The Maul show making me realize I could NOT be a member of the Shadow Collective.
Not because it’s dangerous, not because of crime, not even because of Darth Maul and his whole “I monologue instead of communicating” situation. No. It’s because I would be getting HIT from EVERY DIRECTION.
I’m bisexual. This is attacking me on ALL fronts. Like imagine clocking in. You just got your caf. You’re ready to have a normal, terrible day in a crime syndicate. Then you got-
A./ Zabrak men who are all 6’4+, covered in tattoos, built like they were personally handcrafted by the concept art team to ruin lives
B./ Mandalorian women in full armor just EXISTING like that, moving around like walking legends
C./ Mandalorian men ALSO in armor, because why not, let’s just make it worse
D./ Darth Maul HIMSELF, WALKING around like that is normal. Like excuse me?? Why is the most emotionally unstable man in the room ALSO serving face, posture, VOICE??? Pick a struggle. You cannot be terrifying AND hot. That is against several galactic laws.
Everyone is enormous. I'm like 5"2 at BEST. I am fighting for my life just to be SEEN.
The absolute AUDACITY of this environment to expect productivity. You want REPORTS??? In THESE CONDITIONS???
I just know I would try to contribute to a discussion and it would immediately go wrong. I’d be like “I think we should reconsider the logistics—” and then someone leans down slightly to hear me better and that’s it. I’m gone. Spirit left my body. I have nothing left to give this organization. Call me Alderaan cause nothing is left of my brain.
Also NO ONE in there is normal about ANYTHING. Everyone is either silent, brooding, armored, or delivering a speech like they’re in the final act of a tragedy. Like, pop off Shakespeare I guess???? I would be in the corner thinking about how I have not had a sweet treat in hours and I am being visually overwhelmed from every possible angle by beautiful people.
The Mandalorians girlies alone would be enough to end me. You’re telling me I have to coexist with women in full armor moving around like that, confident, terrifying, competent, and I’m supposed to maintain eye contact and coherent speech???? Be FOR REAL BESTIE-
I am experiencing a severe lack of dessert and an overwhelming abundance of intimidating hot people. Fix it. I am simply too small for the narrative being presented to me-
I would need constant resuscitation
