Okay, so- hey, hey! Stop with the screaming, youโre gonna wake people up! Shut up! If I wanted you dead, youโd be dead. Listen for a minute, already.
I was just minding my own-
I am so serious right now. If you wake Bob up, you wonโt like what I do. Heโs not young, these days, he needs his rest.
Anyway. I was minding my own business. I was a fairly young mimic, Iโd just really sort of settled into my first good morph. When youโre really young, freshly spawned, you sort of rotate through things, and you donโt quite get it right, most of the time.
Itโs like learning how to walk for people, I think. Youโre small, you donโt quite know what youโre doingโฆ itโs a whole thing.
And I went chair. Now, thatโs very exciting. Chairs arenโt a common mimic morph. For whatever reason- the gods? who knows?- most mimics end up containers. Trunks, chests, drawers, wardrobes, I had a cousin who was a barrel.
Chair, though, thatโs good, though. No barbarian is gonna poke through your insides looking for loose change if youโre a good sturdy wooden chair. You might get sat on, but, heck, weโre pretty sturdy as a species. No big deal. And, honestly, easier to get some food.
Wha- no, we donโt eat people. We donโt eat flesh, thatโs gross. We absorb magic. Itโs why we tend to spawn in dungeons, lots of magic there. Though I pity the poor mimic clans that end up in a necromancer dungeon. Ugh.
Most adventurers have magic items on them, you absorb a little energy and get sat on for a bit, no big deal, easy meal. And you get a little variety in your diet, win for everybody.
Sure, we kill people from time to time. But let me ask you this: If you were just at home, minding your own business, and some big guy with no neck bristling with swords came along, bust into your house, walked into your room, and reached into one of your orifices to find valuables, you might take averse to that, donโt you think? Itโs not like people donโt know about mimics. Take a little care, you know?
Anyway, I was still pretty young. Iโd just settled into my morph. And this guy comes along and, you guessed it, no neck, bristling with swords. And he claps eyes on me and just stops, and stares, and I was like- kinda panicking, right? Iโm thinking I messed up the morph, and heโs clocked me and now Iโm gonna have to fight this guy.
And then he nudges his buddy and says โHey, hey Jim, ainโt that the most beautiful chair youโve ever seen in your life?โ
And Jimโs like โyeah itโs a nice chair so what?โ and Bob- thatโs the guy with no neck- he says โno, look at it! itโs gorgeous!โ
I tell you, if I coulda blushed, Iโd have been cherry red from top to bottom. When you first start to settle into a morph, you feel a little self-conscious, you know? Youโre just starting to figure yourself out, and someone comes along and just says the nicest things. And he went on for a while. I was so flattered, best day of my life, aside from my first spawning.
Jim says โwell just bring the damn thing! we have shit to do!โ so Bob does! Just picks me up and straps me to his back, and off we went.
And I went lots of interesting places, met some interesting people. I even ended up doing the watch at night a couple of times. Because Jim, sometimes he has this thing where he just falls asleep, he canโt help it, itโs not his fault. I had to help them out a couple of times. I was fond of the guy, you know? And most mimics donโt get to be part of adventuring parties, itโs just not done, so it was really neat to feel like I was a part of things.
Jim and Bob and their buddy Wade, they end up saving the kingdom, and they all go their separate ways. Bob went back to his home village- thatโs here- bought a building, put me in the middle, and said โthis is gonna be my tavernโ. He hangs up his magical weapons around the bar- donโt bother with that, buddy, that glass is tougher than your ax, I promise.
Anyway, Iโve got plenty to eat. I even spawned a couple of times, helped fill out the place. I figure, save him a little money, I start my own clan, and thereโs plenty of ambient magic to go around, the place is lively, better than some manky old dungeon any day, right?
Bob, he never quite figured it out. I think Jim was onto me, but Bob- heโs not bright. But heโs just the nicest guy, you know? Heโs always got a kind word for someone. Heโll give you the shirt off his back. If you show up here hungry with no money, he feeds you, and often heโll make sure you get some place to sleep and a job, if youโre looking. Everybody loves Bob.
And I really like people, thatโs something I figured out about myself. I like the atmosphere here, too, thereโs always new stories to hear. Iโve learned a lot, over the years, Iโll tell you what.
Now Bob, heโs not young anymore, and his kids well- theyโre not the adventuring sort, as I think you have already sussed out. But they donโt need to fight, you know? Thatโs not the kinda life they need to lead.
So, bearing all that in mind, hereโs the deal. You got two options. One- put everything down- nice and easy, mind- and leave, lock the door behind you, and this never happened. No harm, no foul.
Orโฆ you can find out just how many times Iโve spawned.
Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this one and want to help support me, hereโs a link to my ko-fi! If like this story and you want to read more, here is my masterpost, currently updated with all of my tumblr ficlets.
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