louka

[loo-kuh] written and shared with love for you.

[loukaswonderland]

will someone just tell me what to do?

i am so tired...

[loukaswonderland]

June 2nd 2020

on April 22nd you said we should take a break. I agreed.

on May 15th you said that you didn't want to feel as though we had an ultimatum on our relationship.

we decided to remain friends.

June 2nd 2020 1101pm

I'm laying here thinking about how whenever I catch myself smiling at something you said. I immediately yell at myself, and my stomach turns.

I question whether or not I should even reply to you most days.

but we're fríends.

there are no boundaries.

we can speak to each other freely.

I somehow feel like I can't do that. I think you feel that way too.

you say your relationship with she who shall not be named always feels one-sided, and like you're carrying the entire conversation/friendship.

but love, you too have done the Same. I will text you, excited, passionately, and in return I get a picture of your computer screen.

I wonder if an underlying reason for you ending us, is that you're scared.

You're scared of getting close to people, To me. you cried and i held you, I did my best to assure you that I would be here unless you absolutely wanted me out of your life.

I wonder if that night scared you, if you're scared to let yourself fall in love. you know I'll catch you, I wonder if you're scared to let yourself be happy. truly happy.

I think you are, but I'm too afraid to ask.

until then.

ill see you soon, my friend.

[quotexcerpts]

“Play me like I’m your favorite song. I know I might not be your favorite forever, but at least I was for a moment.”

— Unknown (via quotexcerpts)

[thepersonalquotes]

[loukaswonderland]

07 may 2020

i want to be the person you can't get enough of

the person you get lost in after each day

the person that you want to share every moment of your day with

the person you hug and never want to let go

the person you kiss and say "one more" after 34697 kisses

the person you lean on when you need extra strength

the person you call just because you wanted to hear my voice

the person you flirt with endlessly because the love is always there

the person you can fall apart with

the person you can pick yourself up with

the person you can cry on

the person you can look at and say "my life is so good because you're in it. you make life better, you help me simply by existing. I am so grateful."

I want to be your person, for whatever you need, whatever you want, I want to be your person because you are already becoming mine.

- @loukaswonderland

[quotespile]

“I like to see people reunited, I like to see people run to each other, I like the kissing and the crying, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can’t tell fast enough, the ears that aren’t big enough, the eyes that can’t take in all of the change, I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone.”

— Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

[juansendizon]

“Be a healer: Whatever your life path is there’s always going to be that person who will eventually be your ‘someone.’ Someone you can be vulnerable, sensitive, and open with. Someone who will one day take your sulking heart to see the sunset by the bay and then you end up buying them flowers at the supermarket for their soul to smile every Sunday morning. Someone who will see the best version of themselves in your eyes as you look back at theirs feeling just the same, but you’ll never be the same. You’ll be better. You’ll be stronger. You’ll be the one person who can understand how they want to be held when their world seems to be falling apart, and you’ll try to be there for them because they gave you a purpose which is to love as long as you are alive. Sometimes just being there is all it takes to be someone’s infinity.”

— juansen dizon, You’re my someone

[crap-im-gay]

I want to be the person you can’t get enough of

[relatablepoetryandquotes]

“I will remember your small room, the feel of you, the light in the window, your records, your books, our morning coffee, our noons, our nights, our bodies spilled together, sleeping, the tiny flowing currents, immediate and forever.” - Charles Bukowski

[juansendizon]

“Find the time to reflect, to read, to make a list of things that you find beautiful about yourself. Find the time to buy flowers for yourself, to eat something adorable, to take a step back, and see where your growth is comfortable. Find the time to take yourself to new sights, to exciting places where you feel your life is good and possible.”

— juansen dizon, Breathing Space

[juansendizon]

“You deserve to be happy at least sixty percent of the time. You are made of good energy, good particles, and good vibes which are the same things that make the sunshine. Choose to focus on the positive – there are plenty of good things that are scattered around your day. There are steps to take, puppies to pet and soft-hearted friends to inspire you along the way. Keep your head up towards the sky and let go of comparing yourself to others. You are good enough just by watering your own garden and making someone else happy by giving them a piece of your heart and some of your flowers.”

— Juansen Dizon, You deserve to be happy

[cozypoems]

“i could not control the electricity that would course through my body whenever i thought of him touching me. evenings spent imagining his fingers anywhere and everywhere and afternoon day dreams of my fingers pulling through his hair consumed me. late night chats with his words lifting me up and wrapping around me were the highlight of my days. we promised ourselves that if we could not see each other, we would make the most of what we could do. that is how we made it work.”

