Hello lovely

Fluent in sarcasm and addicted to cereal

[dankmemeuniversity]

[wwwaaalllllp]

From @emma-d-klutz

[tiralatele]

[itwashotwestayedinthewater]

this is the biggest plot twist of our generation

[ruelukas22]

I thought there was no way he could come out of that looking like a winner and he proved me wrong so hard

[holdtightposts]

So long, Geralt of Rivia.

Welcome, Gerry by the River.

[passionpeachy-deactivated202312]

I think it’s funny that boomers see “50% of marriages end up on divorce” as a decline of society and love itself. I’m sorry I don’t see the traditional custom of women being forced to stay in a miserable marriage with the dude they married at 15 a huge loss. now smash that like button if you love #divorce and want to make that 50% a 100%

[256x224-deactivated20240130]

if you read this you’re gay

[squeakitties]

[nosebleedclub]

What do you believe in now?

[moldpuppy]

self preservation through love

[sleepdopesmoker]

chupacapra

[guillotinedream]

Chupacabra as well

[roach000fister-remade-deactivat]

[frostedicebells]

“And I don’t think anybody should feel bad if they get diagnosed with a mental illness, ’cause it’s just information about you that helps you to know how to take better care of yourself.

“Being bipolar, there’s nothing wrong with it. Being bipolar is like not knowing how to swim. It might be embarrassing to tell people, and it might be hard to take you certain places. But they have arm floaties. And if you just take your arm floaties, you can go wherever the hell you want.

“And I know some of you are like, ‘But Taylor, what if people judge me for taking arm floaties?’ Well, those people don’t care if you live or die, so maybe who cares? Maybe fuck those people a little. I don’t know.”

Taylor Tomlinson, Look At You (2022)

[jessebloom]

i hate when top wildlife predators are just lil babies teeny tiny babies

[tehriz]

weird pet confessions:

sometimes i feel bad that my default greeting for my roommates’ tuxedo cat is “hi handsome!” 

i feel like i should greet him according to his accomplishments or achievements

but in my defense he is very cute, always well-dressed, and has literally no thoughts in his tiny kitten head

[tehriz]

one time a moth was flying around the lamp and he scared it away but couldn’t tell where it had gone so he just stared at the lamp like this the entire rest of the night expecting it to produce more moths

[soggywarmpockets]

If/when you have children please let them (as soon as they're able) pick the theme of their birthday parties.

The girl who used to do my hair let her toddler pick the theme of her 3rd birthday and she chose Target. Like, the store. So everything was red and white and covered in bullseyes and I'm just so full of joy looking at the pictures on Facebook right now because it is obvious that this little girl is having the time of her life and that her parents put so much love and creativity into making the decorations and cupcakes.

Children will come up with some of the best and most fascinating ideas if you let them.

[asortoflight]

A former coworker told me her daughter chose a retirement themed 6th birthday party, so they had a whole bunch of decorations that said "happy retirement" etc. and I was like Jess your daughter is an absolute icon

[soggywarmpockets]

This child is BRILLIANT. I love this so much.

[neat-deadandlive-things]

My partner: Takes me to a beautiful beach at sunset with his family.

Me: "Look! Algae mustache!"

Can't take a phychologist anywhere nice.

[mac-3-impact]

Try “psychologist” instead. Spelling counts people…learn how or look it up in the dictionary for a change

[neat-deadandlive-things]

Hi there, @mac-3-impact !

A phycologist (with an H) is someone who studies algae.

I am a phycologist (with an H) because I study algae. That's why me putting algae on my face is the joke!

Glad to be part of your learning journey today.

[anarchapella]

Unpopular opinion: not everything that makes you uncomfortable is bad. Sometimes discomfort means your worldview is being challenged. It’s okay to sit with discomfort and think about where it’s coming from.

[quasi-normalcy]

#Frankly some of you need to be uncomfortable more often#Me too probably idk

[howelljenkins]

when i was in fourth grade i was in the gifted program and they let us go to the library more often which meant we had more chances to take the accelerated reader tests and get points and whoever reached a certain threshold got to go to chuck e. cheese so i‘d go around asking ppl i knew had a hard time reading what their logins were and sneak in to take tests for them so they could go to chuck e. cheese too. i got caught and they didn’t let me go to chuck e. cheese but it was worth it fuck you

[howelljenkins]

that’s why we all need to LIE and CHEAT

[chuck-e-cheese-official]

We love your heroics! We’re gonna deal with whoever caught you.

[howelljenkins]

CHUCK E CHEESE OFFICIAL??

[ramyeongif]

[anais-ninja-bitch]

get outta town! that is the niftiest thing i've seen all year.

[hoenursey]

[rabidlitmajor]

Noooo don't get a tattoo it's so permanent blah blah blah my tattoo is whatever I want it to be and today it's an octopus

[whitepeopletwitter]

Jeremy a legend