NYC Public Service Announcement:
I love living NewYork City. Yes it has its share of problems but it works and somehow continues to maintain the tension that Hamilton believed in when he helped design the “Empire State.” The tension between free market capitalism and governmental regulations that allowed all people to have social opportunities. New York City is a functioning meritocracy, where those who have the will to succeed, regardless of their social standing, can.
But for this to happen NYC needs to have a slightly different cultural experience than the rest of the nation. We need to be more fast-paced and less emotionally connected to the past in order to always look to the future. Because of this we urban New Yorkers do need have a different culture. And it is good for us to enlighten our tourist community regarding this.
What Johnny T from Glove&Boots offers here are basic rules for visiting the NYC. His ongoing reference to staying away from the weekday hours of 4pm to 6pm is absolutely essential if you in any downtown area, you will just get stressed out along with the rest of us and God help you if you are driving.
I will add my own PSA advice below:
Temporal and Communal etiquette: the basic lesson here is to ask all people to try to understand and respect our sense of time and relationships. Time is money, quite literally. To understand your way in the city means embracing the way we operate with our use of time and relationships.
Don’t Stop - in the rest of the country and especially in rural areas I’ve noticed that people wave to each other and sometimes stop for a chat. On the weekend we may stop and chat after church, at work, or certainly at a gathering. You will never see us wave from a car unless we are signaling you to pass. We are relational but you will notice that we will leave it up to organizing our get together through social media. If you stop and chat during the week there should be a point and if not then we will find it odd.
Be Organized - when you go shopping, or go to an event, or have an appointment/errand, be organized. Have your documents or coupons ready. If you notice a large queue you need to know that both the people on the line and the service provider/clerk is going to be attentive to their time because that is how we roll.
Get to the Point - ask direct questions. When looking for a service or even asking directions none of us have time to hear your life story, we don’t need to know the context. Just get to the point and tell us what you absolutely need to know and we will help you if we can.
Be Determined - Something that will help you be safe is to be determined. Know where you are going ahead of time and get to the location you are going with an air of determination and purpose. Act like you don’t have time for anything else. When troublemakers in the city see you acting like you belong they tend not to bother you or even ask you for money. Unless you are truly interested with what solicitors have to say ignore them (they will not take offense). Beggars and troublemakers prey on out of towners because they can. Don’t be disrespectful about it, just don’t engage. I use the simple line “I’m good” when I am approached and that ends it right there.
We Do Curse - So unlike the rest of the country and certainly the so-called "bible-belt" saying curse words does not mean breaking the second commandment. A vulgarity for us is an exclamation point to help highlight a concern or safety issue with you. We need to do this to communicate the way we feel about something that we think you should know. If I say "How are you?" I actually don't care, just say hi or good because I actually don't care. If on the other hand I say "How the Hell are you?" Then I really want to know how you are doing and expect to know if everything is ok or not. When we curse it is often (though not always) out of concern for you. What I mean by that is we are basically telling you to get out of the way or wondering if you are ok but we state it with enough aggression to also communicate that your action has annoyed us in the moment. Truthfully, this is 50% of the times when we curse. The other 50% of the time is just because your action pissed us off something awful.
Driving etiquette: There is a difference in how we drive based on the temporal/communal culture. This is especially true in traffic but in general these rules apply.
We will honk. This is the way our car curses. We use our car’s honker for notify you that something isn't right. In some ways you can think of it as a safety measure (like the way we curse). We need you to know that you are causing a hazard that may result in an accident and you need to react. If you here a car horn while driving be aware of your surroundings. When you are at a light that turns green I will give you five seconds and if there is no activity I will inform you that the light has turned.
Use your blinker and turn it off when you’re done. For us the city blinker etiquette is crucial. If you are turning use your damn blinker. If you are not turning down not have your blinker on. It’s very simple but evidently not that obvious. We will honk and curse at you if demonstrate blinker ineptitude.
Use the zipper method religiously. If you are merging come in, go towards the end of the acceleration lane (unless by some miracle no one is on the first lane) and zipper your way in. If you do this intentionally and quickly no one will get pissed off. Do not stop and wait for someone to let you in. If we see you hesitate we will just pass you.
