Lesbian Poetry

18 | he/they| butch4butch| poet

[lostatlove]

I feel like a sinking ship.

Don't let me take you down with me.

[lostatlove]

I worry I've brought you more pain than comfort.

[wordx]

[lostatlove]

I try not to cry over my father

Really I do, I know nothing can be changed

He is who he is now and I will never know the him before

But even now, even as I remind myself that he is sick

That it was never my fault

That he was supposed to care for me

I cry, and I cry, and I cry, big ugly tears

The kind he used to wipe away with his rough hands

The kind that used to make him hold me

Now they are just tears, and they make my face burn

He isn't here to wipe them away for me anymore 

And no one is there to hold me.

[lostatlove]

You pull out the child in me

Not the sad frightened one who made herself as small and quiet as possible;

The one who loves to explore and run

To fall and dirty their hands

Who squeals and giggles loudly

Who preens when paid attention to, like a flower in the sun

[lostatlove]

When I imagine a future with you it feels safe. I imagine Sundays spent in bed, wrapped in an absurdly thick duvet, legs tangled and stuck to each other, kisses and laughter, soft and slow. I picture cooking in the kitchen as you guide me through a recipe that will come out only half as good as if you would have made it. I think of evenings after work, curled up on our couch, a show on(even though all we can focus on is each other), cats curled up around us, bathed in warm light. The future feels beautiful and bright with you in it, as though I could survive the worst of days as long as you are there.

[lostatlove]

I tell you I ache for you, and you say you are sorry

You think it hurts me, and sometimes it does, but you are not hurting me.

Yes it burns, a bit like a small sun bursting in my chest

And it makes me tear up and long for you even when you are there

But it also serves as a warm, tender reminder of the love I hold for you.

[gemistra]

and in the middle of my chaos, there was you

[lostatlove]

a beacon of love and light and warmth.

I am eternally grateful for you.

[lostatlove]

do you groan when my name pops up?

another exhausting message on top of two dozen others.

do you sigh with relief when I have to leave?

finally able to breath, finally able to take a break.

do you wish I was quieter? calmer? more passive?

do you tire of my constantly spinning brain?

am I too much?

[enamoringsuggestion]

one day we’ll be safe and falling asleep together to the sound of each other’s heartbeats

[lostatlove]

I can only hope

[lostatlove]

I look up at the night sky, and I am grateful that, at least for a few hours, the same moon hangs heavy in both our skies.

[lostatlove]

One day, when the wind carries the scent of your cologne, I will turn and not be met by the eyes of a stranger. I will turn and you will already be reaching out to me, pulling me in tight, drenching me in it, so that my head continues to turn whenever I smell it, always searching for you.

[lostatlove]

When I imagine your touch against my body

I imagine the hands of a god, holding me softly

Blessing every inch of my skin with affirmation

Ichor spilling from your lips and tongue onto me

Seeping into me, cleansing me, making me whole.

[lostatlove]

I love not knowing where I end and you begin

Immersing myself so fully into you that I forget myself

But I also hate it

With every pang of anger, shame and sadness you feel

It is reverberated in my body, my mind, my heart

And all I want to do is rip apart the seam that ties me so closely to you

It is a blessing and a curse to morph into you

To feel so intensely my body may violently burst

But to love so hard, and suffocate in the feeling of you

I will manage

I will drown in a million seas for the chance to feel this deeply in love ever again 

[lostatlove]

you give me stability, something to hold onto. on dark stormy nights, when the sea is rough, you are my light along the coast, guiding me into calmer waters, grounding me in safety and softness.

[lostatlove]

I can't help but imagine, the grind of your skin against mine

The way your hands would feel against my beating chest

How you, so delicately, would peel back my layers

Kissing away all the thoughts that enter my mind

The bliss your touch will cause me

The soft gasps it will pull from my mouth

The tight, hot curl in my stomach

The safety it will make me feel to be held by you

[lostatlove]

Some say moles are the places the lovers from our last life kissed the most

I hope I was your lover in that last life

Carefully mapping the curves of your body, forging constellations across the planes of your back and thighs, your breasts and stomach

Reminders to me in this life of all the places in need of worship.