Beloved Chaos

Highs and Lows, we must follow.

[loudnots]

Fathom to hurt

And fears slips in

I’m the ocean and your my anchor

Yearning to feel unbroken

I’m trying to find the truth

Gammot is my grit

And I’m all over here

Seething on the insides

Burning on the out

I’ve bent world around me

Begging just to shout

Love is veracity

The loneliness is bleeding

Down to my pours

Please will yourelf to say

I know, I already know

[loudnots]

Poison is seeping thru my veins

As I recall all the pain you made

But I still think of your heart

And where it’s at

But your hurt was so bad

And I collide because I’m so lost

Why you did what you did

And why I deserved it

[lyrium-deactivated20230102]

your level of education means nothing if you never learned any compassion

[loudnots]

I feel like I’m backtracking on the inside

Living on lies

Fear creeping back in

I don’t know if I’m gonna sink or swim

My intuition eats me alive

I’m chugging a fifth in the back of my mind

Curiosity killed the cat

And it’ll kill you too

If you think going back to the known

Is going to save you

I’ll swallow my pride

And the truth will win

Watch me rise

Watch me win

[loudnots]

My depression wasn’t crying

It wasn’t throwing my hands up

Or punching the walls

It wasn’t laying in bed all day

Wanting the world to stop spinning

If just for one moment

It wasn’t painful heartache

Or the longing of a lost love

It wasn’t complete sorrow

It was living in a world filled with people

But still feeling utterly alone

[loudnots]

Blinding lights

I can barely see

You’re becoming more

Way underneath

The twisted vines

Growing inside your soul

Filled with everything

All you’ve ever known

You’re starting to see

From a whole new lens

No longer blinded

By the faded lights

Burning flames

The old is becoming new

Don’t look back

This time you’ll win

[mosaic-of-broken-hearts]

You know you are fucked when a relapse feels like coming home.

[save-yourself-stay-alive]

i really feel this what the fuck

[movemequotes]

““My best efforts, my best intentions will be sucked into the quagmire if I am not vigilant. You too, you may think, ‘yes, I am an addict, I will change the way I drink or eat or think or relate to sexual partners,’ but surely the craving will find a new expression, like a magnetic field ordering iron filing. You can replace the filings but the pull stays the same. It is only by finding a more powerful magnetic pull that you can change the patterns completely. This can be the program itself, sedulously applied. It can be a support group, made up of like-minded people. It can be an orthodox or traditional idea of God. It can be nature. It can be a unified field of consciousness that supports all phenomena. It frankly doesn’t matter and it is entirely for you to choose, as long as it is loving, caring and more powerful than you.””

— Russell Brand, 24 Quotes from Recovery: Freedom From Our Addictions

[loudnots]

Sometimes, I feel like I’m all alone. Sitting in the dark, no moon in sight. No lights, just utter darkness. And it’s scary, it’s god damn frightening. To be alone, to sit in our thoughts. The demons, the hell that you’ve survived in for so long. You get used to it. The darkness. And that’s the worst part. That you crave it because it’s all you’ve ever known. The demons will eat you alive if you let them. And sometimes, it’s easier to keep the darkness at bay then trying to find the light. The darkness is scary but the light… the light that may come and go… that light - is utterly terrifying.

[loudnots]

You’re still in my thoughts. Piercing in-between my heart. Stabbing, aching. I hate that I can’t forget you. This never happens to me. Even if I tried to be with someone else, I couldn’t be. But you could. That quickly, you moved forward. And I think that’s what bothers me the most. How I meant so little but even in the midst of my struggles, even with my failures, my losses - you meant so damn much. I still love you and I shouldn’t. I wish I didn’t. I want to kiss you so bad but you’re kissing someone else. And the thought of that just makes me sad. I wonder if she makes you feel like I did. I think about how you touch her, love her, talk to her. I hope you’re happy, but I deserve so much more.

[perfectfeelings]

“Each minute we spend worrying about the future and regretting the past is a minute we miss in our appointment with life – a missed opportunity to engage life and to see that each moment gives us the chance to change for the better, to experience peace and joy.”

— Thich Nhat Hanh, Savor

[thepersonalquotes]

““I’d love to think here was a reason as to why we met. And that is to teach us how to let go of someone no mater how much we wanted to hold on. Then, after all of this, we’ll be a much better version of ourselves. Stronger, braver and whole.” - Jasmin”

—

[especially]

[snorlax-and-co]

[perfectfeelings]

“It made me wonder how many times we forgive just because we don’t want to lose someone, even if they don’t deserve our forgiveness.”

— Deb Caletti

[loudnots]

Night falls, and my heart dies again. It’s hard to heal a broken heart when the darkness sinks in. I’m trying to forget all the times you set me free. I’m wilting at the thought of you and her being what we could be. I’m loneliest during the silent moments, my mind racing with you inside. I don’t know how I let you in, when I knew that you’d run and hide. I hope you’re happy now, with her wearing the crown. I’ll let you go now, the sun is shining and i’m gonna let the light sink in.

[lazyydaisyyy]

The present moment is so brief, sometimes it hardly seems worth it. It never seems to me to have real substance, like the past or future.

Clare Pollard, Delphi