to fall on disinterested ears as you feel yet another kiss pressed to your neck.

“Who cares?” It’s a mumble, one that comes from a voice that is still scratchy from sleep, but it makes you laugh.

“Bobby will kill us if we’re late.” You tilt your head slightly, catching a glimpse of the alarm clock on the bedside table. The party is supposed to start in an hour and a half, with the both of you supposed to arrive at least thirty minutes after the fact. And you both still need to shower. 

“It’s a party, it’s not like we’re going to be late for work.”

“It’s your birthday party.”

“Which I’m not supposed to know about.” You roll your eyes. How does he have the nerve to act like you spilled the beans when you didn’t breathe a word of it to him?

“Which you know about because you’re nosy.”

“It’s not like I did it on purpose.” You can’t manage to bite back the belly laugh that bubbles up in your throat at that. You don’t buy it for a second.

“You asked Chimney.”

Buck pulls away from you with a sigh, hovering over you as you stare up at him, failing to hide the grin on your face as you lock eyes with him. And he finds himself smiling back within a matter of seconds.

“What?” He asks, and you shake your head as your hands skate up his arms to then wrap around his neck. Pulling him slightly closer to you.

“I’m just,” You start, sighing slightly as you thread your fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck, “Really happy.”

And the way that that brightens his smile might just be the most breathtaking thing you’ve ever laid eyes on. And your smile grows in turn at the sight of him so damn happy, and it makes your heart jump slightly at the idea that you just might be the thing that makes him so damn happy.

Who’d have ever thought you could be the cause of a smile so radiant? The idea of it had never really crossed your mind in the past. And now you don’t think you’ll ever forget it. And, if you let yourself, you think you could get used to it. Get addicted to it. And that’s dangerous.

It’s dangerous because this could all go away so quickly. It could slip through your fingers and you could be out in the cold. On your own once more, living an awkward work life and having next to no personal life. Just because things are good right now doesn’t mean they’ll stay that way. 

You know it’s incredibly glass half empty, but your brain is hardwired to be waiting for the next terrible thing around the bend. It’s pessimistic as hell, you’re well aware, but it’s a habit that you just can’t manage to shake. You have the feeling it’ll follow you to your grave.

“I love you.” You whisper, quieter than you need to be because it’s just the two of you. There are no prying ears to hide the words from, but they feel sacred. Like they’re something special to be held between just the two of you, no matter how many times you’ve said them at this point. You don’t ever want those three little words to feel trite, to feel like something you just say. 

There’s beauty in something becoming reflexive, but you fear that it’ll lose some of its meaning if it's solely instinctive. If then it’ll just be something you say because you’re used to it. You don’t ever want it to feel that way.

“I love you too.” He leans down to press a kiss to your lips, your hands sliding down to rest on either side of his face until he pulls away.

“Happy birthday, Buck.”

— — —

“Absolutely not.”

See, you knew that you were going to be met with the stubborn brick wall when you showed up today. But there’s this small, somewhat stupid, part of you that hoped maybe you’d be met with a bit of understanding. But that’s not possible where Bobby is concerned. Not in a situation like this.

Because he seems to think it’s in your best interest to take a few days off. To give yourself some time to gather your thoughts and figure out what you want to do. Maybe take a little vacation time, fly back to the east coast and visit your family. He wouldn’t want to throw you back into high stress situations after the week you’ve had. 

He doesn’t seem to understand the fact that you’d rather be anywhere than in your own head right now. You want to be able to rely on your instincts and on the things that you can do. The things you can control. You can save people. You can do something worthwhile with your time instead of just sitting on the couch letting your misery swallow you whole. 

“Bobby, I need this.” You say, leaning down on the countertop as you look at him behind the stove.

“I had Eddie take a week off after Shannon, I’m giving you the same.”

“But this is not the same.” You try and argue, but Bobby is having none of it.

“It is the same.” He says, fixing you with a look that puts a finality on your perspective. “The future you had in mind was pulled out from under you. It’s the same.” 

But it’s not the same. It’s not the same in the least. And, god, it makes you feel like a shitty person for even entertaining the notion, but a sick part of you feels like Eddie got off easy. 

Because there’s no wondering. Once it’s done, it’s done. And she’s just gone. There was no way of getting her back. He doesn’t have to be plagued with the idea that one day she might come back to him. That any day could just be that day and things will be perfect again.

And he doesn’t have to live with the fear that that day may not ever actually show up. And you’ll just have to learn how to move on with your life again, with you being the only person to know your and Buck’s storied history. Every last detail, each and every quiet moment shared without prying eyes. 

It’ll only live on behind your eyes, and you don’t know how you’re supposed to live with that. Not with the knowledge that Buck is still out there without an ounce of a memory of what you shared. Of the future you were planning. And that is a torture of its own uniquely hellish design.

And you can’t help but wonder if all of this, if the forgetting and all the pain that comes with it, is a fate worse than death. It certainly feels like it is. At least death is final. 

“Bobby, I-” You start, but the sternness of his glance intensifies as he puts a lasagna in the oven.

“I’ll see you in a week, Y/L/N.” And with that he’s off. Heading down the stairs towards his office, no doubt to fill out even more paperwork about Buck’s accident and his impending return from leave.

You let out a long suffering sigh as you turn around, only to find two pairs of sympathetic eyes watching you from across the room. And they don’t even bother to pretend that they’re not eavesdropping when you catch them.

“I’m gonna assume you guys won’t put in a good word for me with Bobby.” You say, pushing away from the counter and making your way over to the couch where Hen and Chimney are sitting.

“Maybe some time off won’t be so bad.” Hen tries, hoping that it’ll provide some level of comfort in the face of this unprecedented territory. It doesn’t. “Maybe it’ll help you clear your head.”

“I can promise you, this fog isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.” You say as you lean back a little bit so that you’re resting against the back cushions of the couch. 

These last few days have gone by like your body and brain were running completely on autopilot. The elevator ride to the hospital lobby, the walk back to your car, the drive back to your and Buck’s apartment. 

The immediate instinct to run upstairs and grab all the duffel bags you could find and start packing your things into them. Stripping the apartment of every last trace of your existence and your relationship with Buck. It just about broke your heart in two to take the photo booth photostrip, with its worn crease in the middle, off the fridge and stuff it into your wallet.

It has all started to bleed together in your brain. And you don’t have it in you to go through and try to pick it all apart. Right now you’re trying your damnedest to be focused on the immediate. Keeping your sights locked in on the right now. And it’s proving to be damn near impossible since everyone seems to think that they know better. Since everyone seems to think that time is the answer here.

There is no answer. They just don’t seem to get that.

“I called Loretta last night and told her her services would no longer be needed.” You’d called and straight up told her that the wedding has been canceled. But she was busy asking you about Buck since she saw the story on the news, and she never got a straight answer over the past few days because you'd just given her a few bullshit placating answers when she’d called.

And you told her that he was still in the hospital, and that he’d be going home in a few days. You also mentioned the turn in his condition in a slightly offhand way to make it seem like you’re not as bothered by it as you are. And she came to the lovely conclusion that the big day is just postponed. She’ll still be looking out and trying to get everything in order the way she and Buck had been discussing. 

She’s so convinced that all of this will have a miraculous happy ending. That one day soon it’ll all be normal again and you’ll be walking down the aisle in no time.

Hope is a luxury that only the truly unaffected can afford. Because they don’t know any better. Because they don’t have anything to lose. You’d given up on the optimistic side of your own fate a long time ago because a half full glass has never gotten you anywhere. 

And it won’t get you anywhere now. Not with what the doctor told you over the phone. An update on Buck’s condition since you tried to make your presence at the hospital scarce after his first set of waking hours. You left in the presence of his best friend who he trusted. Who he still remembered.

According to the doctor his memory was about two years behind the current times, meaning that in his mind it’s shortly after the ladder truck incident. Meaning that he’s still in that phase of his life where he’s getting over the short and sweet, and astoundingly abrupt, presence of Ali in his life. All the while he’s still trying to mend his broken heart over Abby’s little cut and run act. 

And he hasn’t met you yet.

Because you didn’t come around until the middle of the hell freezing over. You stumbled upon the dose of familial chaos that is the 118 when Buck was in the middle of suing the department for wrongful termination. 

The beginning of a new job is stressful enough, it was like walking on eggshells over there for a while. Not because they didn’t like you, it's just that you aren’t Buck. Which was both a good and bad thing, because as mad as they were at him they still missed him like hell. They just wished he could pull his head out of his ass and see sense. 

And eventually he did. But he wasn’t thrilled to come back and find a new member of the team. Someone who hadn’t been shipped off to another house after he was granted his return. But that dissatisfaction only lasted for a little while. It didn’t take too long for the switch to flip and for the vibe to change completely. The two of you were practically inseparable after a little while. 

But history isn’t going to repeat itself, and you can’t just orchestrate things to roll forth the way they had the first time around. That was a beautiful stroke of luck, an entirely unexpected thing that set your life on a different course. And it won’t happen the same way twice. If you even bother this time.

The doctor said that you can’t be too pushy with the whole idea of reappearing memories. You can’t just talk to him about his life and practically force a revelation upon him. It has to be organic, it has to be natural. The doctor has every faith that everything will come back to Mr. Buckley, he just doesn’t know how long that will take. It just sounded like a lot of bullshit to you.

The rest of the team seems a little more insistent than you do. Like they’ve all signed themselves up to try and help jog Buck’s memory. But you can’t decide if that’s something you really want. 

Well, okay, obviously you want that. You want your life to go back to what it was a week ago. But you don’t know if you want to give some of those memories back to Buck. You’re the reason he landed himself in that bed in the first place. And you don’t know if you’ll ever be able to forgive yourself for that.

So, you don’t want him to remember it. Because it’s easier to hold it against yourself, to keep the weight of it steadily secured on your shoulders, when he doesn’t have the option to forgive you. It’s easier to keep hating yourself when there’s no one there to give you permission to give yourself a break. 

“You know, you can stay with Karen and me if you want.” Hen offers, that kind smile would be comforting if it weren’t for the pity that is so evident in her eyes, “It might be best if you’re not alone right now.” 

“Or you can stay with me.” Chimney pipes up, “Albert’s about to get his own place.” 

As tempting as the offer of Chimney’s vacant living room floor is, you have to graciously turn it down. Because they’re both being unbearably sweet, and you’d probably do the same if the roles were reversed. But you don’t really want it. You can handle this yourself, even if you really don’t want to.

“I’m good at the hotel guys, I promise.” You say, waving them off as you stand from the couch. “Besides, a unit in my old building just went up for rent and I put in an offer. I’m doing fine, I’ll be settled in a couple weeks. It’ll be fine.” 

They’re about to protest once more, Hen more so than Chimney, but you’re all stopped in your tracks by the sound of a familiar voice. A voice calling out to Bobby in a far too cheery tone, the sound of someone relieved to be back in the only building they’ve ever felt at home in.

You rush over to the railing and find Eddie and Buck walking into the firehouse. Eddie had texted earlier that morning and said Buck was being discharged today. But he was supposed to take him back to the loft, he wasn’t supposed to bring him here.

But Buck was probably insistent. He probably wanted to check in with the rest of the 118 and ease any worries. Besides, it’s not like you told Eddie that you’d be here. You can hear the two of them getting off the couch behind you and approaching you with slow steps. Like you’re a skittish wild animal about to make a run for the woods.

And, honestly, that’s the way you feel right about now.

“Y/N.” Hen says. Like she’s trying to regain your attention. Like she’s already said it a few times and you just haven’t heard her. And you turn to find her rising from her chair with her brows raised as she walks towards the railing to see what’s captured your attention. Once she spots him she places her hand on your shoulder like it’ll do something to keep you there for a few more seconds. 

But it’s not enough, and you’re not ready to look at his face and see not an ounce of recognition. Not again. Not this soon.

“I have to go.” You say, snatching your hoodie off the back of the nearby armchair and pulling it on as you speed down the steps. You zip it up and are reaching for the hood as you make it down to the firetruck bay, and you can see Buck hugging Bobby out of the corner of your eye. You turn your head just slightly as they’re pulling away. And Buck sees you, he catches a glimpse of you right before you have the hood fully situated on the top of your head.

It’s a split second, and you know he doesn’t know who you are. You know that he’s probably trying to place why he recognizes you, trying to connect it to when he saw you at the hospital. But the furrow in his brow gives you pause, but just for a second. Because soon enough you’re hightailing it out of the station and heading out to your car. You don’t give yourself the chance to breathe until you’ve pulled out of the parking lot and are on your way back to the hotel. 

— — —

“You are the worst driver.”

“I am an excellent driver.”

You roll your eyes as you wipe some excess lip gloss off your cheek, lip gloss that had been accidentally smeared on your face when Buck swerved at the very last second to avoid what he believed to be an animal in the middle of the road. You don’t know what it was, but it wasn’t an animal. 

“Tell that to all of your overdue parking tickets.” You taunt, screwing the cap back on your tube of lip gloss before sticking it in your purse.

“Parking and driving are not the same thing.” 

“They’re basically the same thing.” You put the visor back up where it's supposed to be as you turn your head to look at him.

“They are not the same thing, at all.” 

“You can’t just drive around forever, you have to stop at some point. Parking is the end point of driving. They go hand in hand, so they’re the same thing. It’s all one big thing.” 

And he’s at a loss. He’s shaking his head, eyes on the road with the beginnings of a disbelieving smile on his face. And you know he’s at a loss because you’re right, your logic leads to the right ending. Despite the defense he may be building in his mind, you’ve won this time around. 

“When we have kids you’re not teaching them how to drive.” Is what he comes up with instead, meaning to pivot this little spat away from his bad driving but it kind of stops you in your tracks.

“When we have kids?” It’s not really meant to be a question, but it comes out like one in spite of your intentions.

Sure, you’d thought about your future with Buck. You’d given yourself the bandwidth, the freedom, to dream beyond the reality in front of you. But you always thought the idea of some happily ever after was just too far-fetched to happen to little old you. And things have just been going too well, everything is too perfect. And expecting anything more feels a little greedy when you already have more than you bargained for.

You never dared to let yourself think that, maybe, Buck’s been thinking about the same things too.

“I mean, I’ve thought about it.” He starts, his nerves slipping into his voice as he purposely keeps his eyes on the road ahead. “A lot, actually. And I know we haven’t talked about it yet, and I don’t even know if you want-”

And it’s cute, kind of. It’s endearing to say the least. But you figure it’s best to put him out of his misery, to give him the reassurance that you’ve let your mind wander down the same paths. He’s been let down one too many times for him to just believe that there is a future in this. At least not without his fair share of misgivings and doubt.

So, you reach across the console to his hand resting by the gear shift and you slip your hand into his. Your fingers twining between his as you look over at him. You catch his gaze dart over to you out of the corner of his eye before returning to the road.

“I’ve thought about it too, Buck.” And it’s like he finally stops holding his breath. “I’ve thought of the future, our future, in so many ways.”

And, if you’re being really honest with yourself, kids have never really been something you felt were necessary for your happiness. Sure, you weren’t entirely against the idea but it wasn’t like you had any desperate need to be a mother or anything. 

But you’ve been spending so much time around such great parents as of late, and getting to hang out with their amazing kids. In fact you’ve spent your fair share of time around the Diaz boys, and Chris has just about stolen your heart. Buck is amazing with kids, and it hasn’t gone unnoticed.

And every time you see him around the kids of the 118, everytime you see him around Jee-Yun, it does something to your heart. It doesn’t make it skip a beat, per se. There’s just this wave of warmth that washes through your chest as you watch them. A sweet, unintentional smile making itself known. And you can see it in the people around you, like they know what’s going through your mind.

Like they’re just counting down the days until it’s actually a reality. Because Buck would be a great dad, there’s no doubt in your mind. And the idea of family has always felt a bit like a foreign concept, but you really want to build a family with Buck. 

“All those things that we’re supposed to dream about,” You start, taking a breath before you continue on, “Marriage. Kids. A family and a place of your own. I want all of that. I want to have all of that with you.”

“Yeah?” He asks, a small smile on his face as he peeks over at you.

“Yeah.” You assure, a barely hidden smile on your face as he lifts your hand to his mouth and presses a kiss to the back of it.

— — —

You’re back at the 118 exactly a week later, because you are just that stubborn and you want Bobby to know exactly where he can stick his time off. You know he means well, Bobby isn’t the kind of guy to act with ill intent. Especially not in regards to his crew. But you’re just so tired of everyone’s kind gestures. They’ve been too frequent for your liking. 

And it’s a few days removed from that one week cut off, and being back at work doesn’t feel as good as you thought it would. Because he’s here, but he’s not. He’s here in the sense that he’s seemingly just around every corner. Right there to stop your breath in your throat when you catch sight of him. Like a living ghost, and you’re worried that he’s going to disappear each and every time.

And he’s not there in the sense that the chemistry in the field is off. That unspoken connection has gone out the window, and he no longer has the ability to anticipate your next move. But you’re always on par with him because you still know him like the back of your hand. Maybe if you didn’t it wouldn’t hurt so much. 

During the times when you’re all back in the station you make the calculated choice to make yourself scarce because you don’t have it in you to have to face all of this head on. You don’t really have the self control to entertain conversation with this version of Buck. 

Not that there’s anything wrong with this phase of Buck, I mean this is the Buck you fell in love with after all. Before the Buck 3.0 software update, which always felt a little laughable to be honest. As there was no need for a complete overhaul. But you know he’ll never be on the same page as you when it comes to the topic of his “self improvement.”

You just can’t bear to hear him talk about the lovers of his past. Ali was a little more like a footnote, a weatherable shock to the system. But Abby was like a hurricane. And Buck wasn’t safely planted in the eye of the storm, he was smack in the middle of the path of destruction she left in her wake. This is Buck pre-closure, and there’s a piece of your heart that aches for his state of mind.

And you’ve had to hear him ramble on to Bobby or Hen, or, really, whoever will listen, about these tales of woe. Of how he’s still trying to figure these things out. And just because he left Abby’s place it doesn’t truly mean he’s left Abby in his rearview. 

And everyone is treating him with kid gloves, trying to act like they haven’t already been through these conversations a tireless amount of times. Even though they moved beyond them years ago, but it all feels so real to Buck right now. And there’s nothing any of them can do to change that.

They’ve been trying to get the two of you in the same room during each shift, but you find ways to slip out before they can manage it. Besides, it’s not like Buck really notices. As far as he’s concerned you’re just another coworker, one who likes to keep to themself. And he respects that.

And the 118 has been, to the best of their ability, respecting your space. Chimney claims that when he asks it’s because Maddie is worried about you. But you know it’s more than that. Hell, you’ve even had to field a few calls from Athena because she knows you’re not talking to Bobby. And, whether he’ll admit it or not, it’s kind of killing him. 

You’ve been doing a good job of keeping it together yourself. You’ve yet to cry about it, you’ve just tried to act like it’s not really happening. Treating it somewhat like you and Buck have just broken up, and that you’re trying to get your life back on track. Since that’s basically what this is. Despite that teensy sprinkle of hope everyone keeps telling you to hold onto. 