— long distance (7:41 PM, AP)

[loukaswonderland]

3262020

"I grew up constantly hearing

you're too big

you're fat

you're short

you're ugly

people don't like big girls

I grew up constantly being told that I didn't have an ounce of beauty in my body

that my stomach wasn't supposed to poke out when I sat down

that my things weren't supposed to touch unless I was sitting down

that my ribs were supposed to be noticeable

and that my chin should only be one

so I learned to hate

I learned to hate my arms for being too big even though they carried babies and made them feel safe

I learned to hate my smile even though it lit up the entire room

I learned to hate my eyes even though you loved to see my soul

I learned to hate my chest even though they would one day feed a child

I learned to hate my stomach, that will one day stretch out to carry a child, and you'll say that I'm soft and squishy afterwards bc its now like this for a reason.

I learned to hate my hips that would become known as child bearing hips

I learned to hate my things for ripping my jeans and making noise everytime I walked. for wanting to never part with their other half, for the distance would be too much.

I learned to hate my legs for they were too big even though they supported me throughout the day, kept me grounded and allowed me to travel.

I learned to hate every inch of my being for not being thin, for not being the 'ideal' standard of beauty.

I learned to hate the skin I was in, because I hadn't felt or known acceptance, and i wasn't aware that every BODY was different.

I learned to hate myself through the screeching voice saying I wasn't worthy by the silence of those who thought I was beautiful and never said a word by those who knew that these words were knives piercing into my heart and soul and didn't say a word.

I learned to hate myself by the way you looked at me, like I was something out of a barn.

I learned to hate myself without the presence of your voice, telling me I am beautiful and I am worthy of love

every inch

every ounce

every cell in my body is worthy of love

so I am unlearning all of the ways I learned to hate myself.

I am unlearning the sound of your voice

the warmth of your touch

the presence of your hatred

I am unlearning the hate you give

and replacing it

with the sound of love

and there strength of my voice."

- ash chavolla || @wallflowerxash 🌙

[loukaswonderland]

2620

"you asked me to join you in your room, and I said yes. we laughed and talked, you ranted and read some homework.

when you were done, you joined me on your bed and layed next to me, sneaking kisses left and right. even though the clock was ticking, and you had a class to get to, we lay together as one and reminisce through our snapchat stories and look at your cats, but my my my you are the prize. we looked at your cats, old videos and pictures of you, and I showed you my sweet little princess.

you said I should open a happy card, just like one of the first times we'd ever been in your room. 'in order' you said, and I paid no attention to It, cause you're a weirdo and i adore you. all that you are. in that moment, as I popped it open, seen before me...'be my girlfriend?' a million times yes!!!! before I Knew it, I started crying, speechless, we kissed and rejoiced in the moment, for I am yours and you are mine."

@wallflowerxash || ash chavolla 🌙

[loukaswonderland]

2/05/20

"you lay with me as I watch a new movie. you kiss my cheek and rest your head on my shoulder. you notify me of your presence by pressing gentle lips against mine, parting, allowing us to become one as we enter the land of intimacy between two lovers written in the stars, it says, you belong here. you captivate my attention, and before I know it, I'm slipping and falling into your soft lips, gentle eyes, and the most welcoming arms.

I feel you smile as we kiss. I stop and pull away for a second to allow our noses to graze each other as a way of saying "wow, I adore you." i do, so very much. I want to give you the stars, the sun, the moon, and all of the galaxies known to man. I want to make you feel loved like you've never been before. I want to hold you as though it's the first time you've ever been held. I Want to hold your hand in times of stress, fear and in moments of happiness. I want you to feel the love coursing through your veins, as it consumes your being, and all you are is love. "

@wallflowerxash | a.c | ash 🌙

[loukaswonderland]

b l u e. 1/28/20

"Blue was once what was used to define the personality that I had.

blue, meaning I cared about feelings, put others before me, and enjoyed the subtle things in life.

but now blue has a whole new meaning.

blue is now the shade of your eyes

as clear as the bora bora waters

the ones that hold my gaze.

belong to the biggest heart

the softest smile

the most tender arms

and the kindest of souls.

they belong to you,

and you are ethereal.

-ash... @wallflowerxash

[loukaswonderland]

"as I lay here

I think of the love I've lived, the love I've lost as well as the love I have yet to acquire.

I think of the love that we could be

as I see the way you close your eyes and laugh so loud, that people stare from across the city and wonder 'how could ones laugh possibly be so happy?.'

as I see the way you cover your smile when you've begun to laugh so hard and can't control it.

as I see the way you look away, smiling, after complimenting the beauty that is you.

as I feel the way you hold me, tenderly, deliberately, and fearlessly, allowing me to unravel in your warmth, breathe lighter, and feel safer.

as I feel the way you kiss me, delicately, passionately, send shivers down my spine.

as I feel the way you kiss my hand

open my doors,

look into my eyes,

laugh at my jokes,

reciprocate my cheesy pick up lines,

and how you cringe at how disgustingly cheesy they are.

I think of you

and how you listen so intently to everyword I say

and with every little thing you do

I think of the love that we are becoming

one so beautiful

it'll be written down in history

for the love that was,

the love that is,

and the love that will be."

@wallflowerxash | Ashleigh Chavolla | a.c.