stop listening to the static

lo 23 sideblog: @sickdulcis

[killxbunnyyy]

Hey sorry if I’m kinda weird I was supposed to be dead by now

[tankhall]

In 2018, I wrote down a passing thought in my cheap little leather-bound journal I was writing a collection of songs in that would go on to become Preacher’s Daughter. “If I finish this album the way it needs to be finished, it will change my life, and it will leave a hole in my heart for years that I won’t know how to fill.” I’ve always had a knack for eerily accurate self-premonition. Preacher’s Daughter certainly left a hole, and it certainly changed my life, but only on the outside. All the songs I wrote for it were about characters, a girl in a “faraway” place living her “faraway” life, albeit still parallel to mine, but wholly detached from me. Willoughby was doomed to be closer to home. I wrote Nettles and Waco the same week, the first week I spent in the Alabama house where I would finish Preacher’s Daughter after so many years of trying. The difference was I wrote them about me. There were no characters at first; it was just me. In fact, I wrote them in an attempt to hide from Ethel Cain for a moment. She eventually devoured those little ditties too, of course, as she always does. In hindsight, I’m glad I had to share them with her. I couldn’t have carried the full weight of them myself, I know that now. My premonitions were out in full force; over the course of the next few years, I’d script out my own life in the same morbid fashion I always have. Maybe it was a lesson in not training my eye downward as I’ve spent the majority of my life doing.

I had 3 weeks for the holidays between mixing and submitting Perverts and jumping back into the maw of taming an unfinished Willoughby Tucker. I spent the first three months of 2025 on probation, unable to go much of anywhere, awake only when the sun was down. I’d never mixed a record of that magnitude, which was daunting with deadlines immovable. I remember 9am on my 27th birthday rolling around after being awake for hours whittling away at mixes, announcing the album and entire tour before going back to mix an album that still wasn’t done. I’ve never cried so much finishing a record, and that was before it was even out. Combining your Saturn return, your first shot at true love, and the longest tour of your life is something I would never recommend to anyone. It was the death of both ego and everything around it. I couldn’t be more grateful. Never in my life have I been so turned inside out, so uprooted and unraveled. Looking back, I needed it more than anything.

Thank you to everyone who listened. Ethel Cain and Willoughby Tucker will always be my children, my burnt offerings, what I leave in the storm. Sometimes I wish it didn’t have to be this way, but I also fear it’s the only way. Ethel Cain, Willoughby Tucker, I really will always love you. I feel as though in this moment here, saying goodbye, you and I are closer than ever. I hope you can forgive me.

[cameronhcwes]

ER (1994-2009) 9.22 — Kisangani

[woodmeat]

Are you alive

Don’t ask me no personal shit like this

[mournfulroses]

Anne Truitt, from a diary entry featured in Turn: The Journal of an Artist originally published in 1982

[eesirachs]

no—god loves you enough to not save you

[lemessiedumal]

Secretary (Steven Shainberg, 2002)

[meanbuddhist]

i’m hiding worse, more secret emotions behind my big and obvious ones

[illsayprettyplease]

Do you think you could take Hannibal Lecter

Yes

No

Remaining time: 4 days 32 minutes

[marydarkblacknoir]

Oh, I will be cruel to you, Marya Morevna. It will stop your breath, how cruel I can be. But you understand, don’t you? You are clever enough. I am a demanding creature. I am selfish and cruel and extremely unreasonable. But I am your servant. When you starve I will feed you; when you are sick I will tend you. I crawl at your feet; for before your love, your kisses, I am debased. For you alone I will be weak.

Catherynne M. Valente, Deathless

[charitydingle]

ヘルタースケルター / Helter Skelter 2012, dir. Mika Ninagawa

[loumandliker]

it is kinda crazy how people simultaneously do a lot of loud worrying about csa and the nefarious pedophiles grooming their kids but then also do what should be seen as obvious preemptive sexual grooming on their own kids. the culture of “youre my kid” with an unsubtle undertone of possession and also the entitlement to children’s bodies that most parents have is like just. like when you make it clear to your kids that they have no right to bodily autonomy or that their upset over you touching them a certain way is inappropriate and not valid how are you going to expect that they then magically are able to say that those same feelings are suddenly valid when they’re caused by someone else? like so much of child raising involves such antagonistic and oftentimes physically violent forced access to children’s bodies often despite their active verbal nonconsent. and youre somehow unable to make the connection as to how this type of boundary stomping erodes someone’s ability to identify when your discomfort is “valid” vs “not valid” and how that would clearly leave someone incredibly vulnerable to sexual abuse

[carvedhopeonmywrist]

[darkspaceboytoy]

Oh also you do have to read real books. Like you have to read the books. You can’t just read fanfic, those are not books. You can if you just want to write fanfic, but if you want to write books, you kinda gotta read books. No, posts do not count.

[pussy-snorkel]

Sharp Objects (2018)

[pissbataille]

scott heim, mysterious skin

[blueberry-boyfriends]

Conversation Starters are a dying art