And you’re doing great with this avoidance tactic until he makes it all but impossible to act like he doesn’t exist. You’re up in the loft of the firehouse at like two in the morning, watching the news while everyone is supposed to be sleeping, shuffling a deck of cards in your hands. And then you hear footsteps coming from the steps by the kitchen. You don’t even bother to look up. You know exactly who it is.

“There’s a fresh pot of coffee on the counter if you want some.” You say, voice halfway zoned out as you watch the latest traffic prediction for the impending early morning commute. The most predictable thing about LA traffic is that it’s going to be shitty, it’s not exactly rocket science.

“Thanks.” You hear as one of the cabinets closes and a mug is placed on the counter. There’s liquid being poured into the mug, and then the sound of footsteps again that get slightly louder with each step closer to the armchair beside you. 

He focuses on the TV for a few seconds, but you can feel his gaze flicking to you several times. Like he’s waiting to strike up a conversation, like something about you has been on his mind in a way that he just can’t shake, but he doesn’t know how to start.

And you’re really not doing him any favors. Your eyes are still glued to the screen while you fiddle with the deck. And he drinks his coffee, and the occasional slurping sounds do nothing to abate the awkwardness that has settled over the hallowed house.

Eventually Buck seems to give up on nonchalance and settles his mug down on the coffee table as he leans forward slightly.

“You came to visit me in the hospital.” It’s not a question, there’s such sureness in the way he says it that he’s not really looking for you to confirm anything. He has no trouble remembering that. But he probably figured he’d never see you again after that day. So, having to deal with you on a daily basis has probably thrown him for a loop.

“I did.” And it absolutely kills you that this is the way he views this whole thing. You came for a visit, just to check in on a fellow firefighter. It wasn’t a visit, it was hell. It was days of waiting to see if he was ever even going to wake up. You wish it could just be classified as a visit. 

“You said you were sent to check on my condition.” And now it’s time to lie a little more. And it should be a little troubling how naturally it comes to you, how easily you’re willing to save your own skin by letting Buck believe whatever he needs to believe. You wish you were a little better at being honest. “You said you worked for the department.”

“I do.” You say, because technically that part isn’t a lie. But you can’t say the same for this next part. “I heard about your accident and figured I should come check in. I know I’d want someone there with me if I was in your position.”

A kind face, whether they’re familiar enough to be friendly or not. Sometimes just having someone can make even the worst things seem a little bit better than they could’ve been. One of the worst things in this life is being alone, and no one deserves to be subscribed to that fate. Especially not in a time quite as vulnerable as a hospital stay.

“Seems like you got dealt a shitty hand.” You mutter, flipping over the card on the top of the deck to be met with the smirking face of the Joker.

“It’s no picnic.” He says, eyes falling on the dark liquid in his mug. 

And you can’t imagine what it’s like to actually be in his head these days. Sure, the outside perspective is a hellish enough experience on its own. But you can’t imagine what it’s like to be so lost inside your own mind. More so than he’s ever been before. 

“Do you remember anything at all?” You ask, because you just can’t help yourself. Self control has never really been your virtue and it’s been keeping you up at night. Because the doctor said that the last few years are just gone in this weird blink of an eye. And that just doesn’t really seem possible. It doesn’t seem feasible. 

“Not really. And what I do remember is basically just in flashes.” Meaning none of it is clear. Meaning he remembers these last few years of his life through a completely distorted lens. 

And you don’t have a perfect memory either. There are sections of your life that are completely gone from your mind. And no matter how hard you try you wouldn’t be able to call upon them with perfect clarity.

But that’s just the effects of time on the mind, this is something of a fluke. Something that was never supposed to happen. And the doctor had rambled on about it hopefully being short term, and that hopefully it’ll all come back to him soon. But none of this feels short term. And you’re sure that Buck understands that more than anyone.

“And I’ve been trying to jog my memory but nothing’s working. And it just feels like something is missing.” He scoffs, taking another sip of his coffee. “I know that probably sounds stupid, because obviously something is missing. But it just feels like there’s a hole. Like there’s someone missing, and I don’t know who. I just know that they’re important. And everyone seems to clam up whenever I ask about them.”

And suddenly the coffee table is extremely interesting as you can’t bear to make eye contact with him.

“How important?” It’s a low blow, and it comes from the greediest, slimiest corners of your brain. Because there’s a small part of you that just wants to hear the level of importance that your presence holds in Buck’s mind even when he’s not all the way there. 

You shouldn’t need to hear it, you hear it all the time. You’re wearing his ring for goodness sake! You’ve never been left wondering, and you’re grateful for that. But everything feels like a shot in the dark right now. And you’ll take everything you can get. 

“Abby important.” He says, and you just about choke on your saliva. Obviously you know about Abby Clark, and you know the number she did on him. She was his first real experience with love and he got his heart stomped on in the process. And the aftermath of that train derailment was not the easiest of days. In fact, it was pretty shitty in a lot of ways.

That was the night you and Buck kissed for the first time. And it ended in you pushing him away because you just couldn’t shake the feeling that it was coming from the wrong place. He’d seen Abby again after having given up on the idea of her ever coming back. And he saved her fiancés life. He was in a bad way, and you figured that this sudden outpouring of feeling was solely because he wanted a distraction.

He wanted the opportunity to be weak and seek comfort in a familiar presence. Just to act as though it never happened. Then you’d just be coworkers again, and you’d just have to soldier on with a brave face in the wake of Buck’s broken heart and the burgeoning fissure in your own.

And, really, no one could blame you. You’d heard the stories about Buck 1.0. About stealing fire trucks to hook up with hot girls from dating apps, or girls from rescues that were a little too fanatic about snakes, to the point that it resulted in a temporary firing. How were you supposed to know that Buck actually wanted something serious with you?

But you were wrong about all that, and he made sure you knew it. It just happened to be the next morning because you’d all but fled the station after the kiss. Your shift was over anyway, and you just didn’t have it in you to face all of those jumbled feelings when you could barely keep your eyes open.

But Buck was at your apartment door bright and early the next morning with coffee from the shop down the block. And you were a little more than antsy at the prospect of the conversation. But it didn’t crash and burn like you were expecting. It wasn’t flames, it was fireworks. And it was beautiful. It has always been beautiful.

Until the vibrant colors disappear from the star filled sky and all you can see is the smoke billowing through the wind until it blends with the black of the night. That’s what this is now. The fireworks have fizzled to their end. These are the dregs. You’re the smoke and you’ve already all but disappeared. And you’re helpless to the power of the wind as it carries you off someplace beyond sight. 

It might be naive, but you thought the fireworks were never going to fade. Being wrong has never felt so severe a punishment until now. 

Because these days it feels like you’re in the middle of a grassy field sprawled out a checkered blanket as you watch the display. And you see him in each beautiful interruption of the natural order of the night. He’s the bang. He’s bright, and intoxicating, and he draws you in. But nothing lasts forever, and the beauty of it is buried deep within its ephemeral nature. 

And, because you’re only human, you forget just how beautiful the fireworks can be until you’re in that same space again. And you get caught up in the awe of the magnificent chaos it creates. But only for a little while. Only for as long as they’re in the sky. Once the show is over you’re packing up your blanket and heading to your car. Like it never even happened.

That’s where things get a little different. Because, try as you might, you can’t forget him. You’ve been falling a little more in love with Evan Buckley since the day you met him, and you know that you’ll still be falling a little more until the last day you stand beside him, and that’s not something you can so easily forget. 

Not when you’ve had the privilege of bearing witness to his heart on his sleeve and that infuriatingly charming smile of his. You don’t ever want to forget that. That heart, that smile, those eyes, his laugh. 

They’re all just like fireworks. 

A little skip in the beat of your heart, but their impact is so much greater than a few seconds along the atmosphere. Just as beautiful, but permanently burned into your brain so you couldn’t forget even if you wanted to. 

Better than fireworks. Better than flames. Better than anything you ever could have imagined. And then the universe goes and makes you the butt of some sick joke. 

“But I feel like this person might be more important than that.” He says, like it’s been rattling around in his head for a while. And he’s been waiting to give it the time and space to breathe. “But everytime I try and think about them, to try and get something back, I hit a wall.”

“Maybe you’re trying too hard.” You say, reaching for your own mug from the table and taking a long sip.

“What do you mean?” He asks, and you shrug in an attempt at nonchalance. You’re not sure if it succeeds or not.

“Maybe this is supposed to be one of those things that is spontaneous. It’ll all come back when it’s ready. A watched pot never boils.” You put the mug back down on the table, wiping the back of your hand against your lips. “Maybe you just have to be patient.” 

And you know that it’s all a little hypocritical because patience has never been your virtue. And these days it really feels like you’re at the end of your rope. But this is solely a waiting game at this point, that’s all life has been the past few weeks. 

“Maybe.” He says, and the way he says it makes it seem like the last thing he wants to do is wait. And you understand, you’re on the same wavelength, but it seems a little inevitable at this point. 

The two of you lapse into comfortable silence, which feels like a freaking miracle on your part, with only the sound of the latest breaking news in the background. You stare at the TV screen, zoned out to the droning sound of the reporter’s voice and fiddling with the ring on the chain around your neck. A spot you’d chosen for safe keeping during the job. Plus, it’s a nice way of keeping Buck close to your heart.

You don’t even realize that you’re doing it, it’s just become a bit of a nervous habit at this point since you’ve been wearing the ring for nearly six months now. In fact, you don’t take notice of it until you hear him say:

“You’re engaged?” You just about freeze to your spot at the sound of his voice, your gaze very slowly drifting from the television to his face. And he doesn’t seem as surprised as you suspected. In fact, there’s an almost sweet smile on his lips when he looks at you. And the mere sight of it triggers a million memories of every other time you’ve been on the receiving end of that smile. All the smiles that aren’t even a blip on his radar.

“Uh, yeah.” You say, trying to swallow down the lump that has settled in your throat. “About six months now.” 

“They treat you right?” He asks, and you nod as you slide your finger along the chain.

“Yeah. He’s pretty great.” And you smile despite yourself, because you really just can’t help it. The happiness you have been privy to these last two years is almost incomprehensible. “But, one of these days, I swear that man is going to be the death of me.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“He’s a heart first kind of guy.” You say, eyes meeting his for a brief second before moving back to the TV. “His solutions are often out of instinct, and he acts on them without much more thought. He figures if he can help in any way then it has to be the right move, even if it means that he’ll get hurt in the process. He doesn’t seem to realize that losing him is also a worst case scenario.” 

That’s the part that you can never seem to get over. That one little annoyance with Buck that you can never seem to shake. He seems to believe that he’s a person people can just get over. That he’ll be easy to move on from. 

And you know for a fact that he feels this way because it’s what he’s been led to believe his entire life. But it’s not true. 

It would not be a quick healing process, and you know everyone that loves him agrees. It would never be easy, and you’d never get over it. Maddie would be mourning her brother for the rest of her life if their family attitude towards loss is any indication. 

And every member of the 118 would be looking over their shoulder on every rescue just expecting him to be there only to quickly be reminded that he’s never going to be there no matter how many times they look.

He’s not tradeable. His actions would be commendable, no doubt about that. But not a single one of you would be happy it happened. You’d spend the rest of your lives feeling guilty and wondering what you could’ve done to save him. Wondering if you could’ve possibly found a way to beat him to the punch and be the one who wound up in the ground. There is no easy way out of something like this.

“Is he one of ours?” You can tell by the look on his face that he knows exactly what you’re talking about. Like he’s been in those same shoes, and still lives in that headspace. You don’t know if he’ll ever actually move through that. If he’ll ever believe that he’s actually something valuable. 

“Yeah. We met at work.” And what an interesting time that was to be working at the 118. It was not smooth sailing to say the least. “And he’s been obsessed with wedding planning. It’s driving me crazy”

That’s something you never thought you’d miss. The ending every night with flipping through the wedding binder or scrolling through the pictures that Loretta sent him. Endless displays of flowers and place settings and seating charts. It’s all so involved, and if you never see another cake topper again it’ll be too soon.

“You’re not into planning?” He asks, and you shake your head.

“It’s not that planning is the problem. It’s that we keep disagreeing over the same thing. Flowers are fine, the cake is fine, the food is fine. We just can’t seem to get over ourselves when it comes to music.”

“The obvious answer is band.” He says at the same time you say, “DJ.”

And the man looks at you like you’ve grown another head. Like this is quite possibly the greatest betrayal he’s even endured despite only having known you for like twenty minutes. 

“It’s a wedding.” He justifies, “A band is so much more romantic.” Live music, with a perfectly curated set. It’d be heaven. That’s what he’s been telling you for months, it’s still not enough to get you on team band.

“But a DJ can play all of those stupid wedding dance songs that tell you the steps. The songs that really get the party going.” You’re joking, but only slightly. 

“The Cupid Shuffle is not stupid.” He defends, incredulity laced in his voice as he looks at you. And it only takes a few seconds for the two of you to start laughing because this is truly absurd. 

But the laughter dies down after a few seconds, and you’re just smiling at each other. The shy kind that you try to hide with all of its inherent sweetness. 

Just as his smile slowly drops, but the warmth in his eyes has yet to disappear, your phone starts vibrating on the coffee table. And both of your eyes are drawn to the screen as Maddie’s face pops up with the caller id. 

“Is that-” He starts as you reach for the phone and silence the call, only for him to catch a glimpse of the photo of you and him on your lockscreen. A real sweet one, with his arm around your shoulders and a bright small on his face as you’re caught laughing. You look stupid, real cheesy, but it’s one of your favorite photos of the two of you. And you didn’t have the heart to change the photo. 

“You know what, I’m actually starting to feel a little tired.” You fake a yawn as you stand, shoving your phone in your back pocket and turning towards the staircase. “I think I’m gonna go try and get some sleep.” 

You rush out of there as fast as humanly possible without even chancing a look over your shoulder. That was a little too close. Scratch that. It was way too close. 

— — —

You decide you should try and get some sleep as yet another hour of mindless bridal reality shows start to play on the TV. The glow from the television screen is the only thing lighting your face at this late hour, aside from the occasional glow of your phone screen when you tap it to see if you have any new messages from Buck. 

You pull yourself up from the cushion with a groan, stretching your arms over your head as you sit up with your eyes fixated on the moonlight filtering in through the windows. You grab the remote and turn off the TV, carelessly dropping the remote onto the cushion beside you as you stand and slip your phone into your back pocket.

You have the sneaking suspicion that any attempt at a good night’s sleep will be absolutely fruitless. And you know that yesterday is a day you won’t be able to shake for a good long while. You weren’t actually there, you weren’t on the street, and you weren’t caught in the crossfires of the hectic ride to the hospital when Buck literally held Eddie’s life in his hands. But you were there for the after. 

You were rushing into the hospital, and being told that you really needed to wait outside by the nursing staff as the number of visitors allowed inside was still limited. Besides, it didn’t take long for you to find what you were looking for. And you were waiting right outside once Buck finally came outside with blood speckled forearms and shaking hands. And it only worsened the image that had been playing out in your mind ever since it came over the radio. 

And you don’t envy him, not in the fact that he had to witness that or in the fact that he has to tell Christopher what happened. That he has to explain to a child that his father may not be coming home. You have no idea how he possibly conjured up the strength to manage that. 

But he was home the next day, after an absolutely reckless shift, which you had already scolded him for. You’d had the day off and saw the news clip. He had a few voicemails left on his phone with a few uses of a choice word or two.

The two of you had ordered takeout and tried to settle in for as normal a night as possible. But it just turned into worried companionable silence as neither of you even touched your food. And then Ana called saying Eddie was awake and he took off running. Barely remembering to put his shoes on and grab his car keys before he was out the door. And you couldn’t blame him. You’d been worried out of your brain that Eddie wouldn’t wake up, and now knowing he was on the mend did wonders for your worries.

You’d be seeing Eddie soon enough. The day he’d be getting out of the hospital, you really didn’t feel like you could wait much longer to see if he was really alright. And as worried as you’ve been you know that Buck has been even more out of his mind. 

And you know that everyone is still living in this lurch where no one really knows what’s going to happen next. They don’t know who’s responsible for all of this and they don’t know who else he might go after. And everything hanging in the balance is the most unsettling feeling you’ve ever had to stomach. 

Attempting to push all of that out of your mind is the only way you have a snowball’s chance in hell of getting any sleep. Even though you know you probably won’t even have a chance of getting any until Buck is back. That way you know he’s safe, even if his only off duty stops are the hospital and Eddie’s house to make sure someone is there for Christopher through the night.

He’d sent a text when he got settled in the hospital, just to make sure you knew he’d gotten there without any incident. And you appreciated it, you really did. But it’s not the same as having him standing right in front of you alive and well. There’s no reassurance quite like it.

But you know it’ll be a few more days before you really get that reassurance, so you start the climb up the stairs towards your bed. Finger just about to flip the light switch to kill the lights downstairs with your foot poised on the bottom step as you hear the door open. 

“Buck?” You ask, leaning back slightly to catch a glimpse of the figure coming through the doorway.

You watch him drop his keys on the kitchen counter and he turns to you. And he looks lighter than he did when he left, but only slightly. Which feels like good news.

“I thought you were staying at Eddie’s tonight.” You say, taking a step back towards the kitchen to get a better look at him. 

“I am. I was on my way over there, I just really needed to see you.”

“Is everything okay?” And it sounds like the world’s stupidest question, you’re well aware. Because how could any of you really be okay right now? But there’s something a little far off about Buck at the moment, and you really want to pin down what it is, otherwise you’ll be left circling the drain until he decides he just can’t hold it in any longer. 

“Yeah, I’m good. I just, um, I was reminded that life is really short. Especially in our line of work. And if we can keep waiting around for the perfect time, it’s just going to pass us by. And I’m tired of waiting, and I’m tired of letting every opportunity slip through my fingers.”

And those sound like heavy words, words that are so very weighed down by a meaning that you don’t want to notice but already have. Because this is not the time. Tonight is not the night. And this is not the headspace in which someone should be asking this kind of question. This is not the kind of decision to make after watching your best friend bleed out on the pavement. 

“Buck.” You start, but he shakes his head as he walks closer to you.

“Please, I just need to get this out.” And he hasn’t asked the question yet, which means it isn’t your time to answer. And every last bit of resolve in your body is praying he doesn’t get down on one knee tonight. 

He isn’t making it any easier. He’s pausing, he’s trying to figure out the exact right words to say. He’s trying to make it perfect. 

That is the last thing you want. 

“I love you.” He says, and then he smiles like all of the weight has been lifted from his shoulders. Like that is the biggest bomb he’s about to drop. “Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”

And you know the feeling all too well. You know just how easy it is. It’s innate. It’s like breathing. It’s something you’ll never be able to forget how to do. 

“And everything goes by so fast, you know? It’s here one second and gone the next, and I don’t want this to be like that. I want to always be right here. With you.”

It’s like your heart is about to burst out of your chest. You can practically see the question on the tip of his tongue, and you just can’t let that happen.

“Buck.” You try again, more worry creeping into your voice as you look at him. And he shakes his head, like you don’t understand. And, hell, maybe you don’t. But you don't know what else this could possibly be.