Slow cars need to GTF out of the left lane! While this is normal driving rules I emphasize this because it’s also a safety issue for us in the city. We will honk at you because again that is what we do. We cannot abide you having a joy ride on the fast lane.
Make Every Space Count. Space is sacred for us. In Traffic you should not have a large space in front of you. If you do, then you need to go to the right lane because you are not able to utilize the left. If you do, we may honk but the good drivers will swerve and go in front of you. On the streets, we will know how to squeeze into space (because of our parking situation) so we will squeeze next to you and know our car size to an exact science, don’t be worried.
Scratches, so what. My car has a number of scratches and dings, that’s just par for the course. If you have a fancy car do not park it on the street. Incidentally, close your side mirror just to be safe.
Parking is an art. If you’re a first timer driving make sure you have planned for parking. For us who live here parking is indeed an art because again, we know how to make every space count. But this a talent you must learn. Practice in large spaces but it will amaze you when you learn how tight you can maneuver your car and New Yorkers who see this fine talent will quietly admire you for it.
Ignore assholes. Believe it or not, we have people who are just plain assholes in NYC and sometimes even good people can become a temporary asshole at times. But assholes are those who are complete jackasses and because of their personal insecurities they need to display unnecessary aggression or driving stupidity. My advice, leave them alone because they may be unstable. Try to be aware of their license plate if possible in case anything happens. But also look out for police silently chasing them and feel a deep sense of satisfaction knowing they will soon be fucked.
Take a seat. If there are seats even next to a stranger take it. This is public rail, you don’t have to know the person you are sitting next to you and we do not want you to talk to us so don’t feel like you need to. If something is on the seat that was left behind get rid of it and sit (unless it’s wet). Incidentally, a seat is for one person, DO NOT put your crap on another seat! Put your stuff by your feet. Do not feel like you can do that because we will move it for you. Do not decide to recline and use another seat unless you are (or pretend to be) mentally ill or homeless. That is the only reason we will leave you alone.
Be attentive to space. Go to the middle of the car. Do not walk in and stay by the door (unless the car is virtually empty). If it is congested go to the middle and make room for others. If you’re standing keep your hand on a pole but don’t feel like you can lean on it. Everyone has the right to use these. Be attentive to space and move accordingly (without grumbling) when people need to get on or get off.
Stand on safe places. When waiting for the subway on the platform stand on a safe place. Go towards the middle where the MTA has a black and white striped board on the top of the platform, that is where the conductor is so it’s a safer place. I stand to the back on the wall of the stairs so that no one bothers me. Always be aware of your surroundings.
Do not stop on the stairs during rush hour or any other time! I mean come one, for us commuters this is common sense. You see a crowd of commuters going up the stairs with you, do not block traffic by doing something trivial. Obviously if you are with an elderly or child or in any way disabled we understand but to check your phone, oh hell no!
Do your own thing but don’t be loud. If you are with your own group of course you can talk to each other, but even then try to be subdued about it. The train ride is your own personal space and time. A great time to pray or read or play a phone game. Where your air pods and listen to whatever you want. But we get annoyed by someone breaking the silence with their own loud music or loud conversations. Don’t do it.
Ignore the mentally challenged. The homeless community uses the train because they need to. We commuters can often identify them and we leave them alone. Some will have a certain smell that will automatically repulse most people but if you develop a tolerance you will be rewarded with a nice seat. When they start talking in their funny way then your best bet is to ignore them. That also holds true about preachers or anyone who feels like bringing up a political opinion, ignore them.
Be polite but determined. Say “excuse me” and “thank you” regarding moving about in the train or getting to a seat. But once you say that if the other person doesn’t respond be determined to get to your place.
Be conscious of your own items. If you have a bike or stroller we know that is par for the course but just be mindful of these things in cramped spaces. Do not block doors in any way and keep it clear by putting it next to a pole. Again, do not place your items on seats.
These are my own PSA for New Yorkers and tourist who are attempting to navigate our city. Like Johnny T says, it’s a great city and I hope you visit it and experience the beauty of our great city. But just know that our culture is a bit uniques and perhaps understand how we do things and why we do what do.
