a chronic overthinker

🌼Lonely most of the time 🌼Broken and won't ask for help 🌼Living in the rainbow of chaos

[loonydaisy]

It's my 10 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[yurikoprastiyo]

Saat jatuh hati seringkali kita kehilangan diri sendiri. Justru saat patah hati seringkali kita menemukan diri sendiri.

[memendam-rindu]

Dan hari ini kami putus 🥺 rasanya menyedihkan dan hampir membuatku gila ketika harus menahan jari-jariku untuk tidak mengiriminya pesan 🥺 apakah aku mampu terus menahan diri dan kami akan putus selamanya?

Sedih rasanya, masalahnya ada di dia sementara dia juga tidak memintaku untuk bertahan 🥺

[nazilaaa04]

Mas, tau ngga? Kenapa aku setega itu memutuskanmu?

Ya, karena aku menyadari, bahwa aku benar-benar ingin dicintai, dan aku tidak mendapatkannya darimu,

Aku tau persis bahwa aku hanya alat untuk mencapai ambisimu, menikah. Makanya, aku memutuskan untuk tidak melanjutkannya.

Kata² manis yang kau ucapkan menjadi hambar perlahan, karena memang jiwamu tidak hadir di dalamnya.

Karena itu, selamat, atas perempuan barumu. Semoga kali ini kau benar-benar tulus mencintainya.

[prettywallflwer]

Aku pernah berlama-lama berteman dengan sepi sambil sesekali menanyakan kapan datangnya ramai. Aku pernah berlama-lama berteman dengan sendiri walau ada kalanya aku mencuri-curi doa supaya didatangkan seseorang. Sampai kemudian, waktu seakan menjawab keduanya. Kukira, ini juga akan berlama-lama. Nyatanya, semesta hanya benar-benar mengizinkan mereka datang pada kehidupanku bukan untuk menetap. Aku kembali teringat pintaku yang demikian. Pada sisa-sisa waktu kebersamaan tersebut berakhir, ada sesak yang berkuasa, diiringi rasa tak rela, lalu menahan isak air mata

P

[haleyincarnate]

I’ll meet you in another life, okay?

[despondentbeauty]

In another universe, you stayed.

— In this one, you didn’t and it ruined me.

[loonydaisy]

[loonydaisy]

I love you but it's time to let go. I'm in pain but you don't even care.

[britkunoichi92]

Now more than ever, I realise love doesn't exist. Family doesn't exist.

I have always been alone. I was born alone and I will die alone. I will never understand why love and romance and family is made to be the pinnacle of existence.

My mother and I had an argument yesterday. She accused me of being abusive and foul mouthed. Texting me as to how I'm the bad guy because I get angry abd tell her about the bullshit she's put me through. She never apologises, even though she claims she did. She accused me of ruining Christmas(?) Maybe because fsr I didn't buy fucking potatoes fsr? And then she says she's worried about something but that doesn't condone this shit.

One time she gave me the silent treatment for three days, then suddenly came out of her room and saud: "I'm sorry I said those things, I was off my meds." My response: "Umm, I appreciate the apology, but what does being off your meds have to do with screaming abuse at me?" "No, I said that because you're an awful, vile person!!" And I can't move out because I'm a jobless loser who can't afford shopping, let alone a house.

I'm not an angry or confrontational person. My mother is emotionally immature.

I have never been a woman or a human being. Success does not exist for someone like me. Not all of us stand a chance. Abandoned physically by a so called father I've never had, told all my life how abusive he was to my mother, and being the shy, anxious, sensible and obedient child who could never do anything right, no matter how hard I tried.

I failed my GCSEs. I can't get a job, or a house. I never learnt to ride a bike or a car. Maybe I've always been scared. I'm not like other women. I'm still a child. Raised by a selfish, neglectful, demanding, gaslighting, word twisting, immature and irresponsible alcoholic.

I gave up on all this "life" stuff years ago. Even when I was a child. Reading, books, martial arts and writing is the only thing I know how to do. Talent doesn't exist for me.

I am alive, I am alone.

[unwelcome-ozian]

[unwelcome-ozian]

[loonydaisy]

I don't know how much more pain I can handle. It hurts so much and I really don't think anything is gonna get better

[loonydaisy]

I often accuse people of leaving me but I am always the one telling them to go

when he leaves you - Michaela Angemeer

[nostalgiaishere]

[loonydaisy]

[loonydaisy]

♥ https://www.instagram.com/p/B7gZXUFnPbd/?igshid=16f3w36r1bn1y