“Look, I know what you’re going to say, okay? I shouldn’t be so impulsive. And I shouldn’t make a rash decision, but it’s not a rash decision.” Something sparks in his eyes as he looks at you, and then he’s moving. “Stay right there.” He says as he runs up the stairs to the bedroom. 

And you do. You stay there despite yourself. One foot poised on the very bottom step as you fight every instinct to follow him. You’re not sure what he’s doing up there, but you have the feeling it’s going to make your night a lot more difficult. 

And it does. Because of course it does. Because enough earth shattering things haven’t happened this week already, God just decided he needs to throw one more thing on the pile. 

Because Buck comes rushing back down the stairs with something clutched in his hand. With each step closer you get a better look at the tiny velvet box, and your heart just about stops at the sight of it. 

“I bought this three months ago.” He says, fiddling with the box in his hands as he looks at you. “I’ve been trying to find the right time. And I almost asked you so many times, but I let the voice in my head talk me out of it. And I’m tired of talking myself out of it.”

And then he does it. He breaches the point of no return and he gets down on one knee with the box in his hand. Then he’s opening the box, eyes traveling to your face in some hope to gauge your reaction.

“Will you marry me?” He asks, and, god, you don’t think you’ve ever seen him look so hopeful. He really isn’t making this any easier. 

And you don’t really know what you’re supposed to do. You’ve never been proposed to, and you don’t really know how to say no. You don’t know how to break his heart. But this is not the right time to be saying yes. This is not the right time to be getting married. And if he were in a better headspace he’d know that. 

So you take it slow, you can’t bear to just rip off the band aid. This needs to be treated gently, but that feels almost impossible right now. Not when you feel like you’re on the verge of keeling over.

The silence hangs in the air between the two of you like deadweight. And he must be getting antsy because his hands start to shake. Clearly this isn’t the reaction he was expecting. 

“This is the part where you say yes.” He says, his voice shaking as you take a step closer. With the beginnings of a frown etched on your face, the pinch in your brows is almost permanent as you stop right in front of him. “Or no?” He asks, but it’s not really a question. He knows. 

“I can’t.” And it’s like his heart just fell to pieces in his chest. Because he truly believed that there would be a yes on the other side of this conversation. And he doesn’t know what you’re supposed to do when someone says no in a situation like this. 

And maybe where you’re coming from is a little bit right because he didn’t really think this through. He’s chomping at the bit because everything is kind of going to shit right now and he’s looking for a lighthouse in the storm. A beacon. Something safe. A light to walk towards. You’ve always been that person, and he can’t help but hold on a little tighter now. 

“We can’t do this right now. Not when you’re using this to run away from all the scary things that are going on right now. I can’t say yes like this.”

You can’t say yes when it’s only coming up because some asshole is out there striking fear into the hearts of every member of the LAFD. Not when you know it’s only because Buck just came so close to losing his closest friend. He can’t just hide from everything. Not like this. 

The ring box starts to close in his hands and he shakes his head slightly as he starts to stand. But you stop him before he can make it to his feet. Your hands take purchase on his shoulders as you hold him in place. 

“Ask me any other day and I’ll say yes. But not tonight. This is not the headspace to be in when you’re making life changing decisions.” 

The sentiment of ‘any other night’ rattles around in his brain as he looks at you. The timing has been the one thing he never manages to shake, and it offers some small bit of solace this time around. Because you have every intention of saying yes so long as he’s asking under the right circumstances. 

“Now, come on,” You say, reaching for the ring box in his hand as you help to pull him up off the ground. “Christopher is waiting for you.” 

He’s out the door within the next few seconds, but the both of you linger in the doorway. It doesn’t feel like the right time to leave, you’re not sure it ever really will. Not after the question that is ringing in both of your ears. But life keeps moving. And, one day, that question will propel you forward instead of holding you back.

“I love you.” He says, your fingers loosely held in his.

“I know.” You say, biting back a smile at the fondness in his gaze. “I love you too.”

— — —

You almost don’t want to answer the incessant knocking at your front door, but you knew that he’d be stopping by once his shift ended. And you knew he wouldn’t stop knocking, he’d just start calling instead. So, you open the door.

“You’re leaving the 118?” He doesn’t even bother to spare you a glance as he walks inside your newly furnished apartment. 

“Hey, Eddie. What a nice surprise. Why don’t you come in?” You mutter under your breath, gesturing towards the living room as you shut your door behind the man who really isn’t paying any attention to you at all. “How’d you find out?”

“Bobby pulled me aside before I left. Wanted to ask if I could try to talk some sense into you since you’re not answering his calls. He figured I already knew.” And you have somehow never felt so much like a child being scolded. He definitely has that whole, ‘i’m not mad, i’m just disappointed’ parent glare down pat. 

But you don’t want to feel like you’re being scolded. You don’t want to be made to feel like you’re in the wrong for doing what seems like the only thing you can do. It’s not running away, it’s just changing plans. And plans change all the time. 

“I was going to tell you…” You start, and watch as the glare seems to get sharper, “eventually.” You close the door, but don’t stray too far from it. Hoping that this visit will be short, even though you know it won’t be. 

“When? When you asked for a ride to the airport?” There’s incredulity in his tone, you’re shocked a good old fashioned indignant scoff hasn’t made an appearance. 

He’s pissed. He has no right to be. 

“I wouldn’t do that.” You defend, arms crossing over your chest. “I would’ve called a cab.” 

Your attempt at humor goes over like a lead balloon. Your walls are up about as high as they can possibly go and you have no intention of letting them down. Not for Eddie Diaz. Not for anyone.

You knew your decision was going to be met with opposition. You know that your friends would all throw their hat in the ring to convince you otherwise. But you just can’t take it. 

“Look, I get that this is beyond shitty. But-”

“All due respect,” You interrupt, “You have no idea how shitty this is.” 

How could he possibly understand it when the universe decided to be kind and bathe him in the sweet surrender of mercy? But there’s no real way to explain that without coming off like a complete asshole. But it seems like the plane is already going down, so why not make one more last ditch confession. Why not add another shitshow to the last few months of cascading failures?

“I know that what happened with Shannon was horrible, and it put you through hell. I know that you still haven’t entirely recovered, but at least you got to know it’s actually over.” 

You’re treading on dangerous territory, you know that. You know that whatever you say next may be the straw that breaks the camel's back and effectively ruins your friendship with Eddie Diaz. It could end with slamming doors and this conversation would be put to bed. 

You’re not sure honesty is worth all this.

“I just wish this was simpler. You know, like when you were a kid and you’d get passed those stupid notes that had the two little boxes. Check yes or no. But this isn’t simple, and I don’t know what to do with it. I don’t know how to deal with the fact that he’s here, but he’s really not.”

He’s like your own personal ghost. Haunting each and every waking moment, even the ones that should be peaceful. He’s there in your sleep, but it’s not him from the firehouse. It’s the version of him that loved you. The one you used to wake up next to. The version you’re never going to get back. 

“When I was a kid I never understood how all the other girls were planning their weddings twenty years too early. I never understood how they could be so confident in the idea that one day someone is going to fall in love with them. That someone would want to spend the rest of their lives with them. I just never thought I’d have that.”

It’s not as sad as it sounds. It’s just realistic. At least, that’s how you always used to think about it. It was perfectly rational to believe in the impossibility of love. At least as far as you’re concerned. Sure, you saw it happening for other people. The people who fell in love for the first time when they were in high school, and you would watch them with something that wasn’t quite as ugly as jealousy. But you were so very removed from it. It wasn’t longing, for you didn’t believe that it was ever something you would possibly have. Why long for something so incredibly far out of reach?

Casting yourself in any kind of romantic light just never really made any sense to you. Until you get older and realize that’s actually a bit of a tough spot to put yourself in. To believe so wholeheartedly that you aren’t the kind of person someone could fall in love with is one big mind fuck. And you’ve only just recently started to get good at unraveling it.

“And then I did. I had that. But it was better than all of the stupid little stories those kids would spin in the cafeteria. And now I know why I never let myself imagine it. I would’ve been so much better off being alone because at least then I wouldn’t have to feel this way. I wouldn’t be in this much pain.” 

You should’ve stayed cynical. You should’ve never let anything go beyond that first kiss. Hell, you should’ve jumped ship before that even happened. Sure, your life would be more hollow. But you never would’ve known any better. You wouldn’t have known any other feeling.

It would’ve been better that way.

You brace yourself with your hands against your countertop, your back to Eddie as you hang your head. He hasn’t said anything in a while and the silence is unsettling. Well, he’s a quiet guy to begin with. He’s good at waiting it out. Waiting until you finally show your hand and give everything away. Until you give him something to work with. 

And it’s coming. It’s on the tip of your tongue, and you can’t hold it back any longer. But it may very well kill you to say it out loud.

“I just,” You say, “I wish they called time of death at the hospital. And I know that makes me a terrible person. And that there are probably plenty of people out there who would kill for some sort of second chance at being with the people they love. But I just, I, don't know how to do this. I don’t know how to move on, how to grieve when that stupid smile I love so much is staring me in the face everyday.”

You look over your shoulder, and Eddie’s watching you. His eyes border on sad, and you think you might see a smidge of pity working its way into his gaze. And it makes you feel sick.

“It’s been months and we’re no further than we were when he woke up. And I know that you’re all trying. Believe me, I do. I’ll never be able to tell you how much that means. But I just, I can't do this anymore.”

And Eddie seems like he’s holding his tongue. Well, he’s trying to. And you know why. Because this looks like you’re giving up. Like you’re giving up on Buck. Like you’re giving up on all of them. And, hell, maybe you are. Maybe it’s just easier that way.

That is kind of your MO, taking the easy way out. Because the hard way has only ever brought transitory happiness. It’s never meant to stay around for long, but its absence and the shadow it leaves behind never seem to leave your heart.

“The doctors say he’s doing a lot better. It could be any day now. If you just give it a little more time-”

“I’ve given it time.” You say, turning to face him with a look that could kill. “Months worth of time. Months of having to see him pretty much every day. And he still looks at me like I’m just his coworker. There’s nothing there. He’s not there. And I can’t keep putting myself through that.”

Eddie shakes his head, he’s beyond disappointed. He’s long past frustrated. And you’ve been there. It’s not like this was an easy decision to make.

“I’m not asking you to understand. I doubt you ever will. But I’m at least asking you to respect my decision because I’ve made up my mind.”

He doesn’t say anything. Just shakes his head in disbelief in tandem with a bit of a self-righteous scoff. And that’s answer enough for you. He’s drawn a line in the sand, and you know where he stands. He walks towards the door, his hand on the knob as he stops to look at you.

“He’s gonna remember. Might be next month, it might even be next week. How do you think he’s gonna feel when he hears that you left the second things got hard? That you ran for the hills just like everybody else.”

“I’m not running.” You say. And maybe, just maybe, if you say it with enough conviction, you’ll manage to convince yourself, too. 

— — —

The uncanny thing about life is that it moves on. It doesn’t just stay shitty forever, even when you have no idea how it could possibly dig itself out of the hell hole it dropped you into. It’s one of those revelations that comes back around every few months. Once the cycle of shittiness has completed itself once more and you feel like you’ve been to hell and back.

And, such as the cycle has gone and come around once more, things are slowly starting to go back to normal at the 118. Eddie is back from his medical leave, and all of the pieces are starting to fall back into place. And that ripple effect is extending beyond the walls of the firehouse.

You and Buck have been ever so slowly creeping your way back into normalcy. Well, as close to normalcy as either of you can ever get. And it’s been a little weird. I mean, how are you supposed to be when a huge life changing question is lingering in the air between you months after it was even asked?

It’s just sitting there. It is the permanent elephant in the room and neither one of you dared to talk about it for the longest time. You just pretended like it didn’t happen. Which was probably worse than just confronting it, but that’s neither here nor there.

And it only went on for a few months. The tiptoeing around the question was short lived, even if it felt like it went on forever. Eventually, once all the dust settled, the subject was broached once more. A question was asked to much more willing ears, and a proposal was accepted.

The only problem about the aforementioned engagement is that it happened three weeks ago and you still haven’t told anybody. You’re honestly a little surprised you’ve been able to keep it a secret this long, what with everyone in that firehouse being so damn nosy.

But you know for a fact that it isn’t going to last, and it’ll be much more painless to just bite the bullet. Besides, the holiday season is right around the corner and you’re feeling a bit more like celebrating this year.

Even though the conversation you happen upon at the beginning of shift is one about the unforgiving nature of the passage of time, and the lack of holiday spirit the 118 is seeing among their families. Specifically the fact that the kids think they’re a little too old to go and see Santa. 

Eddie seems to be taking this development harder than Hen is. 

Don’t get it twisted, you absolutely understand that it is jarring to watch as the children in your lives get older. Because you just want to freeze time for a little while so that it doesn’t go by so quickly. But you never thought Santa Claus would be the cause of such a mind boggling crisis.

Everyone's upstairs in the kitchen with Hen and Eddie at the table, Bobby at the stove, and Buck leaning against the counter by the coffee maker. And you, as discreetly as humanly possible, sidle up next to him.

He hands you a mug of steaming coffee, which you gratefully accept as you gently bump your shoulder against his with the smallest of smiles playing at your lips. You’re more than ready for this shared secret to be common knowledge, but on the flip side it has been a little fun to have something just for the two of you. 

You lift the mug to your lips, smirking all the while as you look at him until you’re brought out of it by Hen’s voice.

“What is going on with you two?” She asks, completely bringing the Santa conundrum to a halt. And you nearly snort into your coffee at the abruptness of it.

“What do you mean?” You say, glancing in her direction before finally taking a sip of your coffee.

“All of this. The little smiles, you’ve been making eyes at each other nonstop for weeks. It’s like you’re lovesick teenagers. I thought we’d move past this phase.” She sounds a little exhausted by it, but not in any real way. Hen is probably the most observant person in the firehouse, you knew she’d pick up on it sooner or later. You just figured you’d get a choice at when you guys were going to break this news.

It wouldn’t be like this. It would’ve been at a group gathering. When Maddie and Chimney were back in town and things were finally right in your world again. But you can’t just gloss over the moment in favor of waiting for another opportunity that may never work itself out perfectly.

You and Buck share a glance, a silent conversation and when you nod almost imperceptibly he steps the least bit forward to draw further attention to himself even though the group already has all eyes on you two.

“Actually,” He starts, “there is something we’ve been wanting to tell you guys.” He looks over his shoulder once more and catches your eye. Clearly not wanting to have to do this alone. So you step forward, rest your hand on his back and say:

“We’re engaged.”

There are a few seconds of nearly stunned silence before the room erupts into congratulations and tight hugs. It’s a hell of a way to start off a shift, and you grin with each hug. Sure, it’s missing a few people and it’s not the way either of you expected to do this. But it’s still good. It’s still full of love. And that’s something to be grateful for. 

There’s something odd in Eddie’s expression after he hugs you guys. Something sad, something akin to acceptance. Like he’s made up his mind. And you want to ask him if he’s okay. You want to check in. But you don’t get the chance because the bell is ringing and you’re all rushing down to the trucks. It’ll just have to wait. 

— — —

In all of your years working at the 118 you’ve gotten used to the relative quiet of the station while everyone is killing time between calls. The comforting quiet between shift changes when the new crew has gone out on their first call of the shift, and the rest of you are just trying your best to stay awake for the drive home. You’ve grown to enjoy it. You find solace in it. 

Except for right now. Right now you could use a bit of noise. Even though you decided to wait until the rest of your shift went home to pack up your locker. Even though you know it’s best to be doing this alone, you still wish there was a little more life in the building. Then it wouldn’t feel like you’re deserting a ghost town. It wouldn’t seem like it’s so easy to leave.

Even though there’s such a weight to this silence, it still feels like it’s just begging you to leave. Or maybe that’s you. Maybe that’s you telling yourself to just get this over with, then you can finally move on with your life. Then you wouldn’t be sitting here staring at a locker like it holds the answers to every single question. As if it holds every last ounce of your being inside its walls. 

Maybe it’d be easier to leave if it didn’t feel like every last chunk of your heart lives in this building. 

It should be easy to leave, though. It should be simple. It would’ve been simple if Eddie hadn’t run his mouth and made sure everyone knew. Then the phone calls wouldn’t be constantly rolling in, like Maddie hasn’t already been calling you enough. Not that you usually answer them anymore, but that’s besides the point. 

If not for Eddie then you wouldn’t be dealing with the constant attempts of your friends trying to convince you to stay. Bobby would’ve just made up some lie about you deciding you need a little more time. But Eddie just couldn’t leave well enough alone.

And, honestly, it’s all just a little unfair. Well, actually, everything is just a whole lot of unfair these days. But it’s not fair that Eddie suddenly gets to decide that the 118 needs to stay together. Even though he got to leave. He got to run away. He got to let himself collapse and crumble. He fell to pieces and learned how to put himself back together again, but somehow you’re not allowed the same chance to find a way to deal with the circumstances that life has laid at your feet.

It’s just a lot of hypocrisy. It should make it easier to go. It should have put that added spring in your step to get you out the door. But it’s just not enough, because it’s hard to walk away from the future you’ve wrapped your mind around. That’s been the problem this whole time. You’re just not capable of staring that future in the face any longer. 

And dragging your feet through this goodbye isn’t doing you any good. You pull the rest of your stuff from your locker and shove it into the duffle waiting at your feet. You slam the door shut behind you as you stare down at the bag. You take the zip slowly and let the sound of it be the only noise amid the all too unnerving quiet. 

You could really use someone to light a fire under your ass right now because at the rate you’re going you’re not sure you’ll ever leave. You don’t remember goodbye ever feeling this lonely before. But you might as well get used to it since lonely is all you have in store for the foreseeable future. 

With a long suffering sigh you stand from the bench and sling the duffle over your shoulder. The trek out of the locker room feels like wading through quicksand. It grows more and more pointless with each attempt at a step, but you keep going. Even if it feels like trying to flee is just dragging you further below the surface.

You make your way into the empty truck bay and turn around for one last good look at the 118, and it kind of feels like you can’t breathe. Like the idea of leaving this behind is an added ton of weight to your shoulders, even if you know it’s the right move. Sometimes the right thing isn’t the easy thing, you just really wish this was one of those easy things. 

You catalog every little thing about this place with each sweep of your gaze along the building. You can feel the wetness prickling up in your eyes, and you blink harshly to send it back where it came from. But it doesn’t go anywhere, in fact it only gets worse as your gaze makes its way down to the left staircase and your breath hitches in your throat at the sight of Buck sitting there.

“I, uh,” You stammer as you try to swallow down the lump in your throat, “I thought you went home.” 

“Yeah,” He says as he stands and walks further down into the trucky bay, “I was going to, but I didn’t want to interrupt you to get my bag.” He says, and it’s so damn considerate that it feels like yet another punch to the gut. Because he’s still him. He may not be the version of him you’re hoping for, but he’s still him. He’ll always be Buck, that much you can take solace in. Somehow that makes you feel the least bit better about walking away.

“Well, then,” You start, chuckling slightly even though it is entirely devoid of humor, “I guess I’ll get out of your hair.” You adjust the strap of your duffle on your shoulder and turn to take your leave, but you only make it a few steps before you’re turning over your shoulder and looking back at him. “It was nice working with you, Buckley.” 

