All the day you see the smile on my face
less thing that walks when told
I feel the spark inside me slowing
and look at the floor and try to open the door
but everytime I feel like I do it’s not enough.
I see all the people in my life always wanting stuff
more more more more they say but all day everyday
supposed to be no problem but inside I callin foul
and then it finally comes out
and I scream and yell and holler and think
what’s the point of trying with these people it’s the same old story
“I’m sorry you feel that way”
“I’m sorry for making you think that”
never though in truth and I become
that anytime someone is actually “hey how are you” I doubt it
and ask them with venom “what do you want from me”
and I can’t speak sincerely
because for most those are loaded thoughts like
“I don’t care but do this for me” then when it happens I feel like
a shallow creature with faceless features unseen
but when I make myself known
see only the anger I portray
“leave me alone” but I can’t
and it’s bad cause then I’m mad
and words spoken in anger are not healthy
so I try to bottle the rage and give the beast inside a cage
but then I slowly feel numb and dumb and like a young child who threw a tantrum
like maybe it’s my fault for wanting, needing
so I feel like a failure but I’m trying to be better
to not assume the worst in others
cause I know that they care
I slow my roll and I see the
Situation from a different explanation
And trying to dispel the frustration
With this current obligation
That I do all I can with little to no hesitation
And I am getting better at being better
And so I just hope to say it’s not all grey but I’ll take life day to day
this came out of me in frustation and misunderstanding. it helped calm me down
