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in spinning pens

You told me your favorite song. I would’ve never guessed until I asked. It became my favorite, too.

You showed me how to fiddle with a pen—spin it until your mind goes blank and focuses on how it feels through your fingers. And everything else becomes noise.

It started to grow on me. I learned from the best.

I sometimes wish I could get inside your head, say all the things you wish you’d said. But maybe I wasn’t really prepared for what I’d see.

You sang your (my) favorite song to her. Your fingers held onto the strings like you’d hold on to a pen—fiddling, without fear of consequence. Only this time, unlike any other times, you did this with your heart in your hands—ready for whatever she’s about to do in response.

I’m not gonna lie to myself and say that I didn’t think it was gonna be me.

And if you looked at me and told me you never felt a single thing, I wouldn’t believe you.

You told me you understood. Why I couldn’t look you in the eye, why I could never hold a pen without thinking of your fingers, why I could never play your favorite song again. How could you understand?

I told you I knew, too. I understood, too.

And for a moment I hoped it could me be.

I hoped I could be the one you notice from across the room. I hoped your smile would beam when you hear me laugh just like mine does for you.

Maybe, in spinning pens and unsent messages, I could be her.

But I’ll watch as you twirl your fingers and make me lose my balance. I’ll watch as I’m pulled apart by the constant merry-go-round I didn’t sign up for. I’ll watch and breathe and brace myself and not do a single thing to stop you.

Because even in spinning pens, how I’d love to cross your mind.

#poetry #unrequited pining #in spinning pens #love is pain #word vomit

contacts

I was the first one to arrive to class that day. The classroom had two locked doors. I’d been sitting on a bench for fifteen minutes when I first saw you. Those thick-rimmed glasses seemed to make your eyes bigger than they are. So when the teacher asked who came the earliest and you pointed to someone else, I was sure those glasses didn’t do you any good.

I broke them. Not on purpose.

Now you wear contacts. They’re different.

They change how your eyes look at me—never admiringly nor indifferently, sometimes like you want to say something important.

Maybe that’s why you never looked at me the same way I looked at you.

Or do I just need contacts, too?

#poetry #unrequited crush #i cannot stop myself #love is strange

it’s just an unbelievable, invisible, yet so powerful force that makes us want to shapeshift into the desires of another. taylor was right in mirrorball.

#help #lovemakesuscrazy #idk #taylorwasright #mirrorball #taylor swift

uglyduchessrantsandcomments

Man and woman in a period piece: meet

The rest of the cast and me watching from my couch:

aflawedfashion

Remember when life was everywhere you looked, everywhere you walked, cradled you, fed you wonder, made you who you are. Now, hear Snowpiercer. Feel the track. Metal on metal. The flow of your Engine Eternal. Her veins bringing power to everything that’s still alive.

empressofall

emo--chanel

me, rollin up to the hamilton fandom five years late:

lena-luthor

The Scarlet Witch will return in Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

helenasurvives

i am asked about my favorite color.

i am seven

and my reply is

pink

because i am a girl

and pink

is a princess color.

i am asked about my favorite color.

i am ten

and i like

green

because a boy told me that pink

is lame and girly.

i am asked about my favorite color.

i am thirteen

and i tell them

purple

it is unique and spunky

like i want to be.

i am asked about my favorite color.

i am seventeen

and i just say

red

i do not say

it is bright and angry at the world

as i am

i cannot form the words to express

all of my frustrations

so i paint my lips with

rage.

i am asked about my favorite color.

i am twenty

and it’s pink

i remember the joy

of being a child

i reclaim the freedom

of femininity

because i cannot remember

what my shoulders felt like

before the depression

hung from them.

i am asked about my favorite color.

i am twenty-six

and my answer is

brown

it confuses most people

they don’t see it

they may think of dirt

and dust

and dead things

but it is coffee with friends

and the chocolate chip cookies

my mom used to make.

it is my hair

and my eyes

amber and gold

in the sun

and i love myself

again

writeouswriter

pancakeke

For anyone not keeping up, Trump held a rally earlier today, told his supporters to storm the Capitol building with him, then went to hide in the White House.

Protestors tore through 4 layers of barricades and are fighting cops to get into the Capitol building. A possible bomb was spotted and the Madison and Cannon buildings have been evacuated while a bomb squad was called in. And just now the Capitol has gone into lockdown.

But also Pence issued a statement that he is not doing anything with the electors and McConnell denounced Republican senators’ efforts to stop counting the electoral votes.

And as I was writing this, the protesters breached the Capitol and Pence was pulled from the Senate chamber.

pancakeke

The Senate just recessed due to the Capitol being breached.

Cops are doing pretty much nothing to stop any of this from happening btw. Protesters are outside the Senate door.

pancakeke

OK everything got a lot crazier really fast.

Trump lashed out at Pence for not stopping the vote. He is not telling the protesters to leave but instructed them to “support the Capitol police and law enforcement”. Trump later told protesters to “remain peaceful” despite already storming the Capitol.

Ivanka tweeted out calling the protestors “patriots” but then deleted this tweet and replaced it with one saying violence is not patriotic. Meanwhile Rudy Giuliani’s messaging to protesters is to be peaceful and that they are on “the right side of history”. Neither acknowledges the violence.

The Department of Defense denied a request by DC officials to deploy the National Guard. Supposedly it was because they were beholden to Trump and only acted when he decided to deploy them about an hour later.

Guns were drawn by police on the Senate floor as protesters break through windows in an attempt to reach the room. One women was shot in the chest (GRAPHIC VIDEO). It appears she was with those trying to break into the Senate floor. Later reports state that that 5 people have been transported to the hospital, including at least member of police.

Police are making “attempts to deescalate”.

Ted Cruz is sending fundraising text messages to contest the vote despite the escalation of the riots. Screenshot of one here.

Mitt Romney called the riots an “insurrection”.

Emergency procedures were emailed to all Capitol staffers urging them to hide.

Mayor Bower issued a 6pm curfew.

Protestors are climbing all over police vehicles without cops stopping them. Maybe because they’re too busy taking selfies with the protesters.

The potential bomb has been detonated by bomb squad.

Trump is refusing to condemn the protester’s violence despite being urged to do so by staffers which is a stark contrast to his attitude toward BLM protesters. His aids can’t convince him to do anything and the White House briefing room is empty with no preparation to address the nation to be seen.

Only Pence is stepping up to call for an end to the violence and for protestors to vacate the Capitol.

President elect Biden is calling the protesters a “mob” and an “insurrection”.

Chris Christie has been attempting without success to contact Trump and convince him to tell his supporters to leave.

As I finished writing this Trump finally posted a video telling people to go home, but also repeated his false election claims. In it he also calls his supporters “very special” and his opponents “evil” ??