He looks back at you with a look you can’t quite read, even though after all this time you should be able to put a name to every expression he’s ever worn. But this one manages to pass you by. There’s a thinly veiled sadness in his eyes as he looks at you, and that much you’ve seen before. You’ve seen it often. It’s just not usually focused right on you.

“You too.” He says, fixing you with a kind smile. And you smile back at him, briefly, before you’re turning back around and heading for the door. Although you don’t make it any farther than you did before. “I talked to Eddie.” 

You just about trip over your feet at the sound of it, and just about lose your balance altogether with the speed at which you turn around to look at him. 

“He told me why you’re leaving.” He furthers, “I’ve been trying to talk to you about it all day. But I didn’t really know how. I didn’t want you to feel like you’re being cornered.” 

“Is that not what this is?” You ask, arms crossing over your chest as you take a few steps back towards him. 

“No, you can go if you want to. But I’m really hoping you’ll hear me out first.” He says, and seems almost hurt that you believe he’d force you into this conversation. But what are you really supposed to expect when your friends have started going behind your back? 

You step the least bit closer and shrug your shoulders in a gesture of ‘go on’, and he seems to take that and run.

“When Eddie told me about you and me, I wasn’t that surprised. You were always different with me than they were. A little standoffish and cold, but never cruel.”

And that feels like another little crack being chiseled into your heart. It feels like he believes that you’ve just exacted your greatest act of cruelty. Like hiding yourself, and the true nature of your relationship, away is the most horrid thing you could’ve ever dreamed of doing. And maybe he’s right. Maybe you’ve been kicking yourself for that very thing these last few months. And no amount of justifications ever seemed to make it any better.

“So, I guess I’m just wondering why I had to hear it from Eddie and not you.” He says it in a tone of voice that you’ve never had the misfortune of hearing. Like there’s an anger in him that is just barely contained.

And you and Buck have been through a lot of shit. The road has not always been easy, but it has always been worth it. But you’ve never made him angry, not this angry. And you understand. It is a righteous anger, it is well deserved. But it doesn’t make it feel any better to be on the receiving end of it.

“The doctor kept telling me that I needed to let you remember on your own. That it would be less jarring for you to regain everything without any pressure from any outside sources.” And that's what you kept telling yourself every single time you found it so incredibly tempting to just get your life back. It’d be so simple, all you’d have to do is say it and then it’d be real. He’d know and you could get back to making this work. 

But it wouldn’t have been fair to him. You couldn’t put him through that. Because he’d only love you because he’s being told that he already does. He’s being told something that he himself does not know, and that would not be the kind of love you’d want to live. You’d always be second guessing whether or not his love for you was real or if it stemmed from trying to live the life he had before the accident.

And second guessing the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with is no real way to live.

“Well, clearly that’s not working. So why not try a different approach.” He asks, and you shrug once again.

“I didn’t want to box you into a life that you didn’t know. I could’ve been lying, and you would’ve been none the wiser. I would never try to force you into a life that isn’t your choice.” You say.

“And if that meant that I never remembered, that we never got married, you would’ve been okay with that?” He asks.

“I would’ve spent the rest of my life wondering if you really loved me. And you would’ve spent the rest of your life wondering if any of what I had told you was true. That would not have been the marriage that either of us had signed up for. Eventually I would’ve lost you all over again.”

Not to say that he would’ve cut and run because he’s not that great at the walking out thing these days. But there’s no telling just how much of that you would’ve been able to take. And you know full well that being alone is preferable to enduring the wrong thing. At least you know how to handle being alone.

He nods a few more times than is needed as he diverts his gaze from you. 

“I hate this.” He admits, and you chuckle dryly.

“You and me both. But I think it’s beyond our control at this point.” And he’s never looked more pitiful. You take a few steps forward until you’re standing right in front of him. You place your hand on his cheek to tilt his face up so his eyes meet yours.

Your thumb finds its comfort in running a consistent pattern across his cheek as you stare at him. And there are a million things to say. But none of them really come to pass. Because none of those things would make this any better. This is the end and there’s nothing beautiful or poetic about it. It’s just heavy. Heavy in a way that your heart has never really known. A heaviness that you pray your heart never knows again.

You lean up and press a kiss to his other cheek and you let your lips linger against the skin for a few extra seconds. And you think you might be hallucinating at the feeling of his hand on your wrist. When you pull away and your eyes finally open you can’t help but feel like the rest of your life just entirely slipped out of your hands.

“Goodbye, Buck.” You say, a sad smile on your lips as you finally step away. And the time it takes for your hand to slip from his cheek feels like an eternity. And it feels like maybe he doesn’t want to let go of your arm. 

But he doesn’t have much of a choice. 

Because this decision has been made. It is final, and there is no wiggle room. There is only one way that anything changes for the two of you. And that is so far out of your control that it may never come back around. 

But, you just can’t help yourself, you really hope it does. Because if it does, if you have that chance again to grab hold of the love you’ve experienced these last few years, you know that you won’t hesitate to get it back. 

— — —

You’ve heard it said that the worst day of your life starts out like every other day. And that saying had always seemed so stupid to you. Because of course it does. You wake up, you follow your routine, you do the things you do every other day. Of course your worst day would start exactly the same way every other day starts. 

You never thought you’d spend so much time harping on that very fact in the aftermath of Buck’s accident. 

It’s all you can bring yourself to do as you sit at his bedside and listen to the heart monitor as it beeps. Everyone else was still in the waiting room, they said only one person at a time and no one even put up a fight against the idea of you being that person. Maddie hadn’t gotten to the hospital yet, she was still stuck at the call center. But god you wish she was here. Then she would be the one in here. Then you wouldn’t be stuck inside your head in the stark quiet of a stable patient’s room. 

But stable isn’t even comforting right now. Because, in his case, stable means comatose. And they don’t know how long he’ll be like this. And each passing second of silence just drives the knife further into your stomach.

Because today started just like any other day.

You woke groaning at the sound of Buck’s alarm, and tried to snuggle deeper into the covers to avoid the harsh light of day for just a few minutes more. But you eventually gave up after a few minutes because you couldn’t be late for work. You rolled over to give Buck a quick kiss good morning before you headed for the shower.

And the drive to work was as stilted as usual with LA traffic and Buck’s driving habits. And the conversation resembled the exact conversation you’ve been having for the last week on the way to work. Debating the seating arrangement for the reception. Obviously the 118 is already all figured out. Since they’re making up a good chunk of the wedding party. Maddie is the maid of honor, Eddie is the best man. Hen is a bridesmaid and Chim and Bobby are groomsmen. Did anyone really expect it to play out any other way?

So that’s all squared away, that is the furthest thing from the problem. The problem is everyone else on the guest list. 

Because you know your family. You know your family well, and you know that they adore Buck. And you’ve heard more than enough about Buck’s parents to know that your family won’t be able to hold their tongue if they catch wind of half the shit you know his parents will say. 

And you love them greatly for loving him so much, but the last thing either of you needs is your wedding devolving into a screaming match.

Not that you really expect his parents to come, but, if they do, you want them as far away from your family as possible. 

Honestly, you’d prefer Buck’s parents as far away from the whole affair as possible. The last thing he deserves is to be made to feel like he’s a disappointment on his wedding day of all days.

So, the seating arrangement has proven itself to be tricky. To say the least. 

You stared longing out the window as you passed by the endless string of coffee shops, and he reminded you that there will be coffee at work with far too much affection in his voice. And once you pulled into the lot you were out of the car within a matter of minutes. You stopped off in the locker room to put your bag in your locker before heading upstairs to pour yourself a cup of coffee.

You barely got the mug to your lips before the alarm went off and you were heading downstairs to get in the truck. And that call came and went. Then you’re back at the station and you finally got your coffee. And the alarm went off again about a half hour later. And then another hour or so after that. 

It was just like any other day.

There’s a knocking on the door and your head whips around to find Maddie standing in the doorway with her eyes on Buck like she’s seen a ghost. She walks over to the foot of the bed and pulls his chart from the bed. As she reads over it she just keeps nodding in this way that feels overcompensatory. It does nothing to make your heart settle in your chest.

“I’ll uh, get out of your hair.” You say, wiping your hands on your thighs as you go to stand. But she shakes her head.

“No, please stay.” She says, waving off your words like they’re one of the silliest things she’s ever heard someone say.

“But the doctors said…”

“They always say that.” She says, and she’s so blasé about it that you don’t bother to argue. You just sink back into your chair as she walks closer to where Buck’s head is resting. She brushes back the bit of his hair that is sticking up, and she watches him with such a careful eye. An analytical eye. And that worries you more than anything. Because this feels like maybe she’s never seen him this bad before.

And that’s more than enough to give you pause. Because you’ve all seen Buck through some pretty serious shit, Maddie most of all. So if she’s watching him like she’s afraid he’ll crumble in an instant, how are you supposed to feel like you’re standing on solid ground?

“I think,” She starts again, and you just can’t tear your eyes away from the two of them. You’re hanging on every word. “That he could use a little reminding that he is loved. That way he knows he has something worth fighting to get back to.”

For the first time since she walked in her eyes leave her brother and focus up on you. And she fixes you with that look of understanding. The look that is laced with the thinnest shred of pity known to man. 

Because if anyone understands what this feels like it’s Maddie. And she’s reaching out, she’s reaching forward to remind you that you’re not alone in this. You have people by your side. You just have to be willing to lean on those people. Even when that is easier said than done. 

After another few seconds she settles into the empty chair on the opposite side of Buck’s bed. And the two of you sit quietly and watch the heart monitor as it crests and falls. 

And each moment of silence eats at you more and more until you just can’t take it. Because this feels like false pretenses. Because you don’t deserve her compassion. You don’t deserve to have her by your side through this. You don’t deserve the support of your team. 

Not this time. 

“Maddie.” You start, trying to work up the courage to actually speak when her gaze moves to you. And there are a million things to say. A million ways to spin it. But the only thing you can bring yourself to say is: “I’m sorry.” 

“What do you have to be sorry for?” She asks, like she wasn’t one of the few people in your ear during the call. Like she doesn’t know exactly how this happened. Even if she knows where the blame truly lies. 

“This is my fault. If I had gotten us out of there a minute earlier…”

You and Buck had been partnered up in the field for the last few months. Since Eddie left you two were usually working together. 

It was an apartment building fire, and it was mostly contained. At least you all thought it was mostly contained and that the structural integrity of the building hadn’t really been compromised. You were very wrong about that. 

It was like any other call. You’d done your job and were doing one last sweep of the building on your way back to the lobby. He was trying to talk his way into Bobby picking up fast food on the way back. He was laughing. 

It was the same as every other day. 

You’d turned back around for a brief second to tell him to focus, even if your warning lacked any seriosity. But then it all went completely to shit. The ceiling over your head started to crack and he noticed it before you did. 

You were in the middle of your sentence when he pushed you out of the way as the ceiling tiles came crashing down. The air was knocked from your lungs as you landed on the floor and looked at the remains of the apartment above you.

The fire had spread more than they thought, and it was eating through the building. But that wasn’t the only problem because Buck wasn’t moving. He hadn’t stood, he hadn’t brushed himself off. He was just laying there. And it was like your heart stopped in your chest. 

You were probably in shock, and you know you waited a minute too long before you landed at his side and checked for a pulse. And you found a strong one. Which was a comfort enough, but he still wasn’t moving.

You grabbed hold of your radio and opened the line to Bobby. And your own voice is still ringing in your ears with the phrase:

“Firefighter Buckley is down.” 

Help came barreling through a few minutes later, and you weren’t alone anymore. Even if it still felt like you were. 

And you’ve been sitting here beating yourself up over it for hours. And you’re sure everyone else is holding their own little nuggets of guilt. Especially the former coworker sitting out in the waiting room.

And the worst part about it is you’re kind of mad at Eddie. And you know it’s entirely illogical because none of this is his fault, but it still kind of feels like it is. Because he and Buck were partners in the field. And Eddie might’ve noticed the ceiling before you did. Eddie might’ve gotten the both of them out of there faster. 

It’s all wrapped up in the millions of scenarios you’ve spun in the last few hours. And the resentment seems to grow stronger with every “what if”, even though you try not to let it fester. 

You just wish everything was like it was before. With the team being the exact way it was supposed to be. Without crazy god complex paramedics and a revolving door of firefighters trying to fill his place. You just want work to feel like the place you know again, but that becomes more and more like a distant memory every day. 

And you hate all of it. You hate every last thing that has made these last few months so out of body. And you hate the fact that this is the payoff. 

You’re pulled from your thoughts at the feeling of someone’s hand on yours, and nearly jump out of your skin as your gaze flicks to Buck’s face to see if he’s awake only to find that he isn’t. You look back at your hands only to let your gaze trail up the arm the hand belongs to just to find Maddie staring back at you from where she’s stood from her chair. 

“This is not your fault. We both know my brother, and he made the decision he felt was right. He risks his life for the people he cares about. It’s who he is. You can’t take the blame for that.” 

The blame game will eat you alive, you know it but you just can’t help yourself. Not right now, not even with Maddie’s unnervingly understanding gaze fixated on you. 

“This is not your fault.” She repeats, and you nod although it’s choppy. She watches you for a second more as her thumb rubs across the back of your hand. Then she sits back in her chair and you watch over Buck together. 

— — —

You’d left the 118 about two months ago, and your life started to look the way it did before Buck. You’ve been crashing with a friend and doing a temp gig at the restaurant she worked at. It looked the way your life did when you first came to LA, and it was honestly a little sickening.

Said friend was also encouraging you to fully get yourself back in the swing of things, and you obliged for no other reason than to get her off your back. So, you’ve been on a few dates. Each one with another person she swore up and down you were perfect for. Not one of them felt right.

And you’ve kept your contact with the 118, and all adjacent parties, very brief. You’ve missed calls and responded to texts with terse, sometimes one word, answers. Arms length felt like the only realistic option. Even if it’s painful. 

You’ve had to mute all notifications from Eddie, even if the ones you receive are few and far between. Because blocking him felt like it was a bit too much, but you just don’t have it in you to read his texts. 

And you’ve tried to keep your focus away from social media and the lives of all your friends because it makes it that much easier to move on. Even if moving on hasn’t been easy at all. Because you really aren’t trying that hard.

You’re still walking around with Buck’s ring on a chain around your neck and each person you sit down to dinner with can never manage to measure up to the bar he set when you were together. When you’ve found the right one no one else will ever quite be able to satisfy. 

But when you can’t have the right one you have to try and find someone who’s at least a little close to being the next right one. Even if it doesn’t feel like that person exists. Even if it feels like you’re short changing your heart in the process. 

And you’ve been pretending like this life of yours is exactly the one you want, and it is getting exhausting. It’s the end of your last shift for the week and you’ve finally made it back to the apartment when your phone rings in your hand. You’ve just gotten yourself comfortable on the couch with your head lolled back against the material, and you’re almost too exhausted to check it. 

But you look down anyway. 

You find Athena’s picture staring back at you. It nearly stops your heart in your chest. Athena was the only person who had yet to call. She’s not the persistent type, at least not when it comes to the personal lives of her friends. It’s usually more of a gentle nudge, or a less than subtle push in the right direction.

She’d yet to reach out, so you knew she was waiting for the right time. She was waiting to give you whatever message she’s been holding onto. And you’re not sure you’re ready for that. 

But you swipe your finger across the screen to answer the call against your better judgement, and lift the phone to your ear with a slightly shaking hand. 

And that’s how you find yourself barreling into the emergency room waiting area of an LA hospital twenty minutes later. The rest of your team is scattered amongst the chairs, Athena is beside Bobby with his hand clutched tightly in hers. Her head is the first to lift at your entrance, and she sends the shortest nod in your direction. 

And it feels like a pat on the back. It feels like pride. But it also feels hollow at a time like this. 

You spot Hen in the next row over, she’s leaned forward with her head in her hands and Chimney is sat beside her with his foot tapping rapidly against the floor. 

Your eyes move to the pacing figure further back in the room. You watch Eddie make a few laps across the linoleum, and that little bit of anger flourishes in your chest. It should be the last thing on your mind, it should fall very far down your list of priorities. But you can’t help it.

Eddie is supposed to have Buck’s back. And now Buck is in the hospital, so how well was Eddie watching? 

You’ve had the weight of a loved one’s life on your shoulders before, and it is a sickening stone in your stomach. But you can’t bring yourself to be overcome with sympathy. Not this time.

“What the hell happened?” You ask, not even bothering with politeness and pleasantries. There isn’t enough time. Because Athena hadn’t gone into detail over the phone. She’d given you the basics, the cut and the dry. Everything she knew, and she kept it brief. You never tell someone more than the facts in this situation. And you never make a promise you can’t keep. 

But you’ve all already missed that last rule by a long shot.

Bobby’s gaze is finally ripped away from the corner of the room and moves to find you standing before him. You’re a little worse for wear, that’s for certain. Your eyes are a little wild, and your jacket is haphazardly thrown on. You were in a rush. 

But no one else seems to be in the same kind of rush, they’re already stuck in this. It’s like quicksand, and it’s going to drag them down anyway so why bother to fight against it. You’re still struggling. You’re still reaching for the nearby vines to try and pull yourself out because the last thing you’re willing to do is drown. Not again.

The room seems to still around you. Chimney’s foot stops tapping, and Eddie’s pacing slows as he turns in your direction. Hen’s head lifts from her hands, but only barely as she moves to rest her forehead on clasped hands. Bobby’s hand untangles from Athena’s, but he makes no move to stand. He offers no indication that he has any explanation.

And you know that he’s been trying to find the right way to break the news to you. He’s been racking his brain this entire time, and you’ve arrived entirely too soon for him to find the right way to tell you that Buck nearly got himself killed for the second time in nine months. Or, hell, maybe he’s gearing up to tell you something worse altogether. Maybe it wasn’t just a close call this time. Maybe that would explain the grave expressions and the guilt seeping into their shoulders. 

You’re not sure you can take worse news than a close call right now. Even if you thought it would’ve been easier in the first place, you know that you could not handle that grief on top of these last few months.

Bobby stands from his chair, his hands hang at his sides as he takes a small step closer to you. He opens his mouth, and just as he’s about to try and find something to soften the blow a voice pipes up from behind him that draws the attention of the entire group.

“It was an apartment fire. It got out of hand, and it was eating its way through the building.” Eddie starts, and you watch as Athena steps back to give you a clearer view of him. “Buck and I were evacuating tenants. We found an unresponsive man in the hallway, he looked like around seventy. We were taking him outside when he started coming around. We’d gotten about three flights down by that point, and he was coming back to himself. He fell, and we tried to help him back up. Buck tried to get him talking, but the guy didn’t respond. He was disoriented. He didn’t know where he was, what was happening. He didn’t know us.”

You didn’t notice it as you did it, but you’ve gotten closer to Eddie. Wanting to make sure you don’t miss a single word. You don’t like where this is going. And you already know that it’s not going to get any better. You’re just worried about how much worse it might get.

