J: 6) “Hey, hey, calm down, they can’t hurt you anymore.” (Tony and Mia)
Omg, this came out so not what I had planned but it gives a bit more insight into the mental states of these two. For the love of all that’s holy please look at the warnings before proceeding and do so with caution.
Warnings: Discussions of rape and unintentional rape (it’s explained more in the story but that’s the best way to describe it)
It was a couple weeks before Renata and Cosima were due to make the move to New York to live with the rest of the family. Tony and Mia were hanging out in the lab, not really feeling up to the company of the others at the moment due to Clint’s overprotectiveness and Angelo’s attempts at getting Tony alone, but they were content to quietly work on a few projects they had going; being alone together for safety and sanity.
At the moment, they were taking a break, snuggled together dozing on the new futon Mia had talked Tony into putting in the lab for such occasions. It was easier with Mia’s growing belly and lagging energy to have something close by when she needed to rest and also made hiding easier for Tony when he didn’t want to leave the sanctuary of his lab but needed to crash. It was peaceful, until Tony started whimpering and talking in his sleep.
“N-no, n-no, no… please don't… I’ll be good, get you whatever you want. It hurts… No, No, n…”
Mia blinked awake as he pushed against her, weakly trying to escape the slight hold she had around his shoulders, head on her chest. Tony whimpered, shaking as he begged whoever he was seeing in his head not to do whatever it was they were doing. “Tony, hey it’s Mia, wake up,” she gently tried to shift him off incase he got violent.
Suddenly he shot up, eyes wide as he looked around, “don’t… fuck!” Tony panted as he saw where he was, not seeing Mia as she moved slightly away, wanting to do something to help him, but knowing she needed to make sure he wasn’t going to accidently hurt her before going closer.
“Tony,” Mia asked quietly, “are you with me?”
Slowly, he turned to look at her, “M-mia..?”
“Yeah, you’re here in the lab with me. It’s just us and the bots, nobody else.” She assured him, her heart breaking for the shivering, frightened man beside her.
“I-I’m here… not… god…” Tony covered his face with his hands, scrubbing them over as he continued to tremble, “I… I…” he couldn’t continue.
“Hey, hey, calm down, they can’t hurt you anymore.” Mia continued to talk, using a low, gentle voice, “nobody will hurt you here.”
He gave a mirthless laugh, “now, but I still get hurt when I’m not with you. It’s still happening, maybe less people at times, but it’s still happening and I can't…”
Biting her lip, Mia nodded knowing a little of what was going on between him and her brother. It wasn’t fair that Tony kept finding himself people that used his body for their own agendas.
“Y-you know what it’s like, right?” He looked at her, desperation in his voice and on his face. “You know what it’s like to be trapped, unable to say no because if you do then someone else would get hurt and you’d rather take that pain on yourself than see anyone else go through it. You know what it’s like to be used, feeling filthy afterwards because of what was done to you that you couldn’t stop no matter how hard you tried to fight. The feeling that it’s inevitable and your worth just might be what those people tell you it is, that you’re nothing more than the holes they fill and the sick pleasure they take from your body because what other value could your life have when it keeps coming back to that every time.”
Mia reached a hand out, giving him the choice for physical comfort, “I do.”
Tony shook his head moving to the other end of the futon, pulling his legs up in front of him like a shield between them, “I can’t right now, thanks for the offer.”
“Okay,” she understood where he was coming from. There were days Mia couldn’t stand to have her husband touch her if the memories were bad enough so she wasn’t going to force Tony into anything. “I know how it is for me…”
“How do you do it Mia? How do you deal with that? I know you have more than just that part to deal with, but how can you let Clint touch you like that without thinking about…”
“Not that I ever told him, but as much as I wanted him in bed, I had to force myself to let him sleep with me more than a few times.” She admitted quietly, “I had been so conditioned to not stop anyone that I just let him go until he was done then made an excuse to go to the bathroom until I could stand to be around him again without my skin crawling. You think I could tell him that I didn’t want to, but it’s not so easy when your mind is still telling you that it’s better not to fight. That it’s his right as your husband to take you whenever he wants because if you don’t, well then he’ll either just take it anyway or leave you for not being the woman he remembers.”
Mia hung her head, looking miserable after the confession. Tony just looked at her out of the corner of his eye, horrified at what he heard.
“You mean to tell me that you’ve basically been letting him ra..”
“No!” Mia cut him off with a shout. “Clint would never. I just don’t tell him the truth. It’s my fault, not his. I’m the one that lets him, if I told him to stop, I know he would. Please don’t tell him, it would kill him to think he hurt me like that. It’s all my fault for not stopping him, please Tony…”
“You’ll tell your therapist about it. Maybe talk to him about not letting it happen again. Mia that is so not right on so many levels and coming from me is saying something.” hearing that made Tony temporarily forget what had happened to him earlier.
Mia just nodded, “can we go back to working now. I can’t sit here anymore.”
They went back to their projects, but neither of them could quite look at each other the same way as before. There was a tension in the air that would take a while to go away.
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