🦇Lost🌙

age 25 - she/they and very 🏳️‍🌈 TW $H, 3D- DON’T REPORT JUST BLOCK PLEASE (can’t handle another loss) DIAGNOSED and in therapy - pro recovery BPD, depression, dissociative disorder, anxiety disorder, e@t1ng disorder, trauma/ (c-)ptsd, body dysmorphia

[lostfailure666]

Okay I think I’m gonna do an intro too.

You can call me Lost (cause I am lol) or Mäx.

I’m 25 and from Germany.

I work in a pharmacy.

Every disorder/mental illness I have is diagnosed!

Stats under the cut.

🦇🖤🌙

🦇🖤🌙

🔒 1st GW 110 (50kg)

🔒 2nd GW 100 (45,5)

🔒 3rd GW 95 (43)

🔒 4th GW 90 (40)

🔒 UGW 85 (38,6)

🔒 UUGW 80? (36,4)

SW 138,6 (63kg) (oct. '24)

CW 121 (55kg) 24.01.

LW 99 (45kg) (2018)

HW 165 (75kg) (2021) due to meds

Height: 5‘3“ (163cm)

I have severe mental health issues! Please don’t compare yourself to me!

I have diagnosed:

BPD, depression, dissociative disorder, anxiety disorder, e@t1ng disorder, trauma/ptsd, body dysmorphia

I am on 3 diff antidepressants. Each of them I take in the highest dosage. (I’m sick of this shit and I just don’t want to take them. But I’ll take them until my psychiatrist is okay with me not taking them anymore. NEVER discontinue your medication on your own!)

I’ve had €ds all throughout my life because of severe childhood trauma - been through some shit.

Edit:

After my sui attempt I now have to take more antidepressants than before lol

[lostfailure666]

Somehow feeling like cvtt1ng again idk

Been clean for so long but I’m drinking again too…

Thought it would get better now

But why do I feel worse and worse?

[lostfailure666]

Stop claiming "narcissistic abuse" or I'll send your ass to r/bpdlovedones

Yea right so you know what else he did to me or others

You want to put me there like I am an abuser? As if I wanted to be csa’ed and severely psychologically traumatized my entire life by a person who was DIAGNOSED WITH NARCISSISM

People with bpd are survivors dealing with the damage they had to suffer from at ages beween 3-8

You call us abusers but only people who don’t care about why we are like this get offended

Get some therapy

And you’re not a „loved one“ of mine nor have ever met me.

This Reddit thread is pure hate against bpd people

It made me so sad to read the stories there but only because those people don’t know where it’s coming from. Don’t judge, offer help. When they don’t want you help, block them.

We hurt people because we want to hurt ourselves more. And that’s what makes us so dangerous, I know that. But with therapy (for me it’s almost 10 years of therapy) bpd people can get better and finally understand why they do what they do. It’s the constant fear that makes us do horrible things. And our minds were unalived when we had to fear for our lives when we were just little kids. In my head it always feels like I was unalived when my father csa‘ed me for the first time I remember at the age of 3. try to deal with that your whole life. And then get told that no one would believe you and you’re a tiny worthless pos. Your whole damn childhood and puberty. You will think „yea ok that’s normal that must be love or sth“. You don’t understand what it feels like to be at war with yourself 24/7. even medicated which only suppresses the worst thoughts and feelings.

[lostfailure666]

Hello my people <3

TW csa and su1c1d3

2 weeks ago my abuser/Bio father finally d13d, he did it himself lol

He found out he had to go to jail because of what he did to me (I went to the police like one and a half years ago and sued him for csa)

This narcissist was so desperate to still be relevant for others that he had no other loftily in mind than to off himself. He really wanted the people around him to still like him and pity him. But on the other side he knew exactly what he had done and even told one of his neighbors- but manipulated that poor man to think I am the monster

Yea now he’s suffering in hell lol

[lostfailure666]

After gaining 6kg back from having to take more lithium antidepressants (mostly water but also fat) I’m slowly losing again - I hope I’m back to 50 by summer. I feel like a walrus …

It was more important to survive my sui attpt and thoughts but now it’s time to lock in again

[lostfailure666]

„Stop sucking in your stomach“ uhm I’m not, thank you 🥹🖤 best compliment ever from someone I was seeing a while ago haha

[lostfailure666]

Hello guys I’m back

I hope you’re doing well <3

I have to lock in again - I gained 😭

I take so many antidepressants that even my doctors get confused lol - and that’s why I gained again.

To be fair it’s mostly water but I feel like shit

Who’s gonna lock in with me? Idk if I can do it alone (since my stepdad is already worried and always asks me if I ate something)

Much love to all of you angels 🪽✨

Ps: which tags are safe now?

[fuckfweelings]

manifesting that everyone who sees this post will lose 6-7 kg this month ♡︎

[lostfailure666]

Oh how I love the feeling of b100d dripping off my skin

[lost-ang3l]

𝒟ℴ𝓃𝓉 𝓀𝓃ℴ𝓌 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓉ℴ 𝒹ℴ 𝓃ℴ𝓌

[lostfailure666]

I‘m at my happiest when EUR XS is too big for my body

[lostfailure666]

I’m back

3 weeks ago I tried again and failed just like the failure I am lol

So now everyone around me is pretending that nothing happened

[lostfailure666]

Dear edblr-diary

Feeling like an imposter again 😶 junkorexic? Kinda. Eating too much and calling it a metab day? Definitely. I NEED to get back on track. My bestie and me are doing this 1 week challenge with our Apple Watches. Let’s see how this will go. Wish me luck I want to win this thing.

[lostfailure666]

I am FREEZING

I love it

[lostfailure666]

MY PINKIE AND MY THUMB FINALLY TOUCH WHEN I REACH AROUND MY WRIST

omg

Every piece of clothing is getting so loose

I am finally losing fat - but I build and maintain muscle and I hate the number going down so slowly

But I can SEE it I can FEEL it

Yesterday I finally realized how thin I really got - still with bodydismorphia but it was like my disorder shut up for one second

And of course I want more

[4nas-notsosecretdiary]

My meal for today was looking at old photos of myself

[shotfawn]