“He was agitated. Buck tried to help him calm down, but he wasn’t having any of it. He pushed Buck off of him from where he was at the top of the next flight of stairs. Buck lost his balance.”

He can’t bring himself to speak it. To fully tell that part of the story, but you don’t need him to. The blank is filled in. 

“He hit his head on the way down.” He says, and your breath catches in your throat. You can add that to the laundry list of possible injuries he may have sustained on his way down.

“But,” Hen pipes up as she stands from her chair, “He was stable the entire way here. He just hasn’t woken up yet.”

It’s not that bad. She could’ve said he flatlined in the ambulance. She could’ve said they had to fight tooth and nail just to bring him back. Again. It could be worse. It could be worse. Then why don’t you feel any better?

This still feels like just as much of a death sentence as him crashing on the ride over. Because they don’t know anything. They don’t know his condition. They don’t know what his scans looked like. They don’t know a thing.

“Maddie?” You ask, and Chimney sends you a sad glance as he fiddles with his watch.

“She’s on her way. She got stuck in traffic.” And you don’t really know what you’re going to say to her when you see her. You’ve been dodging her calls for months. The last real time you saw her was in Buck’s hospital room. It just doesn’t feel right.

None of this feels right. This can’t be happening to all of you again. But life isn’t fair, you’ve learned that much by now. And there is nothing you can do except sit and wait. So that’s exactly what you do.

You sit yourself down at the chair closest to the automatic doors of ED and let the weight of the day push down heavy into your shoulders. You rest your head against your clasped hands and with your eyes shut tight you begin to pray.

You can’t remember the last time you did that. Maybe it was when you last found yourself at Buck’s beside with his unmoving hand clasped in yours. It would make sense. They say desperate people find faith, and maybe that’s why you never feel like God is listening to you. Because you only ever talk to him when you need something. 

But it’s just not as easy to believe in the things you can’t see anymore. It’s not tangible, it’s not provable. It’s just an entity, it’s just air. It’s words on a page. And you don’t know how to take those things as gospel these days. You’re not sure you want to.

You’re not sure how long you’re sat there with your eyes closed, but at some point someone is gently placing their hands over your clasped ones and pulling them away from your forehead. You lift your head to find Maddie staring down at you with so much grief in her eyes, yet she still manages a kind enough smile as she looks at you.

And it feels like your heart splits open in your chest at that moment. Because you’ve gone about all of this so wrong. You left Maddie out in the cold when all of this first started. He woke up and then you were practically unreachable. You and Maddie were playing phone tag. She’d call you, you’d let it go to voicemail. Then you’d call back when you knew she wouldn’t be able to answer.

It was all very calculated. And you know she knew it. And she respected your grieving process enough that she never pushed you. She never backed you into a corner or put you in a position where you’d be forced to confront what was going on. And when it was happening you appreciated it. But now you just regret letting the relationship become so strained.

But now it has nowhere else to go. Now you both just have to sit in it as she takes the chair next to you and slides her hand into yours. And you sit there in silence with your joined hands dangling from the armrest as you wait for word from the doctors. As you hope for any kind of notion that Buck is going to recover.

You don’t know how much time has passed, you just know that several people have left the waiting room with news of their loved one’s condition. And you’ve watched several nurses leave after the end of their shift. Hen’s gotten off the phone with Karen. You’ve even heard Eddie on the phone with Carla.

Life is going on around you, but it doesn’t feel like there is any real forward movement. The clock keeps ticking and time keeps moving. And all you can do is sit with your head leaned back and stare at the ceiling tiles and listen to the beeping of nearby heart monitors.

Until you hear the beginnings of a scuffle at the other end of the room. A commotion from the nurses behind one of the curtains, and all of you have sat up a bit in your seats at the sound of it. They aren’t calling for a crash cart, they seem to be arguing with their patient. Something about asking them to calm down. For them to lay back down. To allow them to examine the person. The patient doesn’t seem to be listening.

Athena is the first one to her feet, and she’s already walking towards the curtained off bed halfway down the room. And you don’t know what it is about this that makes the rest of you get up and follow not too far behind. 

And you don’t get too much closer, but you can feel Maddie’s hand tighten on your wrist with each step. And you’re just close enough that you can finally hear the nurse’s voice more clearly. 

“Mr. Buckley, please lay back down.” She sounds exhausted. She sounds like she’s at the end of her rope at the end of a very long day and he isn’t making it any easier on her. “We still need to examine you.” 

Bobby steps closer to the curtain before the rest of you can even take another step. But it still feels like the crowd has moved on and left you in its wake. Maddie, who was once standing behind you, is now a few feet in front of you with her hand by her side instead of wrapped around your wrist.

You’ve fallen back somehow, without even realizing it. The fact that he’s awake makes a pit settle further in your stomach. Because you shouldn’t be here. He won’t want to see you. Him seeing you would only make things worse, and that’s the last thing you want to do.

Besides, it already felt more than a little wrong to be sitting in the waiting room sharing in their grief after you ran a few months ago. You don’t feel like a part of the family anymore, and that’s no one’s fault but your own. 

And most of them didn’t even seem mad. Hell, Athena extended the invitation. But you just can’t shake the feeling that this isn’t the right place anymore. You’re not the right person anymore. There’s just no going back this time. 

You’re stepping back into the waiting room and grabbing your things from your chair as the curtain is ripped open. And you choose to keep your head down as you unravel your jacket sleeve from the strap of your purse. You choose to ignore the sound of Bobby’s voice as he talks to Buck. You ignore them until you hear your name. 

“Bobby, please. I need you to call her.” Your eyes prick up despite yourself, and you freeze with your fingers wrapped around the cuff of your sleeve. “I need to see her.”

There’s a little more than that. A bit of a ramble about how he tried calling but it went straight to voicemail. Which is probably a product of the fact that your phone is sitting somewhere at the bottom of your bag. But it doesn’t seem to really matter anymore, because aside from Buck’s voice you can practically hear a pin drop due to how quiet the group has grown. You lift your head to find that the 118 have parted like the red sea with their heads turned in your direction.

Tears are shining in Maddie’s eyes as she looks at you, and you try to brush it off because you can’t take that right now. You can’t handle the possibility of hope again, you can’t stomach it. 

Buck seems to be the last person to notice that everything around the two of you has stopped. At least it feels like it does once he catches sight of you just beyond Bobby, and it shuts him up then and there. Bobby seems to notice as he turns slightly and takes a few steps back to fall into place beside Athena as you stand before your chair.

You still can’t bring yourself to say anything, the idea of yet another rejection is too much to bear. But that look in his eyes doesn’t feel like rejection. It feels like awe. It feels like reverence. It feels like something you haven’t seen in eight months. It feels like coming home. 

Suddenly everyone’s eyes on you feels heavier than it ever has before, and you feel like there’s nothing else you can really do except take that first step. The spell is practically broken as soon as the heel of your shoe makes contact with the next square of tile. The groups’ eyes shift slightly from you, they linger a little more on Buck and you’ve never been more grateful for the attention being taken off of you.

The distance between the two of you seems to close all too quickly, because before you know it you’re standing right in front of him. The tip of the toes of your shoes are nearly touching the toe of his boots. It’s closer than you’ve been in months, it’s the most scared you’ve ever been to be close to him. 

“Hi.” You say, quiet enough that he’s the only person who can hear it. And it’s enough to bring the smallest of smiles to his face.

“Hi.” He says, and you bite back a tiny smile as your gaze travels back to your shoes. There’s too much to say that you don’t really know where to start. You don’t really even know what to do. But he seems to have an idea of where to start.

He reaches forward slightly and takes hold of your left hand, his thumb rubbing over the stone of your ring. The one that had left its place on the chain around your neck and has been nicely settled back onto your ring finger. It had been slipped into your purse on the select few dates your friend convinced you to go on. But it always felt wrong.

“You kept it?”

“I almost threw it in the river a few times, but I couldn’t really bring myself to part from it.” You say, chuckling just barely as the ghost of a smile dances on his lips. 

“I wouldn’t blame you if you did.” His eyes finally meet yours once more as you lift your head, and he looks like the absolute opposite is true. He’s more than delighted that you've held onto it this long through all of the bullshit that’s been thrown your way lately.

He’d have been shattered if you didn’t have it. Because that would’ve meant you’d be ready to let go of him, and he has to hope that timing can’t possibly be that cruel to two people in love.

With your hand still in his he pulls you the least bit closer so you’re standing between his parted legs and your right hand lands on his shoulder out of pure reflex. And it feels as right as it always has. And you’re certain that you’ve returned to a time where the world is right side up again. But it still feels a little too good to be true. 

“You know, this isn’t what I was expecting when I proposed.” He says, and there’s humor written all over the statement to hide the impossibly deep sincerity packed right under the surface. Because how could either of you expect that things would have turned out like this.

“Yeah, me neither.” You say, your hand has absentmindedly moved so your fingers can fiddle with the hair at the nape of his neck. “But, I think the person you really owe an apology to is Loretta. I think she missed you more than I did.”

And then he’s laughing, and his smile is so big that it has to hurt at least a little bit. It’s the first time you’ve really felt like you can breathe in eight months. And he lets go of your hand after a few seconds, and you move it to rest on his cheek with your thumb brushing back and forth. His eyes fall closed at the familiarity of the gesture. 

“I missed you.” He says, and tears finally prick your eyes at the sound of it. You don’t really know how you’ve managed to keep it together for so long without this, how you ever thought you could maybe get used to life without this once more. Not when this does your heart good and makes everything feel worthwhile in a way it hasn’t in so long. 

And you really just can’t help yourself as you lean the slightest bit forward and press your lips against his. It feels like the moment slows and like the world around you has come to a stop. Your hand travels from the back of his neck and to his cheek so that you’re holding his face. You feel a hand on your waist that gently pulls you the least bit closer. 

It feels right. It feels like snapping the last piece into the puzzle. It feels like a lifetime. It feels like closure. It feels like letting the door hit complicated in the ass on its way out. It’s a homecoming. And it’s so much better than all the times you’ve let your mind wander these last few months.

It’s not big or dramatic. It’s not epic. It’s quiet. And stable. It’s a comfort. It’s the future molding itself into the present in astounding fashion. It’s a million different things all at once.

You pull away from the kiss, but you don’t separate yourself from him. You just lean your forehead against his, grin into the space between you and say:

“I missed you too.”

[lyjen]

Drowning

Summary: Evan’s wife is an Elementary school teacher, but when a shooter enters the school and starts shooting at teachers, (Y/n) is the first person to help. Evan gets worried as his wife doesn’t pick up her phone, but as soon as the shooting reaches the news Evan is desperate to find out where she is.

Request by: anonymous - The request

9-1-1 masterlist

Taglist: @oliviah-25 @shauna-carsley

______

“So I want you to both be thinking about it. Put those two brains together, I want you to solve it and be able to explain how you solved it” (Y/n) finished her math instruction. “I’m going to give you two minutes to try and solve this question, you’re ready?” Her voice sounded through the classroom as she clicked on start on the timer which was displayed on the screen.

(Y/n) was an elementary school teacher, she teaches the fifth grade to be specific. She has her own classroom, a teacher assistant intern, and a really good bond with her students. She loves her job, she really does. There’s nothing in the world she’d rather be doing than working with children. Her husband, on the other hand, loved being a firefighter. It was his life, and in his words: he wouldn’t know where he’d be if he never started the fire academy.

When one of the kids asked her if she had a boyfriend, she told them she was married to a firefighter. The students were so enthusiastic and full of questions, so she decided to take the kids to the firehouse one day, to teach them about firefighters, dispatch and everything Bobby had to tell.

“Okay, so some of you came up with an answer and a solution.” She speaks to the group as she holds up her hand, motioning to the kids who were ready to throw their answer to her head, to hold up their hands. “Do we have a volunteer to tell us what answer they got and how they got it?” multiple hands had gone up into the air, but those hands quickly were put down when loud screams sounded through the hallways.

But it was the gunshot that went off after that which caught her attention the most. Her eyes shot towards her teacher assistant Katy, who was sitting at the desk grading some homework as she immediately dropped the pen. Katy’s eyes went wide when she realized what was happening while multiple gasps from the students filled the silence in the room.The gunshot sent a shiver down (Y/n)’s whole body, as she remembered the three words: Run, hide, fight.

That was the protocol. Run if you can, hide if you can not evacuate safely and fight if your life is in danger.

“Everyone. Hide underneath your desks” She said softly as she tried to stay as calm as she possibly could.

The students all get off their seats and follow their teachers instructions as Katy runs off to the windows and closes the blinds. Meanwhile (Y/n) gets the remote for the screen and quickly shuts it off and runs towards the lightswitch to turn it off.

“Katy, help me move this” she says as she tries to push a mid-high bookcase in front of the door to barricade it. Katy quickly moves towards (Y/n) and helps her move the cabinet, so no one would be able to get in or out of the classroom.

When the cabinet was on the right spot, (Y/n) made her way towards the kids to make sure they were okay.

“You’re okay, we’re going to be fine” (Y/n) whispered softly to one of the students who was having a breakdown. She took place on the ground and folded her legs over each other, and she rubbed her hands over the kid’s upper arm, as a sign that she was there. They were not alone.

She let her fingers wipe away the tears of the girl’s cheeks and tried to hush her. She didn’t want to draw any attention. The girl almost started hyperventilating because she was that scared. “Amelia I need you to take slow deep breaths” (Y/n) whispered almost inaudibly. The girl nodded her head as she tried to copy her teacher’s breathing pattern. “Good, through your nose and out through the mouth” (Y/n) complimented her.

Huddled up with some kids to her side, (Y/n) tried her best to calm down the kids who were having a hard time to deal with the situation. Students around her were silently crying, while they were comforting themselves and each other.

There was an ear deafening silence floating through the classroom. They could practically hear the clock on the wall, ticking after each minute that had gone by.

With every footstep she heard on the hallway outside of the classroom, (Y/n)’s heart would skip a beat. There could be children running for their lives, other teachers or the shooter choosing their next victim.

After minutes, maybe even an hour of sitting in silence, a high pitched yelp sounds through the walls of her classroom. But that scream gets cut off by a sudden gunshot. More gasps and sobs sound softly through the classroom. With wide eyes (Y/n) tries to focus on the sound of the hallway.

“No. No, what are you going to do?!” Katy’s voice whispered desperately as (Y/n) crouched down and made her way towards the door of her classroom. The assistant crawled her way towards (Y/n), who was down at the door. Looking through the little gap between the window of the door and the bookcase.

(Y/n) glances through the window and spots a fellow teacher, down on the ground while a puddle of blood is being created underneath her. “Don’t be a hero” Katy says as softly as she possibly could.

She turned her head at Katy, “She’s hurt and needs help, I can’t just leave her to..” she shrugged her shoulders, she couldn’t say die. Not with her kids around, not when they were already traumatized enough by the sounds “You know..” she continued as she shrugged her shoulders.

She couldn’t do nothing. That was not who she was.

“But the shooter is still out there.” Katy says as she desperately starts to look around her. “That’s why I need you to stay here and keep them safe” (Y/n) whispered as she pointed out at her class. Katy shook her head with a frightened look in her eyes “No.. I can’t do that” Katy sighed as she looked at the kids.

“It wasn’t a question Katy, stay here and keep them safe. Close the door behind me” She repeated one more time as she looked at her over the shoulder.

With both her hands she moved the bookcase on one end a little backwards so she was able to squeeze through the gap of the door. Her hand reached for the lever of the door, as she as silently as possible pulled the lever down and squeezed her body through the door. (Y/n) could hear the door close behind her.

Still crouching, she made her way towards her colleague and let her knees drop to the ground when she reached her. “You’re gonna be okay” she said, barely inaudible as she made eye contact with her. The teacher had lost a lot of blood, the puddle was becoming bigger with the second.

The female teacher had been shot in the chest. (Y/n) went with her first instinct, putting pressure on the wound. Without thinking, she pressed her bare hands onto the chest of the woman. The woman winced and hissed at the pain that was being pushed onto her gunshot wound. “I know it hurts, but you have to stay with me okay?” (Y/n) said as her eyes wandered from the wound to the woman’s eyes.

She was on the edge of passing out. (Y/n) could tell. The woman was blinking so fast, and she looked exhausted. “Shit” (Y/n) cursed as the eyes of the woman rolled to the back of her head. Quickly she pressed two fingers of her right hand into the skin of the neck to see if she had a pulse.

Her heart was still beating, which meant she just had to put pressure onto the wound. So the heart would have enough blood to pump around.

But then the feeling of a cold metal getting pressed onto her skin spreads a shiver down her entire body. Her mouth suddenly went dry and her heart was pounding in her chest, as if it was trying to break free from her chest.

(Y/n) was frozen in her position, hovering over the woman. Putting pressure to the wound which was still trying to bleed through the small gaps between her fingers..

“Let go” the sound of a low male voice said.

She swallowed, as she felt the metal being pushed, deeper into her skin. She slightly shook her head, “You don’t have to do this” she slowly said as she kept as still as possible. “I do, everyone in this building has to pay for what they did for me.”

A click sounded. He reloaded his gun. Just one click away from a bullet inside of her head.

“I get it.” her voice said as she felt her breathing become faster because of the adrenaline. “When they don’t see you. And no one is there to help.” She squeezed her eyes closed at the pressure of the gun that was being pushed into the side of her forehead.

“Shut. Up.” His voice hissed at (Y/n).

Tears were falling down her face as she tried to keep enough pressure on the wound of the woman. “Struggling every single day of your life, trying to find a reason to be here”

“I said shut up!” he yelled as he fired a warning shot into the concrete walls of the hallway.

She flinched at the sudden gunshot. But she didn’t stop. She didn’t give up. She needed to try, and enter his mind. Try to talk him out of it, or buy herself more time. “The bucket will fill itself with more and more water everyday. And one day, that bucket will overflow.” She tried to remain strong as her voice became more trembling by every word she spoke.

The man pushes the gun once again into her skin, the muzzle still a little warm because of the bullet that popped out a few seconds ago. A click sounds as he reloads another bullet. “And you’ll realize that you’ve been drowning.. and if there’s no one to reach out their hand...” she squeezed her eyes shut as she remained silent for a second and another tear escaped the corner of her eye.

Multiple gunshots sounded through the hallway of the school as the gun, which the shooter was holding against her head fell down to the ground together with the body of the shooter.

A gasp left her mouth as the bullets whooshed along her ears. She glanced over her shoulder and saw the body of the shooter lying behind her on his back. Lifeless.

Everything that was happening was moving in slow motion. When she looked in front of her she could see multiple swat soldiers entering the hallway with their guns pointed towards the man behind her.

“Suspect is down” one of the soldiers said into their radio’s as they made their way towards (Y/n) and the shooter.

With two paramedics following the soldiers, the paramedics kneeled down next to the female teacher which (Y/n) tried to save her life. The paramedics put down their medic bags beside them and zipped the bag open as they grabbed some gauze.

“You can let go now. We’ve got her.” the male paramedic said as he tried to get her attention by putting his hand onto her shoulder. (Y/n) was still in shock. How did she survive this? Why didn’t he just shoot her when he had the chance? Why listen to her words?

