Lets talk about projection
Projection is a name i use when a person project themselves on a relationship or a character in order to comfort or indoor a hard emotion more easily. Now, as a person that does that quiet sometimes, I canât tell if the projection itself is a healthy or a toxic coping mechanism, but i do know that it can lead to some toxic results.
1) Expectations. When we project ourselves on a character, we creat an ideal picture of how things should be. Because it is way easier to understand and see what we want and need in a fictional character rather than in a real person (also because things look different from the side) we develop high standards and appreciation for them, what makes us feel more attached to them. By having this attached connection, we cut connections with people in our life, they canât reach those high expectations we built, and we find ourselves disappointed in others.
2) Patterns. When we project ourselves on a character or a relationship, we try to find similarities with that character so we could feel like weâre receiving the help and the comfort theyâre getting, like weâre in their place. So we search for behaviours in these character and print them on our daily life to mach ourselves to them. We feel like if weâll be more like them, we could have what theyâre having (this all works for oc to, we still make up a character to be like and / what we think the other side would like in that character) . This could be dangerous for three reasons, all falling in the same definition i call âpatternsâ:
A. With all due respect to anime and tv shows, theyâre not realistic (most of the time, especially anime. Sorry) as much as the writers try to creat a realistic character, theyâre not always spot on, the writer still need their character to get somewhere and contribute to the story somehow, and sometimes it can come on the expense of the characterâs reliability. The problem is that mocking these not realistic behaviours in real life isnât going to work, think about being with a person who build their role model on someone who act differently than they should in real life, it can creat holes in our human interaction, and even develop a toxic and manipulative behaviour.
B. Some of the characterâs actions, are motive by their past trauma. This affect their patterns of behaviour and naturally, makes them act differently than most people will, usually for the worst ( not that i want to discriminate people with trauma, ofc) when we act like a person whoâve been through trauma when we havenât, its toxic. We have to remember that trauma is a bad experience, that bring behaviours and coping mechanisms to deal with that bad experience how it had affected us. Mocking that, especially when we havenât been through that experience and it havenât affected us, canât be good. Its also very confusing, its like trying to take a medicine for a disease we dont have.
C.it just makes us like ourselves less. Usually, trying to copy others behaviours or characteristic, just doesnât work. These patterns are a result of experiences, environment and many other things, we cant really copy something that mold into us for years. Trying to do so, and probably failing, will get us frustrated and angry at ourselves for not being able to be like them, what makes us like who we are less ( again, when we feel like we need to be more like them to have what theyâre having, we feel like the problem is with us, weâre not like them enough, if we would, then maybe we would have had what we needed already).
I am not saying any of that trying to shame anyone or out of arrogance, i am no better đ and i donât think that respecting someone and wanting to be like them is wrong, there are just some lines we shouldnât cross. I also donât think that the coping mechanism is essentially bad, its a coping mechanism, like all the others it exist and people use it for a reason, these are just some notes thar are important to remember.
Obviously i am not a real resource, these are my assumptions and this is something that Iâve been thinking of for a while, Iâd love to hear what you think.
Also Iâm here if you need to talk or vent
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