“Sorry” she said as she got back to earth. She slowly retreated her hands back to her own body as the paramedic quickly pressed the gauze down onto the wound. (Y/n) slightly flinched as she felt a hand curling around her bicep, pulling her up to her feet and escorting her down the hall to the open world. She let them. She was too shaken up to try and fight or ask questions.

______

“Hi this is (Y/n)’s phone, please leave a message after the tone!” Her voice sounded through the speaker of Evan’s phone as he ended the call before the tone could ring into his ear.

A sigh leaves Evan’s mouth as he continues to send her a text, asking her to call him back when she can.

Hen walks into the kitchen when a frown morphed onto her face. “Hey you okay?” She asked when she noticed Evan’s slightly worried face that was focussed on his phone.

Evan clicks on the send button as he slips his phone back into his pocket, and he curls his fingers around the glass of water he had made.

“I’m fine..” he sighs as he leans with his forearms onto the kitchen counter. “I have just tried to call (Y/n) multiple times but she doesn’t answer. Normally she would’ve called me back by now”

They called everyday, especially when Evan was on shift. She would call him after school had come to an end and all kids had left the classroom.

“You think I’m crazy, don’t you?” Evan laughed at himself as he shook his head. He sounded like he was going insane. As if he couldn’t live without her. But it was a routine, so when that routine gets interrupted, it feels weird.

Normally Evan was the one to not pick up, when he was on a call. But he always called her back when they were back at the firehouse. Sometimes it could take hours, but it could also be minutes. It depended on the call of course.

“No not at all.. I’m sure she will call you back, maybe she’s talking to a parent or she’s just busy.” Hen touches Evan’s upper arm as she tries to reassure him that his wife is okay.

“Yeah, you’re right..” Evan pushed himself off the kitchen counter, he grabbed his glass and walked towards the sofas. “Maybe I’m being a little bit paranoid, she’s fine..” Evan glances at Hen who gives him a nod and a pat on his shoulder.

“Turn the volume up” Eddie says as Chimney grabs the remote and quickly turns up the volume by pressing down on the button.

“We just confirmed that about two hours ago, there has been a school shooting here in Los Angeles. The remarkable thing is that the school where this happened, was an elementary school”

“Jesus” Eddie sighs.

“The police have confirmed that after about an hour and a half after the shooter had fired the first bullet, they shot down the shooter. The name of the school where this happened is the Great Oak Elementary School. Parents are arriving at the school now to pick up their kids. There’s one wounded teacher and two casualties, both were working at the school.”

“That’s horrible. Imagine you see this on the news and you have to pick up your traumatized child.” Hen says as she continues to listen to the tv.

“Can’t imagine what that must feel like” Eddie’s voice sounds through the room.

Evan was intensely thinking. Why was that name so familiar? What was it about that school that made him think that he had a connection to it? He didn’t have any kids, at least not yet. “Wait what school did they say?” Evan double checked the name with his team, to see if he heard them correctly.

“I think it was Great Oak Elementary School” Chimney says as he focuses again onto the television screen.

Evan’s heart dropped in his chest. As soon as he heard that name fall off the lips of his colleague's mouth, it felt like all of the air he had in his lungs was getting pushed out. Everything's coming together now.

It was the school his wife worked for.

“But why even an elementary school, not that any school would’ve been any better or different. But we’re talking about ages 5 to 10 years old. Those children are going to be scarred for life” Eddie’s dull voice sounded over the loft into Evan’s ears.

No texts, no calls, nothing.

Evan’s hearing is dull, everything is still continuing on the back of his mind but his brain is working over hours now. Making up all different kinds of scenarios of what could’ve happened in that school. “Wow Buck, you alright?” Another dull voice rang through his ears.

Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder, he flinched at the sudden touch and his eyes connected with Hen’s as he turned his head towards her. A frightened look was spread over his face as he tried to control his breathing.

He looked down to his feet, which were suddenly wet and cold. He realizes he had dropped his glass of water down to the ground. His boots are now soaking wet, with the water dripping down his pipes. But that was the last thing he was worried about right now.

His brain filled with all different kinds of scenarios were running through his mind. “(Y/n)” he mumbled through his panicked breaths as he tried to look at Hen, who was still pressing her hand onto his shoulder while her other hand was curled around his upper arm.

“Oh no..” Hen said as he puzzled the pieces together. Finally realizing what was happening and what Evan meant.

Bobby’s voice sounded through the space as he stepped onto the loft “What’s happening?”

“There has been a school shooting at Great Oaks Elementary. The school where Buck’s wife works” Hen quickly explained to Bobby as she held her grip onto Evan’s upper arm.

Evan’s eyes that were full of worry wandered towards his captain's eyes who was coming closer towards him every second. “She isn’t answering any of my calls or texts. And I’m not waiting for the hospital to call me and tell me that she’s..” Evan sighs at the worst case scenario that was in his mind.

“Please Bobby. I need to go. I need to see for myself if she’s okay.” Evan’s broken voice sounded.

“Look Buck, I get it. But you don’t have to do this on your own. We’re coming with you, whether you like it or not. (Y/n) is our family too.” Bobby says as he softly squeezed Evan’s shoulder. A small smile spread across Evan’s face as those words left Bobby’s mouth.

“Let’s go and find (Y/n)” Bobby says as he patted his hand onto Evan’s shoulder as a sign to go.

-

“What do you mean she isn’t here?” Evan says after Athena finished her conclusion. “I just told you, every teacher that was here on school grounds during the shooting has been checked by paramedics, and are now sitting in a room. They’re getting the information they need if they want help. But I’ve seen every teacher in that room, and she wasn’t there Buck, only her teaching assistant Katy.” Athena continues her explanation.

“Well, have you asked Katy if she knows anything about the whereabouts of my wife?” Evan asks, maybe a little annoyed. “No, not yet. I’m waiting for the professionals to finish their job. And after that, I’ll see if Katy is willing to talk” She calmly answers Evan’s question.

“How long is that gonna take?” Evan sighs as he puts his hands on his hips. He’s losing his patience. This is taking too long. “I’m sure they’re almost done, this should only take a few more minutes” Athena reassured him.

“I don’t have time for this.. what if Katy doesn’t know where she is? This might lead to a dead end.” Evan tries to stop himself from panicking, as he rushes a hand through his short curly hair. He had to do something. He couldn’t just stand there and wait on a teaching assistant who maybe doesn't have an answer to their questions.

Evan quickly turned around and slid his phone out of his pocket. He had to try it, at least one more time. He clicks on the green icon and clicks on her name, impatiently he presses the phone against his ear. Maybe she did have it with her.. right?

“Buck..” Evan could hear Bobby sigh as he was walking away from his team.

Evan listens to the sound of the phone beeping, trying to connect with the other phone. He was pacing through one of the hallways, silently listening to the beeps of the phone. Evan’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he could hear a ringtone going off from a distance. Was that someone else’s phone or was that the phone he was trying to reach?

The ringtone stopped playing when Evan was being sent to voicemail. He quickly presses the red button, and decides to try and call the phone again.

Once more the same ringtone sounds through the hallway.

Evan follows the sound, making his way through the hallways until after multiple times of calling her phone, he reaches the door of a classroom. The tone sounded loudly through the space of the room.

Evan stepped into the classroom and walked towards the desk where the phone was buzzing. “There you are..” Evan whispered to himself as he grabbed the phone and frowned at the idea of his wife leaving her phone behind. She never leaves her phone behind.

He shoved his own phone into his pocket as he made his way back towards his team who were now talking with a young woman, probably Katy.

“Can we please ask you a few questions?” Evan could hear Athena ask the TA, who nodded at her question. “When was the last time you saw (Y/n)?” Athena continued to ask her. “During the shooting, we were all hiding inside the classroom just like protocol said. And she told me to watch the kids.. she went to help the lady who was shot outside of our classroom. I heard multiple gunshots, when I was alone with the kids. But I haven’t seen her since she told me to watch them.” Katy explains.

Evan could feel his knees trembling, like they were suddenly turning into Jell-o.

“That’s everything I know” Katy says as she shrugs her shoulders. “It’s okay, thank you Katy. If something pops into your mind, give me a call” Athena says as she gives Katy her card with her contact details and Katy walks away.

“Alright, there’s two things we can do. One, we go to the hospital and check if she may be in the ER. Or two, we go check the..-” Athena gets cut off by Evan’s voice.

“Morgue” Evan finished Athena’s sentence and shook his head. “We’re going to the ER of the nearest hospital, she’s not dead. She can’t be.” Evan continued. “Buck.” Bobby’s voice spoke up when Evan wiped his hand against his forehead, as if it helped him to get rid of the thought of his wife being dead. “I refuse to believe that she’s dead, I want to go to the hospital” Evan states as he could hear his own voice trembling.

Evan felt Bobby’s hand landing onto his shoulder. “It’s your decision to make Buck, if you want to go to the hospital, we go to the hospital” Bobby said as he looked into Evan’s eyes again. Evan nodded. He made his decision.

The drive towards the nearest hospital was silent, but when the truck pulled to a stop Evan’s hand reached for the door and he jumped out as fast as he could.

He had waited long enough. He needed his answers now.

Before the rest of his team got out of the truck, Evan had already gone through the glass doors. Evan came to a stop at the nurse station, using his hands as a brake by pressing it against the desk.

“Hi, I’m looking for (Y/n) Buckley” he panted as he focussed on the nurse who was scrolling through the documents of people who had gotten in.

“Evan?” her familiar voice sounds through his ears. His eyes went wide as he heard that voice he had hoped to hear through the phone the first time he called her. He pushed himself off the desk he was leaning on and followed her voice.

“(Y/n)?” he softly said as he looked around him. When his eyes connected with hers, his heart skipped a beat. She was alive. Just like he said.

“Evan” she sighed as she finally saw her husband's face. Evan basically sprinted towards (Y/n) as he heard her broken voice say his name. Her knees were trembling, and were on the edge of giving in. “Hey! Hey! I’m here!” Evan panted as he curled his arms around his wife and she collapsed into his arms.

She was sobbing as soon as she felt his arms curled around her body and she tightened her grip around his body, like he was the only thing to keep her from drowning. He was the hand she had to hold onto. “I’m here” Evan let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding this entire time.

He let his hand cup the back of her head and he pressed his lips against her hair.

He slowly pulled back, but his arms remained around her body. He wasn’t letting her go. The hand he had pressed against the back of her head, wandered to her cheek as he wiped away her tears.

“W-what are you doing here? Are you hurt?” he stumbled as he quickly checked her on any wounds. She shook her head as she placed both of her hands down onto his chest. “No, I’m okay” she gasped through her tears.

When Evan’s eyes fell onto her hands, which were now placed on his chest, he noticed her hands which were still covered in dried blood.

He placed his hands over hers as he softly grabbed her hand and started inspecting it. “It isn’t mine” she sighed as she tried to reconnect her eyes with Evan’s, who was focussed on making sure his wife wasn’t hurt.

“Then whose blood is that?” Evan’s voice asked, concerned when his eyes remained on her hands. “T-the woman who had been shot..” she said as she tried to catch her breath. Evan’s eyes furrowed “I helped her..” in the middle of her sentence, she stopped talking. “I kept her alive, even with a gun pointed at my head” she continued.

She could hear the gunshots going off in the back of her mind, the explanation she had just given her husband brought her right back to that place. So much has happened in those few minutes, she barely had time to process everything that happened in such a short time.

Tears were streaming down her face as she was reminded of the incident. “He wanted to shoot me in the head”

“Oh baby..” a loud sigh left his lips as he pressed a kiss onto her forehead. “You did so good” he mumbled against her forehead as he pressed another kiss onto it and pulled his wife back into an embrace.

“I was so scared Evan, I really thought this is it.. that everything I did, was for the last time” (Y/n) sobbed as she locked her arms around his body once again and her head pressed against his broad chest. “But you fought like hell, like I knew you would. You fought for that woman, for the students, yourself and me. You fought your way back to me.” Evan said as he pulled away a little, so her head wouldn’t be touching his chest anymore and he could place both his hands onto her cheeks.

“You’re so much stronger than you think you are.”

______

A gasp fell off (Y/n)’s lips as a gunshot roared through the back of her mind. Her eyes were suddenly wide open and her entire body was drenched in sweat. She let her hands fall against her face as she sighed. It was just another dream, a nightmare to be more specific.

It had been weeks since the shooting on the Great Oak Elementary School, but what happened that day, was still haunting her until today.

Falling asleep was a problem at first, the first nights after the incident, she was all wrapped around Evan. Trying to get her to sleep like she was a baby that couldn’t find the right spot to sleep on.

Evan worked twenty four hour shifts, he couldn’t just go home in the middle of shift, in the middle of the night to help his wife to fall asleep at night. So sometimes, (Y/n) wouldn’t sleep at all at night, she would just wait until he came home and the second Evan was home she would doze off.

But now, it’s the constant nightmares she had. Every dream she had wasn’t the same, it’s not like she had the same nightmare over and over again on loop. No, she was having different kinds of scenario’s everytime she closed her eyes.

She let her hands fall down onto the mattress as she glanced at Evan who was peacefully asleep on his side of the bed. (Y/n) threw off the blanket and swung her feet over the side of the bed and grasped the first hoodie she saw lying down on the floor. The hoodie was a little oversized and fell over her bum.

(Y/n) stepped down the stairs of the loft and flicked on the kettle to make some tea. Maybe that would help her calm down. With her back towards the living room, she pressed her elbows down onto the flat surface of the kitchen counter.

She was tired, but couldn’t sleep. Not if she was having these nightmares, everytime she closed her eyes. (Y/n) let her head rest between her hands as she closes her eyes for a second, just to try and let the stress exit her body while the water was boiling.

Evan groaned as he turned around in bed and let his arm find the body of his wife. When his arm connected with the jumpy mattress, he pushed his head off the pillow as a confused frown was spread across his face. He wasn't expecting his arm to find the mattress, he was waiting for his arm to connect with (Y/n)’s body.

He lets his arm swipe along the mattress again to make sure she wasn’t somewhere else on the mattress. Evan turns his body and reaches out to turn on the night lamp on his nightstand. He squeezed his eyes as he tried to adjust his eyes to the bright light on his nightstand and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

Evan swung his legs over the side of the bed as he stood up to make his way downstairs, determined to find his wife. When he silently stepped down the stairs, he smiled at the way she was standing. A Los Angeles Fire Department hoodie to keep her comfortable, her eyes closed as she was leaning on her hands. While the kettle was releasing steam as it was finished boiling.

A groan left her lips as she felt a hand curled around her hip and his chin was leaning on her shoulder. Her hand reached behind her as she tried to find Evan’s arm. “Can’t sleep?” his sleepy voice asked, with his eyes still closed as he was still trying to wake up.

“Yeah” she whispered as she nodded at his question, and she placed her other hand down on his cheek as he was still leaning with his chin onto her shoulder.

“Still having those nightmares huh?” He asked her as he pressed a kiss on the palm of her hand that was resting on his face.

“Yeah, what’s new..” she sighed, she had the feeling those nightmares weren’t going away anytime soon anyways. She grabbed a cup from the upper cabinet, placed it onto the counter and started to pour water from the kettle into it.

When the cup was full enough, she placed the kettle back. “Evan?” Her soft voice sounded raspy.

“Hmm?” Evan hummed as he slightly opened his eyes to check on his wife. His arm was still wrapped around her, curved around her hip. She swallowed loudly.

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this..” she whispered as she placed both of her hands flat against the counter as she stared right in front of her.

Evan’s hand started to come loose from her hip, as he let his lower back fall against the kitchen island, which was placed on the other side of the kitchen counter (Y/n) was making her tea on.

He folded his arms over each other as he leaned against the kitchen cabinets. “You mean the nightmares, right?” Evan needed a confirmation that he knew she was talking about.

She felt Evan leaving her side. But she couldn’t look at him without breaking down. So she remained standing with her back towards Evan. “No.. I meant, being a teacher.” She said as she started to make circles with her finger onto the kitchen counter.

“What? What do you mean? You love being a teacher” Evan said as he tried to make eye contact again. But she wouldn’t turn around.

She shook her head as she sighed, trying to keep her tears from falling down. “That was before this all happened. You know how exhausting it is to be wary of every single thing around you?” she sniffled as she turned her face towards the ceiling, trying everything in her power to not show her tears, or show her fear.

With her sleeves falling over her hands, she wiped the small tears away that had started rolling down her cheeks. “Every time before I even enter the school my throat goes dry, I start sweating and I can’t stop myself from shaking” she tried to say through her tears and sobs.

She turned her body, and let herself slide against the kitchen doors, dropping to the ground as she cried even harder. “I’m sick and tired of flinching at every sudden sound I hear. I can’t sleep, because any time when I close my eyes, even if it’s just for one silly second, I’m there again. With a gun against my head.” she confessed.

(Y/n) let the back of her head lean against the kitchen cabinet as she felt Evan coming closer, while she looked at the ceiling again. Trying to get rid of the tears that showed her biggest fears and weaknesses. “I can’t do this anymore Evan” she sobbed as she pressed her palms against her face. All she wanted to do was hide.

It feels like she’s drowning, drowning into her own fear and tears. The fear is over taking her like waves of the ocean, if no one would reach out that hand to help her.. she might drown.

“No.. you’re scared. And I get your reaction, but we don’t always make the best decisions when we’re operating out of fear” Evan spoke up as he curled his arm around her knee.

A sigh leaves Evan’s mouth as he tries to think of the right thing to say. “I know how hard it is to get over something so traumatizing, that you don’t know what you’re doing it for no more” he said as he tightened his arm around her knee. “But what happened could have happened anywhere. At the grocery store, in our own home, hell even at the fire station” Evan continued as he tried to get her attention, but she was too emotional to make eye contact.

She could hear every word he said, every breath he took, every moment of silence he needed, to think of what he was going to say next.

“So I need you to stop saying that you can’t do this. Because I know you can. You’re one of the strongest women I know. And I’m so proud to call you my wife. But right now, I need you to grab my hand and trust me when I say that we’ll figure this out.” tears were starting to well in Evan’s eyes as he quickly wiped his finger underneath his eyes to get rid of the tears he felt, as they were about to roll over his cheeks.

Evan loosened his grip around her knee as he reached out his hand, with his palm faced towards the ceiling. “We do this together, just like we did all the times I got hurt and didn’t know what to do” Evan said as he lowered his head, trying to get her eyes connected with him again.

Silence took over the space they were in.

Evan’s hand was still dangling between her knees as he waited for her attention and answer. “Together?” he asked one more time.

A soft smile made its way onto her face, as she nodded. “Together.” she said determined and placed her hand onto his as Evan sent her a small smile her way.

She had helped him countless times, now it was his turn to help her.

[imagineshere-forall]

- staying with mom ✰ e. diaz

Summary: the first time Christoper calls you mom 

Genre: mostly fluff but smidge of angst/tension

warnings: none

Pairing: eddie diaz x fem!reader

word count: 1.3k

Notes: hi hi i tried to use american terms like mall and mom, but i am not american and i say mum, so if you notice any slip ups pls let me know and i will change it. I feel like it would be weird to picture chris saying mum in an american accent so i tried to only used mom   Also i have started watched the walking dead and am obsessed so pls feel free to request some fics for the walking dead (i’m halfway through s7)

When you and Eddie started dating, you waited quite a while before meeting Chris as you wanted to be sure in your relationship so as not to unsettle Chris. After about 8 months, you were pretty sure Eddie was it for you, and you eventually met Chris. Within 6 months of meeting Christopher you had pretty much moved in with the boys, and when the lease on your apartment was up for renewal Chris was the one who suggested you move in. That was over a year ago and since then the three of you had been living life as a happy little family. 

Today, you had a day off from work but Eddie did not, so you had decided to take Chris out for the day. For weeks, Chris had been saying his shoes were starting to get tight so you had decided you would take him to buy some new shoes and buy him a couple extra treats. It wasn’t often you and Eddie weren’t both at work at the same time, even if you didn’t have the same shift, you often overlapped so Chris would spend time with Carla.

Eddie was at work before you even woke up, so you and Chris had a slow morning before heading to the mall. The car journey was filled with music and laughs, you loved spending time with Chris and you guys always had an amazing time. 

Once you got to the mall you found yourself chasing Christoper, the shoe shop was all the way on the other side of the mall so you had decided to do fun shopping first. The first stop was at the ice cream parlor, and then the two of you made your way quickly over to the lego shop. You both bought a lego set, as you planned to watch a movie and build lego together in the afternoon. Once the pair of you had gone to all the shops you wanted to, you slowly walked back to the car, trying to agree on a movie to watch while you were building your legos. 

You were nearly at the car, when the ground started to rumble. Small tremors weren;t uncommon living in LA, but this was not that. The slight rumble turned to full blown shaking and the lights in the parking garage started to come loose and smash to the floor. You quickly dropped your bags and grabbed Christopher and headed for the car, it might not have been the smartest idea but in your panic it seemed like the safest option if the garage was to crumble. 

Somehow, you managed to get to the car in record time as you were opening the door, you noticed a piece of debris falling and you quickly pushed Chris into the car. Within seconds of you getting Chris safely into the car, the debris had come down, knocking you down in the process. You hit your head on the concrete and briefly lost consciousness, but you quickly came around to the sounds of Chris’s cries. 

“I’m here Chris, I’m okay,” you mumbled as you tried to wriggle free. Although, your right leg was trapped under the piece of the parking garage that had knocked you to the floor.

Not long after you regained consciousness, sirens were all you could hear and it became nearly impossible to keep your eyes open, and you were soon consumed by the darkness.

“Cap, get Eddie over here!” You heard being yelled from close by. Squinting at the bright light you started to blink your eyes back open and were met with Buck’s face looking down at you. 

“Chris, is Chris okay?” you forced out, your throat was hoarse and felt as though you had woken from a deep sleep. You could feel yourself being rolled onto a stretcher, presumably to move you to an ambulance, or at least a safer area. 

“Chris was with you?” Buck panicked. 

“I think I got him in the car,” you coughed, “Check him first.”

A couple minutes later you heard a car door be forced open, and then Buck’s shouts. 

“Chris!” Eddie’s shouts were so loud. He had arrived onto the scene and saw Buck carrying Chris over some rubble away from the car. You turned your head slowly and saw Eddie embrace his son tightly. 

“Where’s Y/N?” Eddie suddenly asked. The panic in his voice was palpable.

“Over here,” You heard Buck’s voice get louder as he led Eddie to you. Eddie placed Chris down next to your stretcher and cradled your face.

“Baby, are you okay?” he questioned, whilst scanning your body for any obvious injuries. 

“My leg got crushed but I’m fine. How is Chris? Is Chris okay?” you spoke so fast. 

“I’m fine,” you heard Chris speak. You could have cried with relief upon hearing his voice. You had seen Eddie carry him, but hearing him speak and confirming he was okay made you so happy.

“Now, let get you taken to hospital, Buck can you take Chris to Athena and get her to call Carla please,” Eddie said as he began to wheel you out of the area. You saw Buck begin to usher Chris towards Athena who you could see a while away directing people. 

“No.”

You and Eddie both stopped and looked at Chris who was avoiding Buck and walking towards the two of you. 

“Chris, bud, y/n is okay. Your dad is just making sure she gets her leg checked out,” Buck tried to convince Chris.

“No,” Chris shook off Buck’s arms and carried on walking in your direction. Eddie sighed, letting go of your stretcher and turning to Chris before squatting down to his level while holding onto him. 

“Chris, I need to take y/n to get checked out. Can you please go with Buck?” Eddie begged.

“No.” Chris was being stubborn. 

“Chris please,” Eddie was starting to get desperate.

“I want to stay with mom.” Chris yelled. 

You, Buck and Eddie all went still. Suddenly, the atmosphere had changed. Chris had never called you mom before. The three of you all looked at each other in shock unsure what to say or do next.

“Come here Chris,” you beckoned the boy, before helping him to sit on one side of the stretcher after you had collapsed the arms, “You can stay with me.”

Eddie was still looking at you in shock, starting to feel love swell in his chest. The idea that Chris saw you as a mother figure made him so happy. 

“Chris, it looks like your dad is frozen,” you laughed whilst looping one of your arms around the boy. You had managed to get him in a place where he wasn’t near your leg which was causing excruciating pain. 

This brought Eddie out of his shock and he walked over to the two of you.

“I love you both so much,” he breathed as he leant to kiss both of your foreheads, “Let’s go get mom all checked out.” 

[munsonsmixtapes]

Dress

Evan “Buck” Buckley x fem!reader

Summary: you and Buck have a one night stand only to find that your world is a lot smaller than you initially thought

cw: MDNI (18+) smut (p in v) fingering, brief mention of grief

part two

word count: 6k

The LAX airport was crowded beyond belief and you were feeling yourself get overstimulated just by how many people were there. Every time you had touched down in LA, you regretted flying into that specific airport because of all of the foot traffic and actual traffic.

You took your suitcase and rolled it as you walked outside to wait for your friend Scarlett to pick you up. You checked your phone and noticed you had a bunch of messages from your uncle who was always a little too worried about you. You had flown down because you had gotten a nursing job in the city and he had insisted that a party be thrown in your honor because he was just so proud of you.

Scarlett’s familiar blue car rolled up to the curb and she popped the trunk where you put all of your luggage. She quickly got out of the car to help before pulling you into a tight hug.

“LA has been so boring without you, babe,” she sighed. “I’m so glad you’re back and for good this time.”

“Me too. You know I didn’t mean to leave you like that, it was just-my mom-“

“Let’s not talk about that right now,” Scarlett gave your back a sympathetic rub before putting on her signature look that told you that she was up to something. “We’re going out tonight so I hope you brought something slutty to wear.”

“Of course I did.” You had brought your whole wardrobe so there was bound to be something that was up to her standards. She was definitely the more stylish one out of the two of you and you were glad to have her be your fashion consultant again, even though for the most part, you’d be wearing scrubs most of the time.

You both got into her car and you felt nervous about being back in the city. You had to go back to New Jersey when your mom had gotten sick and stayed after she passed because you were afraid to contact people again. You had completely cut contact from the outside world since you had lost her because she was the only person you had left and suddenly, she was gone.

Your uncle knew that you had just graduated nursing school and had helped you get a job at a hospital in LA, and you decided that you had been alone for long enough, so you packed up all your stuff and took the chance to move back, ready to be around your found family again.

Turned out, neither Scarlett nor your uncle had been upset with you about your silence and had been nothing but grateful that you were okay. They had assured you that they wanted to see you and Scarlett had even offered to let you stay with her until you got on your feet.

You were excited to see your uncle, though. He has gotten married since the last time you saw him and you were excited to meet his new family at the party he had insisted on throwing you a party to congratulate you on not only graduating but also getting your first job as an official nurse. He was so proud of you and bragged about your accomplishments to anyone who would listen.

Scarlett pulled up to her building and parked in the parking garage before helping you with your luggage, the two of you hauling it all to the elevator. Once on her floor, you both got to the correct apartment and threw the stuff on the floor, deciding that you would work on it later since your priorities were focused on going out. After everything that happened in New Jersey, you definitely felt like you deserved a drink.

As soon as she was inside, Scarlett threw the suitcase that she was holding down onto the couch then unzipped it before going through all of the clothes that were inside it, not finding what she was looking for. She then went through every single one of your suitcases and shook her head before heading to her room.

You followed her curiously and collapsed onto her bed as she went through her closet. Your clothes weren’t exactly as outgoing as hers, but you at least thought she would like something of yours.

“So I guess I’m borrowing something of yours tonight?” You asked, leaning up to look at her.

“Of course you are. You know I usually support your outfit decisions, babe, but none of those outfits are going to get you laid.”

“What if I don’t want to get laid?” You did, though. Probably a little too much.

“You haven’t seen a dick in two years,” she turned to look at you. “You want to get laid.”

“I’m not even sure I know how to do it anymore.” You didn’t have time to sleep with anyone with taking care of your mother and after she passed, you were so riddled with grief that you couldn’t get yourself to get back out there.

“It’s just like riding a bike. Or I guess riding a-“

“I get it, Scar,” you cut her off. “So what am I wearing tonight?” You weren’t sure you could pull off whatever she was going to pick out, but you were hopeful.

“This,” she pulled out a red dress that left practically nothing up to the imagination. It was short and would definitely show off your cleavage. She tossed it to you without another word and you went to the bathroom to change.

You peeled off your clothes and stared at yourself in the mirror, wondering if you were even ready to sleep with anyone just yet. You had gained some grief weight and could see it in your stomach. When you slipped the dress on, you could see your stomach poking out and felt the need to cover up, but figured you could have worn a jacket over it.

You hesitantly opened the door and stepped out into the bedroom. Scarlett turned to face you and a gasp escaped her lips once she caught sight of you. She stepped forward and looked you up and down.

“Damn,” she let out a whistle. “I might even be into you. Oh yeah, you’re definitely going to score tonight.”

“Really? You don’t think it’s too much?”

“Not at all. You look hot. Now c’mon. Let’s get go get you someone to take home.” She grabbed you by the arm and called you both an Uber to head to the bar.

You were nervous to say the least. You hadn’t slept with anyone since your last boyfriend and he hadn’t exactly been able to please you in that way. It was always all about him and his needs. Maybe that night you’d be able to find someone who could please you more than Jared ever could.

The bar wasn’t nearly as crowded when you got there and you and Scarlett ordered your drinks. You looked around while you waited for them to be made, on the hunt for your hook up. Your eyes locked on a group of fire fighters and you felt your cheeks blush as you made eye contact with one of them. He gave you a wink and you turned back to Scarlett who was fanning herself dramatically with her hand.

“I think I’m having an emergency,” she told you and you just rolled your eyes.

“Is the emergency in your pants?” You asked with a pointed look and she just smirked.

“You know me so well,” she gave your shoulder a nudge and turned back to the bar where your drinks were sitting. You then followed her to an empty table, giving you a great view of the very cute firefighter who had caught your eye.

You could see Scarlett’s lips moving, but you couldn’t hear what she was saying, the man taking up all of your attention. His eyes didn’t leave you as you chatted with your friend.

Buck had frequented that bar more than he cared to admit. He recognized all of the regulars and you weren’t one of them because he definitely would have remembered you.

“Just buy her a drink, Buck,” Hen told him. She could see him eyeing you and just wanted him to make a move already.

“No,” he shook his head. “I-I’m not hooking up anymore, remember? I’m-“

“Buck three point oh,” the rest of the table finished for him. Was he really that predictable?

“With all due respect, Buckaroo,” Chimney spoke up. “No one said anything about hooking up. It’s just a conversation.”

As usual, Chimney’s word rang true. But even with a conversation, Buck was afraid that a conversation very easily could have led to sex and he was trying to cut back on that. It had been a few months since he had broken up with Taylor and he really wasn’t looking for anything, no matter how beautiful you looked and no matter how much he thought about what the dress you were wearing would look like on the floor of his bedroom.

“Yeah,” Eddie added. “Go talk to her. Do it.” He began chanting the last two words lowly and the others joined in, making Buck’s cheeks go pink.

He stood from the table and everyone cheered a little too loudly for his liking, catching your attention as he made his way over to your table. Scarlett saw the two of you making eyes at each other and decided to make herself scarce, heading over to the bar to find an empty stool she could occupy.

“May I?” Buck referred to the now empty seat across from you and you nodded. What were you going to do? Say no?

“Of course.”

“I’m Evan,” he smiled as he sat down.

“Y/n,” you replied and he nodded, taking a sip from his now empty beer.

“Y/n,” he repeated and you didn’t like just how much you enjoyed hearing him saying your name.

“Yup,” you nodded, taking a sip from your own drink.

“So, what brings you here tonight?” So many things, but mostly, the drinks. Evan was definitely going to be the one to make you stay.

“I just graduated nursing school.” Buck knew just how much it took to get through nursing school let alone to get a job as one, so he felt like you deserved a couple of drinks on him.

“Congrats. That’s a really big achievement. And you know what? Your drinks are on me tonight.”

“No, Evan. I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not asking,” he shrugged. “I’m telling you that I’m buying your drinks. So what are you drinking?”

“Margarita on the rocks. Salt on the rim.”

“You got it,” he nodded and headed over to the bar, leaving you alone. You tried to play a little hard to get, not wanting to seem too available. While he had his back to you, you turned to look at him.

You let your eyes raked down his body, stopping at his ass, admiring the way his jeans hugged it and you found yourself wanting to stick your hand down them to get a handful for yourself.

As soon as Buck felt your eyes on him, he turned to look at you but you turned away, pulling your phone out of your purse to check your messages and they all happened to be from your uncle Robert.

Text me when you land!

Your flight landed at 8:30 and it is now 9:00. Why haven’t I heard from you?

Guess you’re having too much fun to get back your old uncle, huh?

You had completely forgotten that you had promised him that you’d tell him when you landed. Scarlett’s plan had totally derailed yours. Maybe you could end the night early and go see him to make it up to him. He was practically a father to you and was the whole reason you had a job in the first place so you felt like you owed it to him to do that.

Robert, I’m so sorry! Time got away from me and I completely forgot to get back to you!

That’s alright. You have a good night and I’ll see you on Saturday.

You set your phone back in your purse as Buck came back with your drink and he handed it to you with a bright smile on his face.

“Thank you,” you took the drink and took a sip before setting it down on the table.

“You’re very welcome,” he smiled again, taking a sip from his own drink that looked like the same one you had gotten. “So, you got a job lined up?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Got my first day next Monday.”

“Well, I think you’re going to be amazing. Cheers,” he held up his glass and you did the same, letting them clink together.

“I haven’t started the job yet.”

“Yeah, but I have a pretty good feeling about you,” he leaned back in his chair, studying you. “And I’m always right about these things.”

“If you say so,” you shrugged and licked the salt from your glass which Buck was having a hard time watching. He wanted you to do the exact same thing to him. To feel your hot tongue on his neck as you sucked on it, leaving the nastiest looking mark behind once were finished.

“Trust me,” he winked. “You’ll be great.” He took another sip of his drink and grimaced. “That’s terrible.”

“Oh, so you’re an alcohol snob, huh?”

“I drink the cheapest beers so I’m definitely not a snob. This is just the worst margarita I’ve ever had.” It wasn’t the worst you’d ever had, but it definitely wasn’t the best.

“Okay, maybe it sucks,” you admitted with a shrug.

“See?” He leaned back in this chair. “Always right.”

“Whatever you say, Evan,” you rolled your eyes.

After many drinks and a few shots, you were the only ones left in the bar, giggling and flirting with each other. Somehow, Buck had ended up in the chair to the left of yours, scooting so that it was right up against it. You were talking in hushed tones, amping up the flirting as more alcohol entered your systems.

His hand rested on your thigh as he leaned toward you, his lips right by your ear as he spoke. Your breath hitched at the feeling of his hot breath on your skin as he spoke, wondering what it would have felt like as he whispered the filthiest things into your ear.

“Do you wanna take things to my place?” He asked, his other hand moving to your shoulder, slipping under the strap of your dress.

“Yes,” you breathed and just chuckled at your reaction, loving how you were already coming undone and he hadn’t even done anything yet.

“We could play Grand Theft Auto, maybe a little Mario Kart?”

“Oh, so you want to play games?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled again and the hot air being blown on your ear made you shiver. “All kinds of games.” He took your ear lobe between his teeth and gave it a little bite before pulling away completely just in time to watch your eyes glaze over with lust. He had you right where he wanted you.

Buck pulled you to your feet and payed the tab before leading you out to the parking lot where he pulled out his phone to get an Uber for you both. Neither of you had a drink for a couple of hours, but he still wanted to be safe.

He pulled you to his chest, watching you chew on your bottom lip, your red lipstick leaving a mark on your teeth. Buck watched you, completely captivated by your movements, wanting to know what your lips felt like, but not able to make the move.

You leaned closer to him, your eyes shifting to his lips. You looked back up at his eyes as if to ask for permission and he nodded, his lips parting slightly as he did so. Almost as if you had him in a trance.

You grabbed him by the back of the neck and your lips caught his bottom one just as a pair of headlights flashed in your direction as a vehicle pulled up to the curb.

“Uber for Evan?” The driver asked and Buck showed him the proof that it was him before the two of you got into the backseat. He gave the driver the address then turned to you, his hand moving back to your thigh, rubbing up and down it as you tried not to think about how you wanted it to move further up your dress.

You could imagine it perfectly: him slowly moving his hand up your thigh and underneath your dress, making his way to your underwear and sticking his hand down it, his fingers teasing your cunt, making you beg for him until he suddenly stuck his fingers inside of you to make all of your whining stop. He’d urge you to make some noise as he pumped his fingers in and out of you, telling you that you could scream his name as loud as you wanted to.

“I never told you, but you look beautiful tonight,” he said lowly in your ear, his hand giving your thigh a squeeze.

“Don’t look too bad yourself,” you replied, your hand going to his thigh and giving it a squeeze in return.

“No, this isn’t about me,” he took your hand and pressed a kiss to it. “Tonight is all about you.” You felt your cheeks blush and couldn’t help but feel like you needed to step up your flirting game just to keep up with him.

You could feel Buck pulling you forward, his eyes looking at your lips hungrily. He captured your top lip between his two and you moved together slowly, trying to figure out your movements, the feeling of each other’s lips so foreign to you both.

His other hand moved to your jaw, tilting your head up so he had more access to your mouth. He swiped his tongue along your bottom lip and you opened up, letting it slide inside, holding back a moan as it swirled around yours.

Before things could get too heated, the car rolled up to Buck’s apartment building. You both got out and he took you by the hand, leading you inside, making a beeline for the elevator. He pressed the necessary button then pulled you into his arms, his lips slotting between yours once again. Your tongue swiped along his bottom lip just as the doors opened and you pushed him inside, your lips still connected.

You pushed him against the wall and slid your tongue into his mouth as you moved your hands up his t-shirt, getting a good feel of his pecks. You broke apart just to take his shirt off and your lips were back on his in a flash.

The elevator doors opened and Buck guided you down the hallway as your lips still moved together, him only breaking away to unlock his door and as soon as you were inside, he pushed you against it, pinning your hands to it as his lips moved to your neck, peppering the spot with kisses before going in for a rough suck, pulling a moan from your lips.

“Evan, oh my god.” He chuckled at that before continuing to scandalize your neck, his teeth grazing the skin, causing your fingernails to dig into his back as you let out another loud moan.

“Yeah? You like that, honey?” Neither of you quite knew where the term of endearment came from, but had to admit that you liked it. Very much.

“More, please.” He kind of liked the idea of you begging for him. Teasing you until you were whining for him. He licked a stripe across your neck then grazed it once again and he couldn’t feel you going limp in his arms.

He pulled you from the wall and mumbled the word “jump” against your skin and you did as he asked and he caught you, his hands moving to your ass as he attached your lips to his as he carried you up the stairs slowly.

He set you down on your feet and you both removed your shoes and kicked them aside before Buck laid you down onto the bed and climbed on top of you, his legs tangling with yours as his lips moved back to the hickey he was working on. You turned your head to the side to give him more access and he took advantage, burying his face completely into it, giving it another suck as yet another moan fell from your lips.

“God, fuck,” you whined and let your eyes close tight and pleasure rolled through your body. Your back arched and Buck took that as an opportunity to slip his hands behind you, his hands pressing to your back, moving down to your ass.

His hand slowly moved up your dress and cupped your ass, giving it a squeeze which caused you to yelp in surprise. He chuckled at your reaction and went it for one more hard suck to pull another moan from your lips before diffusing the sting with another swipe of his tongue along the sensitive spot before rolling off of you.

“Wait here for just a second? I’m just gonna grab something.” Before you could answer, he raced down the stairs on the hunt for something and you just laid there, trying to keep yourself from drying up while you waited for him to come back.

You decided to do a little snooping and looked around the room, your eyes catching his jacket that he wore when he was on duty. You found yourself wanting to try it on, but didn’t feel like you had the right since you had only just met and the fact that you wouldn’t have forgiven yourself if something had happened to it.

You slowly snuck over to it, your fantasy getting the best of you as you as you slowly removed it from the top of his duffel bag. You noticed what you assumed was his last name on the bottom of it. Buckley. You liked the sound of it. You slipped it on over your shoulders and slowly zipped it up only to hear Bucks voice behind you.

“What are you doing?” His tone was more amused than accusatory but you were still nervous as you turned around to face him.

“I was just-I honestly don’t know. I’m sorry. I’ll take it off.”

“No, leave it on. You look…hot.” Buck had never fantasized about anything like that, but he had to admit that seeing you in his uniform was definitely doing something for him.

“Yeah?” You asked stepping forward. You turned around and unzipped the jacket and pulled your dress down slowly, letting it pool at your feet, your thong following it, then turned back around. Your eyes filled with lust as you grabbed onto Buck’s hands and guided them up to the zipper.

“Wanna unzip me, Buckley?” You asked, your tone even more flirty than before and Buck swore that he was going to cream his pants. “Go ahead. I can see how badly you want it.”

Instead of unzipping the jacket, He pressed his lips to yours roughly, his tongue slipping into your mouth and you moaned at the feeling. He continued to kiss you senseless as his hand traveled down the jacket and to your cunt, his fingers teasing the outside and he could already feel your slick, feeling a little cocky about getting you that wet with most just his words. He was definitely back in the game.

“Evan, please,” you whined, begging for his finger to fuck you, but he was still teasing you, not entirely sure that you wanted it enough.

“Gonna need you to beg some more, honey. Not sure you want it enough.”

“Evan, c’mon,” you grabbed hold of his wrist, but he felt like needed a little bit more.

“Gonna need to be a little louder.”

“Please, Evan? Need your fingers so bad.” There it was. He shoved his fingers up your cunt and you gasped, not entirely prepared for them.

“Oh,” was all you were able to get out and you turned your back to him, pressing it to his chest so he could have more access and he pumped his fingers in and out of you slowly, eating up every last one of your delicious moans. Your head fell back onto his shoulder and it gave him perfect opportunity to watch you completely fall apart at his touch. If his fingers were driving you wild, he wondered just what his dick would do.

“You’re so tight, hon. But don’t worry, I’ll loosen you up real nice.” You had absolutely it doubt about that. He was already making you feel much more pleasure than your ex boyfriend and your vibrator combined.

“Faster,” you moaned. He was being too nice for your liking. You wanted his fingers to fuck you roughly in a way that it was almost concerning.

Buck moved his fingers the fastest he could and you moaned so loudly that he felt his dick hardening even more. Just a few more pumps and you were definitely going to orgasm.

“That’s it,” you told him. “Just like that.” His fingers curved and hit just the right spot to make you reach your climax, your back arching as you did so.

As soon as you came down from your high, Buck removed his fingers from you and turned you around to face him. He slowly brought his fingers covered in your slick up to his mouth and sucked on them, watching your face for your reaction.

His eyes darkened as he sucked on his fingers, licking them entirely clean and you watched him in shock, your cunt now a sopping wet mess. The final straw was when he slowly pulled them from his mouth and licked up the back of them, a devilish smirk making its way upon his face.

“Christ,” was all you were able to say and Buck stepped closer to you, grabbing you by the waist and pressing his lips to yours one more time. He slowly unzipped the jacket and you were getting more desperate for him the longer he took. You were just ready to let him have his way with you already. The jacket fell open and his eyes widened as he took in your naked body, part of it still hidden by the jacket, but the little taste was all he needed.

“Fuck,” he groaned. “I mean-“ he tried to come up with something more complimentary, but he couldn’t. You were perfect. The exact kind of woman that always appeared in his dreams.

“Fuck.” His voice was deep and raspy and you felt yourself slick run down your thighs because of how wet you were.

“Are you gonna stare at me all night, Buckley? Or are you going to fuck me?”

“The second one,” he replied, grabbing you by the jacket and pressing his lips to yours roughly. “Definitely the second one.”

“Good boy,” you replied and you both felt his cock tent in his pants as soon as the words left your mouth. That seemed to be the final straw to get him up and he was straight up desperate for you now.

You unbuttoned his pants and pulled them along with his underwear to the floor, his dick springing free as you did so. You felt your mouth water as you thought about what it would feel like in your mouth. But now wasn’t the time. You just needed him inside you.

His cock was leaking with precum and the only other man you had slept with had never looked like that before. Seeing Buck, you had come to realize that you were never the problem.

You grabbed onto Buck’s shoulders and pushed him onto the bed and took the condom from his hand, rolling it onto his cock before placing yourself on top of him, taking no time to roll your hips into his.

Your hands went to your shoulder as you rode him, watching him come undone underneath you, letting him be the one to be teased. His moans were absolutely intoxicating and you moved harder and faster to make him come completely undone and it worked.

“You feel so good, honey,” he moaned. “Look so pretty on top of me.”

“No, you’re the pretty one,” you complimented. “Love how you look underneath me, Buckley.” God, you were good. He had never slept with someone who could keep up with his game and he almost thought that you were better at it than he was.

“And I feel good. You feel so good.” You continued to ride him, going the hardest and fastest that you could and you watched his face, eating up just how much you were able to please him as he let out moan after moan.

You were nothing but pleased with yourself as you watched him come absolutely undone, eating up every last one of his moans as you leaned over him, pressing your lips to his. They moved together as you continued to ride him. You moved your lips to his cheek and down to his neck and he moved his head to the side to give you more access.

You peppered the spot with kisses, mixing in your tongue in with it, licking across the spot and just that alone was enough to make Buck lose his mind. Between both the feeling of your lips and the fact that you were riding him, it was so overstimulating, but he couldn’t have cared less. He was having the time of his life.

You began to suck on the skin and Buck let out gasp even though he had been very aware of what you were doing. Continued to ride him as you sucked on his neck and he couldn’t feel that he was close, but still wanted you to continue. He wanted you to mark him up good.

You grazed the skin with your teeth and he moaned again, his nails digging into your back as you did so. He scratched down your back and you gave the spot a full on bite, pulling a groan out of him.

“So fucking good,” he said and you sucked on the spot again, swiping your tongue along it to diffuse the sting and just as you were finishing marking him up, he reached completion and collapsed back to the mattress, letting out a loud sigh as you got off of him and cleaned yourself up while Buck disposed of the condom.

As soon as you were done, Buck pulled you back down onto the mattress, leaning over you. His hand reached for you and he lowered himself on top of you to press his lips to yours in a sweet kiss before rolling off of you. He turned off his lamp and bid you goodnight along with a kiss before the two of you drifted off to sleep.

———

A loud siren woke you up from your sleep and you turned over to find that Buck was still there, his back facing you. So it hadn’t all been a dream. You had actually slept with him and it wasn’t just a very real fantasy that you had been playing out in your head.

He turned over and a smile broke out on his face as he caught sight of you. That you had actually stayed the night. It always seemed that women liked to leave him right after the act so he was surprised that you were still there.

He smiled back at him and he moved closer, pulling you in for a kiss before rolling out of bed. You laid in bed, watching him get dressed, trying to find a way to ask him if he wanted to go for round two after he got off work, but you decided against it. Maybe you were just meant to only be a one night stand.

“Heading to work?”

“Unfortunately,” he sighed. If Buck had it this way, he would have the day off and had his way with you the entire day, only getting up to go to the bathroom or eat.

“Sure I can’t make you stay?” You asked, pulling down the blanket to reveal your bare breasts and Buck could drool pooling in his mouth as he thought about how much he wanted to suck on them.

“No,” he shook his head to wipe the thought away. Once he was dressed, he made his way over to you and tilted your chin up. “I really have to go. And you have unpacking to do,” he reminded you of what you had told him at the bar. He pressed a kiss to your lips and handed you your dress.

“Kicking me out, Buckley?” You asked as he helped you put your dress on before handing you your thong. You put it on and Buck helped you up from the bed before grabbing his duffel bag and jacket.

“No,” he replied. “Just thought you’d want to be dressed when you walked me to the door.”

The two of you descended the steps and he pulled you to the door, resting his hands on your waist as he did so. His blue eyes bored into yours and he leaned down and pressed another kiss to your lips.

“You’re more than welcome to stay here until I get back, but I know you have things to do, so we can end things here.”

“That would be the right thing to do,” you pursed your lips. “But fuck being right,” you grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and slotted your lips between his, taking no time to swipe your tongue along his bottom lip, causing him to pull away.

“Hey, that’s not fair,” he pointed at you and you just pulled him over to the staircase, attaching your lips to his.

“Life’s not fair, Buckley,” you told him as you led him up the stairs to go for round two.

Buck had been over an hour late to work and realized that he had a bunch of messages from the rest of the 118 asking where he was. Considering his shirt that was not buttoned correctly and his very kiss bitten lips, it was obvious what he had been up to.

He was met by Bobby when he entered the station and he let out a loud sight because he knew exactly what was coming and didn’t want to hear it. The others were nowhere to be found so he had no one to bail him out, so he was stuck listening to Bobby’s lecture.

“You’re late,” Bobby told him as he crossed his arms over his chest, like a parent who was scolding a child.

“I know, Bobby, and I’m sorry. Time got away from me.” Bobby eyed Buck’s shirt then looked back up at him.

“Clearly. Now don’t let it happen again.” With that, Bobby turned on his heel and headed up the stairs, leaving Buck alone.

Really? That was it? No lecture about how he had a responsibility to the 118? And what about the “new version” of himself that he was trying to become and wasn’t really making an effort since he had just slept with you?

Buck ascended the stairs and was met by the other members of the department turning to face him. They all knew why he was late and knew that he wouldn’t have been able to resist you. They just didn’t think that it would have lasted so that he would have been late to work.

“So, how’d it go?” Eddie asked as he sipped on a cup of coffee. Buck immediately wanted to make himself scarce because he was getting embarrassed. But he sat at the table anyway, the others joining him, wanting to hear about his night, but maybe not all of the details.

“Clearly very well,” Hen replied as she sat down to the left of Buck, spotting his very obvious hickey. She pulled his collar down to get a better look to which Buck pushed her hand away.

“Damn,” Chimney commented. “Guess that’s why you’re late, huh?”

“Sorry, I don’t remember this being any of your business and as close as we all are, I will never share my sex life with any of you.” As soon as he was done speaking, the alarm rang, causing them all to get up and race to the engine to answer a call, leaving the conversation for later. Much later if Buck could help it.

———

You and Scarlett arrived at Athena and Bobby’s right on time and the door opened, Bobby on the other side with a bright smile. He couldn’t have been more happy to see you. You were the only blood relation each other had and considering that your father was never around, Bobby had become one to you. And you were like a daughter to him and he was going to protect you no matter what he had to do to do so.

“There’s my girl,” he greeted, his arms open wide and he pulled you in for a tight hug, the both of you making up for lost time being wrapped up in each other’s arms.

“Uncle Robert,” you replied into his chest. “I missed you.”

“Missed you too, kiddo. Scarlett, get in here,” he waved her over and she joined the hug before the three of you pulled away.

“Come on in, there’s someone I want you to meet.” He led you over to a woman you could only assume was Athena. You had been nothing but happy for him that he had finally become himself again. He had gotten sober and even though he hadn’t fully healed from his guilt and grief, he was the happiest he had been in a long time and it warmed your heart to see that.

“It’s so lovely to meet you,” you told her and she was quick to pull you into a hug and you wrapped your arms around her in response.

“The feeling is very mutual,” she told you as she gave your back a light rub before pulling away. “You get in here too,” she gestured to Scarlett who she pulled in for a hug.

You looked at Athena and couldn’t have been more excited to meet the woman who made Bobby feel like Bobby again. From all of his texts and emails, it was clear that they were in love and that was what he had deserved after everything he had been through.

“And these are Athena’s children May and Harry and her ex-husband Michael.” They all received hugs as well and you were offered a drink as you waited for everyone else to arrive.

“The rest of 118 should be arriving soon and then we can eat,” Bobby announced. “I’m sure you must be hungry.”

“A little, but I’m fine,” you told him just as there was a knock on the door. Bobby ran to answer it and pretty soon, people were filing in.

Your heart warmed as you watched the living room filled with everyone your uncle had called family and you could help but feel honored that he had wanted you to meet them. That he wanted you all to get along and you sure that you would if Bobby liked them.

Your eyes looked over each person and you had to hold in your gasp as your eyes caught onto Evan. He was the “Buck” your uncle always talked about? He worked with your uncle? Your uncle was his boss and you had slept with him.

Buck’s eyes locked on yours and they widened as he went to approach you. What were you doing there? Who did you know that would have invited there? Unless…no. No way. You were Bobby’s niece?

[delicatebarness]

cry baby | chapter fifteen

Summary: Oh, hi!

Warning: No Bucky in this chapter.

Word Count: 833

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A/N: The gif may be Bucky, but, he isn't actually in this chapter. DON'T LOOK AT THE TAGS IF YOU DON'T WANT SPOILERS. Please feel free to leave feedback or let me know where and how you want the story to continue, this is just as much yours as it is mine. - B

Tags: @buckys0whore | @thezombieprostitute | @lanabuckybarnes | @mishkatelwarriorgoddess | @softieekayy | @noonespecial90 | @hello-therree | @randomawesomeperson102 | @whoreforbarnes | @thejutvtsupport | @somnorvos | @cjand10 | @plasticbottleholder | @birdenthusiastez

You received a smile in return, and crinkles appeared at the corner of his eyes. “Hi,” he said softly. After another moment of silence, a brief calmness from the morning rush, it felt like time had slowed down. “Are you alright?” he asked. 

“Yeah…” you trailed, a little breathless. “I’m just running late. I was supposed to meet, un, a friend for coffee.” 

He looked at his watch and then back at you. “Well, I, un, I was on my way to get coffee too.” he reached a hand up, running it through his hair. “I was going to ask if you wanted to join me. Call it even for nearly knocking you over?”

You hesitated, taking a deep breath you thought it over quickly. “I guess that could work. I’m sure my friend will understand…” you trailed off, looking down at your phone, looking at the time. 

He grinned, extending his hand to gesture to the way he was walking, “Sounds like a plan.” 

He led the way to a nearby cafe, and as you settled into a cozy corner table, you found yourself thinking about the bar coffee. A smile spreads across your face as the memories of Mr Howlett making it exactly how you liked it. 

“So, what do you do?” you asked as he sat in the chair opposite you, handing you your order. 

“I’m a photographer,” he said, his eyes lighting up as he began to speak about his job. “I mostly do freelance work, but I’m currently helping out at the newspaper. What about you?” 

You shared a bit about your job and your sketches. He listened intently, nodding and asking thoughtful questions that made you feel heard. 

As the conversation flowed, you felt a connection with him. He was easy to talk to, for the first time in a fortnight, you felt at ease. 

~

You sat alone at the table, waiting for him to return from the bathroom. You decided to take this moment to send a message to Natasha and Wanda. Bring up your group chat, you quickly drafted a message before hitting send. 

“Do we know this person? Peter Parker? I met him a few hours ago and want to make sure he’s not another Walker.”

Before you could even set your phone down, it buzzed with a response from Natasha. 

Nat: We haven’t heard of him before, do you want us to ask the guys?

Quickly, you replied: NO. 

A sense of urgency rushed through you as Peter returned to the table. You quickly pocketed your phone, wanting to get back to the pleasant conversation. Just as you engaged back in the small talk, your phone buzzed again.

You tried to remain composer as you discreetly retrieved your phone, glancing at the screen. Another message from the group chat, this time it was from Wanda.

Wanda: Find out more about him, and we’ll help you figure it out.

You smiled at your phone, a rush of gratitude for their support, as Peter continued to chat animatedly about his photography. Pocketing your phone again, you found yourself drawn into his passion and enthusiasm. Lost in the moment, you couldn’t help but smile. You realized how effortlessly the conversation flowed. 

As the hours passed and the cafe began to empty, you wished that time would stop. 

At some point, you managed to reply to Natasha and Wanda but hadn’t thought about your phone since then. The reality of the outside began to creep back, and you reluctantly realized it was time to part ways. 

Bidding farewell to Peter, you exchanged numbers and promised to meet again soon. You walked away from the cafe with a sense of hope. 

~

As you settled into the comfort of your living room, you found yourself unable to contain the giddy excitement. Alpine jumped up and snuggled into your lap as you reached for your phone. With Peter’s number saved, you couldn’t resist the urge to text him. 

Fingers danced across the screen, typing out your message to him. “Hey, Peter! 😊I just wanted to say that I had a lovely time today. Can’t wait to do it again!”

You held your breath as you pressed send. The minutes ticked as you waited anxiously for his response. Just as you were about to give up hope, a notification lit up your screen. “Hey! 😄 I had an amazing time! Let’s definitely meet up again soon!” 

A grin spread across your face, a rush of butterflies fluttering in your stomach. Unable to contain your excitement, you clutched your phone to your chest, giggling like a teenager. 

Alpine’s warm presence added to the cozy atmosphere which amplified your sense of contentment. With the new energy coursing through you, you quickly typed another message. Your finger practically flying across the screen. 

Lost in a flurry of texts, you hardly noticed the time. And, before you knew it, the night had slipped away. The soft light of the morning sun peeked through the curtains.

---

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